Why do low confidence girls sabotage their chances?

This is a trend I've noticed with various women, and not just women I've been involved with. I have known women be head over heels for a guy and will refuse to date him and basically sabotage any chance of being with him. When the guy moves on, they get upset and even if the guy gives her chance after chance, she still refuses to take that step.

Why?!?!

It would seem obvious to say she doesn't like him enough, but in the cases I'm referring to these girls are infatuated.

I am in a situation like this myself. I gave a girl 2 chances and she LJBFd me twice, despite having feelings for me. Now she's really upset that I've moved on and met someone else. She tells my friends she still likes me and when they ask her why she turned me down when she had chance it basically comes down to her being scared and not having the confidence in herself.

I've known other similar girls do this with other guys. Usually low confidence girls. It took one of my friends 2 years to get this girl to finally take the step, even though she was in love with him for ages.

Maybe someone can explain why women do this in spite of themselves and how to get round their defences.

I was in the boat with a low confident / shy girl who showed all the signs of interest but when it comes to going out and dating ... no chance in hell. I eventually, just gave up and moved on.

I have experienced this myself. To answer your question, I think many women are just more insecure than we think. Even the attractive ones who you would think can be with any guy. Some of them think that that they are not good enough for a particular guy and become intimidated. They probably think at one point they are going to get dumped and rather than experience the pain of rejection they as you say sabatoge a potential relationship.

There was one girl I dated briefly who was obviously attracted to me, but refused to get intimate because of body image issues. She simply did not want me to see her naked. She never told me this directly, but it is something I just figured out.
I ended up nexing her and I believe she ended up with some bum.

Great question Jariel. There is this nice girl I met and she shows sings of interest with me and even visit me at work. She's always happy to see me. Her aunt even clue me in she likes me and her friends even tell me she talks about me. But when I ask her out, she always make an excuse to reject me. And when I thought she finally gave in cuz she aim me "we can be together finally" and guess what when I had time off and ask her out, she rejected me again. I am moving on. I don't understand this either. Sometimes I thought to myself maybe she doesn't like me at all cuz this behavior makes no sense to me.

Trying to figure out low self esteem girls and their problems has no point to it. Its their problem they have low self esteem issue and if they are not able to fix that problem before entering a relationship with you, then why would you want their baggage??

Misery loves company. You will eventually be effected by their low self esteem and your relationship will suffer as a result not to mention your own self esteem.

Don't be thinking you are the knight in shining armour coming to save this girl and thus increase her self esteem. It ain't going to happen. Those girls need proffesional help. Notch that up as a simple rejection and move on to high self esteem girls who would contribute something positive to your life.

DjDamage

DJDamage - "Misery loves company. You will eventually be effected by their low self esteem and your relationship will suffer as a result not to mention your own self esteem."

Man, This is SO true.

Originally posted by DJDamage
Trying to figure out low self esteem girls and their problems has no point to it. Its their problem they have low self esteem issue and if they are not able to fix that problem before entering a relationship with you, then why would you want their baggage??

Misery loves company. You will eventually be effected by their low self esteem and your relationship will suffer as a result not to mention your own self esteem.

Don't be thinking you are the knight in shining armour coming to save this girl and thus increase her self esteem. It ain't going to happen. Those girls need proffesional help. Notch that up as a simple rejection and move on to high self esteem girls who would contribute something positive to your life.

DjDamage

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I couldn't agree more.

Anyway, people must start to learn to hear "No! I am not interested in you, please leave me alone!". If a girl rejects someone, she has a reason for that. Being in love or not does not matter, what matter is what she wants for herself. If she decides not to follow through, it's her decision, period. You can't force anyone to do what they don't want to, neither blame them for that.

i think they fear rejection as much as men. The thing about men is they must learn to build a tolerance for rejection and accept it as part of picking up women. Women on the other hand usually dont handle it as well.

Their fantasy world of knight in shining armor has fvcked them up in the head. But it appears more often that the inexperienced chicks, are the most picky and fear the most rejection. I tend to notice the short/cute type of girls are these types.

A long time ago i had this oneitis who LJBF me. I lost contact with her for almost a year and she ended up calling me. So eventually i set a day to get together...I'm no longer interested in her but want to see how she's doing. The problem with her was that she was subconsciously uptight. I attempted to kino a few times but she just jerked away, insecure about her sexuality. I havent spoken to her since, but every now and then she sends me email invitations to hi5 and other ****ty sites similar to myspace.
Just the way she is, i can tell she's inexperienced and picky.

And then it hit me that the LJBF land is sometimes just a place that gurls place a guy if they are the ones themselves who are insecure, low self-esteem.

Obviously if a girl LJBF a guy and WANTS to keep him around, there's a perfectly good explanation for it, and im sure the girl knows why.

screwit over thelast week I realised 80% of girls don't like KINO but those 80% are not the girls you would like

Try not to aim for low self esteem girls... that's my suggestion

Otherwise, you have to lead the initiation, your game isn't smooth if she can break it off by saying LJBF's and you accepting it because it's your only option

I wish I could explain myself in action, but a low self esteem girl is begging for a good lift of spirits. Unless she is totally stupid and has to be admitted to an asylum.

Low confidence girls don't want to initiate, because, as has been said, they are afraid of rejection as bad as an AFC.

What they are looking for is somebody who can guide them, just think 1000 years ago, when there were shepherds and flocks, farms and farmers, who is the person in charge? You are, these people are basically raised and bred to either be slaves, or they can be taught to be your equal, either way if you can see the err in their ways it is your job to tell them, and if they keep rubbing you the wrong way by LJBFing you, than your not strong enough.

Move on, NEXT her, because there is nothing you can do after that.

ta dum, I just found one of the only times I ever 'NEXT' a person. Thanks for the rAFC post Jariel

Originally posted by ScrewIt
Obviously if a girl LJBF a guy and WANTS to keep him around, there's a perfectly good explanation for it, and im sure the girl knows why.

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Since I am not a girl, I can't figure that out. What is the answer? Did you imply she is an AW?

I get this ALL the time. Not the LBJF thing though, just the coming around and visiting showing major signs of interest yet clear intimidation so much as to even hide (i.e. behind a wall or someone else) after catching her looking!!

When i try to get them comfortable they like me even more. I'm flattered, but can't even get a dam date because of it.

For girls it's probably more intense in being nervous as they experience the 'feelings' part of it more.

Originally posted by Blue Phoenix
Since I am not a girl, I can't figure that out. What is the answer? Did you imply she is an AW?

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Yes and no. It's complicated to say but every girl is different. As for what i meant, sometimes girls LJBF a guy so they themselves can avoid rejection from him. While at the same time having fun together without the flirting/kisses/sex. The type of girl that doesnt want to take the next step because they deny themselves and the guy the chance.

Kinda like the similar concept to the AFC, he sticks around and acts like a friend but secretly he wants to fvck and date her. At the sam time afraid to make a move cause of fearing rejection.
Girl AFCs exist too

Anyway a similar correlation to Jariel's post

I thought I was the only one that went through this back in the day.

Man, i was so friggin' blind...

Nexting was the way, the truth, and the light.

i don't know why chicks do it, but i can tell you why I do it.

I've had hot chicks hit on me, and every time i thought to my self: "she doesn't know me, if she did, she wouldn't be even looking at me, i'll save us both the trouble and the embarasment and say no." It's the feeling of not being good enough.

could that be it?

Judging the replies it appears quite common then and only with girls with low self-esteem. I never have this problem with secure girls - I ask them out, they accept, we take it from there.

But these low self esteem girls always fall deep and it becomes too much for them to handle.

Another thing I notice is that these women often use guilt to get the guy's attention. I'm being guilt-tripped by this girl who LJBFd me for not caring enough as a friend, being cold, even being attracted to other women. It's like having a posessive girlfriend, but without the affection and sex.

Anyway, I've told her now she's just a mate and she shouldn't expect more from me. It was cold and it upset her, but DJ Damage is right and these girls drag you down and probably ruin/prevent your future relationships.

Originally posted by Rec_rejection_phobic
i don't know why chicks do it, but i can tell you why I do it.

I've had hot chicks hit on me, and every time i thought to my self: "she doesn't know me, if she did, she wouldn't be even looking at me, i'll save us both the trouble and the embarasment and say no." It's the feeling of not being good enough.

could that be it?

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Really? You actually reject women because of this? That is an interesting insight, but a shame you feel like that.

So what would it take for you to feel comfortable enough with these women to actually take a chance?

imagine a chick who is a HB 7.5. She is not fat at all, but she is a little busty. She has a awsome hair/cloths syle and carrys her self as a confident qality woman, she works two jobs and goes to part time school. This woman can carry a conversation with anybody. She if fun to talk to, and is a interasting person. She is not wild by any means, but she is a waitress at a local restoran, that sometimes has a night life. Her other job is customer service at a furniture store.

now what i described here is an above average 20 y/o woman who has a class with me (nightschool). I wasan't paying much attention to her because i knew with my conversation skills and my style in general, I WASAN'T AT HER LEVEL. I'm not putting her on a pedastal, it's just they way it is. I couldn't dress my self if my life depended on it (i have no style).

We talk from time to time, joke around/AND FLIRT (after all she sits with me). I look her in the eyes every time. I talk to her with confidence because i know there is no reason not to. I'm not doing anything wrong.

But for me to take it to the next level-i couldn't do it.

What would i do with a woman like that? What are the chances that she will really like me when she gets to know me



any way, just to cut this short, the way to get chicks with low self esteem is to give them a lot of time to get to know you. You have to come down to her level, or at least where she can reach you. Remember she has a crush on you, YOUR A GOD IN HER EYES. You have to show her that, your just a man, and that you'll like her no metter what her foults are. SHE HAS TO TRUST YOU.

Another way to do it is ask her what she is doing that nigh. If she saiz notting. TELL HER: "Your comming with me, i'm taking you out, and there is no ifs or buts about it. (just like in the old black and white movies). If i had no choice but to go out with a hotty, i'd also have no choice but to do the best i can to make it as at least uncomforotable and as much fun as i could...

i hope i showed you the other side of the coin, sorry if i'm not much help.

Otherwise, you have to lead the initiation, your game isn't smooth if she can break it off by saying LJBF's and you accepting it because it's your only option

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Agreed. From their point of view, this is a very complex mental state, that has nothing to do with you. From your point of view, however, this is just another form of last minute resistance. You should know how to deal with that.

Forget low self esteem broads...Why should you wait around until they get their esteem up and be comfortable around you when youre the one asking them out when you had to get your esteem up to even be able to initiate with them? Fukk that, its just a waste of time, and Ive been around these types of girls too, I want to ring their necks sometimes cause they are a pain in the a$$...Confident women are much better...

Try being in a relationship with a low self esteem girl and you will truly know what hell is like.