Why You Should Not be Scared to Approach

Originally posted by todd.ian

I don't know how many of you have heard of evolutionary psychology, but a lot of what you'll read on sosuave is basically derived from the field.

For those of you who don't know anything about it, the core idea of evolutionary psychology is that our genes determine a lot of our behaviour. For example, a mother would never sacrifice her own child, even if it saved a hundred other children, because her genes are in her child not the other hundred. Similarly, women don't go for AFCs because they want to give there genes the best chance of making it into the future.

I've been reading a few books about the subject, "The Blank Slate" by Stephen Pinker is a good one to start if you're interested, but there's one thing I can't work out.

Why is it that guys are scared to approach women?

I mean, genetically it's suicide not to. Unless you work hard to do whats in your genes best interest, you're not going to pass them on, and if you're not going to pass on your genes you might as well kill yourself now for all evolution cares.

Writing this a few ideas come to mind. For example, most people agree that the reason men are competitive is because the most competitive man is the one that gets the most women. Basketball players don't have to worry about DJing because they're already so successful (social proof, as we call it), that they don't need to. So maybe evolution has adopted a round-about approach to getting laid - get social proof, then let the women come to you.

Maybe also, in prehistoric times, a cold approach was the sort of thing that might have gotten you killed by the girl's family or husband; hence, low status males are terrified to approach. It could be the reason, but you'd need some evidence.

But the fact that DJing can be so successful but is so uncommon needs some explanation. I'm just doing first year science so I don't learn anything about this kind of thing in school, but if you've got any ideas I'd love to hear it.

Maybe if somebody could work out why guys are afraid to approach, something that's illogical if the basic idea of evolutionary psychology is right, somebody could come up with a better way to get AFCs off their a**'s and into some a**.

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Originally posted by ~ªêQµïTª$~

You can make this into a long and complicated thing, but the simple answer to the question, is that guys are scared of rejection. A lot of the time u will see that guys will go out, they will see a chick, they will want to approach her, but just as they are about to approach her, what do they do? They think to themselves "oh sh!t, she's probably gonna give me a negative response and I’ll get rejected and look like an idiot. Also at the back of every guys head, there is the fear that he will see her again, or that she knows someone that he knows and then he will look like even more of an idiot. After-all, the world is a very small place indeed. And if u think that this is not true, then why do u find it easier to sarge when u go over sea’s on holiday etc? Answer: a big part of the fear that u have to approach her and the fear that u have to get rejected by her falls away.

I say this because people these days care a LOT about what society thinks of them. The recent discovery of Black Italian is a good example of this. people just care to g0d-d@mn much about what everyone else thinks and WILL THINK of them.

What I do when I wanna approach a chick and get that fear (yes, even I have that fear) I just think to myself, "look, I live my life once, this chick is gonna also live HER life once, and in 100 years time, not I, or anyone else will give a sh!t if I approached a million girls and got rejected by all of them, or if I only approached on girl in my life. Buy at the end of the day, its MY life, and I want to make the best of MY life while I still have my life to live!" ... Think about it, when you are 80 years old, would you prefer to look back and have been rejected 100 times, but gotten with 50 other girls, or would you prefer to have only been rejected once or twice, but only gotten with 2 or 3 girls in your life? Luckily I started thinking like this since I was about 12 years old... and yes, I started becoming very interested in women when I was 12. Got my 1st BJ at the age of 12 too, lol

So next time you are at the mall, club, anywhere!, think to yourself, "I have this opportunity NOW, I wont have THIS opportunity again in my life, and in 100 years time no1 will care or remember if I get rejected by this ONE chick, but on the other hand, if I DONT get rejected, then that could possibly change my life! Maybe this chick and I will really kick it off after we get to know each other? and if not, then fine, at least I got to kiss/f*ck her... now is this an opportunity I want to let pass me by?!?" ... I guarantee you, that every single one of you will say "no" to that question. Now the question is... how many of you will actually APPROACH that girl? (considering this girl is a REALLY got girl and you are possibly thinking that she is even out of your league (which is also bullsh!t, because NO girl is out of your league) .... For those of you that WILL approach her, you have a chance of hooking up with this HB and maybe more? and if she rejects you, there are another 4 odd BILLION women out there to try with, but at least you gave yourself that chance to get with that girl and live your life up and NOT get to the age of 80 thinking "IF ONLY I DID THIS" and "IF ONLY I DID THAT" and "WHAT IF I..." etc. ... And for those of you that would still pass by the opportunity, well, I guess your hand will have to be working overtime ey?

Anyways... hope this helped and inspired some of you to go out there and make the most of your life

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Originally posted by ~ªêQµïTª$~

Here is another thing for you guys to think about.... When you go to a club/bar etc and see women dressed up and all pretty etc, why do you think they go through all that trouble? For who? themselves? I doubt it. Their girl friends or any other woman? maybe, if their bi or gay. Think about us, as guys... Why do we go to the shops and look for the most attractive clothes, why do some of you make threads asking which kind of women like certain kinds of pants and shirts? well, then answer is in what i just said, because we want to wear things that WOMEN will like and be attracted to, right? Its the same with women.... They don’t go to all those expensive shops and buy mini skirts and attractive clothes for fun, they do it because they want us GUYS to be attracted to them.

Now... what I want you guys to do, is when you are at a club. bar, mall, anywhere and you see a girl wearing something attractive, remember that she is wearing that because she wants guys like YOU to be attracted to her and probably hit on her. If she did not care about guys hitting on her, then she wouldn’t really care about what she looked like, she would just wear something "average".

If you think that this is not correct, then think about when you guys are surrounded by only other guys (a sleepover, etc) do you care about how u look, smell, etc NEARLY as much as when you are in the presence of an attractive woman? Well, maybe some of you will say "yes" to that, but most of you, including me, will say that we ARE more weary about how we look, smell, etc when in the presence of a woman. And yes, this works the same way when women are around men. When you see those chicks wearing those mini skirts in the middle of winter, what you think she was thinking when she put that skirt on? ... you think she was thinking "hmm... this skirt goes with this kewl tight cleavage top that I got from Diesel", or do you think they are thinking "hmm... this skirt looks f*cking sexy with this Diesel top I got, some guy BETTER notice me, because I don’t feel like freezing my little @SS off for nothing".

And yes, there WILL be those girls that will just do it for the ego boost, some chicks with boyfriends wear that stuff too, either to impress her bf, or just for the attention, or both. But the majority of the women out there in the clubs that are looking super sexy, ARE super sexy because they WANT guys to hit on them. I also know this because I have been told this by women that I am friendly with.

Now ask yourself this... "Those girls are looking all sexy & stuff, they aren’t with a guy (not that u can see, and if u don’t see them with a guy, then presume she is single, until she either tells u otherwise, or you find out one way or another), then just approach them, dance with them, chat with them, get their #, ask them to come back to your place, etc.... I mean.. the LEAST you can do is TRY, right?

If you are one of those guys that think that they are not good looking enough for a certain women (which I know ALL of you have thought at one point or another) then stop and think to yourself "wait... just like men have different "tastes" with the way women look, don’t women also have different tastes about how men look? I mean... if the last chick i approached didn’t like the way i looked, that doesn’t mean the next one will not like the way I look, right?" right. You NEVER know, maybe that chick will find u cute/hot? maybe she spotted you and is waiting for you to just approach her? maybe she is not one of those chicks that judge you like others do? maybe she is a chick that is f*cking horny at that time and YOU happened to hit on her? ... you never know, until you TRY!

Now remember, they are out there looking sexy for YOU, not for their friends, and not for the walls, but for YOU, the MAN. And if you fail, then try again, and if u fail again, then try AGAIN... I promise you that you WILL eventually succeed, and trying and failing a million times and having ONE success, is better than not trying at all and not having ANY successes.

Now stop reading this, and go out there and live it up! Don’t let yourself get to the age of 80 and have regrets about missed opportunities and experiences. You live once, make the most of it!

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Originally posted by animal crackers

Guys are scared of rejection/emberassment.

Whoever it was that said he's afraid of approaching the girls he KNEW he would succeed with is retarted, and has too big of an ego in his head. You may or may not succeed with any particular woman. The best you can do is give it a shot.

There's a time and a place for guys to HIT on girls. Although I wouldn't even call it hitting on them, more like flirting.

What's wrong with talking with people about interesting things going on in your mind? What girl would reject something to spice her day up a little bit. You're not HITTING on her at the beginning, at least that's what I believe is the best way, unless you want to be known around school/work as the sleazy guy who picks up all the girls.

I would only 'hit' on her after some sort of indicators of interest. This sets up the dynamic that you CANT get rejected because you are just being friendly, and if she is busy or in a bad mood (like that girl who wrote that essay) then it's not your fault.


Honesly though, girls LOVE to be approached. Really get that into your heads. Don't YOU love to get approached? Even if the girl isn't hot it at least feels good that another person took interest in you.

We're all DYING for attention in this world. Be the guy who loves women and loves life, and you will be successful.

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Originally posted by animal crackers

...Girls love getting approached. They love it even more if it's from a guy the MAY consider dating.

They will act like they think you're annoying (if you do it wrong) but DEEP DOWN they NEED to know that guys desire them.

And besides club/bar/ party settings the 'average' girl really doesn't get approached often.

That's your job, give her something to smile about.

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Zerix said:

Why was he banned?

This IS a good post.

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thefonz said:

He's changed

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