Late Night Ramblings on Approaching

Whew, pulling an all nighter at work...I have been doing some field work lately and have had a thought.

Women hardly ever get approached by calm, normal guys, in normal situations.

That's right. All of you who think women get hit on directly 10 times a day by people running any sort of normal, sober game, don't believe the hype. Next time you pull, talk to the girl about it during the debrief. Her actual reality will likely astound you.



Examples:

My last LTR was approached by normal, reasonable, datable men in a sober environment about once or twice a year. She was a solid 8+, who would get constantly honked at, leered at, and catcalled everywhere we walked. If I left her on a dance floor for 20 seconds, someone would try and hump her, but nobody ever approached in a normal manner. Hell, even when we went to the bar, I would go out with her and several of her friends in a 4-6 person group, me as the only guy, and her HB friends never even got approached in the bar. They were single and perpetually looking, and always talked about guys as we sat there.

Heck, you didn't need any fancy Mystery Method stuff to approach them. Nobody needed to AMOG me. As the "AMOG" of the group, I would have been happy to hook up a decent guy with one of my friends, and so would my GF at the time. I don't think anyone ever pulled one of them from a bar or party in the 3 1/2 years I went out with them in groups. Mostly it was because nobody approached.

A girl I work with, a true blue 9+, was so overwhelmed at the fact she was approached by a guy while she was eating lunch and he asked for her number that she was talking all about what she should do about it around the office with every girl and guy here for 2 whole days. I asked her if she was used to this, and she said "no, it doesn't happen much, usually its just creepy guys honking and making lewd comments" This girl is kinda a shy, wallflower type in spite of her extreme hotness, so she really has little experience with this stuff because she doesn't hang out in AFC venues where approaches happen.

I asked my friends how often they approach women. Most say never, or only when they are wasted. Most say its just not something they do, and they meet girls strictly through social circles.



Most men, it is simply not in their reality to approach women they don't know, except when alcohol or environment dictates that it is ok (pretty much high energy clubs and college party type environments). Ask some couples you know how they met. If it wasn't a social circle meet, I guarantee the girl will launch into a story about how she wanted him to come over all night and she sat and waited and finally she got lucky and he did. Think of all the women over your lifetime who probably sat across the bar captivated by you that all you would have had to do is just say "Hello" to and go from there.

The moral of the story is that even if you walk up to a girl and just talk AFC stuff while sober, with decent frame, body language, and a positive attitude, you are ahead of 80% of men already. You don't need a ton of fancy lines, theory, or gimmicks to make some headway, especially in day game. I've tried to be a "routine robot" and blast women with seduction technique, but all my best sarges have been low key and very, very mundane.

Within my first ten sets ever on here/ASF, I pulled same night on the first set I ever opened, and kept her as a FB all summer until she moved away. I also held a hour long set with a kiss close on a member of a WNBA team who was holed up in a 5 set of her teammates. Both were with the "AFC" Hello-and-vibe game. Then I started to try and spout routines and C+F and got nowhere for a few months. I went back to basic direct game (with some peacocking, cause its fun) and pulled again last weekend.

Just get out there and make some approaches. You will surprise yourself, and her.

fantastic post, and exactly what I needed to hear

Personally, I dislike running any sort of routine. I feel like women know its "phony."

I've got the nuts to talk to whoever I want wherever I want, but I've been letting my lack of something interesting to entertain them with stop me in some cases.

From now on I'm going to notice something about her appearance, comment on it, then ask her questions to get her talking. Chat for a few minutes, get the number, then disappear because I've got things to do and places to be.

I'm pumped up now! Can't wait to start approaching again.

very good thread. It's strange how enviroment makes a huge difference whetever you approach or not, or do for some of us. This is a huge factor for me unfortunately, and im working on it. Im more of a clubber, sadly. I don't use alcholol that much though

Posts like this should be made a sticky.

Yes, nice post.

girls are easy

This should be moved to tips.............very good and so true

Seriously, don't listen to David DeAngelo and all the other gurus on this. I know they claim women get hit on 10x a day, but its a lie to convince you that you need to do tons and tons of work to get a girl. If they told you what I am saying, it sure would make you want to buy their products or take their workshops less, now wouldn't it?

Go ahead, survey women you really trust. They will wanna say they get it all the time for their egos, but if you drill down, you will find that in street sarging and even many bar situations, its pretty rare. At least it is here, in Minneapolis, MN.

Better yet, get in a group with some women who are reasonably hot (not model or stripper hot), you know, 7s and 8s. Just watch the dynamics of an evening at the bar with them. Watch who comes up and what they do, if anyone at all does. (Clubs don't count, even pure UGs get hit on here by drunken grinding AFCs cruising for Fool's Mate)

All I know is I have sat in various groups of girls rated from 7-9 on many nights in some of Minneapolis' best venues in my life and had the whole darn night go by without a single approach. All my LTRs say its ****in rare in the street too. I cannot remember the last time I was in the street, doing fieldwork or not, and saw someone else do an obvious cold approach. We have had rank amateurs come through SoSuave who have never done an approach in their lives and walk up to women spouting lines like "Are You Single?" and they don't even finish their fieldwork cause they find a chick, get laid, get a relationship and leave the site. Its not that hard.

Whenever I sarge street, girls say and act like it seldom happens.

I overlooked this post. Excellent stuff and I'll say that my experiences and observations are exactly the same.

When a guy approaches a woman with a line or technique she knows he's come to chat her up, she knows she has the power, and the first thing she does is climb onto a pedestal. From here she can toy with him, use him to feed her ego some more...basically she is in control. I've seen it happen, women have admitted to me they do this and all the time they're thinking the guy is a try-hard and desperate.

Sargeholic said:

..Go ahead, survey women you really trust. They will wanna say they get it all the time for their egos, but if you drill down, you will find that in street sarging and even many bar situations, its pretty rare. At least it is here, in Minneapolis, MN....

Click to expand...

Good post but just one thing, guys in Minnesota are generally wussies. These guys seldom approach and when they do it's like watching guys at a Jr. High dance afraid to ask a girl out onto the floor.

What David D talks about with approaches is that the majority of them are done using canned lines by guys with no charisma a hardly any personality. He actually says that your approach should be normal, as if it wasn't even a pickup; just casual talk.

Don't do magic tricks either. Only David Blaine can pull that off.

Totally!!!

That is the truest thing I have read here.

I actually considered writing something like this myself but I thought it might have just been my town (where people don't like to connect with strangers) and girls say it is really hard to meet guys here.

Yep, these gurus who say hot chicks get approached "all the time" are just marketing their products, trying to convice you you need their **** to get beautiful women.

They are hardly going to make that much money saying that all you have do do is approach enough chicks like a normal guy and you'll be fine.

Most gorgeous girls I have approached like a normal person have been totally cool.

The ***** sheilds only come on when you are obviously sarging.

I used to hang with these chicks (about ten of them rated 9 or 10) and they were NEVER approached. They used to complain about it!

The biggest complaint I get from girls is that its SO hard to meet a descent guy.

They want to meet people.

You won't look sleazy or freaky if you go up and say "hi I'm Jay Jay." But you do look sleazy and freaky when you are like all the other guys staring at her from a distance.

***runs off to give you reputation points!***

This post and then your later follow up comment should go in the Bible!

JJ

everyone needs to read this

great post. Only thing I'd believe differently would be the bar scene aspect. True most guys won't approach a girl in a large mixed set (I probably wouldn't either). However, watch what happens when the single girls "break off" from the set. If 2 girls stand by themselves in a bar and their body language is not closed off, then they do get approached by normal guys.

Great post. In one of Jugglers podcasts, you can listen in on some bar conversations that he and Johnny Saviour have with girls. After the conversations they go back and interview the girls and some said that it was strange that they just came up and started talking to them.

This is why I really like Juggler's stuff. It is sooo simple. It is based on Relate and Reward while being an interesting, charismatic individual.

I think what all the gurus are talking about when they say "girls get approached all day" is that girls get SEXUAL VALIDATION all day.

From guys.

It's the equivalent of being approached, because both communicate the same thing.

Sexual validation = honking / cat calls / "hey baby where you headed" "damn she's hot" "ur purty" / whistles / guy turning to look at a woman / guy staring at a woman's body / guy pretending not to look at a woman but secretly looking /

All that communicates "I'm hot and boys want me" just as clearly as a guy coming up, chatting, and then asking for her number.

Don't get me wrong; I am the LAST person you will find upping commercial guys. I have written over 150,000 words on seduction and dating skills and put them online for free when some guru's eBooks aren't even 150,000 words. I don't believe guys need to get paid to teach this stuff.

BUT, having said all that, I still think the point they are all making still stands. Girls GET VALIDATED all day long by guys, if you do not STAND OUT from all the other guys validating her, you will not get very far.

And yes, I do agree that being normal, acting regular, and being confident and chatting up a girl in a friendly normal way DOES STAND OUT in many places where the guys are puss1f1ed.

Where a lot of this came from is somehing that guys forget and that is that a lot of ASF game was designed around pulling L.A. chicks.

And, unless your SV is super high, just being friendly will NOT work there.

thirtyplus said:

Where a lot of this came from is somehing that guys forget and that is that a lot of ASF game was designed around pulling L.A. chicks.

And, unless your SV is super high, just being friendly will NOT work there.

Click to expand...

I'm glad i dont live in L.A. or anywhere near it.


on another note, what sarge and others have said is very true, most girls dont get approached as much as guys think.

This is very true IMO and I'm realizing it through my approaches. All my daytime approaches so far have been mundane topics, but if you are a decent conversationalist, it is not hard to get her to see you as a good guy, then you just number close if interested. No games or tactics.

Remember: Most of us are losers. We rarely risk anything. Cold Approaches are VERY RARE.