ShyRyder's 36 approaches to the Next Level

Aright here it goes, Finally got my first approach yesterday so I can start my journal. Since last May my confidence/control has grown so much for reasons I’ll get into later. Yet instead of putting it too use I’ve been chilling. It seems I had more approaches when I was a nervous wreck a ways back. This ends now

Objectives

-Conveying my sexuality to the targets. None of this non sexual interactions that goes fvcking no where. If necessary verbalizing my intentions so my conscious and subconscious mind gets the picture.

-Be more bold then I ever been hopefully to the point where I embarrass my self a couple times so that I know I wont die from it.

-Learn how to build rapport with strangers in a short period of time. Learn to ask questions/comments that are relevant to the situation.

-Make approaching habitual

-overcome fears and though not required getting some ass wouldn’t hurt.

Obstacles/fears

-Fear of rejection always comes into play. Depending on the cycle of my moods rejection can be a challenge but not really a road block.

-Fear of embarrassment (my biggest) like targets and people will look and say how the **** can you be 20 and not know how to talk to girl.

-Fear of sophisticated/older type looking women for the same reasons as embarrassment.

-Fear of others over hearing conversations for the same reasons.

Rules

-I’ll make a shameful bump if my post reaches the bottom of page 1 or 2 depending how fast. Hopefully that will never happen

-If 5 days past and I don’t have an approach I have to go to a mall and roam for an hour searching for a target. This continues every following day until I get an approach to set it back to 5 days. This will be like punishment because I dislike consumer culture.

Ok here it goes

September 19
Fist approach
Hot and Short Brunette

Riding my bike on the street towards her we make eye contact and I just stop

Hows you doing?

Her: Good

What u up too this morning?

Her: Going to school

What school you go too?

Her: Oakwood

How do you like it ?

Her: Its alright

What’s your name

Her: Chrisy (or some ****)

How old are you?

Her:17

(my reaction is like dame and I look her up down)

Lets hook up ( I wanted to say I want you but lost my nerve)

Her: I have a boyfriend

Cool (and I bounce)

Comments: Yah that convo sucked went quick, I felt unsure and little nervous during. I didn’t really stick to a topic. In terms of sexuality I felt it move once or twice haha. But really I need to learn to build some kind of rapport

What do u do when your opened questions get short answers?

All feed back welcome

Guidance Please
1/sep 25 mall

I'm going to speculate here and say that if she was going to school instead of going back home, she may have been kind of in a hurry (emphasis on kind of) so that she wouldn't be late for class.

As far as short-answered open-ended questions, you may have been able to extend the convo with something like:

What kind of activites do you do for your school?

What sports do you play?

And then you may have found a common interest and been able to take it from there.

Not bad at all. At least you didnt pull a "hey can I ask you a question" "are you single" like some of the other guys doing approachs. Like the guy above said, just expand on w/e they answer with. Talk for a couple of minutes ask for a number and your off.

Originally posted by The Nice Guy is Gone

What kind of activites do you do for your school?

What sports do you play?

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Yah find common ground thats going to be my game plan for my next approach.

Originally posted by griffon65
"hey can I ask you a question" "are you single"

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Actually I think that's pretty brave. It's like a light version of asking if they wannna fvck. As long as they stay after and develop the convo.

Looks like I’m going to the mall today. Maybe I should have force and approach once or twice but for the majority I didn’t get any approach signals since last gyal.

Except Friday was kinda a fvcked up day. Started is out going to the gym. Could have started a covo with some dude in the locker room to build convo skills but didn’t, foolish.
After the gym I reached my social anxiety group. The group is what I was referring to where my confidence has grown to a new level since May. Just by participating like telling stories my ability to talk to new people has come alive.

After group I talked to the group facilitator and another member who’s a good conversationalist. I understand why it’s good to talk hand around people who have good social skills. You automatically try to emulate people you like whether subconsciously or other because people like people who are similar to themselves. So I’m going to make an effort to talk with those to guys a lot more in the future.

Then I went to my martial arts class. All went well until the end of the class when I had to open my big mouth. I asked the master about some movement but I couldn’t explain it right. So I got lost in my thoughts and started to panic and my mind when blank. It felt LIKE 30 SECONDS and I was visable nervous with everyone staring like I just had an aneurism. Arrgghh I felt like I just label my self loser of the high school. But I guess I should give my self credit for trying. An I was doing so well since I started.

Then coming home from class I get on the bus and go to the back. When I sit down this older chick stares into my eyes and pulls out her phone. The bus semi-packed with a couple dudes sitting close so I didn’t even attempt it my mind. I don’t think im ready for an approach on the bus with lots of people.

Aight today I’m going to the mall for a full hour no exceptions. Also I chatted up this librarian assistant the other day and she seemed interest in me. When I told her what I was interested in she quickly match me with the same interest. The library is by my house so if she’s working I’m going to ask her for the # and maybe a date on Sunday.

-shyryder

Saturday
Went to library with intention of asking out library girl. Went inside all hyped up and didn’t see her. Chilled for a bit and seen some next girl give me a look. This is on the second floor and she goes to leave the library. So I go to chase walking down the stairs and as I open the door to the 1st floor library girl right there. I’m startled but I know what I have to do.

I forget most of convo if you could call it a convo

hey how u doing
her: good
what are u doing (looking at books in her hand)
her: arranging the rack
so what time do u get off
her: in like 15 minutes

Then I say something like “Oh aight that’s cool “ like I have nothing to say then she says
Her: see ya


The whole time I was panicky
So I just leave

The whole time I was thinking everyone is going to watch me ask this girl out. I was in an area with a lot of people. I can’t believe I couln’t even get a little convo going I feel like shlt. Fvck I should have got the digits before I made a fool of myself last time we talked.

Then I went to the mall for like 15 minutes tops walk in went to bathroom then left. Got buying signals(pulled out phone, eye contact) from girl as I walked past when I looked back she was on phone so I left.

Sunday

Took my bike to the mall had one attempt with girl who was in front of me on side walk. Gave me a discussed look when I said what’s up. I said you don’t have to give that look.
Should have told the ***** off she lives in my area though.

Went to mall didn’t get any buying signals from no gyals I think. I stayed the full hour sitting down by one of those penny ponds. I wonder if its better to walk around or just sit somewhere.

Overview: life is pretty ****ty right now. And it takes a lot to bring me down, seems like every time I try to make a push instead of rewarded I get fvcked. Plus I have cold
Still going to ask library girl out

-shyryder

Aight People

I guess I missed a couple of appointments at the mall. But I ain’t stopping till I get to 36 no matter what.

After ****ing up with library girl a couple times today I went back. I don’t know why but the limited convo skill that I have go out the window when I’m nervous. So I got to the second floor of the library where she usually works and walk over.

How u doing

Her: good

You look like your chilling

Her:yah

Supervisor don’t really care here

Her: yah there ok blah blah

Skipping a couple lines in convo about school.

……….
……….

I was wondering if you wanna get together and do something later(should have been more assertive and expected a yes)

Her: sure

So pass me you number

Her: You pass me yours (through me off cause I sometimes think of this as a rejection)

So I wrote down my number and we said bye.

Overall felt good that at least I did it after I said I would regardless of how it would go. I’m counting it as a cold approaches cause it took some balls.
2/Oct 6 mall

I'm actually curious on what some men would say in that situation. I would say

"you're going to have to try harder than that!"
"oh yeah?"
"yup, besides I'm never around my phone, I'm been really busy lately"

If that doesn't work usually I cave in and give it up, but in the few times I've had that problem I don't think I ever got a call. I'm pretty sure they're usually seeing someone if they go in the "no, give me your's" direction and they don't want to come off slutty if she's on a date and you call.

Originally posted by ShyRyder
September 19
Fist approach
Hot and Short Brunette

Riding my bike on the street towards her we make eye contact and I just stop

Hows you doing?

Her: Good

What u up too this morning?

Her: Going to school

What school you go too?

Her: Oakwood

How do you like it ?

Her: Its alright

What’s your name

Her: Chrisy (or some ****)

How old are you?

Her:17

(my reaction is like dame and I look her up down)

Lets hook up ( I wanted to say I want you but lost my nerve)

Her: I have a boyfriend

Cool (and I bounce)

Comments: Yah that convo sucked went quick, I felt unsure and little nervous during. I didn’t really stick to a topic. In terms of sexuality I felt it move once or twice haha. But really I need to learn to build some kind of rapport

What do u do when your opened questions get short answers?

All feed back welcome

Guidance Please
1/sep 25 mall

Click to expand...

questions questions questions,
make it flow.

So what would you say after she says she is single?

Sounds like you are off to a decent start, at least you are doing approaches. When you talk to people, you gotta be more casual though.... asking q's is good, but every now and then, crack a joke or tease them about their answer or something.... keep it non-serious. When you told that girl "let's hook up," while it showed balls, you undoubtedly came across as kinda desperate and you didn't give her any challenge whatsoever. You say you want to be more sexual in the convos and that's definitely a good idea, as long as you do it in a fun way and don't act like sex is all you want: what you need is some sexual innuendo (double entendre (sp?), whatever you want to call it). Joke with her, and for instance, if she for some reason says, "well I'm real excited you decided to talk to me" you might say in your best seductive funny voice, "I'll bet you are." If she is on the phone and says,"well I better get off now," tell her,"yeah, it takes you a while to get off doesn't it." You know, that kind of thing. You never directly tell her what you want to do to her, but you can hint at it.

For your convos, I have to constructively criticize you again and say they are rather boring. Your open-ended questions are a good idea, but you are merely talking to her like anyone else would. You need from the very start to get her into the frame of mind that you're no ordinary person, not just some guy to talk to, but you're the man, and you're intriguing. Teasing, occasional neg. hits if she's hot, jokes, sexual innuendo, indifferent attitude towards her tests, story-telling, and a general I-don't-care-what-you-think attitude will do this for you. Don't immediately give away all of your intentions either. If she has you in the palm of her hand within seconds, she's not going to respect you, and she's not going to be attracted to you. Your action plan should be something like: approach, get attraction level up, get rapport, get #, ignore for a while, call but act like you don't really care, let her call you back, set up meeting if possible but don't push it (because remember you have other things to do than mess with her), voila.

Originally posted by qweretyuiopas
So what would you say after she says she is single?

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i know how that feels, blah blah blah.

Hmm, I would say she has at least a little bit of interest in you if she says she's single. I would avoid talking about your own single status, because there is no reason to and it may make you look less valuable in her eyes, but I would at that point make a move on her.

Qweretyuiopas- I woudn’t ask that, I think its to personal to start.

Pimpfromdayone-

Originally posted by pimpfromdayone
When you told that girl "let's hook up," while it showed balls, you undoubtedly came across as kinda desperate and you didn't give her any challenge whatsoever.

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Yah I didn’t think of it that way. Defintley “let’s hook up” takes away the challenge and all the fun out of the game. Its like shouting out your hand in a poker game. Thanks for the knowlege man

Originally posted by pimpfromdayone
You need from the very start to get her into the frame of mind that you're no ordinary person, not just some guy to talk to, but you're the man, and you're intriguing.

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point taken

aight a good start to today. At the bus stop on my way to the gym I see some ghetto school girl. My approach was wicked in the sense that I though to myself “who gives a fvck just do it” and I when over walking calmly and under control.

How’s it going

Her: good

What’s your name

Her: (inaudible)

What

Her: Temah

Where are u from?

Her: here

I mean what’s your back ground

Her: Jamaican and African

Is your mother or father from Africa

Her: father

What part of Africa

Her: gyana

Have u been?

Her: no

Would u like to go

Her: not really

Then she walks away from me haha first time that has happened. First I wanna say that some of these ghetto girls are bytches. They think its cool to be rude and act all arrogant. Just because I don’t dress or act a certain way doesn’t mean they don’t have something to learn from the experience. They are so stupid their going to suffer later on in life. Foolish gyals probably think their going to marry some up in coming rap star and be famous. or well

More importantly I think I could have done better on that one despite that fact she was being distant. Maybe I should have busted on her for not talking that much. I dono my leaning curve is taking to long. I was a little bit hesitant when asking questions during convo but overall confident. I should have had a better game plan going in. ?

Dj guidance

Originally posted by ShyRyder
Maybe I should have busted on her for not talking that much.

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Hmm, sounds like she answered all your questions.

Don´t bust on her. Why do you were talking with her, cause you liked her? Then make clear that you like her and that you want to get to know her.

Otherwise it´s only an interview and you will come across real weak. What do you expect her to do? It´s okay to ask some of these questions but you should make clear why you are asking all this and what do you want from her.

If you don´t like this girl, then don´t talk to her or don´t bother how the conversation is going or if she is leaving.

She probably would've given a bit more info if she were interested, but your questions are also very pointed. Try to use more vague questions. Like where she said, "Jamaican and African" you immediately asked "which parent's from where?" Where I probably would've said something like, "That's a cool combo. How did that happen?"

That gets you in the door a little more with the interest at the beginning, and forces her to talk to you some. If she still is acting frigid after a question like that, then bounce.

By all means bust on the women... teasing is like the most important thing to do. When she was giving you these 3 word answers, you could have sarcastically said:
"You know, you're a hel-luva conversationalist."
Say it with a sly grin on your face of course, to show you're joking. If you're not yet confident enough to tease them, start off at least by showing your sense of humor, trying to get her to laugh, and then progress into playfully making fun of HER.
You are doing really well my friend, doing what most guys only dream of doing. Remember not to show too much interest, but play it cool like you just decided to get her # for the hel-l of it. After a decent convo (hopefully where you got her interest level up some), just be like, "Alright, well, I gotta go, but uh, here, put your number in my phone and we can talk later maybe."
You can adjust what you say to relate to your convo but she will only listen to how you say them really, so please don't sound desperate or needy. You're doing good, keep it up.