Men are dumb, emotionally icy, sexually aggressive monkeys. Whom lie through their teeth, exaggerate desire, understate and hide entanglements, all for one purpose: harpoon the clam. Some whom have three girlfriends at one time. Some whom claim to be tourists, new to town, or about to move out of town. Some whom falsely claim virginity, understate experience, or falsely promise marriage. Some whom make plans for the future, such as mutually going on a vacation. Men use love to get to sex. Young women, of sixteen and eighteen years of age, universally report about old men of forty, fifty, sixty, seventy years of age hitting on them and their friends. Some men even at the rotting age of forty get a thrill of exposing themselves to passerby women. Men are dumb, emotionally icy, sexually aggressive monkeys.
And they decree women “bítches.”
The following essay was scribed as a cautionary note, an unflinching dark commentary intended to prove a positive by demonstrating the negative. Men often hold derogatory views toward women, rife with vulgar vernacular; he may argue love is an illusion and denounce bliss as ignorance but while “Love may not be what makes the world go ‘round, it’s what makes the ride worthwhile.”
A man can have sex with many women but know neither himself nor women. For instance, a man whom had a physically or sexually abusive, emotionally or physically abandoned childhood will be irresistibly attracted to chaotic women, either drug addicts, strippers, or that segment of the population otherwise popularly known as psychos. So he has sexual relations with those chaotic women, thinking he is attracted to normal women when in fact he is only attracted to women whom are either chaotic or unavailable. After some while he determines that since all the women he hooked up with were all chaotic, despite whatever his initial evaluation of them (“I could have never known”)—that god damn all women are crazy.
One of this author’s favorite past-times is listening to the syndicated radio show Loveline hosted by Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew Pinsky. Once, a young man called in claiming to have slept with about one hundred women. For argument sake, let us assume he was truthful. He reported the nagging problem that when he treated women (that he liked) nicely on dates, he could never get a second date; furthermore, he reported he had had only one girlfriend, whom was psychotic. Firstly, the women were probably sensing the hidden agenda behind being nice. More importantly, the answer is not contained in an analysis of “What is woman?” or “Yeah, that just shows how big sluts women are. Forget about love.” Think. What kind of young man is this young man? Remember, how much a man sleeps around does not necessarily reflect his worth. This young man was nothing but a warm vibrator to those women and the only woman he could snag was problematic. You will never attract anyone whom is mentally healthier than yourself. The player perspective, which to wit the player would immediately pounce, proclaim, is “See! Being nice doesn’t work. Be a fúcking jerk!” It should be self-evident why that player perspective misses the whole point. His problem had nothing to do with him being nice, a red herring. If he slept with one hundred women, and his one girlfriend was psychotic, that more points to issues of mental health than women abroad. Dysfunction attracts dysfunction.
And they decree women “bítches.”
The following essay was scribed as a cautionary note, an unflinching dark commentary intended to prove a positive by demonstrating the negative. Men often hold derogatory views toward women, rife with vulgar vernacular; he may argue love is an illusion and denounce bliss as ignorance but while “Love may not be what makes the world go ‘round, it’s what makes the ride worthwhile.”
Women rule men. All patriarchy is matriarchy. What does it matter if women rule or the rulers are ruled by the ruled, same difference. The previous President of the United States was blown out of office. Expensive watches, BMWs and Humvees, houses and beachside condos, malls, entire college educations and careers, and of course the entire rubber industry, are motivated by one thing. Gene Simmons once gave insight it is cheaper to buy a prostitute a house than it is to get divorced. Freud may have been right when he opined everything we do in life is somehow motivated by sex. It was Camille Paglia who opined prostitution is man’s escape from womanly domination. We men are the weaker sex and we know it. One disk jockey comically wore a shirt that read “I only DJ for the pússy.”I met a young magician who only liked to talk about Harry Houdini. He was a virgin when I first met him. A few months later he had sex for the first time and I never heard him mention Houdini’s name again. We spent our vacation together in Florida going to several car auctions. While test-driving a small vintage race car, I asked him why he never spoke of Houdini anymore.
Magician: It’s true, I’ve all but forgotten Houdini. In fact tonight I’m going to try anal intercourse for the first time.
Me: What does that have to do with anything?
Magician: Pússy takes precedence over all.
Then he pulled a rabbit out of my ear.
—Harmony Korine, A Crackup at the Race Riots
The heart from which sprouts problems is when a boy or man gives away his virginity. Girls lose their virginity, boys do not. We happily give it away. Boys are sucked into a vortex to which wit decades are wallowed in warm liquidity forever enslaved and literally will do anything for to get women is what demands him. Standards are practically annihilated for under proper deprivation whales feel good to ride when no one is looking, indifferent to quality of vessel carrying the vagina receptacle but only his next fix. Some men almost need to be physically restrained upon smelling the presence of perfume. Understandably, when guided by our lower regions we may easily get into relations with people whom we should otherwise avoid and consequently we may also put ourselves into environments and situations which may distort our attitudes.INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
A sixteen year old (Chuck) Barris lies on his back on a couch lazily tossing a football in the air. Tuvia, a thirteen year old girl, sits on the floor playing with a puppy. In the background, throughout the scene, we hear the inept playing of scales on a bass violin.
BARRIS (V.O.)
When I was sixteen I had an experience with my little sister’s friend Tuvia that left an indelible impression.
BARRIS (CONT’D)
Phoebe’s no Walter Page, huh, Tuvia?
TUVIA
I don’t know who that is.
BARRIS
Of course you don’t.
(beat)
Why are you waiting around anyway, listening to this cacophonous cacophony, when you could be in your own abode disrupting the lives of your own siblings?
TUVIA
I don’t know what anything you say means.
BARRIS
No. You wouldn’t, would you.
Barris watches Tuvia playing with the dog. She gets on all fours and yelps, imitating the dog. This excites the dog, who bounces around her. Barris studies Tuvia’s exposed white underwear for a while. This excites Barris. Finally he pulls an afghan off the back of the couch and drapes it over his pants. We hear him unzip his fly.
BARRIS (CONT’D)
Hey.
TUVIA
(not looking)
What?
BARRIS
Hey, Tuvia.
TUVIA
(turning)
Wha-at?!
Tuvia sees Barris fiddling with something under the afghan. She gets quiet.
BARRIS
You wanna lick it?
Tuvia snorts, goes back to playing with the dog.
TUVIA
No. Why should I?
BARRIS
Well, for one thing it tastes like strawberry. My sister tells me you love strawberries.
TUVIA
Yeah, well... I hate strawberries.
BARRIS
Honestly, a man’s penîs tastes exactly like a strawberry lollipop.
TUVIA
Look, I know that’s not true, so—
BARRIS
It is true. It’s weird but it’s true. I just read a research paper on it.
Tuvia looks at the afghan.
INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Middle-aged Chuck Barris turns from the typewriter and stares out the window at the dark night sky.
BARRIS
(sadly wistful)
My first love.
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
Tuvia’s face jerks up into frame. She spits.
TUVIA
Uchh. Yech. It doesn’t taste anything like strawberry, you creep.
The dog sticks his head under the afghan. Barris shoos him away.
BARRIS
(curious)
Well, what does it taste like?
Tuvia gets up.
TUVIA
Y’know, I’m gonna tell your mother what you just did.
BARRIS
If you do, I’ll tell your mother you made our dog lick your crack.
TUVIA
I did not!
BARRIS
(shrugging)
So what?
INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Middle-aged Barris types as the camera glides over some of the acquired detritus in his room: skin magazines, a gun and silencer, liquor, a copy of Beyond Good and Evil, a disguise kit, a kid’s sprouted lima bean science fair project.
BARRIS (V.O.)
Perhaps my whole life turned at that point. The repulsiveness of my sex confirmed by the tastebuds of a ripening pubescent girl.
MONTAGE
Sequence of young Barris unsuccessfully attempting to pick up girls at bars, unsuccessfully attempting to cop a feel on a date in a movie theater, standing on a front porch unsuccessfully attempting to kiss a girl good night, standing outside of a movie theater in the rain, holding an umbrella over his head and checking his watch.
BARRIS (V.O.) (CONT’D)
And so I found myself in a downward spiral of debauchery. Endlessly chasing pússy. My only focus in life: to get laid, to get blown, trying to fool myself into believing that given the right combination of circumstances and deception, maybe the Tuvias of the world could desire me the way I desired them. I only wanted to be loved.
—Excerpt from Charlie Kaufman’s script to the film Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (one of the most underrated films)
A man can have sex with many women but know neither himself nor women. For instance, a man whom had a physically or sexually abusive, emotionally or physically abandoned childhood will be irresistibly attracted to chaotic women, either drug addicts, strippers, or that segment of the population otherwise popularly known as psychos. So he has sexual relations with those chaotic women, thinking he is attracted to normal women when in fact he is only attracted to women whom are either chaotic or unavailable. After some while he determines that since all the women he hooked up with were all chaotic, despite whatever his initial evaluation of them (“I could have never known”)—that god damn all women are crazy.
One of this author’s favorite past-times is listening to the syndicated radio show Loveline hosted by Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew Pinsky. Once, a young man called in claiming to have slept with about one hundred women. For argument sake, let us assume he was truthful. He reported the nagging problem that when he treated women (that he liked) nicely on dates, he could never get a second date; furthermore, he reported he had had only one girlfriend, whom was psychotic. Firstly, the women were probably sensing the hidden agenda behind being nice. More importantly, the answer is not contained in an analysis of “What is woman?” or “Yeah, that just shows how big sluts women are. Forget about love.” Think. What kind of young man is this young man? Remember, how much a man sleeps around does not necessarily reflect his worth. This young man was nothing but a warm vibrator to those women and the only woman he could snag was problematic. You will never attract anyone whom is mentally healthier than yourself. The player perspective, which to wit the player would immediately pounce, proclaim, is “See! Being nice doesn’t work. Be a fúcking jerk!” It should be self-evident why that player perspective misses the whole point. His problem had nothing to do with him being nice, a red herring. If he slept with one hundred women, and his one girlfriend was psychotic, that more points to issues of mental health than women abroad. Dysfunction attracts dysfunction.