Why sosuave sucks and why you should be yourself

There's a stereotype of what a DJ is on this board. For some pooksters it's to become a perfect man, while for some others it's the be da playa. And a wide variaty of stuff in between.

No matter what the goal is there's alot of rules of what people should and shouldn't do. I understand it is necessary for people who just start out to see the difference in the "sosuave" way compared to their own.

But at some point this will backfire on the aspiring DJ. Let's compare two martial artists for example. Karate will teach you how to score alot of points, BUT there are rules. Ninjutsu, krav maga for example have no rules and as long as you know what you are doing, it is allowed. If these two persons were about to meet, who would win?

I would say the person who doesn't limit himself to using rules and doing stuff which is not allowed.

But what are these rules I talk about? Well, It's everything from not callign within 3 days, not giving a compliment when you meet a girl, well mostly everything which is taught here. Behavior is studied and labellad as either AFC or DJ, (thus limiting yourself to only do DJ stuff).

Let me introduce "Situation based DJing" (or living your ****ing life). Instead of labeling stuff as either AFC or DJ I'm gonna go ahead and look at the situations you are in. Something which is considered completly AFC might be PERFECT to use at another point. Showing alot of attention to a girl might be considrered wrong, but if you are in a relationship and the girl is completly depressed, then showing alot of attention could be good. Talking two hours to a girl might be very wrong, but if the girl are very into you and like talking with you and you are the same, then go ahead and talk those two hours.

It's not what you do what's important, the important thing is what you are! And to be a DJ IMHO is to strive to be happy and live a fulfilling life. You don't even have to be able to be good with women to do this. You don't have to be a super party guy who goes to twenty parties a week to be a DJ. If you build a good core of who you are then you can do whatever you like and still get girls. It doesn't matter if you go to lan five times a month or whatever.

Getting women is a biproduct of improving other areas of your life. If you go hardcore on:

* Interacting with people more in general
* Go to the gym/find a style you like
* Improve your economy
* Do alot of fun stuff you enjoy
* Try to fulfill some of those dreams


So in short, imagine you

drive this car
www.lambocars.com/archive/wallpaper/mur1280.jpg
Have a body like this (very achieveable)
http://www.vnn.vn/dataimages/original/images362184_Empire_BradPitt.jpg
and have an easy time talking to people. How could you go wrong?

Just from bulking up from being skinny I got 99% more attention from women. Now I don't really care about picking up or learning DJ skills. I just try to be myself and improve the things which I am not satisfied with. I'm the worst dancer in the world, I am lousy at saying the right stuff, but they want me anyway. The only difference from me before is some more social skills, a better body and don't letting fear keep me back.

In the end it comes down to learning tricks and following rules = effort. Or actually don't give a **** what people think and become what you want to be no matter what that goal is = fun

Well the thing is some behaviors or types of behaviors amplify attraction and others kill it or lessen it. So there really are "AFC things to say" and "DJ things to say" in the sense that if you act like an AFC the girl won't like you. She's hard wired by nature not to like you, or at least not feel attraction for you.

Other times the difference between an AFC and DJ things to say are commonality. In order to be attractive and a challenge which women love you have to be different.

If you walk up to a girl and say all the things guys normally say "hi, im whatever whats your name? oh those are nice shoes, where did u get them?" and stuff like that which she has heard many times THAT VERY DAY from other guys, you become an AFC and "the next guy" and you lose very quickly.

During the first few dates if you act like every other guy as well, you arent differentiating yourself. I like to compare this to marketing. You are a product, how do you set yourself apart from the 3 billion other guys? I believe its important to give her some reason why she should be with you over 3 billion other guys that are in this world.

Doing something different, providing a unique benefit to her because you have a unique style is just the way to do that.

DJ things to say on the other hand are things that have been field tested to send all the right signals on many levels. Communication goes far beyond words and words mean different things on different levels. DJ Communication conveys that you "get it" (the relationship game), and it conveys a set of qualities that women are attracted to, thus amplifying attraction on that deeper level.

So yeah, there are some DJ things to say and some AFC things to say. Sure none of this 100% accurate 100% of the time, but as a general rule if you try to stick to DJ things to say according to this board and the endless stream of articles available, you will see more success I think.

I always respect your posts Lifeforce and you raise some great points again.

I just try to be myself and improve the things which I am not satisfied with.

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Exactly! This is how I have been thinking for the past few months and life has been so much better because of it.

I don't dissagree with all of what you said. But just be yourself is ****ty advice. If I were to just be myself i wouldn't do any better getting woman attracted to me than I am right now.

You talk about success, let's define success... is success to be with alot of women or what is it? I'm talking about the most important success, to live a happy and fulfilling life.

There are no set rules of what women like, since women consist of many different backgrounds and have alot of differnet experiences. Being yourself is not equal to being like everyone else. As long as you are happy with life, look good, have a style which fit you, not afraid to do new stuff and are generally social adapted then you can pull hot chicks pretty easy. Or they will pull you. Approaching women on the streets, in the stores and alot of places just reek of desperation.

Let's take a step back from picking up women and looking at life in general. When you go to a gym and train only biceps, you will get very little results, if you go and do heavy rows instead, the focus will not be on the biceps, it will be on the lats, but the biceps will grow alot too. It's the same with women. If you improve your appearance then you will get more attention and more success, if you transform from unhappy guy to a guy who enjoy life, then you will have more success with women, if you have no self confidence and work on it so you get some, then you will have more success. None of these scenarios are based on getting women, but they will help boosting your value so you need less game to get success. It will actually turn the tables, you are now worth more so SHE will have to prove herself to you and SHE will pick YOU up and you can focus more on enjoying yourself.

Sure if you are yourself and not go all out on da DJ style then of course you will have less success because you are making mismatches, you set down rules which just isn't made for you and when you enter a relationship it will crash and burn.

IMO it's just so much easier just not to give a **** about women at all. Why should I try to be unique and say something exotic just to appear special in the masses which like her? "Too get success with her" some might reply. But who cares? If they don't like me then they are obviously not fit to be with me and I quickly get away from them. It's alot more fun to be with girls who actually enjoy your company, and the better you become, the more you improve, the better the girls who want to be with you will be.

It's not why should she be with me when there are 3 billion guys in the world... why should I be with HER when there are 3 billion other girls in the world, maybe something to think about?

Originally posted by Jariel
I always respect your posts Lifeforce and you raise some great points again.



Exactly! This is how I have been thinking for the past few months and life has been so much better because of it.

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Thanks man, I enjoy reading your posts too even if I don't reply (or write half a page of text and don't send it :/) , seems we are about on the same line of thinking

Originally posted by Bron-Yr-Aur Stomp.
I don't dissagree with all of what you said. But just be yourself is ****ty advice. If I were to just be myself i wouldn't do any better getting woman attracted to me than I am right now.

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Being yourself is way harder than being a DJ who base their success on rules and tried and true solutions. You will have to face the things which keep your life back and that is the hardest thing a person can do.

So, being yourself is not the same as being yourself together with a truckload of fears and insecurities. I bet you were not yourself when you came here. You probably didn't dare to do some things because you were afraid or didn't dare to go for your dreams. The thing I'm brining up is when the dj principles become compulsoray disorder. You base your life around certain rules like never calling within 3 days or never apoligizing.. etc...

The problem is some guys think they'll just read a few articles about DJing, go out, use the techniques and get every chick they want. Not a chance!

First of all, you need to get your inner game handled and surprise surprise, good inner game depends mostly on how fulfilling your life is, how you see yourself etc.

Take me as an example, I am working on my social skills (if I can't chat strangers how the hell am I supposed to chat up some chicks?), working out and trying to move my lazy ass as much as I can. I'll feel better about myself and guess what ... women will notice!

Look at guys around you who are doing just fine with women. Do they know all the techniques and stuff? No. They're just social people, and usually have their **** together enough to attract SOME woman SOMETIMES. Myself, I have yet to reach this "ground zero".

Originally posted by Bron-Yr-Aur Stomp.
I don't dissagree with all of what you said. But just be yourself is ****ty advice. If I were to just be myself i wouldn't do any better getting woman attracted to me than I am right now.

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Well if you are not yourself... if you get with the woman you will eventually become yourself. Hey, if a woman doesn't like me the way I am, then I don't need her. It has worked well for me so far... it's too much trouble to be someone else to get a woman.... improve yourself...yes... be someone else just to please her ....NO! It's not s****y advice. I find that I attract more women when i am just myself.... maybe it just works for some more than others.

In a way,......

YOU ARE WRONG

Your actually backstabbing yourself cause how are you supposed to bulk up without rules or regulations

If you workout everyday, thinking this is the right way... YOU ARE WRONG

If you workout once a week thinking you will Bulk up... YOU ARE WRONG

IF you call a girl everyday, saying how much you love her, and think she will be in your hands.... YOU ARE WRONG

If you go through life believing your Sins without repentance will not catch up with you.... YOU ARE WRONG

If you Believe that God Doesn't Love you, or Doesn't offer a Free Gift of Eternal Life for you... YOU ARE WRONG

In conclusion



YOU ARE WRONG..



:woo:

Originally posted by arlanda
The problem is some guys think they'll just read a few articles about DJing, go out, use the techniques and get every chick they want. Not a chance!

First of all, you need to get your inner game handled and surprise surprise, good inner game depends mostly on how fulfilling your life is, how you see yourself etc.

Take me as an example, I am working on my social skills (if I can't chat strangers how the hell am I supposed to chat up some chicks?), working out and trying to move my lazy ass as much as I can. I'll feel better about myself and guess what ... women will notice!

Look at guys around you who are doing just fine with women. Do they know all the techniques and stuff? No. They're just social people, and usually have their **** together enough to attract SOME woman SOMETIMES. Myself, I have yet to reach this "ground zero".

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Good Post!

And its exactly what most people on this board are here for.

People with,
No confidence,
No or very little social skills,
and can't find out why the hell their not sucessfull with women manily because of them being AFC and all.

In fact, I wrote my very first post on this kinda thing,

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=79331

I belive someone said on this site, "treat this site like a sumer market, grab what you need and get out." Another words take in the knowledge that you find on this site, filter it to your needs, leave, and then apply it.

Originally posted by Lifeforce
I just try to be myself and improve the things which I am not satisfied with

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If you're improving yourself, you're not being yourself. You're being someone who is an improved version of yourself.

Your quote is contradictory. Please people stop abusing this stupid "just be yourself" cliche.

Contradiction aside, your above quote is what this forum is SUPPOSED to be about. Some people lose sight of this. The forum is obviously not perfect, but what do you expect when it is populated by imperfect people?

Originally posted by bbestar
In a way,......

YOU ARE WRONG

Your actually backstabbing yourself cause how are you supposed to bulk up without rules or regulations

If you workout everyday, thinking this is the right way... YOU ARE WRONG

If you workout once a week thinking you will Bulk up... YOU ARE WRONG

IF you call a girl everyday, saying how much you love her, and think she will be in your hands.... YOU ARE WRONG

If you go through life believing your Sins without repentance will not catch up with you.... YOU ARE WRONG

If you Believe that God Doesn't Love you, or Doesn't offer a Free Gift of Eternal Life for you... YOU ARE WRONG

In conclusion



YOU ARE WRONG..



:woo:

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You forgot this part bro.

Originally posted by Lifeforce - btw, great post

No matter what the goal is there's alot of rules of what people should and shouldn't do. I understand it is necessary for people who just start out to see the difference in the "sosuave" way compared to their own.

But at some point this will backfire on the aspiring DJ.

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Re: Re: Why sosuave sucks and why you should be yourself

Originally posted by TillTheEndOfTime
If you're improving yourself, you're not being yourself. You're being someone who is an improved version of yourself.

Your quote is contradictory. Please people stop abusing this stupid "just be yourself" cliche.

Contradiction aside, your above quote is what this forum is SUPPOSED to be about. Some people lose sight of this. The forum is obviously not perfect, but what do you expect when it is populated by imperfect people?

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uh...no you ARE being yourself. You're being your BEST self. Who else are you being huh? Tell me, if you're improving yourself, who else are you being?!!? You're being a better version of yourself, sure, but that is still YOURSELF.

You even said it YOURSELF.

Originally posted by TillTheEndOfTime If you're improving yourself, you're not being yourself. You're being someone who is an improved version of yourself.

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People can talk all day long "talk is so cheap people do it in their sleep" but when it's all said and done you are winning or losing.

So what it all boils down to is you are a winner or a loser. Now it's up to you to decide.

And stop with all the idealistic bull shyte men like women, so yess it means a lot when you can get plenty of women. You feel good when you do and like shyte when you can't. So for all the men coming in here with the do you feel like a man because you can get women bs? Guess what you wouldnt be here if you didn't.
Famous and powerful people wouldnt have the pick of the litter but they do.

IT IS WHAT IT IS!

Re: Re: Re: Why sosuave sucks and why you should be yourself

Originally posted by AFK Protector
uh...no you ARE being yourself. You're being your BEST self. Who else are you being huh? Tell me, if you're improving yourself, who else are you being?!!? You're being a better version of yourself, sure, but that is still YOURSELF.

You even said it YOURSELF.

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Let me provide an example of what I mean.

Guy A is shy. He doesn't like cold approaches. Guy A is unhappy with his social life. Guy B tells him to "just be himself". Guy A follows the advice and doesn't improve. As a result, he stays lonely.

However, Guy A meets Guy C one day. Guy C tells him "DON'T be yourself." Guy C tells him how to improve himself. He helps him with tips on how to maintain conversation and keep other people (not just women) interested in him. Guy C helps Guy A get over his social anxiety and approach people (both men and women). Guy A improves a great deal and his confidence increases.

Now Guy A is "not being himself". He is approaching strangers and making new friends with his new improved conversation skills and confidence. Guy A would NEVER approach strangers before he met Guy C. That is why he's "not being himself" like what Guy B said to do. If Guy A just decided to "be himself" he would never approach new people and do the things he's doing now. He is a new and improved version of himself.

But...but...but he's not being himself!!!! OMG! That's bad! Right?

Tell that to Guy A who is now having the time of his life.

haha great analogy with the martial arts man!


"
If you walk up to a girl and say all the things guys normally say "hi, im whatever whats your name? oh those are nice shoes, where did u get them?" and stuff like that which she has heard many times THAT VERY DAY from other guys, you become an AFC and "the next guy" and you lose very quickly.
"

this is exactly what he/we want to prove wrong......we are saying that you actually dont need any special game to pull girls..no need to be perfect...you can pretty much suck like me and still get numbers with ease. example from my last time partying:

me drunken dancing with some friends on the pedastal....two girls come up and dance in front of me so i start to dance with the better looking.....then some minutes later i ask "whats your name" as the opening line: mistake#1. then i dont know much to say: mistake#2 but she asks if i want to have her number. then some time later she does this dirty dancing with her friend and i ask if her friend is hotter than me or why she dances with her---->fishing for compliments: mistake#3 but she smiles submissive and says no and starts dancing with me again....i say in direction to her friend"not that you ain't hot but.. "-->complimenting on appearance: mistake#4 but somehow this wasnt that bad because i start to grab her tits while im dancing with her friend

so the lesson here is DO WHAT IS FUN TO YOU and dont give a **** about your game. yes, this doesnt work on the super hot STUCK UP club *****es but the question should be why should i want to WASTE an evening with doing neg hits and blablabla to get her, i want to live every moment of my life! if someone likes supplicating while pretending to be hard to get then go on...but i prefer keeping it lighthearted and fun.

learning and constantly thinking about the game has ruined the fun for me.....i have enough of it i just wanna do what the **** i want to.

you are so right lifeforce, many of us have been thinking this for a long time, and i could think of 100 examples where you need to' break' the rules to succeed and its because human phycolgy is not logical and can there for not be defined by a set or rules!

Originally posted by check_mate_kid_uk
you are so right lifeforce, many of us have been thinking this for a long time, and i could think of 100 examples where you need to' break' the rules to succeed and its because human phycolgy is not logical and can there for not be defined by a set or rules!

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They're not rules....more like guidelines. hehe

Anyways, these "rules" are just there for the totally lost. Following the rules will in most cases, give much better results for someone who comes here as a hardcore AFC. It will most likely protect their wallets as well.

We're expected to be somewhat intelligent and be able to think for ourselves when the need arises. Of course the rules are not infallible.

You have to understand the spirit of the rules. That's what is most important, not the rules themselves. You should not take everything so literally. The rules mean something. They are not just actions or inactions. They are there to teach you something.

Those who fail and blame it on sosuave do not understand this.
They're the ones who continue to fail. They're the ones who turn from AFC "nice guy" to jerk who is disliked.

Why?

Because they take everything literally and just don't understand what they're supposed to be learning from these rules.


A perfect example:

Many of us have heard the religious expression "If someone hits you, turn the other cheek".

Does this mean if you're walking down the street and someone hits you, you should turn the other cheek and invite them to punch you in the face? NO! That's taking the saying literally.

The spirit of the saying is to forgive. That is what you must learn and understand.

Sure enough you'll have those who take everything literally come back with a bag of ice on their face complaining that the rules "don't work".

"Why people like Lifeforce sucks, and why you should ignore this post"

Lifeforce, we get posts like this once a week telling everyone "I am better than you, look at me, I'm going to say something important" , Do you think you actually contribute positively to the DJ movement when you say dumb ass crap like this? Yes there are clueless DJs that think that learning techniques, dressing better will get them more women. Yes there are other DJs that think that by changing their attitude or pretending to be a masculine man will get them more women. But faking it till finally making it is better than being your usual self.

Being my usual self would be resting at home and playing video games. YES that's me. But after SoSuave, I forced myself to change myself physically and emotionally and made me a person. I faked it, and now I made it. I know this to be true because I used to have a couple friends who were just like me, and then a year past by with me changing and they're the same people that I knew them to be, and me? Well let's just say I got to get a new network of friends, and I've dated several women because of my increased social confidence.

Say what you wanna say buddy, but get the f**k off that soap box and tell me you were exactly the same person YOU WERE before you EVER came on to a male improvement website like SoSuave.