A Second Life

A young man approached this post, opened his mouth as but to speak, and snorted,

“Signor Pook! Or how is it that you like to be called, Monsieur Pook? Well then, bon jour! There is French salutation for your French slop!”

Counterfeit not the time, goodly sir. Speak your complaint.

“All you do in these posts is rattle and prattle about women and dreams and things. Tell me, in direct and utter language, why I do not right now have a woman in my arms.”

When you say you don’t have women, you are choosing it.

“This is cruel,” he whispered. But it is the truth. You know you can go out right now and get a girl. The girl might be a fat hag, but nevertheless, she is a girl. You CHOOSE to not go for the fat hag and decide that you are worth more.

Loneliness isn’t some cruel conspiracy from Nature; it is your choice. So you have chosen not to be with the ugly fat women.

Now that you have acknowledged that you choose the beautiful women, it means you think they are right for you. Even though you might be a skinny socially insecure dork, you believe you have inside you what it takes to get the beautiful woman.

So you must go out and demo it to reality. Nature says, “You silly little dork! Who are you to think that you can get my lovely nymphs, the beautiful women?” The proper response is: “I will show you who I really am!”

And one by one you become yourself, you reconnect all your dreams to the day. You don’t bulk up because women ‘like’ big guys. You do it because that is how you see yourself. You don’t become the life of the party because women ‘like’ those guys. You do it because that is who you are. You do not become Don Juan because that is what women crave, you do it because it is who you are.

What is life to you?

It is the pattern of our age that value is placed on living a long life. Because of this pattern of value being place on having a long life, it is easy to lose sight that the reason we hope to live long is so we have more time to live worthily.

What does it mean to live worthily? This is something that only you can define. People have lots of opinions on what you should do with your life, but when the day comes that you are on your deathbed, knowing the imminent is possible, you’re the one that has to reflect upon the choices you made.

So… what is life to you?

I am not asking you to do this or that with your life, but I am only asking you to pause for a moment and think. What is life to you? Stop and look.

Many people do not stop to consider. They relive their parent’s life, only to produce children who will live like them! They want money so they spend their time to get it, only to use that money to buy back time. They always place their minds in the future and never in the present, thus they don’t live in the present or in the future. They lose the moments… and in the end, that is all we have. This trading of time for money, or money for time, or present for future, or future for present is not a pure exchange, life gets destroyed in the transaction.

Change is hard.

Being a Nice Guy is the easiest thing to do. But in the end, the Nice Guy is a trap, the trap being the womb of security the Nice Guy keeps running into.

Routine is easy. Change or anything new, this is hard. To take your lifelong habits and alter them, this takes some pain. It will be the pain of shrugging off the old life, the life your parents gave you, the life your school gave you, the life your friends shared with you, the life that everyone expects you to live… except yourself.

You only have one life and only have a certain amount of time. You may have been raised to believe that life is not meant to be enjoyed, but something to bare, to be painfully suffered through. It is the belief that if you’re having too much fun, then you’re not doing enough ‘stuff’.

Who says life is not meant to be enjoyed? And who is meant to define that but you? Those who have this way of thought will think:

“Approaching women!? OH NO! Too painful!”
“Having a girlfriend is like having another job.”
“Women just require too much work to be enjoyed.”

Who says that women are not meant to be enjoyed? Who says that life is not meant to be enjoyed? And who is meant to define that but you?

“Life is whatever happens.”

Who says that? Who says you have to suffer?

With all that is out there to achieve and enjoy, to discover and see, who is to say that it is not yours? Who is to say that you don’t deserve joy in your life? Who is to say you don’t deserve the hot babes? And why do you sit on the sidelines and surrender it to others? Who’s to say all these things are not yours?

You define your life. Not your grandparents, church, or friends. When you give up those rules to someone else, YOU are to blame if you don’t like where you are at.

We are not raised this way. We are taught when we are young that it is noble to suffer. We are taught to not speak our mind else we might ‘offend’ someone. We are taught to be ‘quiet and good’ when your parents dragged you to places you hated. We are taught to sit through the monstrosity called education, making us confused that education comes only with pain, thus we naturally avoid pleasurable education the rest of our life. We are taught to always avoid risks when possible and embrace a nice secure life. We are taught… nothing that makes us alive.

Some people think that we are meant to suffer each day, to gruel through the time and bear the scourge of daily agonies. If you believe you are underemployed, ask yourself, “Is my life dictated by my FEAR of not having a job or is it launched by the PLEASURE of working a job I like and getting more money?” If you do not have a woman, ask yourself, “Am I focusing on minimizing the pains of approaching, dating, and loving or am I focused on obtaining the pleasures of such wonder?”

Most people will never start a business because nine out of ten companies fail. But those that win, in the end, even if they fail at first keep trying because they are motivated by the pleasure of getting the business, not by minimizing pain and insecurity.

And many guys will never get a girl they want because they realize they will fail more often then they succeed. But those that win in the end do so by focusing on the pleasures of success rather than the pain of failure.

So if you have no women, it means you think you are better then what you can get. You can either go out to show the world what you are, or you can come up with another ‘daily excuse’. In order for that happy tomorrow to occur, you need to start today.

You set the rules for your life. It will have as much pain, joy, and success you think you deserve. The world now begins with you. What is your world going to be?

Most People Fake Happiness

There is a great myth that everyone, amazingly, believes: that everyone else is happy, having fun, living life, and you, all alone, are miserable. That everyone is out there, having amazing glorious sex, while you must content yourself with pornos.

This isn’t true. Most people are in the exact same spot as you are. And those ‘glorious unions’ you see everywhere? Most of them are simply scared of being alone, so they go off and grab the nearest available person. The others are 'lying' together with vanity.

The big secret is that happy people aren’t as happy as they appear. Many happy people are actually covering up their real problems. But what do you do? You see one of these ‘happy’ people and then you get unhappy at them! You make yourselves miserable as you arrow nasty thoughts from your mind at them, and they don’t even know you.

You think, “It must be nice to be happy. They were born to the right parents, to the right environment. I wish I was like them. I wish I grew up where they did.”

You think, “I have all these great qualities about myself. Why can’t someone see it?” Well, no one sees it because they are too worried about themselves. Women are not ignoring you; they too are worried about themselves. When you go out with a foxy lady, she will be worried about how she acts, about how you think of her.

Life is meant to be lived, life is meant to be grabbed on to, life is meant to be defined by you. No one may define your life, not your parents, not people on the Internet, no one.

A Second Life

Now your life belongs to yourself. What are you going to do with it? This Gift of life is yours and yours alone. It truly is the only thing no one can take away. Only you can give it away, to chunk it, to toss it into the abyss of time. But no longer will you do that.

Before, you crawled and inched your way through life. Now, cocooned and reabsorbed with your new thoughts, you molt off your old life and begin a new one. The other caterpillars, feeding on their grubs and inching in circles, look up at the sky to see you blaze by.

“How can he fly so high?”
“How is he so colorful?”
“How can he be so free?”

Nothing can stop you now except yourself. You now have the power to do what you’ve always dreamed, what are you going to do? The inner light of who you really are has broken out and will dazzle the world. You are so lucky, for you have saved your life. Now you know how precious life is because you were so close to ageing without discovering it.

And so people will notice the new you. Before I came here, I was mad for a girl. Now, that same girl looks at me and stares. “Something is different,” she says. “Something in your eyes… in your face…” Shrugging, she smiled. “It must be the light.”

I kissed her and pulled her to me. "Yes,” I said. “It must be the light."

manndo

utterly amazing.

...and I always remember that it all started with Anti-Dump's "take ACTION". I see more and more how powerful that simple thing is.

Pook, you inspire me. Really.

Kudos on yet another excellent post

Very good post and I agree with what you say. One of my favourite quotes is by Albert Camus:

"Life is a sum of all your choices".

I think this post should inspire many as should your "Habit is All" post which I personally feel is your best ever post.

Why not trying to become the next anthony robbins? There might be a wider audience for your writing.

A good post from you Pook, but all of your posts, although very good, but are quite similar. They are dealing with the 'why' to be a DJ, they don't discuss any tips to do so.

I would like to see some tips for dealing with chicks, not with yourself. It's good to read this stuff from time to time, but it eventually gets old.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think most of what Pook describes comes from someplace deeper and darker.

I agree that we all face a choice, every moment of our lives, between greatness and smallness; however, I disagree with Pook that it's a wholly conscious one, as well as it being motivated by a belief in deserving higher standards.

I'm much more aware of men being held back by fundamental feelings of inferiority, incompetency, and unworthiness, all drilled into us by our culture's sky-high standards of physical beauty, material wealth and power, athletic prowess, sexual experience, etc.

IMO, conscious resistance through fear, rationalization, etc., only enters the picture when a man is forced by circumstance or pushed by his ego, to do what he believes he cannot - or rather should not - do, given his "runt of the litter" mentality.

IMO, this is what motivates a man to choose weakness, smallness, loneliness, and suffering - he's subconsciously punishing himself for not living up to an artificial and externally imposed standard.

Not only are these men resigned to their suffering, they actually enjoy it enough to not do anything about it, because it has been made righteous by their perceived unworthiness of anything better.

Originally posted by Visceral
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think most of what Pook describes comes from someplace deeper and darker.

I agree that we all face a choice, every moment of our lives, between greatness and smallness; however, I disagree with Pook that it's a wholly conscious one, as well as it being motivated by a belief in deserving higher standards.

I'm much more aware of men being held back by fundamental feelings of inferiority, incompetency, and unworthiness, all drilled into us by our culture's sky-high standards of physical beauty, material wealth and power, athletic prowess, sexual experience, etc.

IMO, conscious resistance through fear, rationalization, etc., only enters the picture when a man is forced by circumstance or pushed by his ego, to do what he believes he cannot - or rather should not - do, given his "runt of the litter" mentality.

IMO, this is what motivates a man to choose weakness, smallness, loneliness, and suffering - he's subconsciously punishing himself for not living up to an artificial and externally imposed standard.

Not only are these men resigned to their suffering, they actually enjoy it enough to not do anything about it, because it has been made righteous by their perceived unworthiness of anything better.

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I whole-heartedly agree with the inside-out approach. And I think Pook's advocation of that is his biggest gift to the forum.

If I'm reading you correctly, our sense of what is valued and our self-worth can get distorted and fvcked up when we fail to meet expectations of real masculinity.

If that's accurate (and I'd love a correction if it's not), any ideas on how we can straighten ourselves out? Re-set our perspective?

Originally posted by whistler
If I'm reading you correctly, our sense of what is valued and our self-worth can get distorted and fvcked up when we fail to meet expectations of real masculinity.

If that's accurate (and I'd love a correction if it's not), any ideas on how we can straighten ourselves out? Re-set our perspective?

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Expectations period, not just those of real masculinity.

As to the second part, that's why I posted this, because I really don't know. I think that a lot of this "runt of the litter" mentality comes from things that we genuinely can't change, but the world rubs our faces in them so constantly that we can't ignore them.

Yes, I blame Society for forcing these impossible standards on us instead of blaming myself for being a pvssy ... but the truth is that no amount of balls or optimism would turn me into some Brad Pitt/Donald Trump hybrid, despite what this site would have me believe.

Nietzsche had a solution - create your own values and standards - basically just change labels. In your mind, relabel what you are right now as "good" and everything else as "bad".

The upside is that this would have you believe that you, as you are, are the Model Human Male, and that everyone else should let you do what you want and even emulate you. The downside is that it wouldn't actually change anything, and you'd be hard-pressed to get the rest of the world to go along with you.

Well great tip Pook However I wanted to discuss something that i don;t know if relates to this tip or nor ..if not please answer me as a Pm

It's about the security - insecurity life . I live now happily , playing around girls , not relying on any tips or techniques like before and im not afraid of doing a mistake and learn since i want to embrace humanity and Enjoy my life not walk on eggshells of calculations , walking in a tight way trying to balance mysekf against every breeze and from falling over . This is how one lives when he relies on tips , techniques since talking , dating , socializing is like breathing ..it's natural BUT

Let's say Im good at picking up chicks , having fun with them , talking , dating ..it's natural and very easy to me now but what hold me back at times is maintaining the relationship with the girl , creating rapport , going to the next step . This I find myself clueless at because i haven't had many long term relationships before only 2 or 3 . So It's like I want to be natural , don;t want to eliminate myself of doing mistakes , but still I don't want the girl to sense or know that i haven't had many relationship , that i don't know what to do exactley to go for the next stage . And in the same time I don't want to read here any more tips , i don't want to philosophize or make something natural as rocket science .

One would say ...it's all about the mindset , looks etc... I agree but When i haven't gone out since 2 weeks or so , Im very afraid of loosing the habit of getting to know girls , talking etc... to the result that i pressurize myself and this we know clogs the action since im not taking things lightly and having fun and also i want the girl ...Sometimes you have no time to be consistent , confident , regain the old skill to be smooth again with the ladies and you just want the girl ....what would you say Pook ? I want to discuss this with you ..this thing about altering habits and habits in general .

Anoth thing is You don't want to make foolish mistakes early on but in the same time you don't have to be perfect since perfect is boring ..so im at times Tortured between the secuirty of what i know and the insecurity of what i don't . What would you think is the best way to get through this as i believe that you have faced this before .

for example : Orson scott Card has written a tip before about this dialogue thing that's very similar to here and tips etc.. . I believe that one shouldn't force himself to talk , sing and just flow from the inside and focus on the song not the singer (if you have read this tip of orson before) but how does one believe that he can for example talk and initiate conversations like before but then become silent , 2nd guessing , etc... this happens to me at times .

Originally posted by Visceral
Expectations period, not just those of real masculinity.

As to the second part, that's why I posted this, because I really don't know. I think that a lot of this "runt of the litter" mentality comes from things that we genuinely can't change, but the world rubs our faces in them so constantly that we can't ignore them.

Yes, I blame Society for forcing these impossible standards on us instead of blaming myself for being a pvssy ... but the truth is that no amount of balls or optimism would turn me into some Brad Pitt/Donald Trump hybrid, despite what this site would have me believe.

Nietzsche had a solution - create your own values and standards - basically just change labels. In your mind, relabel what you are right now as "good" and everything else as "bad".

The upside is that this would have you believe that you, as you are, are the Model Human Male, and that everyone else should let you do what you want and even emulate you. The downside is that it wouldn't actually change anything, and you'd be hard-pressed to get the rest of the world to go along with you.

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Awesome. Thanks for the reply.

I guess there's irony in using your force of will to create a world in order to escape another. It's almost a defeatist attitude.

I do wonder if it's possible to completely eliminate a low self-worth that is so entrenched that it is a fudamental part of you. When you say "I'm not worthless, I'm a god," you're actually attacking yourself. And what if your worthlessness is somewhat accurate from a societal perspective? Then you're not only attacking yourself but also reality in some respect.


For so many guys on here (myself included, despite some success), there seems to be a deeply entrenched sense of low self-worth. We can try to chip away at that element through diligent self-improvement.

But:

1. Can we ever completely scrape out the bad and replace it with the good?

2. Is that attack on who we are (and I do think it is an attack) not somehow dishonest?

I'm highly trained in psychology, but I still can't offer a half-way satisfying answer to either question.

What I can say, though, is that peole who are happiest often have (arguably healthy) delusions of amazing self-worth and potential. So messing with our value system might not be a bad approach.

Originally posted by whistler
I guess there's irony in using your force of will to create a world in order to escape another. It's almost a defeatist attitude.

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I disagree completely. The defeatist attitude would be to either rationalize the present world or to cultivate apathy as insulation. And even if I'm wrong, creating a new world is still what needs to be done.

I do wonder if it's possible to completely eliminate a low self-worth that is so entrenched that it is a fudamental part of you. When you say "I'm not worthless, I'm a god," you're actually attacking yourself. And what if your worthlessness is somewhat accurate from a societal perspective? Then you're not only attacking yourself but also reality in some respect.

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Absolutely. You are attacking your self; you're doing so on every level, all at the same time, and with the intent of totally destroying it. For a guy with a strong enough will, it's not as big of a deal. For a guy like me, however, it's more complicated. The self defends itself against you, and you strengthen it by both resisting or complying with it.
Also, don't forget that the reality is artificial to a certain extent, and not to your advantage on top of that. You could argue that, if you want things to change, then something's got to give ... and you've been "giving" since you were born, and look where it's got you.

What I can say, though, is that peole who are happiest often have (arguably healthy) delusions of amazing self-worth and potential. So messing with our value system might not be a bad approach.

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The self and reality feed upon and perpetuate each other in a positive feedback loop. Perhaps what these people have could be used to break that loop somehow? Even if not, breaking that loop is still the key, the absolute first step to this entire process.

Originally posted by Visceral
Also, don't forget that the reality is artificial to a certain extent, and not to your advantage on top of that. You could argue that, if you want things to change, then something's got to give ... and you've been "giving" since you were born, and look where it's got you.

The self and reality feed upon and perpetuate each other in a positive feedback loop. Perhaps what these people have could be used to break that loop somehow? Even if not, breaking that loop is still the key, the absolute first step to this entire process.

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I think you're dead on, especially with the feedback loop idea. That rings true with respect to what is known about thoughts and behaviors.

Reality is tricky.

My best take is that for the most part, our reality is an idiosyncratic construct.

The world exists only at any one instant, yet our mental world operates on an artifically large timescale. (I mean that we live in the past and fantasize about the future--the present is only so relevant to our mental lives.)

But while it's a construct, it follows rules. Our brain highly constrains what we think about and how we think. Physical laws highly constrain the outcomes of our interactions with the world.

At the end of the day, all of the evidence says that we're machines. And if that's true, what we need to do is dig in deep and change some really old wiring -- wiring that's gotten stronger over the years from being re-used so often and wiring that is so essential that it constantly steers the direction of many of our thoughts. I'm speaking both metaphorically and to some extent literally. Current computational models of the mind suggest that old, well-reinforced concepts become especially fixed.

So can we change it, metaphorically or literally?

I guess we have to.

I was lamenting that to change our core, we have to lose (and replace) part of ourselves.

My question has always been: how is all that actually done?

The question becomes even more difficult to answer when you realize that it has to happen on some less-than-conscious level, or else it turns into ego-based fakery, a facade that you're constantly struggling against your self to maintain.

Which actually contradicts the consensus here that it's the pvssy AFC drone that is the facade; that you just drop it and the Ubermensch/alpha male that is your true self will be revealed. I'm not sure what to believe anymore, especially since being the pvssy AFC drone seems like it's too easy for it to be something fake or forced.

With your psychological background, you may be uniquely qualified to answer that question.

Originally posted by Slimijs
A good post from you Pook, but all of your posts, although very good, but are quite similar. They are dealing with the 'why' to be a DJ, they don't discuss any tips to do so.

I would like to see some tips for dealing with chicks, not with yourself. It's good to read this stuff from time to time, but it eventually gets old.

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Correct me if I'm wrong.

Being a DJ is about improving oneself in life, women are just byproducts.

Originally posted by Visceral
My question has always been: how is all that actually done?

The question becomes even more difficult to answer when you realize that it has to happen on some less-than-conscious level, or else it turns into ego-based fakery, a facade that you're constantly struggling against your self to maintain.

Which actually contradicts the consensus here that it's the pvssy AFC drone that is the facade; that you just drop it and the Ubermensch/alpha male that is your true self will be revealed. I'm not sure what to believe anymore, especially since being the pvssy AFC drone seems like it's too easy for it to be something fake or self-imposed.

With your psychological background, you may be uniquely qualified to answer that question.

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Unfortunately for the discussion, my area of specialization is in perception. It's heavly based in the biology and phsyiology of the brain. So while I can describe some constraints the brain imposes on your perception of things, I probably can't offer a solution that's very satisfying.

I do know though that what's called "cognitive therapy" is currently popular and relatively successful at helping people root out stubborn thoughts and concepts. I think the gist is to basically reframe past, painful events in a positive light.

But honestly, that's quite speculative in nature (like Freud) and not really where psychology as a whole is going. (It's going in my direction, toward physiology, etc. More brain, less mind.) So I can tell you, for instance, that your memories are stored in enormous networks of interconnected neurons, and that the more you remember something, the stronger and more automatic that memory becomes. There's volumes more, of course, but I don't want to get lost on a tangent... But I can't tell you that there's a clear answer for how we can root out and replace the bad stuff. We just don't know yet.

So for the time being, we have to rely on the more speculative, layman's type of psychology to address the problem...

"Reality is a construct. You control it. Reach back and relive your painful moments. But when you do so bare in mind that circumstances played a role, that you can learn from the experience, that you're safe now. You're in control. You can go back again and replace the pain if you put in enough time and effort."

I'm being sarcastic but sincere -- impossible? No, I don't think so.


Edit: So a real, open question is whether someone who has become an AFC in childhood from emotional scarring can become a 100% Don Juan.

Originally posted by Flyer
Being a DJ is about improving oneself in life, women are just byproducts.

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This is how I see it. If you're being the very best that you can be, you will attract the very best also. If you don't get the girl, at least you're better off before with a better more fun filled and passionate lifestyle.

I saved this post to read every morning as to remind myself. It really sums up everything I've been thinking about this past year concerning how i've been living. 5 stars. Bible material (in attitude or get a boost)

Do people always discuss a post by Pook to this extent? I personally find happiness in improving myself. I learn as much as I can and I try to improve myself mentally as well as physically. I try to get out of the mindset that there isn't anything I can't accomplish. And when I do improve myself I am actually happy about it, so I can tell myself that I am am as good as the best and I know it to be true, as opposed to people who tell themselves this and try to build up there confidence but they really know that it isn't true.

Pook where you actually god in another life?...awesome posts.:cheer: