If life seems hard and unhappy, read this!

Behold the lurker! After having been here for a while, the lurker may well exclaim:

"I was wrong to hope this website would make my love life easier. What a portrait of mankind! Here I was, only looking for easier ways to get laid. Now I am re-examining my entire life! I now think of things I never thought about and consider things I've never considered. The goal-posts keep moving further and further. This website has made life HARDER, not EASIER."

But the question is not whether your love life is harder or easier but whether it is true.

"Did he just say 'true'?"

Yes, he did. But nevertheless, let us get to the heart of the matter.

You say, "This website has made things harder. I now see things that I was blind too. Much work must be done."

However, you are not pained by this. Rather, this is the source of your melancholy:

"I see others who consider nothing, do not consult their dreams, and so end up in a life of bliss."

Oh, pernicious website! Are Don Juans now villians, only to whisper evils into your head? Why does it seem things have become harder and more painful?

You have two paths in love and life.

1) Live your dreams.

2) Live other people's dreams.

So far, every article, every technique, every tip, is poured to flow through the filter of satisfying women and getting women to like you. I can sum up most, if not all, of these 'how to get women' advice with three words:

Dump your dreams.

Click to expand...

Take your typical guy. Which does he fear more? Is it 'being dumped by the girl he likes,' OR is it 'dumping his dreams'?

You protest, "It is not so cut and dry! A relationship involves some compromise."

And while that is true, young men are doing everything they can to avoid that they aren't being true. No, you cannot expect to get your way with everything and life. And no, you don't expect a girl to drop her dreams solely for yours. The entire idea is not to like the same hobbies and think each other is hot. No, it is to be going the same way in life.

"You can have your dreams and the girl too."

But only by embracing your dreams first and the girl second. If you embrace the girl first, you may be allowed to live out certain dreams or not, depending on her choice. This is why I say it is not a question of whether your love life has become HARD or EASY, but rather if it has become TRUE or FALSE. False Love and False Life is living someone else's dreams. This may make some happy (especially for those who do not, or will not, dream). Others become more melancholy and the rest will lie to themselves. ("But Pook, how do guys get caught up in this?" Because they place the dream on the girl, so she becomes his 'dream-girl'. This is how he convinces himself he is getting both the dream and the girl.)

Two paths in love and life. Live your dreams or live other people's dreams. One path is HARD. The other path is EASY. One path leads to SECURITY. The other path leads to FREEDOM.

Permit me, for this paragraph, to use the analogy of money to love and life. We know how rich people live and what they drive. And let us assume, for this paragraph, that all people want what the rich have. There are two ways (in this paragraph at least) to obtain it. One is to buy the super cool car, big house, and everything else on bad debt. The other way is to obtain the assets and wealth to actually buy them. One way is EASY. The other way is HARD. One way requires little to no risk. The other takes a lot of risk (obtaining wealth and assets takes courage to go out and create. Bad debt does not). By going into bad debt, you end up literally working for those who lent you the money. And you know what? The world encourages you to get into bad debt. You can easily get a loan on a house you cannot pay off within 30 years. And look in your mailbox. Is that another pre-approved credit card? It's the third one this week. There are lots of people who 'look rich' but they are in major debt. I ask you, 'Are they free?' They will be working for the bank and car companies to repay the debt with most of the days from their life.

In the same way, young men do the same for women. They look 'rich' because they have the women and can enjoy them, but what was the price they had to pay for it? Whose dreams are they following? And because of that choice, who is he working for? Both the seducer and nice guy work for the women's dreams as they seem to have none of their own. It is the price for security. And just like bad debt, the world seems to want you to take this EASY path. Movies exemplify this thing called 'love' that you must sacrifice your dreams to. Pop songs are modern prayers to the Woman Goddess, to satisfy her and your addiction to female praise (which, today, we label as male 'love'.)

Let me show a chart to illustrate the point.

Pook drags a display up onto the stage.

Turn on the light, please. Thank you. This, gentlemen, is what I call the Security Path, the easy path that is default in 90% of young males:

Time Difference in the Security Path

Current

Girl: Has girlfriend, multiple girlfriends.

Friends: Hang out with old buddies.

Job: OK job. Steady paycheck. Pays the bills.

Family: Loves you.

Later

Girl: No girl or same old girl.

Friends: Same friends.

Job: Same or similar job. Promoted perhaps.

Family: Loves you.

Click to expand...

Pook hits the chart with his pointy stick.

In both current and later states, his family and friends are pleased with him. After all, he has a girl. He has his buds. He has a steady job that more than provides. And his family loves him. After all, he repeated exactly what his Dad did. So what more could he want?

Now scroll your eyes over to the 'later' side. He will one day wake up and realize he is now 'average' in life. He has not grown at all during the time difference. He is what he was with just an aged rotting body. Where is the dream?

All right guys, bring out the next chart.

Time Difference in the Freedom Path

Click to expand...

Current

Girl: No girl.

Friends: Left many
behind.

Job: Transitional.
Sometimes jobless.

Family: Thinks he
will become loser.

Later

Girl: Has girl (or girls) who likes his life and him. (Life gets richer because
she is with him because of the dreams he embraced, not to be a mere workhorse.)

Friends: New friends. (Often smarter, cooler, better people).

Job: Got the job or made the business/investments he always wanted.

Family: Often despises him for his success.

Click to expand...

Pook tapped with his pointy stick.

Here, he seems like a loser currently. Yet, he wins in the end. It is painful and hard to not go for the nearest girl but rather for the girl who likes what you like. (Note: why is so much attention on obtaining the girl but neglecting ourselves? The answer should be obvious.)

Look at his friends! He had to leave them behind. It is painful for sure. But he made new friends which helped develop himself into a better character.

Oh, and there is the job. He was transitional. He was trying out different jobs. He was starting businesses. He was making mistakes. The Security Path is scared of making mistakes. In fact, the Security Path praises itself because it is mistake-free! But in the end, the Freedom Path gets to work in his job of choice.

What I find particularly noteworthy is how there is the frustration that starts early in the Freedom Path, it vanishes over time. However, in the Security Path, the initial pain is not there but accumulates over time. The poor soul either suffers or lies to himself: i.e. "I have done the honorable path." But you did not honor your dream and so committed treason against your Gift.

This, I said to myself, is what the initial young man, who found this website to be creating more pain and frustration in his life, apparently did not understand.

Perhaps we should remember the analogy of a medicine shot. The shot is initially painful, as was the shock of many of the things you've learned here. Taking action and embracing your dreams, rather than 'securities', is initially hard but it gets easier in the same way the shot is painful but soothes over time. Those who did not take the shot ran into disease later in life. For those that did, each day gets more wonderful and brighter, rather than more melancholy and darker.

Here is another parable. A young man was mad that his current days of life were frustrating and hard. "Rotten Nature!" he raged and shook his fist at the sky. "How unfair you are!" But Nature replied, "Foolish youth! This 'pain' and 'frustration' is merely my discipline. As you know, you cannot take joy in this pain. But know that those who humble themselves to the ways of life will find the discipline cease as you learn my ways and the fruits of life shall become available. Until you learn your lessons, I will continue to deliver discipline."

And perhaps the scared young men in particular, whose hearts are dazzled by the securities that women supposedly 'bring them', will consider life from this side of the question.

Perhaps they will say to themselves: "The origin of my dream-girl was to place my dream onto her. Thank heavens I was saved from such shackles! Now I know to embrace my dream, and to those girls who love that choice, they cease to be the girl of my dreams but the girl in my dreams.”

So what hope is there for the average guy? "Don't be average."

And how do you do this? "By doing what average guys don't do."

Which is? "Embracing the dreams first, the girls second."

One strange phenomenon I've noticed among those of the Security Path is that, yes, they construct a 'dream-girl' and marry her. Talk to the gentleman and ask about his wife. He will paint the most wondrous praise and glory of his wife, with such animation and passion, even (especially in this case) if she is a fat hag!

Your wife ought to be praised but such infinitude and animation belongs to your dreams, not to a particular female. Do not make the Dante mistake and turn your Beatrice into a gigantic heavenly body.

The difference is so clear and precise. Those on the Security Path submit life to love. Those on the Freedom Path submit love to life. The Security Path reaches only for love. But those on the Freedom Path reach for life first and end up with both life and love. One projects the dreams onto the girl. The other invites the girl into his dreams.

Pook,

This is the first time I've seen you on a posting spree. This post adresses quite a common problem among newer DJs...What do they come here for? They see technique, and then they embrace technique. It becomes a cycle of what to do and when to do it. But if you put dreams first and girl second, most wouldn't have the problem. Are these based on your life experiences, by the way?

Beautiful...that post plucked some strings deep inside me I always tell myself "we must go through bitter waters before we reach the sweet" The freedom path is my current life I have no girl my social circle is all but shattered I am changing jobs and yes my family think I am a loser.

The person I am growing to be, I am unable to get along with my freinds by no means am I cold with them I don't like it all but big change is coming they see my changing and as you said on some other posts they will not like it this is exactly what is happening. The good freinds that I did have left me behind (freedom path) I once was mad but I seen the error of my ways as why they no longer wanted my freindship. The secuirty path describes two of my closest freinds they have just recently taken out loans to purchase their 'dream cars', they are also in LTR's with which both parties cheat.

This post (there are many) "best" describes the 21st century male...

These are the types of posts that keep me around

good post,

The freedom path is what I was on. I did have my life onto the security path because I did have a dream girl that I didn't get. Although it hurt that I didn't get her it sent me to this website. I then started on the freedom path. I am already losing friends at a quick pace but am gaining many to fill that void.

EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS!! damn pook where do u get all this stuff? who are u? how old are u? where do u live? shyt

Pook once again amazes me. This is a WONDERFUL post. The "Current" Freedom path describes me to a *T*. Just lost who I thought was the love of my life, no friends (trying to transition to new friends), pretty much jobless and I feel like a loser. BUT when I predict my own future I see EVERYTHING in the "Later" category.

Definately a pick-me-up because here i was thinking I might be crazy to feel the way Pook has described.

This is inspirational stuff man, I can’t go the security path, freedom is the ultimate goal.

great insight. am printing this out!

*takes a spoon of salt and dumps it all over the thread*


Pook strikes once again, and the herd mentality follows...

Let me paint you another chart.

Current

Girl: No girl.

Friends: Left many
behind.

Job: Transitional.
Sometimes jobless.

Family: Thinks he
will become loser.


Later

Girl: Still no girl..possibly wondering if he is gay or ugly.

Friends: Didnt make any new ones... Computer is all.

Job: No job. no money. no house/car

Family: Doesnt call him on holidays




Dont get me wrong, im all about trying the unbeaten path, but do not get deluded and think that this path will ALWAYS lead to success in life.

There are many, many people who have dared to go against societies norms just to realize that it is almost impossible to win. Those people are the older wiser guys with a distant look in their eyes when you tell them about your adventures.


The lesson i see in this post is "Dont let anything hold you back..your family, job, girl, friends, and your MISTAKES, dont mean anything in the long run if you are making the right decisions for yourself"

Oxide, don't sprinkle your negativity out on this thread.

There are certainly people out there who look back and gripe why their wild adventure from the norm didn't work. But the truth is most successful people can look at the situation and simply point the finger at why they failed or what is holding them back.

I know a man who is 38 years old. He diverges from the norm being an entrepreneur. He is brilliant, graduated from the best schools, very creative, and a nice guy. I take a simple look at his situation and see exactly why none of the internet ventures he has worked. He is not realistic, doesn't plan, won't put himself on the line for employees, and is afraid of serious risk.

There are plenty of people who did a few biz ventures and go DAMN LIFE"S NOT FAIR wah wah I quit. Even though the vein of gold was only a few inches away.

He is your kind of person that if he doesn't change his ways will be like the people you are describing.

In fact, i think what needs to be drawn here is the fact that if you choose the freedom path you can't waver. You cling to security you will get creamed when you put yourself out there. The further you lean toward freedom the graver the punishments there are for having security behavior.

.

I love you Pook!

talking about a gold vien.. i remember a story about a family who sold everything they had and moved to california to look for gold..they bought a piece of land, and started drilling... they were drilling, drilling, drilling..nothing... so finally the father of the family god fed up and sold the land... the buyer tested the land, seeing if there was anything valuable deep underneath.... 3 feet below where the last drill stopped was the largest silver mine in the world.



(this is a true story..although some details i might have mistaken)



remember, somebody said :society wants you to fail..so you can be like everyone else.

thanks pook..

im quitting my boring go nowhere job tomorrow

Originally posted by Oxide
Pook strikes once again, and the herd mentality follows...
...
Dont get me wrong, im all about trying the unbeaten path, but do not get deluded and think that this path will ALWAYS lead to success in life.

Click to expand...

Do you know of any successful people who did not originally fail? How about Michael Jordan? He failed to even make the cut for his high school basketball team! Did Michael Jordan learn from his failure?

Pook is not asking you to fail and to continue failing forever. He is simply saying if you want to succeed, you will fail many times before you start to get it right. And now for one of the most cliched lines you've heard: The important thing is to learn from your mistakes.

Maximus_Decimus

Some chick who i mack in class told me i never said anything positive and was always negative to her. Its cause i make her do work and **** for herself, and bag her for paying ppl out. LOL, anyway you recon its a bad thing im "negative" or do chicks want that sort of **** like they want a 'bad boy"..
My response to her was i actually have a good view on life she just doesnt get to see it ;o

I with Oxide on this one.

For every person that succeeds there are many more that fail.

You here about the people who fail initially but succeed later in life - of course you do - that makes a great story. But you don't here about people who fail - and continue to fail.

It's a mistake to throw everything you have away today - for some pipe dream.

I agree with the post in that one should not be molded by what others expect of you. You should create your own path - your life the way you live it.

You read Nietszche, Pook? Your style reminds me of Zarathustra...

Again this is a wonderful and profound post you have made pook.

Your writting style is very unique and captivates the reader.

You are able to overcome the barrier that this is just an online message board with anonymous people. You convey you soul and teachings very effectively.

I can really feel you in your writtings.

I learn a lot from your posts even though I don't know you, I can't see you....and all I have is a bunch of typed up words.

But the experience you project is very interactive.

Keep up the good work Pook.........