rant: a bitter, hateful letter to a vampiric black hole

disclaimer: fellow dj's, i am bitter tonight. i am jaded. my djness was on point. i am naturally a happy, carefree person. i am naturally a challenge. but what is the point, i want to know, of being a great person, and playing all your cards as right as you can, and still getting nothing but sh!t.

i am just going to let some things out how i feel it, so read only if you do not mind feeling my pain and angst. or if you need a reason to walk away from something that ain't quite right.
----------------------------------

evil black hole that eclipses my glow, you hang on to your past and its pain and all of its deceit, but you would let go of us right now, the happiness we found? what do you really value? To pay tribute to a loose hor, and a loose love? seemed like there were more intermissions than steady love there. but that was the love of your life right? that is why you went after all of the other pretty horses at the first sight of light. you are a fraud, insincere, a coward, a hypocrite.

you deny us, you deny feelings, you deny love. so i have walked away, walked away, walked away over and over and over again! but you come back for me, you cry, you beg and so i think you must be ready. but here i am again! disappointed, frustrated. unable to do this again!

i let myself succomb to the feelings that were waiting. i let myself because i watched them grow in you first! and now that they have sprouted in my soul, in my heart, you say with your deceitful, meaningless words that you don't want love, you aren't ready. but demand to hear the words come from my mouth! are you insane you psycho fcuking biotch!?

you are confused. you hurt me. you are a stupid hormonger!

feelings that grew, that sprouted, do not become flowers. they are poisoned by your empty denials and turn to weeds and vines that choke my throat so i cannot eat, and my heart is choked and i am filled with your confusion and doubt and rage.

you were not there when i was falling. but watch you stupid biotch! you, who would not allow me to fly away, you who kept bringing me to this place until i felt comfortable and trusting enough to let go, to go with you, to fall.

and then you turn your back on me! well do not turn so quickly! you will miss what becomes of these broken fragments of something beautiful, broken into shards that will come together and become wings, wings so strong that they will flap and slap the sh!t and cries right out of your mouth, and i will fly away from this love, and you, and your empty black hole.

keep your fcuking love and throw it away. feed it to the lions, the liars the beggars. there is a foot for every shoe. nice to know you but i gotta go my way!

and save your intermissions, biotch. keep with your hors. come back to this deserted show if you will, i will not be back for another act.

You have came to right place strange lost woman. There are plenty of emotional tampons here to sop up the filth.

Originally posted by Cheiradawg
You have came to right place strange lost woman. There are plenty of emotional tampons here to sop up the filth.

Click to expand...

i am actually anticipating careless, snide remarks, so that i too will cease to give a FCUK. thanks.

Originally posted by iqqi
i am actually anticipating careless, snide remarks, so that i too will cease to give a FCUK. thanks.

Click to expand...

So you out smarted me?

Cease to give a f*ck? So you trying to be a Don Juanita? Everyone goes through an up and down stage. Come Iqqi, you yell at us for getting down on ourselves about something.

Originally posted by crazykid
Cease to give a f*ck?

Click to expand...

i mean about the fcuking LOOOSER my rant is about. not life or love in general. i love you cats, and this site. never ceases to help, even when noone is being too helpful.
so whaddya think, crazycat, was i a stupid hussy for being tricked by this stupid hor biotch ****faceeater? give me something i can digest, whether it be encouragement or disses, it will help either way.

Originally posted by iqqi
i mean about the fcuking LOOOSER my rant is about. not life or love in general. i love you cats, and this site. never ceases to help, even when noone is being too helpful.
so whaddya think, crazycat, was i a stupid hussy for being tricked by this stupid hor biotch ****faceeater? give me something i can digest, whether it be encouragement or disses, it will help either way.

Click to expand...

giveme giveme giveme

Iqqi, you were sleeping with this dude the first weeks you met and lived with him (in his bed, at least) - never give yourself to a man physically and expect him to treat you differently than the other hors!! I never trust or respect a woman who I am screwing who is not my wife!!!

You have came to right place strange lost woman. There are plenty of emotional tampons here to sop up the filth.

Click to expand...

lol

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
Iqqi, you were sleeping with this dude the first weeks you met

Click to expand...

no i DID NOT. not that it is THAT important or your bizness, but i slept with him after about 30 dates (30!) and a lot of other qualifications. thanks. but you are right, no i did not wait until we were married.

Which guy is this about? (Haven' seen posts from you in a while, so I don't even know if it's one you talked about) If it's the guy from the parade, yeah it was stupid to put so much into it. Don't put all your emotions in and fall into a trap like this again, or you'll be like me after a while (making posts like this almost every 2 weeks, which sucks major ass.)

Of course, you could also find a better guy. hint! Hmm...now where hint! can one be? hint!

Originally posted by crazykid
Which guy is this about?

Click to expand...

rappaboy. the one i've been with since december.

link

and link (scroll down to like my 3rd responce to get the nitty rappaboy gritty)

Originally posted by iqqi
rappaboy. the one i've been with since december.

link

and link (scroll down to like my 3rd responce to get the nitty rappaboy gritty)

Click to expand...

Ah...But, erm...What about the Mardi Gras guy that you were about to travel with?

DISCLAIMER: You may not want to hear this but I dont give a fukk.

Iqqi, you are filled with so much rage and bitterness, but you are failing to see that much of this is directed at yourself. Rappaboy was just being what he was ... a player. All along it has been YOUR conscious decision to be with him, despite all the red flags he was waving. Perhaps it was almost BECAUSE of the red flags...maybe he presented a challenge to you. I really dont know. But one thing is certain. You need to stop placing blame on others and take responsibility for your actions. Seriously, these posts of yours show how childish you really are.

You can rant all you want about people draining your energy... but it is YOU who is the vampiric black hole, spinning the wheels of your mind and wasting precious energy on this fool. He has no control over your thoughts..YOU do. So take control of your life again and stop whining like a silly biatch. Weren´t you the same poster who once said we should all "own ourselves and be free"?

WHo owns you iqqi?

Instead of casting so much hate, in the end you should be grateful that he showed his true colors before things got serious. Imagine having this guy as the father of your children!

Lol you didn't put out for 30 dates? You deserved to be screwed over. I bet you harvested the fruits of that in the meantime moneywise too.

I don't see what's wrong. He fvcked you, you got needy, he dumped you. Get over it.

I've been with several women that have preached of feelings and wanting relationship but only wanted me sexually over and over again, didn't affect me. It's life, DEAL.

Yah. Been here before. It really is a self-esteem thang. "How could this person be so blind to my greatness?" Then you start to question yourself and analyze the situation a million different ways, only to come to the conclusion that the other person must be crazy, stupid, or a little of both.

You just gotta realize that finding a lover who is totally on your wavelength is a rarity and you only sabotage yourself by pining over someone who isnt there 100%. You cannot make anyone love you, you can only be loved!

It sounds to me like you need to really have a steamy affair with yourself instead of seeking to fill the void with someone else. No, I am not suggesting you stock up on "D" batteries...just sayin that this is the perfect time to immerse yourself in whatever non-sexual activity makes you passionate.

The bottomline is that you have a choice. You can either let your energy be consumed by black holes or use it to generate a brave new world of possibilities. Like my man Ronny said..

You can rant all you want about people draining your energy... but it is YOU who is the vampiric black hole, spinning the wheels of your mind and wasting precious energy on this fool.

Click to expand...

Word.

I did not read your post, because I hate poetry crap. Can u explain this to me in simple English?

Your boyfriend let you go?

Werent you also the girl who was going to run off with a gypsey and leave your "man"?

Originally posted by iqqi
but what is the point, i want to know, of being a great person, and playing all your cards as right as you can, and still getting nothing but sh!t.

Click to expand...

Now, this is an interesting question if I ever saw one.

These days, people only ever seem to be concerned with the end result, the final outcome, the destination at the end of the journey. In this case, the matter is regarding investing one's time towards a relationship, and walking away one day with absolutely nothing to show for it - no relationship, and no future there.

The fact that a relationship ends badly does not automatically negate all the good times the two people in that relationship shared. Sure, the final outcome wasn't what we had hoped for, but that is just a part of life. If everything went the way we wanted it to go in life, then things would get boring really quickly. Life wouldn't surprise us at all, wouldn't challenge us, and it would mean that we would never have to try to do anything for ourselves. Life is a series of experiences and challenges. How we choose to face those challenges is what ultimately defines who we are as individuals. The challenges and experiences we face make up the very core of our lives.

Our plans and ideals dont survive in the real world. There are simply too many variables we cannot control to see things go our own way. The greatest men and women in Earth's history don't ever seem to be defined as being 'great' by a single, culminating final event or achievement. They are the ones that lived through each and every moment in life, took on each experience and challenge as it met them, and did everything they could to get the most out of it.

Lets try a little analogy here:
As we walk along the road that is life, we have our good steps as well as bad steps. Each step we take is an experience in our lives. When we take a bad step, we usually get frustrated and refuse to take another step forward - for fear of taking another bad step and feeling like cr@p again. But if we stop taking steps altogether, we will never be able to experience anything, and certainly not ever have another good step. Sure, we might stop for a while and start walking again, but every second we wait is less time we have to make more steps and experience more out of life.

The point out of that is simply this: Things go wrong in life. It's unavoidable. But at the same time, each bad thing we deal with is merely one experience out of an infinity of other experiences that are waiting for us to try out - but only if we dare to continue walking on our paths.

You cannot change the past, so why dwell on its shortcomings? We can change the future, though. Why not take a step forward, and see what else life has waiting for you? It doesn't have to be all bad. Just learn and live and learn...


... and enjoy.

thanks ninebreaker, those were real WORD.s of wisdom there.

no i am not a bitter man hater with a tendency to project my own true faults onto my lover or blah blah blah. i had to end things again (yes, i broke up with him) over some bullish that i just want to not deal with anymore. so i was a little angry, aiiight? and a little hurt. it is frustrating when something great is threatened by something else, whether it is small issues or large issues.

just because i ended things here does not make me the one with control. or the one feeling good.

and of course, things are not really over. of course. this is really frustrating and even a tad bit...scary? there are great reasons to both let it go, and to keep trying to find each other.

but yeah, i was just really p!ssed when i started this post. relaaaax. yall know how it is, relationships. men. women. who knows?

Originally posted by Mr. Fingers
Yah. Been here before. It really is a self-esteem thang. "How could this person be so blind to my greatness?" Then you start to question yourself and analyze the situation a million different ways, only to come to the conclusion that the other person must be crazy, stupid, or a little of both.

Click to expand...

i admit, this is the truth too.