stuck in LJBF zone... need a little advice

Alright, I have been talking with this girl for 2 weeks now, who I used to be best friends with and we stopped talking for undicslosed reasons, mainly becuase I wanted to fvck her and she didn't want to return the favor, but it's more to it than that.

Anyway, she contacts me out of the blue 2 weeks ago after years and tells me to give her my number so that she can call me.

We have been talking a little then it really started to pick up around the middle of last week. I dont' think there has been a day since that I haven't talked to her.

Also, she has a BF and they broke up but she still cares for him and all of that good jazz.

Now, I am not a true DJ, but I have natural DJ traits... such as when she started to tell me how she wanted to break up with her BF and eventually did, I told her that that was on her and I really didn't wish to be dragged into the situtation, unless he hit her or something wild like that. I have made it clear that when me and her talk, no talking about her EX unless I bring it up or unless it's serously important (which it never is)

Anyway, she calls me friday and we hang out, litearly the entire night... from 8pm until 6am at both of our houses off and on. We had a very deep converstion and although no sex took place, had a great time. I know she had a good time (we were best friends for crying out loud). At the beginning she was a tad bit uneasy, as was I because we haven't seen each other in so long. By the middle of the night she had taken off her shoes and had made herself a pilot on my couch.

Also, for some reason, after 1 oclock all we could talk about is sex.

EVEN before we got together on friday, I had agreed to go with her to an ART museum on Saturday becuase I have taken Art History and she is taking ART in college now and needed some help. So after I left her house on friday night, or saturday morning, whatever you want to call it, she calls me and tells me she is ready on saturday.

I pick her up and we went up to the museum... Also note that I may be over analyzing but she seemed to have tried alot harder to get dressed then she did the day before, I could even smell her perfeme which I couldn't the day before. Anyway, we get to a peice of art that she was supposed to analzyise, and I try to play it cool and let her do her thing because, it is HER work. I am just there for advice. But with that said, what she was analyzing was so off base I had to jump in and show her how to actually analyze artwork. She had a friend or a classmate there with her who was eyeing me the entire time. By the time we were done, she couldnt' come up with her own opinion without asking me was it okay, which I thought was cute.

Anyway, a couple of things changed at that point. I am a pretty smart guy, not to tute my own horn, but it's one thing to say you are smart, and it's another to Prove you are smart to a woman if you know what i mean. On the way to the museum and at the beginnig of friday night, her arms were crossed when she was in my car. By the end of friday night and espically when we left the art muesum her body lanaugae had opened up alot more. She even finished off a smoothie that I said I wasn't going to finish, didn't bother taking the straw out or anything.

The previous night I got the vibe that she wanted to get together saturday night, because well she said she would get ready and give me a call so we could get together. She even confirmed this when she got out of the car when I dropped her off. However, she later said she was tired and she was over a friends house and didn't want to do anything. I got the feeling that If I would have pressured her into seeing me she would have, but no point in that.

When I first thought about it, I was a little pertired, but then I realized what happened... Although I am sure she still sees me as a friend, I think she started to feel uncomfortable around me because she is finding me more attractive (She didn't blow me off, she called me 5 times last night).

I plan to submurege myself into work again, mainly because I have alot that I want done by may and also because I want to detach myself from her as much as possible this week. She has a habit of calling me all of the time, and although I do like talking to her, If I plan on moving forward this has to stop.

Another thing, she used to do this in the past, but not to the extent that she does now, ever since friday night. She loves, I mean Loves talking about sex!! After I think 1 oclock on saturday I think the rest of the night we were talking about sex. I forget who started the conversation... I think I did one time and she did the other, but she keeps it going.

However, the odd thing is, I think she is getting a rush about talking about sex with me. Yesterday I think I asked her something about a past bf who happends to be a distant friend of mine, and she said he was the worst she has ever had and such and such (word around the grapvine is that he was that bad). We started talking about sex for around 5 mintues, and then she says "we will talk about this later, I will call you when my friends aren't around so they wont hear us talk about this". Then when she gets home, she has a habit of calling me for around 5 mintues, getting off of the phone and getting ready to go to bed and then calling me back to talk... which always leads to talking about sex.

Her "mixed signals" that she was sending are really not that mixed at all now that I looked at it. Hell she is calling me right now but I told her I would call her back.

My question, the only one I really have is that how do I not answer the phone in a nice way? I have a cell phone so I can't say I didn't hear it. I can't pick up the phone every time she calls and say "call me back" (or can i...). That seems to be the hardest thing to figure out yet.

like i said before, we were good, if not best friends before we stopped talking, and If I just wanted to fvck her I would have left this alone a long time ago. She is LTR material in my opinion.

The first thing you gotta ask yourself (and if you have, ask yourself again) is whether this girl is really worth it. Think about it. She didn't want you two years ago, and now when you're rich (trust me, she knows, or at least thinks you will be soon), she actually went through the trouble of contacting your mom for your new phone number.

That and you mentioned she treats you differently now than she did before. What change between now and two years ago aside from your financial statement? See what i'm trying to say? Be careful, figure out what her real intentions are. Then there's the thing with her ex. You can't date someone who still cares about their ex, it's a tragedy waiting to happen.

But focusing at the situation at hand, you really should have had sex with her by now. Conversations escalate to conversations about sex, which escalate to sex. You were so close, man! It's a fine art though, and one i'm still trying to master. You have to be flirtatious, go hard on the C&F and neg-hits and slowly build up on the momentum. See how much she can let you get away with, make her laugh, take it further, rinse and repeat. And don't forget the kino - that's what will set that conversation about sex apart from those she has with her girlfriends. Let her know you're not just talking!

Another monumental principle of daitng you'r completely ignoring is creating value through scarcity. Don't ever be readily available to her! She must think there are other women in your life even if there aren't. People ALWAYS value more that which they see less off, so make her see less of you. You've shown her how much fun you can be, now disappear without saying a word or giving her a reason. Make her miss you. Make her wonder what happened. She'll think she's done something wrong, that she should have had sex with you but missed her chance. And that's exactly what'll make her fall in love with you!

After a week or two has passed, come back to her and if she asks what happen, tell her it was business. Don't give out too many details and remain a mystery. Let her keep that little thought in the back of her mind that she may, just may have screwed something up that caused you to disappear, and that she has to make up for it now! Then get her alone and **** her. And the rest is history.

Here's a chatlog that illustrates working up sexual momentum fairly well:

Her:: i never met any russians before
Her:: so i guess i have an impression on what they like now
Her:: extremely mean hehehe
Her:: cheeky too for that matter
Me:: you know.. all that says is that you're into mean guys
Her:: omg hahaha
Her:: im not into mean guys
Her:: i dunno
Her:: im confused
Me:: young and confused, just the way i like it
Me:: hahah
Her:: ok so u go for gurls that are young and confused
Her:: u take advantage of gurls don't chu
Her:: bad bad bad boi
Her:: naughty thatz not good lolz
Me:: lmao
Me:: shhh don't tell anyone
Me:: but naw, lets not paint the wrong picture here. i've only had a few girlfriends
Her:: a few girlfriends?
Her:: i bet u can't even count them on all ur fingers
Her:: and ur toes hahahhaa
Me:: haha nah i'm fairly modest
Me:: my hobbies aren't limited to chasing after cute faces, unlike some people i know
Her:: i let the boiz do the chasin hahaha
Her:: what sorta gurl do u think i am huh ?????????
Me:: hahah am i obligated to answer that question?
Her:: do u wanna fight about that?????????
Her:: i'll take u on hehehehe
Her:: u'd let me win wouldn't u?
Me:: depends on what i get in return
Her:: oh
Her:: i hafta give sumthink in return to win???????
Her:: thatz just stoopid now
Her:: ok what do u want?
Her:: hehehe
Me:: yea like a consolation prize
Me:: you wouldn't leave me empty-handed now, would you?
Me:: hmm lets see... we could start with a lapdance and work our way up
Her:: oh ahahaha
Her:: like a second place prize hehehe
Her:: that doesn't sound too hard hahaha
Her:: seems easy enuff
Me:: i like a girl that can move well
Me:: but damn, if that's the second place prize, i think i'll have to go for the first place instead lol
Her:: hahaha
Her:: u can share my first place prize then hehehe
Her:: so u dont feel like such a loser hehehehe
Me:: hahah aww
Me:: how sweet of you to... share



P.S. Clean out your mailbox, i can't PM you!!

LJBF = I'm not interested...BTDT

Everytime it = the same thing...Trust me...

JNA

Ahhh bringing back the friends is deadly man. Her interest is either temporary or low. Give it a shot, but don't get too into it until you really got her down.

The best advice I can give you is "withdrawal"

Totally ignore her...

It will give you the answer you are searching for...

If she has any interest she will come find you. If not you will know.

JNA

Empty out your Private Message folder! It's full and i can't PM you

didn't know you could actually "empty it"


DOING IT NOW

okay, for thoose of you interested here is an update on what's going on, and espically with the guy arguring with me that I need to next her because she has no interest in me...

First, she called me and we got together 2 weeks ago for the first time in 2 years. It was fun. We stayed up the whole night and talked at both of our places, I really didn't want to make a move for a copule of reasons, but I got the jist that she had a good time.

Okay let me fast forward to these last couple of weeks.

First of all, her BF got kicked out of school and came home the wednesday before last, and me and her had a long, long converstion on thursday about if and how things were going to change. She assured me that she still would "make time" for me because I told her that I had no problem being her friend, but I would not be put on hold because her BF is back. I then told her that it would be best if we just weren't friends, simply because for a second I didn't believe what she was saying.

The next day when I woke up, I thought about the decision, and the fact that I really would miss talking to her, combined with the fact that she did do something that was pretty gutsy on her part, contacting me after 2 years trying to rekindle a friendship and not knowing how I felt about her, that I could be her friend as long as we had a mutal understanding about certain things. I told her this on Friday afternoon, the convo was short because we were both extremely busy.

I went out with some friends on Friday night, and while I was out I get a call from this girl. She was calling me on her way home, and becasuse I know she doesn't like talking in the car, something was wrong, majorly wrong. I then made my exit and when home and when I got home and called to see what was up, she was sobbing. It turns out she was really scared because her BF was back in town and he has developed some type of mental disorder, she thinks, and it sounds like schitszophrenica and I am not bullshi**ing. Even though I don't know the guy, I feel bad for him and I tell her I wish him the best, and give her the name of a couple of good doctors to take him to.

This is where it gets pretty intersting.

I was pretty busy that weekend, as was she.

She calls me on Sunday afternoon and she tells me that she wants to talk to me later that night. I say that's fine, just call.

She didn't call me that night, which is fine by me, I didn't loose any sleep. The next day she tells me that she is very sorry for not calling me like she said she was, and that her BF wanted to see her the night before. I tell her that honeslty, I don't care, and I really don't. She doesnt' have to explain every detail of her life to me, I dont date her, and honeslty there are some things I dont' care about, that being one of them.

We don't talk until Thursday and when I call her she was hurring to get off of the phone. I was pretty peaved becasue that's disrespectful. She calls me 20 or so mintues later, and it turns out she was in a heated arguement with her BF's dad. See, her BF's best friend, who ironically used to date this girl 6 years ago I found out eariler todaay, has been telling her BF that she has been cheating on him, which she hasn't, one because I just know she hasn't and secondly I know she hasn't because the guy not only said it was with me, that we had a child. And the sad thing is that her BF belived him (I joked around wiht her eariler today asking how the baby was doing). It seems for some reason over the last 2 years her BF is facinated with me. He thinks every black guy walking down the street talking to her is me, he thinks every phone call is me (90% of the time she calls me) and so on.

She goes on to tell me how she is depressed and how she doesn't think she can take it anymore. I will not tell you exactly what I told her, but I told her what she is doing is pretty silly and pointless. I also found out that she is trying her best to stay away from him, I don't think they have seen each other for almost a week now.

Anyway, I get a call eariler today and she asks me if I want to meet her at Starbucks. I say why not. When I get there she we have a pretty nice converstaion. Something I did today that I really didn't make an effort to do last time is to really pay attention to her body language. I noticed she had her legs crossed pointing towards me (a good sign), and although she was leaning back in her chair her pupils dilated a couple of times, we held eye contact for a copule of times, always ending with her smiling. Her feet were dangling towards me the entire time, and something I didn't pick up on at all before is that she was actually a nervous! I could tell because she keep moving positions and she kept figiting with her hands and playing with her neck. Although I didn't mention this I took note.

As soon as I noticed this, after 5 or 10 mintues, I started to give her some kinko, and to be honest I didnt' do it in a friendly, suttle way. I just slowly placed my hand on her knee and thigh and keep it there, then both. She didn't seem uncofortable in the least bit.

Also 5 mintues after I left she called me on the way home to talk to me or to finish our conversation.




To make a long story short, I have no doubt in my mind that she wants to jump my bones. I think if I really, REALLY wanted a quick fix I could have sex with her now if I forced the issue a tad bit but that wouldn't be too smart. I also realize that her BF must be fanicated with me for a reason, people I don't even know are saying that me and her are sleeping together. Also however, I do respect the relationship she is in and I don't want to rush anything.

Krassus,


To respond to your post, actually she did want me 2 years ago, I just blew it. She is so good looking I was literarly afraid to touch her. But I had the clues. She would call me at 1 in the morning and sneak out of the house with me to go to the park and we would just sit there. She knows i am extremely tickleish and she would enjoy tickling me while i am driving.

Also we had a long talk not to long ago about what actually happened 2 years ago. She said and i actually beileve her because I have done this, that she actually DID like me and when I asked her to go with me she DID consider it, but she said that it just didn't feel right. What I see that it was is that she didn't see me in that manner becuase I didn't present myself in that manner.

Although she still looks the same, I am over her looks.

"That and you mentioned she treats you differently now than she did before. What change between now and two years ago aside from your financial statement"

Alot. A whole hell of a lot. I was pretty immature and back then and didn't know how to go about getting what I wanted. I would throw hissy fits when I didn't get my way (I am pretty attractive and I am not used to being told no). Most of all, I was afraid to speak what I really felt around her or to say or do what I really wanted around her because I had her on a damn mountian.

Also she knows I have a company, but she doesn't know how much I make or how much I am worth. Only 1 person knows that and that's because we make and are worth the exact same amount. The type of person I am anyway, I am not flashy. I do drive a nice car and dress nice, but other than that, you wouldn't look at me and think I am a multi-millionare (I am not... yet at least, but you get the point). Also, she is not very materalistic, but even if she was, could you blame a woman for wanting to be with a man who can provide for her?

Also, is she worth it... I am going to go on the limb and say yes. The reason why is becuase I have had my fair share of GirlFriends, I am in a position where I meet drop dead gerogous woman on a daily, at least weekly basis. However, although this woman is a knockout in my opionion, she has her flaws (could gain some weight, wears too much makeup at times and actually looks better without it). I am not attracted to her the way I am because of the way she looks. There are millions of good looking woman out there. Hell I saw one glancing at me when I was with her yesterday. However, she is a solid 8.5 in my book. I am attracted to her because out of all of the woman I have known in my life and this includes my mom, I have never got alone with a woman the way I do her. I can talk to her about anything and she the same to me. I could tell her how much I make year and I she wouldn't look at me any differently then she does now. I have never been in a relationship with someone I care about as a person as much as I do her, and I think that would make a special relationship.

Still can't PM you! You have to clean out the 'sent items' as well. I think your total number of messages in all folders can't exceed 20 or 30, and if it does, you can't receive anymore.

...oh,


doing it now

you should be able to PM me now.

I've got mixed feelings about the situation with your girl. The facts you laid out paint one picture and your interpretation of them paints another. Keep in mind that i only know what you've told me, but so far it looks like a textbook case of a girl with a jerk for a boyfriend using a guy friend for emotional support. Try to lay the facts out in front of yourself, separate them from emotions, take a step back and have a look. This girl obviously has issues since she's dating a guy like that and can't let him go. And that's exactly what she's brought into your life - her issues, her problems, for you to deal with. That's what you're wasting your precious time and energy on now. And why, what are you getting out of it? Something i realized over the years is that a girl can either be an overwhelmingly positive or overwhelmingly negative effect on a guy's life. You only get the positive if you've got a stable relationship with a girl who doesn't have issues. Everything BUT that has a negative effect. It clutters your mind with thoughts and feelings and lead nowhere and don't benefit you in any way in the long run.

I think i've been in your exact situation before. I've known a girl for nearly two years who's had a boyfriend all along. I really wanted to be with her back when i met her, but just like you, i blew it and we stopped talking for some months. Then we started talking again and our relationship can be perfectly described by what you said about yours. At times, i could have sworn she wanted me, but as it turned out, her boyfriend was just a jerk and she was using me for some positive emotions she couldn't get from him. She purposely lead me on by hinting i have a chance. And at the time, i thought she was the sweetest creature ever, that i could really trust her and talk to her about anything. Well guess what, one day, much to the astonishment to me and everyone who knows her to be truly a sweetheart, she turned around and stabbed me in the back, just weeks after her situation changed and she no longer needed my support. And to think how much precious time i've wasted on her! My business has suffered, as instead of being concentrated on working on it, i was concentrated on working on her. I'm a lot more careful now, and have very low tolerance for these things. I'd much rather be alone than with a girl that'll make me regret being with her one day.

Glad to hear from you,

I value your opinion more than anyone elses, because let me, you run a company, and that's a whole new set of problems. Even if I wanted to date her, I would have to see how it would effect my company, because it would in some way shape or form, effect my company.

With that said, I think that you kindof blew it out of porortion. First, she doesn't take up alot of my time. Honestly, hardly any. Out of 7 days, we make talk 2-3 days a week and thoose times it's usually 10-15 mintues per.

Also we both make it a point NOT to talk about her problems with her BF or her current relationship. The ONLY 2 times we have even really brought it up was 2 weeks ago, when she found out he is mentally sick and 3 days ago when my name came up in a converstion they had. Other than that, we both try to steer away from that topic altogether.

Does she have issues, yes, but then again men are different from woman, and I can honestly see how one could become attached to someone you have been with for more than 2 years. That doesn't necessary make you a bad person.

A Stable girl that doesn' t have issues? Come on, EVERYONE has issues. I have issues. If you are looking for the perfect woman, you will be looking for a long time. The fact is that we both understand each others issues and can accecpt them.


Actually, I have known her for 3 years. The first year we were literarly best friends, She didn't get the BF until the end of the first year, and we haven't TALKED for 2 years because of some things that took place.

You might very well be right however, but the thing is that just like business, you have to take some chances in life. Honestly, I am not putting all of my stakes into this emotional basket, but I really do like her, I have known her for 3 years, there are things we know about each other that we would not dare tell anyone else, I have a certain comfort level around her that I do not get around other woman. My question is, although there is a risk, shouldn't you take a chance to see if something IS there, espically because I think it is, rather than just moving on and possibly pass up on a very good opprotunity?