I am the dumper...now I want him back!

mango · Apr 6, 2004

Okay, here it is. I dumped him because he wasn't showing me the kind of attention I wanted. He knew what I wanted. So I told him to never ever call or email me again. I also said some mean things by email. Now he was wrong in alot of things, so this is not about forgiving those things. I now want to talk. I'll admit I didn't want to talk then and didn't give him a chance...now its been 3 months and he more or less did what I ask...that is not call or email. Now while I was upset and had reason to be, I feel I was a bit harsh. I now want to email him and apologize for how harsh I was, and for the mean things I said, although also to say that I'm not sorry for all I said. I want to explain that I was upset, and angry at the time, and I over-reacted. I want to say this by email, in case if I call he acts weird and hangs up or doesn't answer or asks me to call back or something.

I'm also saying that I hope everything works out for him but not really asking to rekindle since I don't want to be hurt. What do you all think? Should I do this or let it all go? Guys would you want to talk to me still?

PuertoRican_Lover · Apr 6, 2004

Men don't like to be scolded as if they are children...be happy that he didn't kill you and that you are still alive - leave well enough alone!!

dillin · Apr 6, 2004

I'm also saying that I hope everything works out for him but not really asking to rekindle since I don't want to be hurt. What do you all think? Should I do this or let it all go? Guys would you want to talk to me still?

Do you want to get back in a relationship with him or do you just want to apologize? If you just want to apologize don't do it, let the guy move on with his life he's doing fine without you as you can see. Whats the point anyways? I doubt he really even cares anymore if your sorry or not, he hasnt even called you and by now he probally feels hardly anything for you.

If you want to get back together with him then yeah, you can call him and tell him what you think but dont string the guy along.

playa · Apr 6, 2004

I would never put up with someone like you. If he takes you back he is a wuss and you deserve each other.

mango · Apr 6, 2004

I guess I do want him back. I don't very well in relationships...I run whenever I feel I'm about to be hurt. Its a reflex, I just end things hastily without just backing off assessing how I feel then coming back to it. Its a trait I'm trying to work on. I said some things that I think would really hurt his feelings that having met him was the biggest mistake of my life and I cannot believe I actually got with him at all. He is a sort of sensitive guy and I knew that so I knew that saying something like that would hurt him. I knew he would never call me and at the time that is how I felt, really angry and hurt. I don't know if he has moved on, he may have that's why I just want to make some sort of gesture to see how he feels or if he'll push me away. I don't want to be hurt and feel that I messed up a good thing by being stupid.

traveling-salesman · Apr 6, 2004

I think that you just want him back because he isn't calling you begging you back. I guarantee you were seeing someone else you thought was a better option, and now that it did not work out you want to patch things up, right?

let it go your motives are unpure.

mango · Apr 6, 2004

travelling...

I can honestly say I wasn't seeing anyone else. Honestly, wasn't and still not. This guy persued me and I said to him that I wanted a relationship, I hung around a while, while he sort of hinted he also wanted a relationship but didn't really make any moves towards that. I suggested well maybe we should just be friends..he didn't want that, he wanted a relationship. So after 2 months of his not doing anything just hanging around me (I suspect that he was reading 'the system') he did nothing. I felt that my time was being wasted. Instead of me sitting down with him to talk about it, I just bolted and told him to just not call or email me or try to contact me ever again. But the way I said it was very harsh and mean. I was very, angry at the time, and I admit I should have handled it differently. I thought I would be able to just move forward and be cool, but I'm just starting to miss him a whole lot. What I said I'm pretty certain hurt his feelings.
I didn't give him a chance at all to say anything, when he started to I just said I don't want to hear it, and that was that. Now I'm sorry!

Kidquick · Apr 6, 2004

This may be one situation where it's best to let sleeping dogs lie - even if you do become close again it will be made much more difficult than before as his trust in you has been shattered, however I wouldn't call it a lost cause...proceed with caution.

NewMan · Apr 6, 2004

Call him - email is for the weak.

traveling-salesman · Apr 6, 2004

mango why are you on this forum, and not cosmo.com.
I think a chick forum would give you much better advice for your situation.

no-offense.

SuperMan_Wuss · Apr 6, 2004

Originally posted by mango
I didn't give him a chance at all to say anything, when he started to I just said I don't want to hear it, and that was that. Now I'm sorry!

I would never speak to you again. WTF. You should leave him the fukc alone, you don't deserve him. You don't deserve to be happy for a long time. I hope he hooks up with your best friend and sister at the same time.

Sorry to be so harsh but a chick did the same thing to me in a manner of speaking. I had never felt worse in my whole life. I literally felt like I was worthless. She really hurt me a lot but you know what, fukc that *****. I am so damn much happier now, especially that I have this site to learn from.

My advice. Leave him the fukc alone. you don't deserve to want him back.

jakethasnake · Apr 6, 2004

LOL! Goddamn, that was harsh.

Look mango, you do deserve a happy life with a man you respect and love - but he isn't it. You've tainted this human relationship permanently, end of story.

You've admitted that you're a very flawed woman - you never let situations mature and just abruptly cut things off. You need to learn from this, and just open yourself up a little more to men. Just learn from this, and move on. This situation is exactly like any male AFC coming onto this forum asking about how he can 'get a girl back' or something similar. In most cases, the returns you get from even trying aren't worth it. Sorry - and good luck in the future.

AFK Protector · Apr 6, 2004

Look Mango,

First take care of your problem of overreacting. You need to take care of your own problems first. Then you maybe...can try to get back with him. His emotions as you said, were very sensitive, and what did you do? you shot him with lots of bad words and harsh statments to make yourself feel better (don't argue with me cuz you know it).

You words left a wound the size of a basketball....COURT AHAHAHA...ok...in his ego. Let him rest, slowly get reacquainted as friends, and just keep it like that. I don't think anyone know matter how AFC would want you back after that. Not even a banana, cuz banana's have feelings too.

just remember what you did and do not make the same mistake again. good luck.

dillin · Apr 6, 2004

I think that you just want him back because he isn't calling you begging you back.

I have to agree here.

SuperMan_Wuss · Apr 6, 2004

Yeah I was harsh a little bit. Ohwell. But I agree with AFK and Jake, very good advice. the best and smartet thing you can do is to just move on. Remember all the good and forget all the bad and be happy, if you run into him be nice and friendly and all that but don't do anything, don't ask him out on a date don't accept one if he asks,(well maybe you could give him a consolation fukc) but basically just let the situation go and things will work out. bye.

dillin · Apr 6, 2004

mango, I'm curious when was it that you realized that you miss him? Also why dont you just call him, or find out from a friend?

prosemont · Apr 6, 2004

Originally posted by mango
What do you all think? Should I do this or let it all go? Guys would you want to talk to me still?

Based on everything you've said and your mindset, you seem like a selfish immature brat who can't even begin to think of anything but yourself even now that you supposedly want this guy back.

So, because you asked ...

I'd kick you to the curb like yesterday's trash.

PuertoRican_Lover · Apr 6, 2004

Men don't like women who are hardened and use strong language in a harsh tone! If anything apologize in a heartfelt letter and leave it that!

WhAcKeD! · Apr 7, 2004

Please dont do anything to this guy, dont apologize, dont call him. He doesnt need the drama in his life once more. If he has gone 3 months without you...Im sorry...he has moved on. Like I said please please dont contact this guy, for his sake and yours.

(Maybe a late post but ah well)

KiInCollege · Apr 7, 2004

C'mon guys, are we gentlemen, or misogynists? Like you've never said something when you were pissed off, then regretted it later...

First point: if you're angry, STFU and have makeup sex or try to communicate after a few hours.

Second point: call the man up, Mango, and apologize. No regrets - give it a shot. I wasn't too proud to admit to my girl (in person after a fight) that I can be stubborn and that I regretted the mean things I said, and you know what? She forgave me, just as I've forgiven her in the past as well.

I am the dumper...now I want him back!

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