A Few Things I've Learned

A Few Things I've Learned

- You must have something going for you. You must have at least one of the following: a solid hobby that challenges you physically and mentally, a musical talent that you enjoy, a good job, a good major in school that reflects your true life ambition, a super charismatic personality, etc. Something. If you are nothing, you will attract nothing. All of these things must come from within you. It must be your core personality. You cannot have a certain hobby because you think it will attract girls. You do not choose a major in school because you think girls will be impressed. You do not affect an outgoing personality just to pick up girls. You must BE someone/something.

- You must like yourself. You must like your own company. It should not matter to you very much if you are alone. You should be able to entertain yourself and be happy with your own pursuits.

- At the same time that you are happy with being alone, to a small degree you should like the company of others. A man is supposed to be a bit of a loner but knows how to socialize.

- The less emotions you show, the better. Always keep something in reserve. Always have a bit of mystery. Always be slightly unpredictable. With experience you’ll learn how to be mysterious without being weird or unpredictable without being unstable or flighty.

- You should not pursue women. If you have the mindset that you are pursuing women, or are trying to get into a particular woman’s pants, you will lose. Rather, you should have the attitude that a woman will be a drain on your life, she will be a lying cheating heartbreaking shrew, and she will lie, cheat and break your heart until proven otherwise. Note the word proven. Women don’t realize they lie. A woman can break up with you, be walking out the door with her new boyfriend, look you square in the eyes and say “I really do love you” and many men will not only believe her, but rest secure in the belief that she will come back to them.

- To repeat: you should not pursue women. Read the first paragraph above. You must have your own life through which you find happiness regardless of whether you have a woman or not. In today’s world society, when a woman is ready, really ready, to be settled, sexy, and loyal, she will pursue you. There will be no mistake. When she is ready, she will cling you you like a sprung bear trap. Just because you ‘fancy’ her or think she’s attractive means nothing to her, in fact, it can spell doom for you.

- Again, you should not pursue women. When she (whoever she is) finds you attractive, she will pursue, yet a person cannot pursue something unless it is retreating. You must appear to retreat. Advance very slightly, then retreat. When a woman sees you and likes what she sees, very often because you don’t seem to notice her, she will find a way to meet you. She will find a way to talk to you. She will find a way to get into your life. A woman in today’s society will pursue.

- You should consider every woman you see as a potential, and take them all on casual dates. Do it by the rules. Specific time/place/activity dates on weeknights. Kiss close by the second date. Be mysterious. Be a gentleman, spelled gentle-MAN. Learn the subtle tactic of making all the right moves, yet remaining emotionally flat. Have NO expectations. If a woman sees you, and likes what she sees, she will imagine being in a relationship/sex/marriage soon enough. In other words, women make plans. It is therefore woman’s work to calculate and make future relationship plans. It is woman’s work. So let them do it. In the meantime, let the world be your oyster. All women are potential, and if any of them want you, let them prove themselves to you. It is a numbers game.

- Experience is the best teacher. The only ‘mistake’ is one from which you learn nothing, but you must make those mistakes. There are no shortcuts, you must pay your dues, you must make life mistakes. Fortunately you have this site and whatever ‘method’ you like to help you learn from those mistakes, but again, there are no real shortcuts, you must make mistakes. You must make a fool of yourself at least once, perhaps more, in your life. You must have your heart seriously broken at least once in your life, perhaps more. You must date many women. You must date very many women. You must try to be smooth, you must try to be a ‘player’, you must try to get her to start the process of trying to catch you. If she doesn’t, you must dump her and move on very quickly.

- You must read the DJ Bible. You must continue to read this site. Personally, I also purchased and read Doc Love’s “System-(part 1)” numerous times over a 2-year period. Whatever works for you, but you must combine theoretical, debated and field experience at the same time.

- You cannot “be yourself” unless you’ve thoroughly learned from your mistakes and have internalized all the male “rules” and “yourself” is the new you.

- Most men in today’s world, are chumps. Hollywood movies, literature, art, the media, all will be working against you. If you do it correctly, your friends will call you a woman hater or that you’re too demanding. If you break it off with a woman because she’s a self-centered b*tch, but she looks like Kylie Minogue, they’ll say you’re nuts. If you do it correctly women will initially seem to scorn you. But if you do it correctly, women will have a little voice inside that piques their curiosity and find you irresistible in spite of themselves, and they’ll pursue, but they’ll also test you relentlessly to see if yours is just an act. If you do it right, you’ll find yourself doing things your way and seeming to swim against the popular culture and current. See the second and third paragraph, above.

- Insecure men date beautiful women mainly to impress their friends. Insecure men want trophy women mainly to make themselves look better. Insecure men want to drive hot sports cars to impress their friends or solely to pick up chicks, even though they may not know what kind of engine it has. Insecure men want swoopy motorcycles to impress their friends or pick up chicks. Insecure men want “Paris Hilton” type women mainly so that their friends will be jealous. Real men on the other hand, date women who are good companions, who really turn them because they’re interesting and attractive. Looks are very important, but not the most important. Real men have sports cars because they enjoy tinkering with them on the weekends in addition to being fun with a woman. Real men have swoopy motorcycles because they belong to a motorcycle club, love working on them or race them in addition to occasionally giving a girl a joyride. Real men know that Paris Hilton is very likely to be a spoiled demanding brat. Finding a Paris Hilton lookalike who loves you and is completely loyal to you is like winning the Pennsylvania Power Ball Lottery. It can and does happen, but don’t give up your day job just because you bought one ticket. Note: if you inherited 5 million dollars, and your sole activity is driving around in your new Ferrari, getting sun on your Donzi, checking the time on your Rolex President and jetting to Ibiza only because there’s a beach bar that makes the best Mai-Tais, you WILL get a girl. But the possibility that she really likes you for you will be small. If you really do have money and show it up front, you’re an idiot, and this little opinion letter doesn’t apply to you anyway.

Part 2 below

- The best girl for you is could be called ‘cute’ with a decent body and generally happy personality, and be open to her arriving in your life. Many guys are so intent looking for that fabulous diamond, they don’t see the basket of pearls at their feet. The healthiest mindset for you to have is that the prettier the girl, the worse she will be, only so that you will not be blinded when someone adorable but less glamorous comes along. Girls that appear on the cover or pages of Maxim, FHM and Stuff do not exist. You may see them in public, but it is an illusion.

- It is possible that one day a Paris Hilton or Tara Reid look-alike may pursue you, but do not live for that day. If in the meantime an Alyson Hannigan, Selma Blair or Kirsten Dunst type pursues you, and she ultimately proves to you that she genuinely loves you and is most importantly loyal to you alone, it is a treasure above gold. Occasionally you’ll see geeky high school photos of people like Paris Hilton,or Tara Reid, and this should be an education to you. The most beautiful woman today could look like a toad tomorrow, and vice-versa.

- After you’ve dated using the DJ methods, made all the mistakes, learned from those mistakes and finally gotten confidence in yourself along with things mentioned in the first paragraph above, you will start to see yourself, women and the world around you in a new light. This process may take at least one year, probably more. Give yourself time, make the mistakes and be gentle on yourself during this process.

- You will know what “games” mean, and they will bore you. Know when a girl loves games, romance for romance’s sake, and flakiness. Know when to run. Some women, and men too, are addicted to drama. If you are this type, and like to stir things up in a relationship similar to a Jerry Springer show, then you don’t really want a normal relationship.

- If a girl ever “disses” you, call her on it immediately. Be tactful but let her know you’ve just heard or seen something that you dislike and it will not be tolerated. If she continues, dump her. If you’re driving in your car, pull over, and ask if she wants to get out now. Do not, under any circumstances tolerate dissing, games, put-downs or the like. If she’s a b*tch and walks away because you called her on it, all the better for you. You’re rid of her. If she’s just testing you, she might walk away, but she’ll be back. In either case you must let her go and do not look back. If she leaves, good. If she does come back, she will have even more respect for you. Either way, stand up for yourself, and either way in the long run you win.

- At all times, a woman must believe that you can walk away from the relationship and not look back. She must believe that you care for the relationship less than her. If you are in a relationship right now and your woman thinks she’s got you by the short curlies, you need to dump her and get a new girl. It is imperative to start out correctly otherwise it will never be in your favor. The one who cares less, has the most power. Always.

- Listen to your gut. If something, even if it is the slightest thing, bothers you, stop and notice this. It is not important that you identify exactly what is bothering you at that point, but notice that the girl just did or said something that seemed odd, and make note of it for later evaluation. Most men suppress their intuition. Learn to listen to your gut. It is your important first line of defense.

- Pay attention to red flags. A red flag need not necessarily be a relationship killer, but ONLY if the two of you can talk it out to your complete satisfaction. If something bothers you, talk it out as soon as possible. If after talking something over a couple of times it still seems odd, dump her and don’t look back.

- Going back to previous jobs or girlfriends is a losing proposition.

- The girl of your dreams may not be the girl you dreamed of. “Love at first sight” is dangerous.

- The girl of your dreams may not have appealed to you at first.

- The girl of your dreams may not be the girl you wanted, but you find that she is the girl that you needed.

- The girl of your dreams will pursue you and there will be no mistake about it, even if you at first seemed uninterested.

- The right girl for you will make it very obvious she wants you.

- The right girl for you will soon prove easy to talk to. She will surprise you with how interested in you she really can be. It will gradually, very gradually dawn on you that you don’t have to be on your best behavior all the time.

- If you’re really paying attention, you will notice she has minor imperfections.

- The best girl for you will also fit the description of paragraph 1 and 2, above.

- But to think of these things at this point, you’d be getting ahead of yourself.

- The way to be is: wise (because you have internalized and now know the DJ Bible’s message), knowing (because you’ve “been down this road” before), experienced (because you’ve made every stupid mistake and broken every relationship rule in the book and have had your heart destroyed at least twice), a bit distrustful (because you know women seem to easily lie), a bit standoffish (because you know to ignore what she says, rather to wait for repeated and valid proof of her truthfulness and loyalty via her actions) calm (because only fools rush in) happy (because you have a life; see the first paragraph) fun to be around, yet uncaring as to whether you will ever see her again (because you live for today and besides, have your own life and can be a bit of a loner)

- If all of this seems too much for you to remember, you’re not there yet but take comfort in the fact that you are on the right track, you’re visiting the right site, reading the correct material and are simply in the process. It is a process.

Please edit your posts and add a space between your - points please...

Damn! that really was worth more than the purchasing price!

RK- nice to see you back here

what have you been up to?

ARe all guys out there really loners??

I thought i was the only one out there? i can make new friends if i wanted to, but i dont have the time for it. i make acquantences every school semester. i know how to socialize well with others. and i mainly rely on myself if i need something done, ive learned in the past that you cant rely on friends or family when you're in need.


you said "not" pursuing woman is good. wait for them to pursue you, but this is not that often for men out there. most of the time, the woman will wiat for the man to take the iniative to ask her for her #, or date....thus a sign of pursual

I agree that not pursuing women is self-defeating, because if you dont, someone else will.

Women LIKE being pursued, but like everything in life, In MODERATION.

SHow some interest, Woo her, then back off.

How can you seriously show a woman WHO you really are, without having some type of pursuing her?

and whilst pursuing her, show SOME interest (not the desperate type of interest, but the "whatever" type of interest)

- You should not pursue women. If you have the mindset that you are pursuing women, or are trying to get into a particular woman’s pants, you will lose. Rather, you should have the attitude that a woman will be a drain on your life, she will be a lying cheating heartbreaking shrew, and she will lie, cheat and break your heart until proven otherwise. Note the word proven. Women don’t realize they lie. A woman can break up with you, be walking out the door with her new boyfriend, look you square in the eyes and say “I really do love you” and many men will not only believe her, but rest secure in the belief that she will come back to them.

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Most women will NEVER PURSUE YOU, sure they will hint, flirt but most will NEVER FULL OUT PURSUE OR SHOW THAT ATTENTION... Girls hide everything, deal with it.

You should consider every woman you see as a potential, and take them all on casual dates. Do it by the rules. Specific time/place/activity dates on weeknights. Kiss close by the second date. Be mysterious. Be a gentleman, spelled gentle-MAN. Learn the subtle tactic of making all the right moves, yet remaining emotionally flat. Have NO expectations. If a woman sees you, and likes what she sees, she will imagine being in a relationship/sex/marriage soon enough. In other words, women make plans. It is therefore woman’s work to calculate and make future relationship plans. It is woman’s work. So let them do it. In the meantime, let the world be your oyster. All women are potential, and if any of them want you, let them prove themselves to you. It is a numbers game.

Click to expand...

Aslong as I'm not physically attracted that will never happen, I will never sell myself short.

You cannot “be yourself” unless you’ve thoroughly learned from your mistakes and have internalized all the male “rules” and “yourself” is the new you.

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Learning and experiencing and changing/evolving is something different than trying to be someone else. One should not act as someone else, one should experience and evolve.

maybe you guys haven't realized this but women do persue you but you just don't notice it most of the time.

b/c they don't grab your ass, ask for your phone number, give you kino, etc. you assuming that they aren't persuing you but you are wrong.

you just aren't always picking up on the signals but in all fairness we can miss them so easily.

what this dude means by pursuit, in girls terms = signals

Originally posted by drixsa
maybe you guys haven't realized this but women do persue you but you just don't notice it most of the time.

b/c they don't grab your ass, ask for your phone number, give you kino, etc. you assuming that they aren't persuing you but you are wrong.

you just aren't always picking up on the signals but in all fairness we can miss them so easily.

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first off, it's possible for women to pursue, but it's RARE.
most of the time, they will just show interest with a guy they might like to date, or flirt with them. they dont pursue, most of the time, the most they'll ever do is show interest & sending signals.

If you dont initiate with a woman early enough, they WILL lose interest and think you may not be interested....SO SCREW THE WAIT FOR PURSUAL...you'll just be waiting for ages.

WOMEN ARE THE GATEKEEPERS. whether or not you hook up with them, you should still have to wait for their approval.

Yeah a space between points might have been good but that doesn't detract any from the fact that that was a great post that I'm about to print out and read several times. Thanks alot for that.

Great post RKTek.

One of the best on this site in quite some time.

Every point RK made above has a rationale and real-life experiences to back it up. All you new guys should read this over several times.

*bump*

Excellent post

Very well done. I haven't gotten to part II yet, but I sure liked part I.

I think you described DJism to a tee. For a long time I've been shouting this through all these posts of "what you'd I do," and, "woman screwed me over," and, "I want her back," blah, blah, blah.

DJism is about PERSONAL improvement, not getting a woman to love you. Like the initial post said: Have SOMETHING. A hobby, a personality, interests, something. You don't develop this by constantly chasing women. You develop a lot of these things on your own.

An AFC friend of mine who just went through his second divorce said today he admired my ability to live alone (I'm a long time bachelor). I told him some of that was not by choice as I've often struggled finding meaninful long-term relationships. However, I told him because I have struggled finding long-term relationships I've worked on my own hobbies, interests, developed friendships (girls and guys) and basically like myself whether I'm with a woman or not.

Great post, keep it coming!

I don't agree about the part about having the women pursue you all the time. Girls just don't pursue guys. They pursue the DJ that is exuded by men. Some are naturals and some need to work at it. But going through life, just thinking a girl will *just* pursue you is fruitless.

Although I agree on the rest of the post!

Good post.

M.A.C.

Old school chicks, who are really the best kind, at least for those looking for an LTR, will NOT pursue you. In this case pursuing is ok but you have to do it right. A woman will react MUCH differently being pursued by a guy who comes off as a happy guy with a great life of his own who doesn't NEED her, but wants her, than by a guy who just seems like he needs her in order to be happy.

Funny how everyone here seemed to pick up on the whole "pursuing" thing.

I agree, and that's the first thing that jumped out at me. It was like it had glaring blinkers going off when I saw it.

Girls do NOT pursue. That's worth reiterating here. I don't know where that came from, RKTek, since it seems like the rest of the post seems to make some sense. It's a bit of a strike to the credibility by saying something like that though.

I had one girl come close to pursuing, but it was still not quite what you'd call "pursuing" in normal terms. Clearly she was interested in me, and she would throw a ton of hints in my face, but I wasn't interested in her, so I just acted naive and innocently oblivious, which, when done in moderation, works pretty well, but done too much will turn a girl away since it gets tiring when you just can't take a hint.

Some other girls I've met can be more obvious in that they will look at you, or be pretty friendly, but that's about it. The rest is up to you. It sucks, really.

Girls DO pursue guys!! Simple as that. If they like u, they will!!

I am guessing u recently started a fruitful LTR RKTek? At least within the last few months?

Am I right? I think I am............

I think it depends on how physically attractive you are and how outgoing the girl is as to whether a girl will pursue you. I wouldn't count approaches by women that are not cold approaches as "pursuing" because if you know the girl well, and she's after you, then the most difficult part was already done, which was the initial approach.

A girl will rarely go up to you initially without knowing you at all and just try to pick you up. Yes, she may throw some OBVIOUS hints, but still, to me, that's not like "pursuit" in the male sense, since males usually won't be successful picking up women by just throwing hints at them, regardless of how obvious.

Originally posted by CLOONEY
Girls DO pursue guys!! Simple as that. If they like u, they will!!

I am guessing u recently started a fruitful LTR RKTek? At least within the last few months?

Am I right? I think I am............

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uh..ok. if you say so Clooney, give us some examples.

I think the farthest a girl will ever go is just send you signals and flirt with you as a way of showing interest. And that's probably as far as any confident girl would go.

none or few of them are actually willing to throw themselves in the line of fire and get rejected. they leave that to us Guys.

Definitely agree that girls are more afraid of rejection than guys, and knowing how much we loooove getting rejected, that puts that into perspective. A girl won't approach until she has been pushed so far over the edge in desperation that it overrides the fear of rejection. Usually these are the more ugly women who NEVER get asked out.