Building Rapport

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"Building Rapport"

rapport n 1: relation of trust between people 2: a feeling of sympathetic understanding [syn: compatibility] 3: in accord, harmony 4. having a mutual, especially a private, understanding

I used to marvel at my friend Ace. He would approach girls and they'd end up telling him their life stories and falling in love with him. I learned the most about rapport from this guy because he was a natural. He could really feel people out and even get clues about their personality and background just from looking at them.

He would make commentaries on groups of people and describe the relationship and dynamic between them based on their body language and relative position to each other. Truly amazing!

I would watch him approach and he would always give the target a good once over with the eyes, squinting thoughtfully. He would then turn to me and break her down, saying she doesn't like her job, she's probably from out of town, etc. It was amazing how spot on this guy was. He used this skill to create instant connections with people.

The secret to acquiring this skill? Quite simple really. Pay attention! People give you so many non-verbal clues that you are doing yourself a disservice by ignoring them.

The Guessing Gaze
This is your first rapport exercise. Do exactly like Ace and make stories up about the people you see. You don't have to approach them (although you know I will recommend it for practice) Simply observe them. How are they dressed? What is their posture? Do they make eye contact? How do they react to their environment and other people? In other words, pace this person. Put yourself in their skin and try to understand where they are coming from. Develop your intuition!

Fluff Rapport
Getting in tune with visual cues is only the beginning. People will provide a wealth of information with their words if you, that's right, pay attention to what they say. First you have to get the fluff down though, try not to tell her any of this info until she asks for it. Names, addresses, birthdays, jobs etc would all fall under this category. It's okay to divulge this info, but keep things moving along otherwise you will slip into boring Interview Mode.

Wide Rapport
You direct the conversation to the external world and create a shared reality. After I fluff a bit, I close in on her in this broad fashion, because it is disarming and casual. We exchange simple ideas and perceptions and find things in common, and as I gain trust I circle ever closer and ultimately switch into

Deep Rapport
You direct the conversation to the internal world and unravel the person you just met. It's amazing because when you create deep rapport you are essentially distorting time. You accelerate the process of knowing someone by reaching deep down, past their social masks and find out who they really are. It's interesting how sometimes I can meet a total stranger and end up connecting with them to the point where I understand them better than their closest friends do. I don't even do anything that special. I just listen and ask the right questions.

I recently met my match though. An intelligent young woman who managed to unravel my life and tell me things about myself even I didn't know! She was very sharp and asked a lot of questions. Normally this would annoy me, but she asked such great questions that I truly enjoyed answering them. She made me see rapport in a whole new light.

A snippet of our convo for your enlightenment:

ME: (Already talking about my self alot)
HER: This is interesting!
ME: Hey this is not fair! Here I am yacking away and you haven't really told me much about yourself!
HER: Haha! I am sorry. It's just that I am a better listener than a talker. Plus, you speak so well that I am enjoying this one-sided exchange.
ME: That's pretty funny. Though, you do realize that your silence is now telling me more about you than your words ever could...
HER: Wow. You are really a profound person. (pause) Do you find that most people don't understand you?
ME: That's a good question. Umm. Sometimes I feel this way, but I don't think it's that people aren't capable of understanding me. I think they CHOOSE not to understand me. I am pretty much an open book if you ask the right questions, as you already know. The problem is that most people are not as inquisitive as you are. They are content to only know the superficial ME. It's almost as if they are intimidated by the infinite depths I personify, so they try to fit me into their little category and leave it at that. To be honest with you, right now you know a lot of things about me that my closest friends don't know. You are a regular Barbara Walters! Just don't try to make me cry and we will be cool!
HER: Ha!

The result of this conversation? She has become one of my dearest friends and I would probably have a raging case of one-itis for her if she didn't live so far away. BTW, she is not particularly hot, HB 7 at best! She still makes me laugh and see myself in a different way every time we talk.

This is the art of rapport. Realizing that everyone has certain feelings and secrets that no one else has bothered to unearth. Unlock these emotions and you will have a special place in their hearts!

When to use Rapport
The first thing you need to ask yourself is what kind of girl are you dealing with? Also what are you looking for? Decide and adjust your game accordingly.

Is she a party girl? Lookin for a one night stand?

If so then the attraction you have built is probably enough to get you into her pants as long as you tease her physically and get her all worked up. In fact, I have found that party girls don't usually dig rapport. They would rather get laid than get to know you.

Is she a nice girl? Lookin for romance?

If so then usually attraction is not enough. She needs a deep connection with you before she will let you anywhere near her goods, otherwise she feel like a slut! This is where rapport comes into play.

Here are some techniques to help you create this connection and also improve your communication skills.

STORYTELLING
While I use stories a lot during the rapport phase, keep in mind that this skill is valuable at any phase of your pickup. For example:

• Opening Phase - Funny/Interesting Story
• Attraction Phase - Fun/Adventure Stories
• Rapport - Defining-moments/Phobia Stories
• Getting Physical - Sex Stories (about other people of course!)

You only need two things to tell a great story:
1. interesting content
2. timing / delivery

Here is an example based on a true story:

Set the scene
Start off in the past tense
"The other day I got off work late cuz I was covering my friend's shift since he took the day off (that lucky bastard)

Create a problem or obstacle
There is no story without a conflict of some sort.
"I stayed at the office much later than expected and ended up missing the last bus into the city."

Escalate the obstacle
Now you switch into the present tense to draw your listener in as you escalate the problem.
"So I finally head out and it's pouring rain and I am cursing because my new leather shoes are getting dogged and I now have to walk the 2 miles to my house"

Toss in a character or two
There has to be some interaction in order to create more intrigue. Think of it as a combination of 2 people's stories.
"As I am walking down the road, a car pulls over and this sweet old lady rolls down her window and offers me a ride"

Create a dynamic between characters
Define the character's relationship with each other, switch back to past tense and paint the scene with conversation.
"So I got in and thanked her for the ride. She said she wouldn't dream of letting such a handsome young man catch a cold in this horrid weather. I thought she was the sweetest lady I had ever met. She reminded my of Ms. Winston, my kindergarten teacher. So anyways we talked for a while and I found out she was a widow who lived a few blocks away from me, which was perfect."

Bring the Climax
This is important ... try to spice things up by adding something outrageous in the mix. The surprise is the punchline of your tale. Without it, the story will fall flat. I often use the phrases "all of a sudden" "out of nowhere" & "I couldn't believe it when" in my tales. Switch back to present tense to re-absorb them in this experience:
"So we are about five minutes from my place and she turns to me and asks me if I have ever dated an older woman. I laughed and said not really. So get this, she puts her hand on my thigh and starts telling me how sex with older women is amazing because of all the experience and whatnot. I get a little uneasy cuz this lady is like 100, well not really she musta been like 50 or 60, but still I am a little creeped out by her advances and just say "oh really? that's nice". We pull up to an intersection and come to a stop and that's when she pulled some drastic shyt. Can you believe that this horny little grandma starts grabbing my cack and trying to unzip my fly?

Resolve everything
Your tale has to have a feeling of completion, otherwise you leave your listeners hanging and unsatisfied. I usually pause at this point and get the listener to ask "So then what happened?" A sure sign I have them hooked! To give my tale the air of finality, I continue in the present tense, switch to past tense, and wrap it up with future tense.
"So I totally freak out and ask her WTF is she doing. I see her reach for the powerlocks and that was my cue to bolt! So I just threw the door open and ran all the way home. She tried to follow me, but I lost her in a secluded alleyway. Fukk, that's the last time you will ever catch me doing any hitch-hiking!"

For a little variation, and often to avoid embarrassment, I will switch the main character of the story to someone else. "You won't believe what happened to my cousin last week!" This gives me license to have the main character do fuct up things I would never do cuz I am not that sort of guy, but wow isn't that something?

Regardless of who the protagonist is, remember that delivery is everything when it comes to telling a good tale. Be animated. Pull your listener into your story with the enthusiasm of your voice. Use a wide range of facial expressions/gestures and change your voice and posture to mimick any characters in the story. Relive the tale as you tell it!

THE TEACHING CONNECTION
Teaching a skill to someone creates a powerful and unique bond. It doesn't have to be anything special. Hell, I will never forget the guy who showed me how to open beer bottles with a lighter. Come to think of it, I can still remember the lady who taught me how to tie my shoes.. Talk about a lasting impression!

Looking back over my life, I see that the best friends I've had were the ones that taught me something, even the silliest things always stay with you and remind you of that person.

For the sake of seduction, it is best if you can teach her something that requires physical proximity. This is why pool lessons are just plain sexy. You wrap your arms around her, ease her into the right angle and help her sink those balls.

SINCERE COMPLIMENTS
Use these very sparingly!

Wait for a high point, make eye contact and smile before you drop one of these:
• Tell her you are glad that you met her
• Find out the most amazing thing about her as a person and comment on it.
• If you are real smooth you will discover what her life's dream is and then tell her that you think she will make it come true because she is so imaginative, adventurous, etc, etc. remember that context is key!
• Sincerity is also crucial. You actually have to feel what you are saying!

SHOWING VULNERABILITY
Let her see your softer side

Don't be so cold and stoic. She needs to see some sweetness beneath all that ****iness! Of course you can't randomly drop this into your conversation. Wait until the context is right and then you can momentarily drop your guard and reach her on a human level.

I will often talk about my nieces, how much I love them and miss them and throw in a few funny stories. Kids are great for this because there is never a shortage of funny material! Sometimes I will talk about my dog who was my best friend and how I felt when he died. It doesn't matter just as long as I reveal some emotion that I would not reveal to a casual stranger.

GIMMICKS, FUN & GAMES
I use these regularly and it amazes me how chicks go crazy over this stuff.

The Cube
Strawberry Fields
The Color Game

Palm Reading
A Basic Guide here --->> How to Read Palms
I am not a pro at this and I often just make stuff up. Sometimes the girl will catch on and we both laugh and sometimes she takes me seriously so I just roll with it. An excellent way to intrigue while you get some kino going.

Women love these games because you are making them explore parts of themselves they never knew existed. But this is not the only way you can get them to open up. There are deeper ways to explore one's psyche...

NEURAL LANGUAGE PROGRAMMING & SPEED SEDUCTION

Use suggestive patterns in your speech in order to create a certain mind state and connection within your listener.

It's almost as if the more you read on, the more you find your own thoughts echoed in these passages. Isn't it amazing how sometimes a bunch of static text on a page can ignite the hidden truths of your mind into dazzling revelations? Yes, its all becoming clear! I can foresee that you will look back many years from now and remember this very moment as you chase my words across this page, on the brink of discovering something incredible! It was no coincidence that you have found this post. You may try to dismiss it, but it is destiny that has brought us to this place and united our thoughts! The connection is so magnetic that you simply can't peel your curious eyes from this page. It is pointless to resist, for you are only human and curiosity is what makes being human so exciting! Don't you enjoy the thrill of something new? Have you ever been so bored out of your mind that you were just waiting for something .... ANYTHING to happen? Yes, I can sense your longing. I know you feel me!

See what I just did here? And that is just text! Imagine you are some unsuspecting chick and I am in your face with a similar rap, dropping more sensual stuff (sounds, smells, sights, feelings) in the mix and emphasizing words like LONGING and FEEL with my touch. This is called

Anchoring
You touch your listener when you want her to associate a certain idea with you. Does it really work? I have no idea, but I will use any excuse to touch women!

Other NLP tactics that have worked for me:

Time Distortion
You take your listener on a journey into the future and look back on the present moment, implying that RIGHT NOW is the start of something great and memorable! You can also create a hypothetical future where the two of you have a great time together. Kind of like after you read this post...you will feel all warm and fuzzy, charged by the knowledge you have gained. Then you'll go out and meet people and show them what a funny and ****y guy you are. Then you'll come back home elated and type up a nice field report to pass the inspiration along. Ahhh, good times!

Eliciting Values (EV)
Find out what is important, interesting, or exciting to the other person and get them to describe them. You can also discover the qualities they admire in people. More important of all, find out WHY the value these things. Get them to describe sensations and get them to relive these experiences and interactions and anchor them to you. Talk about FEELINGS and when she says something insightful, be like "OMG, I was totally going to say that" and create a shared moment.

THE PATTERNS
This is where NLP starts to lose me a little. There are literally hundreds of patterns you can memorize and I am not saying they don't work. In fact they work very well! The problem I find is in the memorization process. It makes my interaction feel more contrived and robotic and I don't enjoy the exchange as much as when I am just flowing with the convo. However, there are a few key patterns that I enjoy because they always lead to interesting and often seductive conversation. Remember to learn these but speak them in your own language. Personalize them! Here are my favorites:

Natural Woman Pattern by Mindlist
"Do you think most men know what women really want?" Of course, she'll just laugh.

"I think most men might THINK they know, but I think almost every man makes one, huge, critical mistake when it comes to women..." (Now THAT should get them intrigued.)

"The mistake is that they don't recognize that in each woman their are actually TWO women... the natural woman and the culturally programmed woman. The culturally programmed woman is the one with all the rules and all the roles... all the restrictions, constrictions... all the shouldn'ts, shoulds, don'ts, can'ts, mustn'ts...etc.

But the natural woman....that's the woman right there at the core... where you keep your most exciting memories... where you ponder fantasies... daydreams... amazing possibilities... the things you'd do if no one were watching and no one... even your best friends... would ever, ever know about...

Most men just do things that trigger the culturally programmed woman... But when a man... a rare man... can touch a woman in that special place in all those special ways you LONG to be touched... in ways you maybe even can't admit to yourself... then WOW... an almost complete transformation takes place... and you start blossoming way beyond what you ever even thought possible.

So I think the smart man is the man who has the realization that that place is there... waiting and longing... even despite the fact that women often have to lock all of that away... and yet they are still there...

Incredible Connection Pattern by Ross Jeffries
Drop this one only after you have attained deep rapport and you can tell she is really digging you.

"You know (pause thoughtfully) Just standing here... talking with you... I have an intuition. That when you connect with someone... someone you really like... someone you're really attracted to who makes you feel that click… right there... you know that sense of just feeling totally drawn... like you've known this person forever... like you were meant to know them.... a big part of it is that recognition that you can RELAX and laugh with this person… can you feel that (touch her and anchor the feeling)... is maybe how it works?"

Señor Finger's Closet Nudist Pattern
You can even make up your own patterns out of your life experiences (or the lives of others if you are a boring twit) Here is one of mine, long but effective!

You know what is one of my favorite things to do when nobody is watching? (pause for response) I love to dance ... naked in the rain. (she responds while picturing me naked ) Yeah, I think that at heart I am a full-blown nudist actually. (pause and nod for effect) As a kid I would often embarrass my family when we went to visit friends. We'd show up at their door all cordial and polite and not five minutes later you would see a trail of clothes around the house. A shirt here, a shoe there, my Superman Underoos! (always gets a laugh) You can imagine our friends' surprise to see a 4 year old kid running around with his schlong flapping in the breeze (point to schlong and she laughs again) Hehe, the funny part is that I still indulge once in a while. Well, I don't strip at people's houses anymore. But when it rains, I like go up to my roofdeck and get in touch with my inner nudist. (pause for reaction) The best is in the summer, when the weather gets all sultry and humid for days and you just get all hot and bothered. The thunder rumbles in the distance and you can feel that electricity in the air (softly graze the skin on her arm with a tickle). Finally the skies turn black and let loose buckets to quench the thirst of your every pore. At this point you don't care who sees you because there is nothing like the wild exhilaration of dancing free beneath thunderclouds! (Shake my head and make the "Mmm" sound like I am experiencing it right then and there) But you can understand why I keep this a secret. Not everyone is open minded and comfortable to be sitting next to a closet nudist.

Sometimes she will eye me up and down and I will accuse her of undressing me with her eyes. (she will usually blush in response)
Other times I flip it by asking her what she likes to do when no one is watching.

This Sounds Dumb
Yeah, I kind of agree with you, but it really does work. NLP is not for everyone though. If the mechanics of this approach turn you off, then maybe you can try out...

JUGGLER'S METHOD

In the last few months, I have found myself gravitating towards this low-key style of rapport-building. I still use patterns every once in a while when I stall, but this method is more freestyle and congruent to my personality.

Advanced Storytelling
It is pretty easy to tell a good story when the tale is exciting or unusual. To make it to the next level though, Juggler encourages us to make the most mundane things sound interesting. You know you are good when you can make doing laundry sound exciting. Try this exercise. Every day before you go to sleep, write a short story about your day. Just one paragraph that captures the highlights and try to make it sound interesting. Make each day of your life into a fascinating tale and share it with others.

Even on your off days when you feel crappy, talk about these feelings in an artful way. In short, be genuine and at the same time infectious with your wit. Talk to strangers every day for practice and you will see what material works and what doesn't. Ask people how was their day/weekend and it provides an excellent opener for you to weave some story magic!

Elicit Curiosity
Speak passionately about your life. Hook her curiosity so that she starts to ask you questions and pursue you. The essence of this approach is to make it seem like the whole seduction thing was her idea. Paint vivid pictures with your speech. Try to revolve your convos around FEELINGS. Inject emotion into every story you tell. Make personal insights into the stories she tells you.

Present your life as an adventure that she was fortunate enough to stumble upon. Talk about sights, sounds and delicious food in graphic detail. Steer the convo towards exhilarating physical activities. Then talk about kissing. Kino and close!

Leading Values
Same principle as Eliciting values, but totally in reverse. Instead of conforming to her values and becoming her dream guy, talk about your values so passionately and she will adjust herself to you. It helps if you actually have a passion in life! I couldn't imagine trying to fake this.

Making Statements
Statements are stronger than questions. They are risky because you tell a person who you are and what you are about without knowing if they will accept you. In this way you are demonstrating courage and strength of character. On the other hand, questions tend to be weaker. You are trying to gain approval and most people will get defensive if you ask too many questions.

Assuming Friendship
Steer clear of factual questions. (Where do you live/when is your birthday/etc) Would you ask these questions of a close friend? Of course not, because you already KNOW them. Every time you ask her about her age or where she lives, it is a reminder that you are a stranger getting to know her. Its okay to ask a few tactical questions to find out if she lives alone, etc. but don't interview her! Assume that the intimacy is already there, and she will do the same

Interesting Questions
When you finally do ask questions, make them count.

- If you could spend your life doing one thing, what would it be?
- What type of person makes the best lover?
- I like a woman who can cook well. What's your best dish?
- If we were a couple and I wanted to hang out with my friends till 2AM, how would that make you feel?
- How would you seduce a gay man? (be prepared to tell her how you would seduce a lesbian)
- How do you feel when you meet someone who you are instantly attracted to?
- If your life was a movie, what rating would you give it?

The above questions are great because not only are you qualifying her and making her jump through your hoops, but you have a chance to answer your own questions in your oh-so-smooth way! (Make sure you have great answers prepared)

No Bullshyt
Speak your thoughts. Don't treat any topic as taboo. If you and her are together and you see another fine young lady walk in, comment on it! Say, "damn she is fine!" and ask her which guys she finds attractive. Make a game of it and see if you can guess who the other person might be attracted to. This is an excellent way to elicit her values and at the same time show how laidback and direct you are.

Talk freely and comfortably about sex, but don't dwell on it. Keep the conversation flowing and just be so straight up that you are a breath of fresh air in a sea of phony people. Brings to mind one of my favorite Juggler quotes of all time:

"There is no art to lying. Telling a fib is easy. Making the truth exciting is art"

RAPPORT TROUBLESHOOTING
I have faced a major pitfall in the rapport phase. There are far too many times when my convos go down perfectly but I end up botching the whole thing because I never get out of rapport mode. I get so involved with exchanging stories and dropping patterns that I sometimes neglect the power of kino and eye contact, the 2 biggest ways you let a honey know you are interested, cuz otherwise its all just good conversation amongst friends. This where you could benefit from a dash of...

10. Mmmm...Sensuality

ok

no words

just awesom


are you god?



Mr. Fingers for preident!

Gez, you should post more on masf hand guy
what ra tip

As usual brilliant write-up

When you going to bring us another feild report?
They're always a good read.

Another Vote for such a great post.

gonna print it out now, thanks finger!

and ignore the troll

i hate you mr fingers
just when i thought i had learned all there is to women, boom~
i find myself with all this information, lol

my hero.. mr fingers,
im gonna be reading for a couple of weeks now, keep em comming

U are Moses of the AFCs LEAD US TO FREEDOM MAN!