A woman will NOT make your life better

Do any of the points below apply to you?
- You're getting older and you're still a virgin (I'm 21 in July)
- You've had no girlfriends or hardly any.
- You keep "messing up" with women who had high interest levels.
- You often get depressed about having no GF
- You think your life would fall into place if you JUST had a GF.
-"Losing my virginity would change my life"

Read my post if any of those points represent you or your mindset. If they apply to you, then you're an AFC. You might think you're a DJ, but you are an AFC.

My good friends consist of fours guys. Three of us are virgins, the other lost his virginity about a month ago. Firstly, as a side note: He is the LEAST attractive out of all of us (I'd say a 5). But he's tried the hardest to meet women, he went from never having a GF, to not only having one, but getting sex frequently.

Losing his virginity has not changed his life. He's still the same guy that he was before he had sex. He just adds something different to the conversations us guys have.

Losing his virginity and having a girlfriend HAS NOT IMPROVED his life. In fact, us guys hardly see him anymore. He spends his entire weekends with her at her place. He hasn't joined the rest of us at gym, he isn't studying cos' he's spending all his time with her. He's whipped, and I gotta wonder what his life would be like if she broke up with him. She IS his life, although he won't admit it.

A woman in your life would make you happy for a while, but eventually you get used to it. Even if you're screwing her. Your life will be the same as it was before except you have a GF. I you arent happy with your life now, then you won't be happy with it after being with your GF for 4 years.

So if you are having a boring life, and you're not enjoying life. Don't think a women will improve it. She won't. She will just be an addition. If you go around thinking that a GF will make you happy then you'll come across a desperate to every woman you meet. Because you're so desperate to lose your virginity and to have a girlfriend to make you happy. Your desperation is a turn off.

I realised the other day just how boring my life is. I don't really have a life. I have too much time to think about what this chick is thinking/doing. I also realised that I'm placing too much value on having a GF.

I want a GF, and I want sex. But I realise now that I should want these because they'd be nice. Not because they'd make me happy. I shouldn't need some woman to make me happy, I should be happy anyway.

I don't know if I got my point across. But I know that I'm seeing my lifes problems very clearly now. Hopefully, if you don't get my post you will "click" as to what I mean in good time.

So now I'm going to start meeting and dating women, not looking for a LTR but just to improve my skills. I'm going to work on my social skills, and get a hobby. I'm going to GET A LIFE! And you should too!

Regards
Santos

so true. its been said before but sometimes it just doesnt sink in to some people ( points to self ). i have only lately come to realize what this really means.

Nothing great.!

So how do you define whether a person's a DJ? Is it because the person has lots of gfs and keep on scoring from left and right? Many people focused that a DJ is only about a woman. But I prefer to see it as improving your overall life. Life will be meaningless if you only have @ss but nothing lese.

Well, I see your point. However, I am 26 and have never been in a LTR relationship and it kills me. I am not overweight, short, nor ugly either. The fact that I desire a g/f makes me a AFC?

Originally posted by mahon83050
The fact that I desire a g/f makes me a AFC?

Click to expand...

No, I also desire a GF. I was just trying to say that you shouldn't desire one because you think it'll make your life better. Maybe you're enjoying your life now, all I know is that I'm not. I was always hoping that a girl would come along and bring meaning to my life. But now I've realised that it's the completely wrong mindset. I need to be enjoying my life, a GF should be something I enjoy in my life too but she should be a PART of my life, not the MEANING of my life.

Originally posted by Santos
No, I also desire a GF. I was just trying to say that you shouldn't desire one because you think it'll make your life better. Maybe you're enjoying your life now, all I know is that I'm not. I was always hoping that a girl would come along and bring meaning to my life. But now I've realised that it's the completely wrong mindset. I need to be enjoying my life, a GF should be something I enjoy in my life too but she should be a PART of my life, not the MEANING of my life.

Click to expand...

Santos,

I hear what you are saying loud and clear. Christ, me and you are quite the same in our thinking. I try to tell myself I am the prize...not the girl and I feel more confident. I guess I still have alot of AFC in me. It is hard because I see so many tool boxes who have chicks and it makes me desire one even more....it is like a vicious cycle.

Re: Nothing great.!

Originally posted by IntermediateDonJuaner
So how do you define whether a person's a DJ? Is it because the person has lots of gfs and keep on scoring from left and right? Many people focused that a DJ is only about a woman. But I prefer to see it as improving your overall life. Life will be meaningless if you only have @ss but nothing lese.

Click to expand...

My post wasn't about defining being a DJ, I was saying how you SHOULD NOT need a women in your life to bring you HAPPINESS. I always get depressed about my life and think "If I could just get in a LTR I'd be happy, and my life would have meaning".

But then I realised that although I'd be happier and have some "meaning" to my life, after a while the GF would just be a small part of the big picture. And if I'm not happy with the "big picture" now, I won't be happy when I've been in a relationship for long.

And I certainly don't want a LTR at the moment. I haven't been with enough women to properly evaluate them as a future wife or whatever. I want to start dating more because I want to IMPROVE my skills with women (and other areas of my life) not because I think it means I'm a DJ.

So I'm basically agreeing with you that becoming a DJ means improving your entire life not just getting a GF.

Regards
Santos

great post, I used to think exact the way as you listed, girl would make my life better? ( but the fact is my life aint suck to begin with, i just wouldnt admit it.) sigh

the first girl I asked out actually saw through me by asking:" so you think dating would make your life better?"

I said, no, I just dont wanna be nervous around ppl, dating is too advance, it will benefit me later on.

One pt I have to disagree though.


>> You've had no girlfriends or hardly any.<<

actually, I am quite pround of that, I really dont wanna to have a girlfriend.

i understand the message you're trying to put out and i agree with that, but i disagree with the fact that a woman will not make it any better.

humans are social. we depend on eachother no matter how 'independent' one of us is. we also have emotional needs, and gaining a "mate" is part of fulfilling those needs.

trust me, women are a part of life .

the idea of being a DJ is that women are not a necessity. you can live without them, regardless of whether they're beneficial or not.

you are on the right track though .

Great post. The same applies to money/wealth as well. I know way to many people (first and foremost myself) that put a tremendous amount of time and pressure on themselves to "succeed" only to find out that a six figure income doesn't make you happier in the long run.

For a brief amount of time, you'll seem happy as you feel like you have money to burn. You'll buy the faster car, nicer clothes, etc., but the high will short lived. In many ways, it's more addictive than cocaine.

amen

I once asked a girl why she wanted to be in a relationship, & she told me b/c she felt a void when she wasn't in one. Man. Mentally, I ran away from her immediately. :nono: It's too bad, b/c she was the cutest & most witty girl I had ever met.

Great post.

Excellent post Santos. Honest, original, and true. Let me soak it in.

It's a woman's job, and in her nature rightfully so, to wonder about a boy, dream about the perfect boyfriend, get depressed about not having a boyfriend, etc.

The question that helps me out of a crappy rut, the one you're describing in your original post Santos, is this:

Am I a woman?

"Men conquer the world. Women conquer men."

While I realize that this thread is 5 years old and that Santos is long gone it is still interesting.

My responses are in bold

Santos said:

Do any of the points below apply to you?
- You're getting older and you're still a virgin (I'm 21 in July)
I'm getting older and while I'm no longer a virgin I basically have the sex life of one.
- You've had no girlfriends or hardly any.
Yup. No girlfriends
- You keep "messing up" with women who had high interest levels.
I've only known of one girl who had high interest in me. She was fat and yeah I messed up with her
- You often get depressed about having no GF
Yup, all the time.
- You think your life would fall into place if you JUST had a GF.
Exactly
-"Losing my virginity would change my life"
Nope. One time sex doesn't change anything. It has to be regular.

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Santos said:

A woman in your life would make you happy for a while, but eventually you get used to it. Even if you're screwing her. Your life will be the same as it was before except you have a GF. I you arent happy with your life now, then you won't be happy with it after being with your GF for 4 years.

So if you are having a boring life, and you're not enjoying life. Don't think a women will improve it. She won't. She will just be an addition. If you go around thinking that a GF will make you happy then you'll come across a desperate to every woman you meet. Because you're so desperate to lose your virginity and to have a girlfriend to make you happy. Your desperation is a turn off.

I realised the other day just how boring my life is. I don't really have a life. I have too much time to think about what this chick is thinking/doing. I also realised that I'm placing too much value on having a GF.

Click to expand...

The thing is, when you talk about the friend you never asked if he was happy or not. It just seemed that you were unhappy that he's not a part of the group and it even sounds like you're jealous.

What is wrong with getting used to having a girl in your life and having regular sex? I don't think will be the same at all if I had a girlfriend. The most important reason why I want a girlfriend is so that I can have somebody I do stuff with. What I really want is a cute best friend that I do everything with. I want to experince life and spend time around girls. I want to have lots of sex.

I just can't get the feeling that my life is complete till I get a girlfriend(s)

The Bat said:

It's a woman's job, and in her nature rightfully so, to wonder about a boy, dream about the perfect boyfriend, get depressed about not having a boyfriend, etc.

The question that helps me out of a crappy rut, the one you're describing in your original post Santos, is this:

Am I a woman?

"Men conquer the world. Women conquer men."

Click to expand...

WTF???

Women for the most part don't even need men in their lives. Only the fat/ ugly ones ain't shy about making moves on you, since they get depressed. The dime pieces only go for top level men. You'd probably look like a jackass trying to make moves on them. I don't even know the right way to ask a girl out! I can't meet the right woman for nothing in the world? Fling.com didn't even help! It's just automated messages from a dude trying to rip you off!

I do identify with the OP, but I have 23 years old.
I'm starting to worry, because my problem is that I cannot close the interacting towards a romantic one. Despite all the reading, all the knowledge I simply cannot calibrate on what to say to keep escalating, even with girls attracted to me.

Also, I seldom compare to others who are on a stable relationship and think and go way back my past and think I've never been 'mature' to the simbolical age I have. I have 23 and at 24 I will be out of college (having started it at the age of 18). Until the age of 20 I didn't knew what the term 'faje' meant (faje is a Spanish word which is referred to the act of making out with a girl + heavy petting/gropping). I haven't had the balls to go for the makeout, ever. Maybe once when we were at a friend's lodge and I was groping with a girl from there, but nothing serious.

Sometimes I feel myself lucky because I don't have a commited relationship, in contrary to my college mates where some of them have a 5+ years relationship with their current girlfriend, they almost think they will marry that girl after graduating. At this point, I feel I have all the rest of my life to keep improving myself in every area, but without a doubt, you could say you live a happy life, not needing any particular women, but is frustrating not knowing how to 'close' the deal, or being frustrated because you could not achieve to get that particular and this stems furthermore to all areas of your life.

I mean, should getting a GF would be harder than getting a well-paid job, well, for instance if you have innate habilities on something, let's say programming robots or PLC's you could earn lots of money working for huge manufacturing enterprises such as GMC. But should this also apply to women?

Why we see all the time choddy guys getting lots of ***** and they still have no purpose of life?

My point is that you should have a balanced life. Sometimes my testosterone levels ramps up and I start to feel the urge to have sex, even though I haven't done it, maybe I'm too puss to go for the close, for the kiss, for the makeout, etc, and this leads to desperation and to frantic jerking-off sessions spanking net porn.

Maybe I'm not wanting it badly (having a GF) as I said earlier, I don't feel the need to commit to anything seriously, not the case, why dare having a GF if my primal needs as a human are not met (sexing with the opposite sex).
Is like asking a kid not to play and only to study while in his early days of educational foundations. He would later rebel out or leave him traumatized.

I don't think getting myself a GF would make me happy, I have hobbies, etc. But maybe perhaps the lacking of money prevents me from enjoying an overall life enjoyance (like traveling around the world, visiting cool racing events, etc)
I'm being trained to be an expert on Visual Studio programming solutions to manufacturing enterprises, maybe in 4-5 years I would be successful financially, doing projects, but this is just a piece of the cake for you to feel fulfilled.

Another thought is when you see a girl staring at you, at first I feel hesitation, 'is she attracted to me?', then 'am i worthy of her'. Millions of thoughts popup on my mind, I do not approach, and so my lame life goes by.

Think becoming a DJ is a process in the long term, not just a quick fix, it takes real commitment from yourself, but mainly the problem here is the mind, is like a virus. You must control the emotions your mind starts bull****ting and just do what your gut tells you. I don't even know why I'm saying this, but when I'm interacting out there is very difficult. Guess part of being a future engineer has conditioned my brain to generate all those mini details on a particular situation.

I'm tired of being like this, sometimes I feel comfortable, watching some cool chapters of "Knight Rider", other than doing homeworks or projects for the school and recently my trainings to start a professional career.

so...

**** getting a GF