dealing with infatuation

mister.ritenow · Jun 16, 2015

Every 2-3 years I have a serious bout of infatuation where a girl will get in my head and camp out for a few months. Basically I get severely obsessed and depressed when it doesn't work out. I end up thinking of her morning and night and the worst part, I am uninterested in spinning other plates.

I think this has something to do with my bipolar/BPD issues, at least the severity and length of it, but I'm not completely sure, as once the infatuation starts it tends to remain for quite a while regardless of whether I'm up or down.

I know this kind of stuff happens to a lot of people, so I figured I'd come here and ask you folks for some strategies you use to cut this nonsense out before it takes over your life. Hell, I'm sure plenty of you ended up on this site for the very same reason I'm chiming in now.

Thanks in advance folks.

usernamedox11 · Jun 16, 2015

you have BPD?

i doubt it, you wouldn't be admitting it if you did.

I don't know, just gotta ride it out

mister.ritenow · Jun 16, 2015

applegoo said:
you have BPD?

i doubt it, you wouldn't be admitting it if you did.

I don't know, just gotta ride it out

undiagnosed and refuse to take meds (mania is fun lol, just kidding, no way I'd take mood stabilizers though), but I CLEARLY have either bipolar or bpd. also runs in the fam.

ZTIME · Jun 16, 2015

mister.ritenow said:
Every 2-3 years I have a serious bout of infatuation where a girl will get in my head and camp out for a few months. Basically I get severely obsessed and depressed when it doesn't work out. I end up thinking of her morning and night and the worst part, I am uninterested in spinning other plates. How many girls do you date in a 2-3 year period of time or are you just jumping from one LTR to another one? If it's the jumping from LTR to LTR, the problem is your lack of self confidence, your shortage of other women, and you way over pedastalizing the women you date (or hope to date as the case may be).

I think this has something to do with my bipolar/BPD issues, at least the severity and length of it, but I'm not completely sure, as once the infatuation starts it tends to remain for quite a while regardless of whether I'm up or down. I don't think it's your BPD. I think it's a mix of the things stated above.

I know this kind of stuff happens to a lot of people, so I figured I'd come here and ask you folks for some strategies you use to cut this nonsense out before it takes over your life. Hell, I'm sure plenty of you ended up on this site for the very same reason I'm chiming in now. You'll see that a lot of guys here have received the same advice. Get more self confidence. Spin plates, stop pedalstalizing pvssy, and you'll be all better.

Thanks in advance folks.

Good luck!

ImTheDoubleGreatest! · Jun 16, 2015

mister.ritenow said:
undiagnosed and refuse to take meds (mania is fun lol, just kidding, no way I'd take mood stabilizers though), but I CLEARLY have either bipolar or bpd. also runs in the fam.

You sure it isn't just ADHD? The neurons in your brain fire much faster than the 'normal' human if you have it which thus makes all sensations more intense, especially empathy.
Also, try not to self diagnose. I could diagnose myself for a range of things and could find nearly every mental/personality disorder known to man. It just gets to your head. The only thing I'm sure I have is ADHD (how else do I know about the neurology of it?).

RangerMIke · Jun 17, 2015

Seeing other women stops infatuation. Never only date one woman, you always have to have two of three.

mister.ritenow · Jun 17, 2015

ZTIME said:
Good luck!

(1) How many girls do you date in a 2-3 year period of time or are you just jumping from one LTR to another one? If it's the jumping from LTR to LTR, the problem is your lack of self confidence, your shortage of other women, and you way over pedastalizing the women you date (or hope to date as the case may be).

I am far from a serial dater, and usually have no qualms with not being in a relationship. In fact, traditionally I take a year or two off from dating after getting out of a relationship. Pedastalizing is definitely a problem, they can do no wrong in my eyes even when they are taking advantage of me.

(2) I don't think it's your BPD. I think it's a mix of the things stated above.

Agreed I can do some work to better myself, but I must admit I am in a constant emotional roller coaster... I just don't understand how the oneitis lasts through several cycles of mania and depression, whereas I would assume that it would just be a symptom of being depressed. It's like when I am manic I feed into the negative thought patterns and hold out hope for the person, making it even worse.

(3) You'll see that a lot of guys here have received the same advice. Get more self confidence. Spin plates, stop pedalstalizing pvssy, and you'll be all better.

It will be hard to stop pedestalizing because I only feel this way about girls I want to date, and I only date girls I have strong feelings for - otherwise they are just plates. I guess I just have to remind myself of her/their negative qualities and hope for the best.

Thanks for your advice, you are one of the more helpful posters on here.

ZTIME · Jun 17, 2015

mister.ritenow said:
(1) How many girls do you date in a 2-3 year period of time or are you just jumping from one LTR to another one? If it's the jumping from LTR to LTR, the problem is your lack of self confidence, your shortage of other women, and you way over pedastalizing the women you date (or hope to date as the case may be).

I am far from a serial dater, and usually have no qualms with not being in a relationship. In fact, traditionally I take a year or two off from dating after getting out of a relationship. Pedastalizing is definitely a problem, they can do no wrong in my eyes even when they are taking advantage of me. This is a pattern. The only way to change the pattern is to change your actions and fixation on the women you date. It sounds like this: I date a girl, get overly fixated on her, she leaves, I get upset and stay off the market for awhile, and repeat the same thing over and over. Don't expect the outcome to be different if you can not change yourself.

(2) I don't think it's your BPD. I think it's a mix of the things stated above.

Agreed I can do some work to better myself, but I must admit I am in a constant emotional roller coaster... I just don't understand how the oneitis lasts through several cycles of mania and depression, whereas I would assume that it would just be a symptom of being depressed. It's like when I am manic I feed into the negative thought patterns and hold out hope for the person, making it even worse. Holding out hope for anyone other then yourself is worthless. You can only control you, so why hold hope for something you have no control over. Concentrate on yourself first. Your career, you fitness, your social circles, your hobbies, and your future should all take precedent over any female. If you hold true to these things, you'll find women falling off of their pedestals very quickly.

(3) You'll see that a lot of guys here have received the same advice. Get more self confidence. Spin plates, stop pedalstalizing pvssy, and you'll be all better.

It will be hard to stop pedestalizing because I only feel this way about girls I want to date, and I only date girls I have strong feelings for - otherwise they are just plates. I guess I just have to remind myself of her/their negative qualities and hope for the best. When you have total self confidence and lots of things going on in your life, you'll find that this need for relationships with females (other then sex) is way overrated. You'll find more value in yourself and a drive to keep improving. This is just a choice. You can choose to start bettering yourself today.

Thanks for your advice, you are one of the more helpful posters on here. You're welcome.

“The intelligent want self-control; children want candy.”

PeasantPlayer · Jun 17, 2015

Imagine her farting and clearing out a room full of politicians

Serenity · Jun 17, 2015

Dealing with infatuation can sometimes be difficult, it's a soft spot and the risk of getting hurt is great. It's better dealt with rationally than letting it run it's course. I was like you, became infatuated for extended periods of time. It felt so great, but I got nowhere with it. It's like a dream you want to realize, but without putting hard work into realizing it you're just simply lost in it. I've pretty much on my own developed a simple strategy to dealing with it. Point one is to clearly figure out if she likes you or not, doesn't matter how. The outcome of your findings determine your choice, to go for it or not go for it. If you're truly infatuated you're not in doubt what you want, so the choice is simple. If she's interested you go for it, even though it may fail later you're at least doing something about your feelings.

However there's the dreadful "what if she doesn't like me?", how to deal with that? I've figured it's helpful to consider the short and long term consequences. Not doing anything and letting the feeling stick is a waste of time, it's really pain. That intoxicating feeling is very good on the short term, but how does the thought of wanting something you can't get feel? It's not good at all, the longer you go on like that the worse the entire thing gets. No matter how you look at it though there's going to be discomfort, and you can choose to end it early. You can proactively deal with it by resisting the temptation to engage in your own infatuation, it will hurt like a b!tch but it will pass. It's a choice between short term pain and long term suffering. You recover much faster taking the short term route, it's more intense but a lot better afterwards. It also helps to actually imagine being with a girl that isn't really interested in you, the thought of that is at least to me just horrible. Enough to turn me off and put a dead stop to infatuation, it's like living a lie.

This is essentially also how I resolved my fear of rejection and started taking action. Being infatuated became such a pain that I would rather be rejected and be done with it, which I of course was and it wasn't really that bad compared to living in uncertainty.

So what I wonder now is if any of this makes sense and is the case for you? Do you make moves on uninterested girls or do you not make any moves at all just living in hope?

Also yeah I did end up on this site for those reasons.

dealing with infatuation

mister.ritenow

Don Juan

usernamedox11

Master Don Juan

mister.ritenow

Don Juan

ZTIME

Master Don Juan

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

Master Don Juan

RangerMIke

Master Don Juan

mister.ritenow

Don Juan

ZTIME

Master Don Juan

PeasantPlayer

Master Don Juan

Serenity

Moderator

Peace and Quiet