Couldn't get it up for the second time with her...

Hi guys, I admit I am pretty inexperienced when it comes to sex (although I am in my late 20's - my previous shyness and fear of women played a big role in it) and I need some advice on how to proceed with this girl.

Met her about 3 months ago on a 3 days trip where I managed get her crazy about me and a week or two after the trip we ended up in bed. However, I was very drunk and couldn't get it up. I didn't contact her afterwards, because I was too embarrased about it.

I ran into her by accident after the Christmas, she told me she was disappointed that I didn't contact her back then, so we set up a date where we just chatted and ended up kissing. Yesterday, I came over to her house for a glass of wine and again we tried to have sex, however, I was so nervous that it would happen again with the same girl that... it really did (she seemed understanding though). I spent the night anyway and when I was leaving her house, we kissed and she told me to contact her.

She's very hot, so her attractiveness is not an issue - my nervousness is. I have a few questions:

1) How to proceed now? Should I invite her over to try again right away or should we hang out first? Should I text her now to let her know I'm still interested?
2) How to get rid of the nervousness? It happened 2 times, so I guess the 3rd time the pressure on me will only increase :-(
3) In case it does happen again, for the third time, is there a way to handle it or am I pretty much ****ed?

Thanks

This happens because you want to perform and you want to show her that you do good sex. This is ok but since you get so nervous that it doesnt get hard what I recommend you is to just hang out with her, have a good time together, do any activities you like: go to the cinema, to a bar...etc. AND GET COMFORTABLE AROUND HER.

You need to feel relaxed around her, you need to get to know her more so you feel calmed and if you do something 'wrong' you laugh and you dont feel estressed neither embarrased, do you understand what I mean? but in order to achieve this you must spend more time with her and get to know her more.

She is just a chick you met a few weeks ago, if she was your gf you would not feel embarrased or nervous, why? cause you would have a lot more trust and you would feel totally ok, normal and relaxed.

Do as I said, go on more dates, get comfortable around each other, forget about banging her (for at least three more dates), enjoy your time together...and after a few more dates you can escalate a bit, do some foreplay...have a couple more dates...and when you feel totally relaxed around her and turned on, you bang her.

pyros said:

Do as I said, go on more dates, get comfortable around each other, forget about banging her (for at least three more dates), enjoy your time together...and after a few more dates you can escalate a bit, do some foreplay...have a couple more dates...and when you feel totally relaxed around her and turned on, you bang her.

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Thank you for your advice... I would actually LOVE to do this and it would help me, however, won't I lose her by not trying to bang her for so long? I worry about her thinking I am afraid of sex etc. As I said, I am inexperienced, any insight is appreciated. Thanks.

I agree with Pyros,

Your worried about your performance and this anxiety comes from not being comfortable. It also comes from a set of irrational thoughts and beliefs, you say to yourself that you are inexperienced and have linked it to your inability to get an erection. Stop thinking and believing this. :nono: An erection comes due to being excited, not experience.

Change the way you think to something conducive and believe it. Don't say you are inexperienced to yourself again.

Spend more time on foreplay, kissing, cuddling and getting close to her. Enjoy the moment and your erection should come naturally. Whenever it comes, she will be more than ready to jump straight on it.

Dont worry if she leaves you because of this, it only adds to your anxiety.

You should also stop masturbating.

iryst said:

Thank you for your advice... I would actually LOVE to do this and it would help me, however, won't I lose her by not trying to bang her for so long? I worry about her thinking I am afraid of sex etc. As I said, I am inexperienced, any insight is appreciated. Thanks.

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take some cialis 5mg or 10mg prob 5mg is all you need before hand, keep using it till you finally get more relaxed and can get a boner without it.. you have performance anxiety.. if you're not relaxed you won't get a boner simple.

iryst said:

Thank you for your advice... I would actually LOVE to do this and it would help me, however, won't I lose her by not trying to bang her for so long? I worry about her thinking I am afraid of sex etc. As I said, I am inexperienced, any insight is appreciated. Thanks.

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If you have a good time together, like each other etc and do some foreplay after a couple more of dates, no, she won't dump you.

However, if she is a sl-ut which is looking for quick sex (which I think it is not the case) yes, she will dump you.

Fortunately for you I think she's looking for something more than sex.

A a side note, if after a few more dates, you end up in bed with her, you feel relaxed etc, and you're turned on, just think about YOUR OWN PLEASURE. Think she is a wh-ore you paid 50$. Why do I say this? because if you start thinking that you have to give sex very good sex, that she has to orgasm and that you cant do any mistakes it will make you feel stressed again, and you will loose your boner. Get it?

Be selfish for the first time with her and enjoy it. After you bang her you can focus on her because you will be relaxed anyway.

Its all in your head. This happend to me my first time, then i got it up and never had the problem again.

iryst said:

Hi guys, I admit I am pretty inexperienced when it comes to sex (although I am in my late 20's - my previous shyness and fear of women played a big role in it) and I need some advice on how to proceed with this girl.

Met her about 3 months ago on a 3 days trip where I managed get her crazy about me and a week or two after the trip we ended up in bed. However, I was very drunk and couldn't get it up. I didn't contact her afterwards, because I was too embarrased about it.

I ran into her by accident after the Christmas, she told me she was disappointed that I didn't contact her back then, so we set up a date where we just chatted and ended up kissing. Yesterday, I came over to her house for a glass of wine and again we tried to have sex, however, I was so nervous that it would happen again with the same girl that... it really did (she seemed understanding though). I spent the night anyway and when I was leaving her house, we kissed and she told me to contact her.

She's very hot, so her attractiveness is not an issue - my nervousness is. I have a few questions:

1) How to proceed now? Should I invite her over to try again right away or should we hang out first? Should I text her now to let her know I'm still interested?
2) How to get rid of the nervousness? It happened 2 times, so I guess the 3rd time the pressure on me will only increase :-(
3) In case it does happen again, for the third time, is there a way to handle it or am I pretty much ****ed?

Thanks

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Hmm i was seeing a HB9 in August. I fu*ked her twice, but my performance wasn't very good. Nothing gets a womans attraction up more than ****ing her brains out she gave me another chance after my first performance, but when i didn't match her standards the second time, i was history.

Ok OP, my advice would be get some practice practice makes perfect go on POF, OK Cupid & tinder & have lots of sex.

It is VERY frustrating when one cannot get it up.
Nerves try to disable you at the most crucial of times. It is difficult not to be nervous, but my advice is ignore the nerves.

Pyros might be right...do normal things with her to bring you two closer & get to know each other more will help.

When in the bedroom you could just play with her. Smelling her, Cuddling her, Light kisses. women love that stuff. Tickling her. Don't worry, enjoy her body Lose yourself with her & you will relax naturally that's the key. Don't worry about getting hard. Just enjoy her smell, her lips, tongue, ***** lips, nipples, her soft skin, enjoy eating her *****, fingering her

Generic viagra has gotten really cheap:
http://www.pure-sol.net/sildenafil.html

I used to have the same problem. Got some Cialis from the Doc and used it a few times to get my confidence back.

Did you try again in the morning when she slept over?

Morning wood saved my a$s more than once lol.

iryst said:

Hi guys, I admit I am pretty inexperienced when it comes to sex (although I am in my late 20's - my previous shyness and fear of women played a big role in it) and I need some advice on how to proceed with this girl.

Met her about 3 months ago on a 3 days trip where I managed get her crazy about me and a week or two after the trip we ended up in bed. However, I was very drunk and couldn't get it up. I didn't contact her afterwards, because I was too embarrased about it.

I ran into her by accident after the Christmas, she told me she was disappointed that I didn't contact her back then, so we set up a date where we just chatted and ended up kissing. Yesterday, I came over to her house for a glass of wine and again we tried to have sex, however, I was so nervous that it would happen again with the same girl that... it really did (she seemed understanding though). I spent the night anyway and when I was leaving her house, we kissed and she told me to contact her.

She's very hot, so her attractiveness is not an issue - my nervousness is. I have a few questions:

1) How to proceed now? Should I invite her over to try again right away or should we hang out first? Should I text her now to let her know I'm still interested?
2) How to get rid of the nervousness? It happened 2 times, so I guess the 3rd time the pressure on me will only increase :-(
3) In case it does happen again, for the third time, is there a way to handle it or am I pretty much ****ed?

Thanks

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This has happened to me before. It was a similar situation.. I funnily enough managed to perform while I was drunk but when she came to stay with me for a weekend a couple of months later I wasn't able to perform. The worst part was because I knew I was only with her for the weekend, I put even more pressure on myself on the second night and the same thing happened. I was quite light-hearted about it and she didn't seem to mind.

Went to see her a few weeks later and there were no problems.

One thing I will say is stop whacking off for a while before you see her next (if you are) and definitely give up porn.

Go buy a Viagra or a d!ck pill from the gas station - pop it 30 minutes before and be done with it. These threads are so redundant on this topic - its just your nerves.

If it helps anything, know this: she will probably think it's her fault since she's not turning you on enough, making her just as anxious as you

So don't sweat it, girls are just as nervous.

Hey Iryst,

You have sexual performance anxiety based erectile dysfunction http://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/guide/sexual-performance-anxiety-causes-treatments.

Generally speaking your first few times for most men having sex will end it one of the following scenarios.

1. You're so anxious you can't get it up
2. You're so anxious you won't last more than 30 seconds

It's a very common condition and over 30% of men under age 40 will experience this condition. This happened to me several times prior to losing my virginity. I was so damn nervous I couldn't get it up. I was also watching porn and jerking off 2-3 times a day. What ultimately cured me was nofap and taking a pill of viagra prior to sex. I used Viagra for 4 months until I finally was able to get erections without it. I also quit watching porn completely during this period. I cut masturbation down to once a week too.

What I suggest doing
1. Take it slow, get naked with her and make out with her a bit, suck her titties, and see if an erection happens
2. If you fail to get an erection you can still finger her and give her oral to orgasm
3. Rub your limp **** on her ***** for a few minutes in between fingering her and oral. You need to get over this mental block and desensitize yourself to her vagina.
4. If all else fails get some Viagra. While on Viagra you'll get a raging boner with just the slightest stimulation. I recommend Viagra for all nervous virgins.

So.... This girl from work came over last night... First girl from work I've talked to in 4 years.

We did some shots together. Put on some music.

Started making out. Got hard. But was still doing foreplay. Was enjoying the moment.

Then........

My raging boner went away.

This is extra bad news because this isn't just some girl that I can choose to never see again if I can't get hard. This is a girl I'll see everyday, and be reminded of the fact I couldn't get it up.

^ That's going through my mind as it's going on.

Not good...


---
The key was: She didn't react in any way to it. She continued to make out with me. Gave me head - even though my d!ck didn't budge an inch... She continued to let me finger her.

She could squirt; so I made her squirt a few times.

Tried again. Failed again. More messing around. Again, she never acted like it was an issue. Which helped a ton.

Then finally - she gave me head again and I got hard in about 30 seconds.

Instantly slid it inside her.

---

Fvcked her for about 10 minutes.... Then.... Started to lose my erection.

So what do I do?

I act like I'm cumming. Acting like I had came in 10 minutes seemed like a much better solution than her knowing I just went limp again.

Then I say, "That was good. But I'm not done with you."

----

Now everything is in the clear.

If I struggle to get it up again. It can just be because "it's the 2nd round, i don't always get up for the 2nd round."

And so on and so on...



But instead I ended up fvcking or fingering her for 3 out of the next 4 hours.... Came twice. Fake came 2 times as well lol

Was my best performance in years...

Crazy considering how it began!




And that's what I did in very similar circumstances.

Aaaaand she dumped me over text before I had a chance to see her again... great.

Dust 2 Dust said:

3. Rub your limp **** on her ***** for a few minutes in between fingering her and oral. You need to get over this mental block and desensitize yourself to her vagina.

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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This

Whilst kissing my lady i'll rub my **** against her *****. Feels great Relax bro.