Third Wheel on Couples Outtings

The older I get the more frequently I seem to be invited to events with mostly couples. Which makes sense, people tend to pair off as they get older, but it's always a bit of a minefield to balance giving couples their space and not being left out.


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Recent event:

Halloween party at my buddies house. His girlfriend and another couple were going to be there, along with a few of her single friends and some random dudes from work. None of the single people show up, so it's just me and the two couples (and I'm the only one in costume :rockon:, bearded wizard/rap artist)

This is the first time I met his girlfriend and she's being very stand-offish in the group conversations I'm involved with - which is fine, I continue to be friendly but focus my attention on the other couple, and hand out candy to the trick-or-treaters.

Later on my friend brings up the idea of going bowling that night, and I tell him that would be perfect for the two couples and I'll probably head out for the evening. His girlfriend turns to me, and says she really wants me to go and that she'd be sad if I didn't, with a pouting look on her face. I tell her that doesn't work on me and the two couples will have a great time. My friend insists so I ended up going bowling.

Some of the minefields I'm talking about:

1. His girlfriend grabs my sunglasses and wizard hat, puts them on, and starts making silly faces. She wanted me to take photos with my phone and text them to her. Right as she's giving me her number, I tell her it's cool I will just text them to her boyfriends phone as I already have his number. He's sitting right next to her. I try and get him involved by having him put on the hat and sunglasses next for a photo, and get a photo of them both and send them to his phone. She wears my sunglasses, and he wears my hat the rest of the night.

2. At the end of the night, my friend offers his couch if I don't feel sober enough to drive home. His girl then invites me to go on a walk with her and her mom the next morning, as my friend usually likes to sleep in. I thank them, but decline and go home.

3. I find out later, my friend told his girlfriend before the party that I'm someone who "really likes tall redheads, he's dated a bunch of them", she happens to be a tall redhead. In the past, he's told me "she likes talking about real estate, just like you". And all the details about how awesome she looks naked.
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I'm not sure if he's trying to be a prick, or is clueless with what's he's saying and just wants to brag a little. He met her through an online dating site and they became exclusive after a month. To be honest, if I would have met her when she was single, I would have pursued her. However, now that her and my friend are a couple, I'm not going do anything to break them apart and will support my friend.


Flash forward to last week: Another friend invites me to join him/his girlfriend and my friend/his redheaded girlfriend for a weekend in Las Vegas. So it will be a weekend with 2 couples and me. Both dudes are cool with me being there and want me to go.

I'm on the fence with this trip. Three days hanging out with the couples is a bit much. However, it's in Las Vegas and I can always go have fun without them and meet up for dinner or whatever.

Where and how do you draw the line? How would you proceed?

A trip to Vegas and some friendly "home base" social circle to go with you AND the possibility of going off on your own to meet women.

Let's spin the SS decision wheel...

The pointer is stopping on.... Number.....13

13. Fvck Yes. No brainer.


Anyway, I totally understand the third wheel feelings, but this trip has potential.

I hear ya about the third wheel feeling. Unless it's with just the guys, I never go out with couples. I don't give a phuck where they go, I just don't do it. I don't like they way I feel when I'm around them.
It's like meeting your Ferrari owning buddies at a Ferrari convention on a bicycle! WTF are you doing there??

Single with the single, couples with the couples.

Wouldn't go

First, I think you did a very good job during that party. Not easy to figure out what people want and still play it cool. You have your boundaries and stick to them, I admire this sort of conduct.

Second, I probably wouldn't go on that trip. Sounds to me like your buddies wanna have both - the fun of having you around and the security/comfort of their GFs. Sadly, it is very common for people to fvck up their friendships bc they are in a new relationship. Decide what works for you and be sure to be very clear about it to those guys. If they are good friends, which I assume, they will not be pissed about it, but thankful bc they are currently ODing on oxytocin and will not want to lose your friendship.

Wow, you seem to be much more sensitive toward your friends than most guys around here. Most posts like this here go something like this;

"Hung out with my friends and their girlfriends. My beta friend's girl kept eyeing me the whole night and wanted my number. She clearly wants to fvck. How do I bang this chick without my friend getting p!ssed about it?"