A little more distant? Reach out or no?

A plate I've been spinning for about a month. She's always texted first, initiated hang outs, etc. Reached an all time high last week she texted me every day, Sunday - Saturday. This last week she's been a little more cold it seems. No contact Monday, Tuesday. Wednesday I asked her to chill and we did, which nearly escalated to s*x and then she kissed me goodbye. No contact Thursday, Friday she says "Hey you! What's up?" I reply "not much chillin" and no reply from her Friday, Sat, or today.

I committed to not reach out to her, and wait at the very least a few more days. Not so much to play "games" but because I realized my frame was starting to slip. I was becoming too attached, outcome dependent, trying to make everything perfect and plan it out in my head, etc. I cared too much.

The thing is, my text game has been perfect and I haven't changed much how I act around her. I've only texted her first once in 2 weeks. So I don't think she senses the frame change necessarily, but it's there and I found myself getting gradually more stressed over the whole situation.

She initiated the last contact but I sent the last text. I'm wondering if eventually I should hit her up again in a few days once I get my composure? I was thinking 4-5 days from now so I see her on the weekend. Or assuming her attraction went down, should I totally wait till she contacts me, even if that means waiting a longer time? Luckily even if it has gone down I haven't burned any bridges yet. Cuz last time I saw her we were hooking up so it can't be that bad yet. As soon as I got the sense something may be off (with me, not her) I stepped back.

Also if she hits me up before then should I escalate immediately or wait a couple days to get her hamster spinning, continue being scarce, then hit her up on the weekend?

Just curious to hear DJ's opinions on this.

She pulls back an inch, you pull back a foot, she pulls back a foot, you pull back a yard. She pulls back a yard, you pull back 10 yards. She pulls back 10 yards, you pull back 100 yards. She pulls back 100 yards, you pull back a mile.

I'd wait a few days then send her a text like nothing happened...no big deal, just don't get all crazy about it

marmel75 said:

She pulls back an inch, you pull back a foot, she pulls back a foot, you pull back a yard. She pulls back a yard, you pull back 10 yards. She pulls back 10 yards, you pull back 100 yards. She pulls back 100 yards, you pull back a mile.

I'd wait a few days then send her a text like nothing happened...no big deal, just don't get all crazy about it

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That's what I plan to do. You think if she hits me up before then I should try to escalate or make her wait?

I think she's testing this a bit because she's not sure whether you're interested in her or not.
I wouldn't initiate untill she initiates but if she doesn't initiate till wed/thur i'd send a text like:

"Lets do .... this weekend"

If she can't, no big deal she's still testing, DO NOT give in.
you say: "sure no worries"

This way you act indifferent and her ****test won't have any effect.

Bro quit with the chit chat and just ask her out. "I would like to go to xxx Friday, are you free?". If she says yes, kino, escalate, bang. If she says no with no counter, next. I know that is a little cliche around here, but there is a reason for that. It works.

Ask her out.

MOTU said:

Bro quit with the chit chat and just ask her out. "I would like to go to xxx Friday, are you free?". If she says yes, kino, escalate, bang. If she says no with no counter, next. I know that is a little cliche around here, but there is a reason for that. It works.

Ask her out.

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I've already "asked her out." We've banged 5 times. I'm past that phase. I think Lolapo is right it's a sh!t test. Because this happened before and she became less interested when I pursued her but then came crawling back once I stopped talking to her. She wants me to hit her up so she gets the satisfaction of knowing I'm into her, hahaha. Not gonna fail this sh!t test.

When she texted you asking you "What's up?" you should have taken that opportunity to set up the next date.

Women grow through praise. You want to encourage her to continue to reach out by rewarding her initiation with your time and attention. When you said "Not much chillin" that basically communicated your disinterest. She was putting herself into your orbit so you'd make something happen, and instead you tried too hard to come off aloof.

Stugots26 said:

When she texted you asking you "What's up?" you should have taken that opportunity to set up the next date.

Women grow through praise. You want to encourage her to continue to reach out by rewarding her initiation with your time and attention. When you said "Not much chillin" that basically communicated your disinterest. She was putting herself into your orbit so you'd make something happen, and instead you tried too hard to come off aloof.

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I've always texted her like that. I did come off as aloof, but as I said, my frame was off. I was slowly becoming more needy, stressed, outcome dependent, and worrying too much, etc. And her attraction was decreasing because of this. And I didn't realize this until afterwards. I wasn't even in the right mindset to set up another date, it could have been the one that did me in.

When she texted me everyday for a week straight it was like a dopamine rush and I got used to it. Then when it stopped I started overthinking and worrying, etc. Then I realized I used to never give a fu*k if she texted me, or if I ever spoke to her again. So if I care now that means somewhere along the way I got pulled into the drama of it all. Only way out is just to regroup and stay NC for now which is what I'm doing. Seems to be working. I'll give it a few more days and then hit her up if I'm feeling up for it.

marmel75 said:

She pulls back an inch, you pull back a foot, she pulls back a foot, you pull back a yard. She pulls back a yard, you pull back 10 yards. She pulls back 10 yards, you pull back 100 yards. She pulls back 100 yards, you pull back a mile.

Click to expand...

Words of wisdom.. The way you wrote it seems a bit over the top, but really isn't. If you keep pulling back more than she does and it doesn't pull you closer, then she really, really, wants nothing from you. You've just done yourself a favor. You cut down on the agony and you let yourself cool down gradually.

Update here http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2205116#post2205116