Be A Manly Man not a PUA Nerd

You could stay on SS and read awhile how to be DJ, PUA etc. Personally I never found the Book of Pook and all that stuff to be all the useful... and the main problem if you want to admit it or not is because of the mindset behind all the online message boards. Its a bunch of people writing about and practicing THEORIES by observing naturals and trying to distill in a few handy tips, vibing, openers, neg techniques etc to try and figure out what it really means to be a man. Its all cognitive effort to mask inadequacy and girls FEEL the difference. What you should really be doing is focusing on what is holding you back in your life, why are you not a natural? Why not be a success? Why not gain more experience in the real world?

With that being said, here is a collection of insights that I believe to be true from both online "gurus" and from personal experience doing cold approach and hitting up the bars ALONE to see what actually works. Theres also a few scary insights to AFCs that show how the real world works instead of thinking the PUA magic wand will solve all problems. Im not advocating to take advantage of social situations to hurt people but just to be aware and avoid poor partner choices/decisions (aka buying temperature and Rule of One).


Men get laid, Nerds get PLAYED


---Go OUT. ALOT---
For most people admitting they are not taking enough action and spending enough energy in their lives to go out and actually sleep with girls is the hardest thing to accept.

Wives are more important than qualifications so don't spin your wheels and bull**** yourself hoping you will be rewarded for herb like behavior. A lot of people will tell you about living a "balanced lifestyle" and self improvement to attract the girls. This is bull****. Spending hours and years mastering that excel sheet is NOT going to get you laid or married. Hit the club and bar seven days a week, work on your social circle, go to and organize house parties, travel abroad. This will get you laid. Once I realised this I saw a massive improvement in myself as a person and my options with girls. I am currently on a 2 year contract with work but after that I am going to travel the world for a year and really tie down this skill.

I encourage anyone who thinks they are making "progress" in their lives to take 3 months out and really focus your effort on getting a partner and options, as a partner will stand by you and support you far better in the long run than a qualification when you lose your cube. If you are not in a position to quit your job today (like me), then make a committed effort to socialize with girls and meet new people at least 30min a day to maintain your social skills. Go out AT LEAST once a week! AT LEAST! Social skills are not a refection of you, it is a SKILL that you must focus your attention on improving to reach your full potential as a man. Hours and hours of communication, listening, questions and stories. I can control emotion and keep a conversation flowing endlessly and interesting for both people for 5 hours+, its virtually impossible to feel awkward around me, unless I dont like you and want you to feel awkward Learning the art of talking endless **** to build good emotions, learning when to go quiet and relax, learning how to listen and lead questions... Harness your social POWER not your cube POWER.

Let me give you an example to really kick your ass in gear. One of my friends Bob stayed at home playing video games and quickly feel for a HB7 that moved into his accommodation. I took one look at her and it was immediately obvious she was just a slag. Nothing special here. Eventually Bob got desperate and turned to PUA to "seduce" her and HB7 started to regularly enjoy playfully flirting with Bob to no end. This only help massively ramp up Bobs feelings and investment while stroking HB7 ego for free. Eventually HB7 moves to another country and my friend cries and confesses his undying love for her. Bob never sees her again and HB7 talks rubbish behind his back. Holy ****. I really felt my friends pain when I heard this but the story gets even better.

Bob has another close friend since school, probably one of his closest friends actually, Mike. Mike is an outgoing guy, less intelligent and holds a decent job. Mike likes to hit the bars and have fun after work. He runs into HB7 randomly, they have a fun night and she brings Mike back to Bobs house where they **** alllll night long. They **** in Bobs HOUSE, let that sink in. Things start to evolve into a relationship but HB7 has to move out and travel for work so things fizzle out for a year. When HB7 comes back she discovers Mike has long since moved on and is now MARRIED to a HB8 he also met at the bar. Now Mike, HB7 and HB8 hang out and have a great time together socializing while both of these girls despise Bob who is cut from the group. Bob and Mike are still as close as ever, Bob confesses love regardless of his friend ****ing HB7 in his own house. Bob still lives on his own and doesnt go out because girls that arent into video games "bore" him. Who do you want to be in 5 years time? Bob? or Mike?


---When you go out, go out ALONE---
I have found that during the daytime and when I go out at night I do FAR better alone. During the daytime if Im cold approaching and on my own Im usually out of my day-to-day routine and random things can happen At night time going out alone is even more important. It forces you to leave your comfort zone and go talk to other people (male and female), to make new friends, to take action to having a good night. Most importantly of all going out alone makes you more approachable! Wow! That wasnt in the book of pook! I thought you have to be shapeless, aloof and display value? Nope! Be more approachable. I call this peacocking as that is essentially what you are doing.

If you are working the room people will notice you and want to be around you. This is where most people go wrong. If you go to the bar or club with a bunch of your buds no one will see your energy, in fact you will be under social pressure NOT to approach. Your familiar group will make you lazy and anxious as you are already having a "good time"... and worst of all when your friends dont want to go out anymore.. YOU WONT EVEN GO OUT ANYMORE!!!! NOOOO!!! Welcome to the AFC zone where people tell you where you can and cant go and girls (cougars) have to approach a massive group of guys to get laid hahahaha.

Go out often and go where you want to go. Take initiative in your life. You will get new and better friends, you will get laid and kissed a lot over time if you can embrace it. For me going out alone is easy because I have spent the last three years on day time cold approach. It really took me this long to realize my friends are holding me back and it is OK to hit the bar alone. Now that I go out regularly the social quality of the girls and friends I approach has gone way up. I have massive abundance, happiness and indifference towards the 2 or 3 cold fish at work. If you have cold approached for a long time going out alone is like shooting fish in a barrel compared to "warming up" a cold approach with someone who may be afraid of guys, anti-social, busy, bad mood or already have a boyfriend. Go out alone, tonight preferably!


---Peacock yourself---
When going to the bar... dress well stand at the front of the bar and open a mixed set, preferably the guys in the mixed set. Have a good time and create a positive social vibe. A combination of looking good, working out and being clearly visible having a good time equates to.. you guessed it! Being approached and opened by even more girls. Ironically I find being opened by girls the hardest thing in the world to manage as I am use to the other side of cold approach. You can also open girls at the front of the bar if you want, ideally fat chicks if you want to "display value" or whatever before moving to the hot girls. Mainly just stay visible, standing and in a small group.


---Play sober---
Caffeine makes you anxious, alcohol makes you drowsy, soda keeps you sparky (sugar hit). When im out socialising I typically lean towards fanta or coke. This keeps me sober but also gives me a nice sugar hit to keep things going. Ive actually found out while travelling abroad and got sick that a sugar drink is great for temporarily masking a cold while your out socialising.




Be NORMAL not DESPERATE


---Screen mother****er---
When starting out everything looks good. However as you get more experienced you start to qualify girls over the conversation to see if you are compatible. How old is she, Where is she living (logistics), does she laugh, how does she handle a neg, is she single etc. You want to be sure the girl is emotionally stable, lives close by and is not seeing anyone. Failure to screen for these things early in the conversation and you are in for a bad time as you emotionally invest.


---You are enough---
Forget passive prize mentality stuff, if you are looking down on girls that will get you no where. Approach and accept that she is probably attracted to you purely on the basis that you are a man, in the same way you are attracted to her because she is a girl. Just talk to her as an equal. The pedestal is a lie bro you put it there yourself, you dont have to pull her down.


---Be arousing not attractive---
This is actually pretty important, you dont want to give a women a flat range of emotions (attraction only) you want to have her feel a wide variety of feelings over a long period of time. This is known as having a normal conversation that is free of expectation. It will give you depth and a stronger connection with the girl. You will have a sense of identity that will probably pull the girl in more.

Destroy the FRIEND ZONE... FOREVER


---Polarize the interaction---
Polarize and have fun to create chemistry. This is SUPER important. Too many guys focus on trying to impress or "game" a girl, which makes you come across LIKE A GIRL. Take the lead, ask her out, tell a women what to do and expect compliance. Women HATE making little decisions and will punish you for being indecisive and unclear in your intent. If the women starts to get annoyed or calls you out on being pushy, calibrate and wait, or just eject the set. By polarizing you are building a more permanent, slower and loyal attraction in the girl and she builds up comfort and trust. Either that or she will walk, no time wasted.


---A girl is interested when she is shy---
I have found very flirty and friendly girls are just being flirty and friendly. They are trying to be aloof and soften the blow. You will most likely get a phone number and a smile. Its not until they BECOME shy or the girl you opened was already shy that they are starting to become self conscious, worried about what you think of them, giggly and starting to like you.


---Persistent to pass **** tests---
Sometimes a girl will test your strength and refuse to comply with your request. Ask her three times out on a date, to move to another venue, to get her number etc. You are losing girls by giving up at even the slightest sign of rejection! Give it three tries and if she still wont budge, its not a **** test, shes in a ****ty mood and doesnt want to spend time with you (assuming the request was reasonable!)


---Physical rapport---
Build physical rapport in a natural way over the course of knowing the girl. I always start with a handshake when I meet someone. Taps on shoulder and arms are always good, you can also say goodbye with a hug or better a kiss on the cheek if you know her well. The idea here is your not being overly aggressive but your also building physical rapport. If you both agreed to meet on a date hold her hand immediately after greeting and take the lead. During the date you should have made at least three attempts to kiss the girl in addition to the other physical rapport.



Happy super fun time ALL the time!


---Be unstifled!---
Practice ignoring social ques and build your own reality. Most of us are way too caught up in what people think of us. This makes us audit ourselves, have less fun and just be less fun to be around. We are self-conscious of the machine judging us. This is bad if you want to be attractive to people in general. Sing loudly in your room when people are watching, wear silly clothes, bust out some crazy moves at the club. Stop caring about what people think of you and be someone that they secretly admire and WISH they could be. Your positive energy will get you noticed by girls and keep the girls long term. Often times when you stop pleasing the machine people will actually come to expect you to be more outgoing and positive as part of THEIR reality. And when that happens there is NO going back baby!


---Freedom from outcome---
You care too much about sleeping with this girl, or getting that girls number, or not upsetting "the one". Stop doing that. Stop practicing game and just say the first thing that comes to your mind. Just say it. Have fun, be real, polarize etc. Once you are free from outcome you are free to have fun, and ironically this will lead to more options with solid girls.


---Build compliance to protect your emotions---
With girls you want to reward good behavior and punish bad behavior. If they are good to you give attention and compliments... if they do something you dont like punish bad behavior with negs and withdrawing attention. This communicates that you have standards and are willing to walk, but ultimately want to build something special. In some cases you will actually have to walk and find someone better, but thats kind of the point of super fun time. For example your girl stops having sex with you as often as you like (**** test), well stop spending as much time together watching her favorite shows... ehh be subtle about it though. Hell why not go out to the bar for the hour without reason to really drive her nuts Maybe even complain to other single girls there that your girl doesnt put out like she use too and things arent special anymore hahahaha

If you FAIL to build compliance over time the girl will not agree to being isolated with you, or worse still down the road she will feel OK with cheating on you because she knows she wont be punished, you will stay around like a chump and keep feeding her positive vibes for less and less investment. Once a girl feels like she owns you they get lazy in an instant. Protect your emotions and build compliance before you over invest in a roller-coaster relationship. They say the best relationships are those where the couple spend their lives "winning each other over". Never give yourself all away.

This also goes out to all those guys who fear marriage and getting screwed over. See a girl over the course of 10 years and give marriage as a "reward" for decades of solid relationship compliance. Lock a girl down too soon by rewarding low investment on her part and you are in a hella trouble. In fact all windows of escalation (compliment, physical, date, your place, parents place, moving in, kids, marriage etc) should be viewed as "rewards" for compliance and teammate fun like behavior. Your life isnt a charity. Make that ***** work her ass off!!



The Dark Side of GIRLS: All Who Enter BEWARE


---Time is your ally---
The more time a women spends with you without making aggressive moves the more she will like you (see: you are enough). Sometimes patience and a manly vibe is all you need to isolate and sleep with a girl. This is why I would consider sleeping with your bros girlfriend or a married coworker the lowest form of seduction. Quality sexually open girl already semi isolated and with validation from her guy that you are safe (lowered defense). Some girls would never cheat on their guy, but the rule still applies! Instead just use time to your advantage on the street or at the bar and take your time to really know the girl and just have fun with it.


---Rule of One---
Women will sleep with the most masculine man in a set IF he can lead. If you are a super girly emotional fat guy on a desert island with a girl, she WILL sleep with you on the sole virtue that you own a ****. People are meant to "couple up", so if you are a lack luster guy so long as you can isolate a girl (say her mans on a holiday) there is a good chance she will perceive you as higher value and want to move things forward. However once a more mature man jumps into the picture back into the friend zone you go. This is why a women will jump between different guys when isolated long enough and be left wondering why she cheated on her perfect man.


---Girls have a buying temperature---
If you build massive arousal in a girl, either super positive feelings or have a massive argument negative feelings (either end of the scale), isolate and **** her fast. When a women is in a strong emotional state she is ready to **** and it is very VERY easy for another guy to sweep in and take the girl off your hands if you fail to lead fast. Ive seen this online with girls gamed hard all night only to be swept away by someone else on the way home. It has also happened to me when my girl stormed off in a huff and right into the arms of a friend zone guy. They will not question or reason who had the power to put them into an emotional state in the first place, they WILL simply act on it and reason their actions later. This is the kind of dark lesson you will only have to face once maybe twice in your lifetime, but be ready when it comes.

Nice! Going out now.

So, where do you go when you go out alone?

sharkbeat said:

So, where do you go when you go out alone?

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Typically sharkbeat I will go to the bar because I cant dance for ****, but even going to an art gallery or cafe alone would be a great way to meet people. Most of my lunch breaks on my own usually end up with me having lunch with a stranger "Hey mind if I join you?" "No not at all"... "bla bla bla". The main point is that going out alone frees you of your comfort zone and pushes you to socialise. You are also exposing yourself to a high volume of SINGLE girls per week just by being there (club or bar).


One of the down sides to day game cold approach is that even if the girls like you they typically have legit live in boyfriends. Ive mainly relied on cold approach up to this point so Im fairly new to the bar scene but here is my process so far. As Im on the way to the bar if I happen to see a cute girl idling around I will cold approach and invite to join me at the bar!


Within two minutes of entering the bar I am at the bar front talking to somebody (male or female), or if the bar is quiet the bar tender. I stay there in a visible position for 20mins or so supping my drink. Standing at the bar front alone, or with another GUY, is a social invitation to get approached by people. If the fish are not biting I will go to the bathroom or the smoking area to consider my options. When I re-enter the bar I will try approaching a larger group that may have just arrived and ask if I can join them. If you are approaching a large group and they accept you, its important to semi-ignore the girls until they are introduced and buy a drink for at least one person within the first 5mins or so. This will open people up to talking to you and build trust.

If after all this (an hour) I got nothing I will hit another bar and repeat the cycle. The main thing to consider when going to the bar is to "own your space" and make only a few friendly approaches. If people see you hitting up on every girl in the bar and constantly moving/scoping around your just being the creepy guy.

I actually had some fun with this this week. The bar was quiet so I decided to go for a walk for a half hour. Along my travels I come across a wandering guitar player playing tunes in the dark. The second I saw him I thought "PERFECT" and my eyes light up, another person thinking outside the box. I ask where he was going and he was going to play on the bridge. I ask him to join me at the bar because he seems like a cool guy and also as it turns out we already knew each other in passing. I order a drink for the two of us, ask the bar tender if she minds if my friend plays guitar "no problem at all" and we stay for an hour. I get the feeling the guitar player went all out to make up for the free drink. Afew people come up asking us "If we are the band" and taking song requests hahaha. I couldnt of planned a night like this if I tried too. Sadly because it was a quiet night to begin with no girls approached us, but it still beats the hell out of sitting at home learning "seduction techniques". Even the guy himself said he has had women come up and ask if he has a girlfriend because (I assume) he is adding so much value and fun to the location as well as good old fashioned exposure. In fact for me as well, I have noticed when I am having a good time and joking around with someone I just meet and the vibe is going surprisingly well this is when the girls start to show. They are pulled towards the fun in the room. You cant force a fun connection but it sure makes a difference if it happens.


Here are three other points to consider:

People tend to focus on the negative so I think of going out alone a lot like a lucky bag. Some nights are going to be good and others are going to be boring, so part of the fun of going out tonight is not knowing what will happen! Even if you are depressed and having a ****ty night out because of it, still go out! You will pat yourself on the back later for not giving into your low mood.

If people ask "Do they know you/who are you/are you here alone?", and typically they wont unless they are closed off to begin with, just be honest that you are here alone, that your friends dont like going out and you are looking to meet new people.

I cold approach or strike up conversations with strangers during the day to build social momentum. However now that you are free to go out whenever YOU want and not the group think as before, if you build a good connection with someone why not invite them to your favorite bar/hang out later in the day or week?

Hope that helps shark.

hahaha BASICALLY WHOLE THREAD I will have to work this vid into my sig really great.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uOIlX31o2M

pua never works because your rehearsing and manipulating situations. Instead of just being yourself.

It's ironic how the main guys who practice pua are the same guys who dress up like their favorite star wars characters on the weekends

Wait what? Please man, Star Wars is awesome and if you want to make an example of faggish clothing, lets talk Star Trek. Tights? Who the fck wears those. Luke and Han had style. If I had Storm Trooper armour, I would walk around in it all day long.

Star Wars
-------------

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uAl6JOSwJ...DIfc/lAdEcTsBfSA/s1600/star_wars_girls_27.jpg

http://www.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=...iact=rc&uact=3&dur=507&page=1&start=0&ndsp=25

http://www.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=...act=rc&uact=3&dur=380&page=3&start=56&ndsp=31

http://xaxor.com/female/hot-girls-i...hment/hot-girls-in-star-wars-costumes-part2-7

http://www.damncoolpictures.com/2012/10/sexy-star-wars-girls.html

http://www.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=...ct=rc&uact=3&dur=564&page=6&start=144&ndsp=29

http://www.google.ca/url?sa=i&rct=j...Suk1MksGzjhgCVvPbitnleGg&ust=1415279948621230

Star Trek
---------

http://www.nerdytimes.com/the-nerdy-times-episode-31-star-trek-costume/


BIG DIFFERENCE.

Fatal Jay said:

pua never works because your rehearsing and manipulating situations. Instead of just being yourself.

It's ironic how the main guys who practice pua are the same guys who dress up like their favorite star wars characters on the weekends

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I dont think Fatal Jay is making fun of starwars just that there is a connection between geeky past times and learning pua, which lets be honest here, is the geekist way to learn about girls.

I also think there is a lot of truth behind the problem of "rehearsing" situations instead of experiencing situations yourself. When I went too deep into PUA at the beginning and really digging into the nuances of every social interaction with girls there was so much ungrounded information running in my head about how to avoid making mistakes and moving forward that there was no processing room left to just be my authentic self.



Anyway I wanted to shine in with how my night went tonight to show the value of reference experiences and that the tips I have pulled together here will help moving you towards growing as a man.


I had 40mins to wait for the bus, more than enough time to socialise in the bar close by. After going to the bathroom and scoping the place out I notice a guy sitting on his own playing with his smart phone, so I go over and ask if he is waiting for anyone "no", I ask if he minds if I can join him for a drink "of course thats no problem". So I go over to the bar front order my drink and by the time I turn around and come back, the guy and his drink are GONE. The limely bastard lied to my face. I sat down anyway thinking maybe he will be back with friends or something. He didnt. Lesson learned! People can lie to your face very well when you are in a friendly state.

I notice another guy who seems to be on his own by the bar front trying to talk to the bar tenders. He looks like he might want to chat but after being blown out I dont want to be seen as desperate and instead decide to stay where I am, "own the space", sip my drink, resist the urge to pull out my smart phone and just observe around me. Eventually he finishes his drink and leaves.

So, Ive been here 20mins nothing interesting has happened. No connections made, possible lost opportunity and besides the large group of people watching the match in the corner, the bar is actually pretty dead. Oh well I guess this will just be a quiet night. The fact that I came out and felt relaxed on my own, the night already felt like a success. Feelin pretty good anyway.

At this point a HB8 walks in on her own, she is warmly greeted by most of the staff so I assume she is a regular or possibly staff herself. She orders a drink at the bar front and I watch waiting to see if she will end her chat with the bar tender or if she is waiting for someone. Eventually she takes her drink and moves away from the bar front so I go in for the kill without a second thought

DB: Hey are you here alone?
HB8: Uh
DB: I am waiting for my bus why dont you join me for a drink
HB8: yeah ok
(go back to my seat)
HB8: I see you are on the hard stuff (I am drinking sparkling water, staying sober, the fact that she has a sense of humour is a good sign)
DB: Yep what are you drinking?

(normal convo)

DB: So why are you here alone, are you waiting for someone?
HB8: Yeah a friend
DB: A boyfriend? (screening)
HB8: A half boyfriend... I am thinking of getting rid of him soon (interesting, wonder why)
DB: A half boyfriend? Yeah I have a lot of half sort of kind of girlfriends
HB8: Do they know about the other girls?
DB: Yeah some know about each other
DB: So I am waiting for the bus driver and you are waiting for your half boyfriend
HB8: He is running late
DB: Well that gives you 20mins to try and get my number before I leave
HB8: *happy shock* Doesnt that usually work the other way round?
DB: Well I brought you over I cant do all the work
HB8: You do realise I am waiting for someone?
DB: Yep *smile*

(normal convo, I find out that she is a bar tender at lucys, a different bar, and she tells me she is use to her customers coming in just to hit on her)

HB8: When I am working at lucys I usually give them fake numbers, I have only given my real number out twice.
DB: So what was different on the other two guys?
HB8: Well one was just very persistent so I gave in and the other was handsome so why not (one thing I dont ask here is if these numbers actually materialized into dates, from my experience probably not)
DB: Thats great so I do have a chance of getting your number
HB8: Not much of a chance! You are not being persistent enough

(more normal convo)

HB8: Shouldnt you be getting your bus?
DB: Thats right *passes over phone*
HB8: I am not giving you my number, you are not persistent enough
DB: I should have bought you a drink *gets up to leave*
HB8: Hey, I guess I will see you at lucys some time?
DB: ... Lucys? (lucys is an hour into town from where I am)
DB: This is my place (the bar we are in), see you
HB8: bye

There is no way in hell I am going to chase her down at lucys and behave like all her other customers, while she STILL spends her TIME OFF with her half boyfriend. She has to find me now and talk to me as an equal.


Incidentally I nearly miss the bus. The odds of my getting a bar tenders number were not good but as you can see I went from a pretty bad night to a pretty good night, and was pumped at how natural and easy pulling this girl was. Had the guy earlier not been rude I would not of had a chance to talk to pretty much the hottest girl in the bar at that time, and actually the hottest Ive seen so far on my nights out. You just DONT KNOW what will happen unless you go out.

What I learnt: People can be very friendly to mask rude intent. A girl will openly flirt with other guys if you are late and also openly admit she is thinking of DUMPING the guy she is seeing SOON.. its not a matter of if but when something better comes along. Girls give out fake numbers, unless you are "handsome" then you get a free pass. Also the fact that she was surprised I tried to "flip the script" and later asked if I would see her at lucys were all good signs. In hindsight I could of said something clever to get the number and make sure we meet again, but given she gives out fake numbers I wasnt going to push it. Also, I didnt have a "game plan" here, I was just being a man at the bar saying and doing the first things that came to mind. There is always MORE that you could have done, but you just keep building up your experience and refining. Far better reference experiences in that one night than sitting at home learning and memorizing game.

All really good advice. Nice post.

Rule of three: Ask her out three times and if they won't date you or offer alternative plans... than walk away.

Always look your best: Dress like you might meet someone you want to be with because sooner or later it will. Opportuntities come up unexpectedly... it is better to be dressed well and cleaned up and not need it, then to wish you weren't wearing your lawn care clothes when you are face to face with a hottie.

Time is your ally: Absolutely! Patience is your friend. Why? Because most men out there are completely clueless when it comes to women, if you know how to treat women... you will eventually win. If you are worried that She might go for the weak needy pleaser in the short term, but eventually if you are a strong centered man you will win out.

Women have a buying temperature. It rises and falls, be PATIENT you will hit the peak. You just have to be aware of what is happening. The more experience you have with women the easier it is to spot. It doesn't have anything to do with WHAT YOU do... in fact usually it isn't. It is more than likely something someone else did or didn't do. If you miss your opportunity... don't worry it will happen again IF SHE likes you. If she doesn't no amount of waiting will make any difference. Be your centered, confident, charming self and stuff happens. BUT DO NOT WAIT aound waiting for something to happen, that is weak female-like behavior... date other women, it will make you more attractive.

Social skills are not a refection of you, it is a SKILL that you must focus your attention on improving to reach your full potential as a man. Hours and hours of communication, listening, questions and stories. I can control emotion and keep a conversation flowing endlessly and interesting for both people for 5 hours+, its virtually impossible to feel awkward around me, unless I dont like you and want you to feel awkward Learning the art of talking endless **** to build good emotions, learning when to go quiet and relax, learning how to listen and lead questions... Harness your social POWER not your cube POWER.

Click to expand...

can you elaborate more on this???

RangerMIke said:

Rule of three: Ask her out three times and if they won't date you or offer alternative plans... than walk away..

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Disagree. I'll ask her out once or twice, but never a third time.... if she dose'nt accept my first offer then i'll leave it a few days or a week then ask her what her schedule is like...so if she says she's free on Tuesday....i'll go for Tuesday.

thanks for your thoughts mike.

rainman, I use to think like this but really limiting your offers is coming from the ego. The harsh reality is girls want to be "won over". You could ask her out three times within one week it really doesnt matter. You just have to know the difference between real resistance and fake resistance. After three its a no. Girls get asked out all the time, how will they know that you think they are special and wont bolt if you give up easy?

Jair213 said:

can you elaborate more on this??? [social skills]

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Sure, first point I make Jair with social skills is not to feel bad or take it personally if someone doesnt like you or things get awkward. People put a lot of self image into how others react to them, in particular if they are a poor communicator. Do you feel bad about yourself for not being the best hockey player in the world? Communication is a skill like any other so show no shame in trying to hone it as much as possible and look at your interactions more objectively. This can only really be done through hours and hours of practice until it becomes a NATURAL EFFORTLESS SKILL for you. That being said, I will give some tips.

---On Social Skills---

Communication - speak loudly and clearly using common words, do public speaking whenever possible to improve your voices projection, also remove your accent slurs (within reason) by watching good public speakers, this will improve your accent just by listening to how they pronounce words.

Listening - Part of a successful conversation is getting the other person to do most of the talking. Talking about yourself is not enough if your audience isnt engaged. Its ok to have dead space and really think about what the person has said to you instead of USING THEM for validation by talking about yourself. If you opened the conversation it is assumed you are interested in what the other person has to say or offer. After a while the listener will naturally become curious about you and ask questions about you, ONLY THEN do you know that this person likes you.

Questions - Always ask open ended questions that force the other person to invest into the conversation, this will open a range of topics that you can debate on and also give you more questions to come back to MUCH LATER if you want. Questions give you power to control the pacing of the conversation. e.g. "Why did you decide to become a waitress?", "How is your day going?", "Did you ever think of doing something else?", "What do your friends think about that?", "What did you want to be when you were younger?", "What is your favorite drink?", "Nice tattoo/necklace is there a story behind that?", "Where did you get <item>?", "Sounds like you go there often, what do you think of the place?", "I dont know much about it, what would you recommend?" Asking someone how their day is going is one of my most common convo starters.

Stories - Stories are cool, these are basically day to day things that happen to you over your life that YOU found amusing, tie into the conversation and possibly define who you are. Over time you build up 10-20 "good stories" and you just repeat them over and over to different people or groups. Because you found the story funny you will enjoy telling it and it will add to the overall positive emotions. Normally I cant recall a story until someone sparks up its related topic. The most important part of telling a good story is to start with some small open detail that is not resolved until near the end of the story. This makes the listener hang on to your every word and really take the story in waiting for you to close the opening detail, this can build some tension and interest. e.g. you talk about the time you were running late for the bus and you werent sure if you were going to make it or not, along the way you bump into an old friend or something interesting/true to life happens... but only at the end of the story does the listener find out if you actually caught the bus (completing the arc). Stories take the most practice but since they are repeatable and unique they are actually the easiest. Btw, reading a book or watching a movie gives you a free story. One story PER conversation or night out is more than enough.

Observational - This is by far my favorite. Make an observation about your environment and share it with the stranger who also experiences it. This builds a mutual topic and invites the person to talk to you without you coming with the direct agenda of "hitting on them", bonus points if you make the observation funny. e.g. I was at the phone shop recently to buy a gift. I used 50 euro notes and notice the women feeding the notes into a scanner that wasnt there before. "Is that thing new?", "Yeah we have to scan the notes now", "Its like you dont even want the money". More examples, "Why is there people gathered here?", "What are you listening too?", "What are you reading?", "Any fish biting today?", "haha those guys were loud" etc


Non-Secular - Very useful. Releases tension. Basically, when a conversation slows, you meet resistance or rejection from someone or asked a question you do not like.... dont give up or accept negativity! All you have to do is change the subject for no reason to something observational or related to the context. negative (that you wont address): "No I am not giving you my number!" e.g. (positives) "tea?", "I like this place", "I like your purse where did you get it", "weathers bad today isnt it", "I watched the new batman movie recently", "My dog was sick recently". A non-secular is something thats running on your mind that you havent being able to get into the conversation but is mildly important to your mood.


WAFFLE WAFFLE WAFFLE - One thing that holds people back is they are really afraid that what they have to say isnt "good enough" and they should sit there anxiously trying to think of something better. This forces a conversation, an agenda and makes things very awkward indeed. Stop seeking validation or hoping that a person will like you. By trying to come across impressive but holding your energy in people will actually like you less because the conversation doesnt flow, you dont seem to manage your energy well. Instead, literally just say the first stupid thing that comes to mind, no matter how stupid it sounds or how well it will be received. If it comes from your mind then it must be good enough to add to the conversation. EVERYTHING IS GOOD ENOUGH. Dont get stuck in your head AT ALL. Be confident! Example, recently I went to the family dinner with guests and everyone was having fish. In my head I think "Somethings fishy here" and think its stupid. In the past I would have said nothing, now I just release and say it loudly. Not really "sophisticated/exclusive" enough for my tastes but I say it anyway and to my surprise everyone laughed hard at a joke that I was planning on keeping to myself!

Add value - If its clear someone has an interest in for example, history, tell them about the local museum and how to get to it, MAYBE even organise a trip. Always give useful information about the area you live in in relation to someones interests. Know the surrounding area well and people will think you are knowledgeable and a good leader/planner. At the very least they will assume you have more than a passing interest in their topic. e.g. comic stores, gyms, gun shop, fast food branch, historical site, bus stops, parks, sports arena, cinema etc.


Isolating negative energy - To be used lightly. If someone starts an argument with you just ignore them and do not include them into the conversation by default. Certainly dont address their line of thinking. Eventually the person will feel "left out" of the conversation based on their behavior and may start to talk to other people in the group. Stick to your guns and DO NOT talk to this person again until they want to talk to you about something else, this is a form of apology. Continue conversation as normal.

Sacrifice the lamb - On rare occasions you will have to deal with a motor mouth who just wants to talk about themselves loudly for hours, not allow anyone else to interject or add to the conversation and couldnt give two ****s about who you are or who is listening. This is usually an AMOG. So... why are YOU listening to them specifically? There is not much you can do, so start a side mini conversation. Sacrifice one of your group members that the motor mouth is focusing on and just start talking to someone on your immediate left or right. Eventually the motor mouth will focus attention towards whoever is most engaged/polite. Now that both of you have "escaped" you are pretty much free to both go out for a smoke and leave the poor lamb to their DOOM. If you are stupid enough to challenge and engage the motor mouth, fighting for airspace, you will likely become the lamb by default as your table empties.


There is alot more than these but at the end of the day, just practice, focus on making people and yourself happy and all these things will start to flow. You will also learn afew things from just talking to people who are more social than you. Also, dont just talk to girls, talk to everybody throughout the day. Its all practice, it will build momentum, make you feel good and also make you more popular in general (particularly with staff). Hope that helps kick start things for you.

You are doing exactly what you preach against in this very post.

DragonBlood said:

thanks for your thoughts mike.

rainman, I use to think like this but really limiting your offers is coming from the ego. The harsh reality is girls want to be "won over". You could ask her out three times within one week it really doesnt matter. You just have to know the difference between real resistance and fake resistance. After three its a no. Girls get asked out all the time, how will they know that you think they are special and wont bolt if you give up easy?.

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No chance she would get asked a third time. I see that & I think she will see that as desperate.

BraddH said:

You are doing exactly what you preach against in this very post.

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example?


Rainman I agree with you to a point but what I am actually talking about is a more advanced level concept that Im try to hide under the three rule. I think its a bad idea to try and control a persons opinion of you when what you really wanted was the sex. Would you follow a twice kissing rule for dates as well to not come across desperate? I usually wouldnt think like that.

If you only ask twice you will lose some leads, particularly with the hot ones that didnt think you were desperate but were **** testing your persistence. Over time you can turn a "no" to a "maybe" to a "yes" and that can turn girls on. Of course, it doesnt always work, nothing in game does.


The missing piece between our two arguments isnt actually the number of times (three is just a guideline, it could be more if you know this person over several years). All that really matters is how you immediately behave after the no. If you are very cavalier about it like her response was no big deal and remain friendly with the girl (while also seeing other women around her), she will begin to doubt herself and her feelings will grow. Essentially you are replacing your aggression with comfort and fun for awhile. However if you get *****y and upset about a girls no then yeah, thats desperate, you have already lost and the girl can quickly rationise why she said no.

Ive had girls respond faster to my texts than ever based on how I react. I decided to test this before posting with a girl I dated a year ago that I am still friendly with and makes an effort to stay in my circle. When I asked her out she said "no" after a 20min pause. I respond with "thats cool, <other topic>". NO BIG DEAL. Now her texts fly in under 2min and are much longer, and I will see her later in the week at the party anyway. Are you telling me she sees me as less desirable because of this behavior? In the long run I intend to get her more comfortable talking about relationships and sex in general, change her perception and suggest casual side plate fb just for experience. I even encourage her to see other men and she does nothing.

If you are getting lots of resistance you have to move the offer from being "heavy and uncomfortable" (her frame) to "light and casual" (your frame), where she almost expects you to ask her out on a whim or just hang out every now and then because all your other relationships are equally whimsical. How secure you are in your masculinity and how much attraction you feel towards the girl will effect your success with this. aka Can you really be relaxed, walk away and not give a ****?

DragonBlood said:

example?


Rainman I agree with you to a point but what I am actually talking about is a more advanced level concept that Im try to hide under the three rule. I think its a bad idea to try and control a persons opinion of you when what you really wanted was the sex. Would you follow a twice kissing rule for dates as well to not come across desperate? I usually wouldnt think like that.

If you only ask twice you will lose some leads, particularly with the hot ones that didnt think you were desperate but were **** testing your persistence. Over time you can turn a "no" to a "maybe" to a "yes" and that can turn girls on. Of course, it doesnt always work, nothing in game does.


The missing piece between our two arguments isnt actually the number of times (three is just a guideline, it could be more if you know this person over several years). All that really matters is how you immediately behave after the no. If you are very cavalier about it like her response was no big deal and remain friendly with the girl (while also seeing other women around her), she will begin to doubt herself and her feelings will grow. Essentially you are replacing your aggression with comfort and fun for awhile. However if you get *****y and upset about a girls no then yeah, thats desperate, you have already lost and the girl can quickly rationise why she said no.

Ive had girls respond faster to my texts than ever based on how I react. I decided to test this before posting with a girl I dated a year ago that I am still friendly with and makes an effort to stay in my circle. When I asked her out she said "no" after a 20min pause. I respond with "thats cool, <other topic>". NO BIG DEAL. Now her texts fly in under 2min and are much longer, and I will see her later in the week at the party anyway. Are you telling me she sees me as less desirable because of this behavior? In the long run I intend to get her more comfortable talking about relationships and sex in general, change her perception and suggest casual side plate fb just for experience. I even encourage her to see other men and she does nothing.

If you are getting lots of resistance you have to move the offer from being "heavy and uncomfortable" (her frame) to "light and casual" (your frame), where she almost expects you to ask her out on a whim or just hang out every now and then because all your other relationships are equally whimsical. How secure you are in your masculinity and how much attraction you feel towards the girl will effect your success with this. aka Can you really be relaxed, walk away and not give a ****?

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Hmm I understand what you are saying. I don't give them much of my time so i wont be around to ask her a third time. I can see what your point is though...you bait her back in...get the power back & ask her out again when you feel she's more interested in you than you her. That's it roughly.
Majority of women i deal with are online & i don't have time to see women a lot in real world so the woman I'm seducing don't get much of my time...if they don't accept then NEXT, theres plenty of them.

Yeah that's a fair point DragonBlood you have made

Anybody else got any input?

Rainman4707 said:

Disagree. I'll ask her out once or twice, but never a third time.... if she dose'nt accept my first offer then i'll leave it a few days or a week then ask her what her schedule is like...so if she says she's free on Tuesday....i'll go for Tuesday.

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There are 'rules' and there are rules. When it comes to relationships, EVERYTHING is a guideline. Because no two women are the same. Does it REALLY make sence to quit on a women if you know that if you just asked her out one more time, that you could have her?

Fact is I have asked out women more than three times, if it was over a long period of time. First and foremost you have to be authentic. If you want to keep asking out a women again and again, you should do it. Why? Because it is what you want to do.

My rule of three is just in place so that I am reminded going beyond this point starts making me look desparate. If you REALLY aren't desparate, trust me on this, a woman will know. You really don't hurt yourself in the eyes of a woman if you keep asking her out if she knows you aren't desparate.

RangerMIke said:

You really don't hurt yourself in the eyes of a woman if you keep asking her out if she knows you aren't desperate.

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Exactly my thoughts. Just to update how things went at the party after testing this out.

The girl spent most of the night hanging out with me, so at one point I asked for a kiss on the cheek (relating to a bet or something), she went red and started laughing. She couldn believe how "outrageous" I was being hahahaa. I found the girl was friendly and relaxed throughout the night, more so than if I just showed to the party and remained aloof which would show I dont care at all. I believe when you bump into a girl after a rejection and you are just having fun etc without any pressure at all this is a great way to earn trust. The early days of her shy crush vibe are gone, more of a casual friend vibe where I try adding to the fun with playful sexuality.

Shes a very naive person, traditional background, overly anxious, doesnt seek validation, never had a bf or any dating experience beside myself. Ive already expressed my lack of interest in marriage with girls who lack experience and asked out one of her close friends in the past for casual. I keep her as a side project while dating other "sex worthy" women. I just pull back and wait for her to chase before I make another move. At this point in time because of my lack of desperation in outcome she has to face the facts that the only reason she doesnt have a bf is because she is holding herself back.

You never really know whats going on in a womens head, context is important so dont automatically assume the rejection is caused by you. If this women was on the otherside of the spectrum AW, playing the game, clearly more sexual with other men and getting orbitors to chase for validation THEN I would have to call BS and drop her. The main issue is her lack of experience and the fact that Im not really offering what she is interested in. So I have to slowly play the "lets just practice" fb relationship until she becomes more open minded. Until she trusts me enough to openly talk about sex and her anxiety around men I wont get anywhere. I represent a threat and challenge to her current belief system that I may or may not win over. Every women is different.

DragonBlood said:

Exactly my thoughts. Just to update how things went at the party after testing this out.

The girl spent most of the night hanging out with me, so at one point I asked for a kiss on the cheek (relating to a bet or something), she went red and started laughing. She couldn believe how "outrageous" I was being hahahaa. I found the girl was friendly and relaxed throughout the night, more so than if I just showed to the party and remained aloof which would show I dont care at all. I believe when you bump into a girl after a rejection and you are just having fun etc without any pressure at all this is a great way to earn trust. The early days of her shy crush vibe are gone, more of a casual friend vibe where I try adding to the fun with playful sexuality.

Shes a very naive person, traditional background, overly anxious, doesnt seek validation, never had a bf or any dating experience beside myself. Ive already expressed my lack of interest in marriage with girls who lack experience and asked out one of her close friends in the past for casual. I keep her as a side project while dating other "sex worthy" women. I just pull back and wait for her to chase before I make another move. At this point in time because of my lack of desperation in outcome she has to face the facts that the only reason she doesnt have a bf is because she is holding herself back.

You never really know whats going on in a womens head, context is important so dont automatically assume the rejection is caused by you. If this women was on the otherside of the spectrum AW, playing the game, clearly more sexual with other men and getting orbitors to chase for validation THEN I would have to call BS and drop her. The main issue is her lack of experience and the fact that Im not really offering what she is interested in. So I have to slowly play the "lets just practice" fb relationship until she becomes more open minded. Until she trusts me enough to openly talk about sex and her anxiety around men I wont get anywhere. I represent a threat and challenge to her current belief system that I may or may not win over. Every women is different.

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The PUA people selling thier 'programs' teach boys they are instucting to put limits on how many times you should try with a woman because most of the people who buy their cr@p don't have any freaking self-control and they lack confidence or success with other women. Self imposed limits gives them an illusion self-control. It's the same reason in the US that we have speed limits on the highways... sure there are LOTS of people that are perfectly capable, with cars that are designed for high performance, to go much faster... as exists in Germany. BUT we have to have limits because too many people drive crappy cars and don't know what they are doing behind the wheel.

The PUA stuff is really good for young guys with little experience with women because they are still learning, but if you are in your mid 30s or higher and try this stuff on women your age, they will think you are an idiot. They will wonder "Why doesn't this guy know what he is doing, my God... he's acting like he's right out of highschool."

I guess what I'm trying to say is know the rules, so that you know when you can break them. There are 3 billion women in the world, none are alike... the idea that one rule fits with ALL these women is silly. Knowing when to break them is a fuction of experience, and no one can teach you this. The PUA industry will not advertize this because only your own hard work and expereince with time really gets you to where you need to be.