Borderline Personality Disorder Ex, need help.

Hello there, first time joining the forum and my first post.

Long story short. This girl was one hell of an emotional rollercoaster ride for me.
She was excessively needy.
Had highs/lows during the relationship.
Constantly depressed and mentioned how she could never be happy.
Seemed promiscuous.
Threatened to hang out with males at 12am+ cause I was too tired from working 10 hrs a day to see her on some days.
Used to be a meth user.(I think she was still using though, she hung around with a lot of users still)
Was staying at random friends houses/motels during our relationship.
Had abnormal outbursts of anger for no real reason
Openly flirt online.
Had a daughter she had no custody of.

I tolerated all this because to me, she was very attractive and we clicked soo well with our musical tastes and interests. I've dated many girls in my life but this one was spot on with so much I enjoyed. Even bands that most people never heard of...Oh yeah and the sex.

Was with her for about a year. We broke up once and she manipulated me back in and when feelings for her came back, she used me emotionally while she was out doing other guys(and still saying she missed/needed me! can you believe that?)...I pretty much became her option till the point where when I asked to see her, she kept holding it off/gave excuses till I gave up and she finally told me she was done.

I got tired of it, got into a big argument and left for good.(Btw, a day after the argument she texted me saying she lives her life in regret cause she pushes people who care away. And the next day, texted me admitting that she lied and used me(The way I found out and called her out was through a mutual friend). And the next day..I got a text from her saying I had no proof of anything she did and doesn't want to ever talk to me again). I didn't respond to the last one, which was a week ago.

Funny thing is I remember her mentioning in her late teens she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but she ignored the doc and never came back. At the time, I didn't really read into what this disorder was. But now as my feelings are evaporating and thoughts are becoming clearer, I've been reading up on it and it is EXACTLY how she was during our relationship word for word.

Sad thing is people who get into these relationships are kind of fooling themselves/think different so basically everything I did for her(I treated her like a queen, took care of her, never cheated on her, etc) was for nothing. How do I cope after something like this? It totally screwed with my mind. Anyone else here ever date a girl with borderline personality disorder? Could use some advice, thanks!

I am a week and a half of NC. Some days I am glad shes gone, others I feel like I miss her(the person but not the emotional abuse she put me through) the sex was also really good with this broad for some reason. Is it true that they "recycle"? I know she is no good for me but its hard to shake this succubus from my mind. I am trying my best to move on and hit the weights.

drummerdude27 said:

I am trying my best to move on and hit the weights.

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Just do that for now. I just left my ex last week so I can't offer much in the way of advice, besides: Time will heal all.

If meth isn't a red flag I don't know what is.

If you look up emotional abuse.. A borderline personality will probably commit every known abuse to you! Doesn't matter guy girl they are ****ing nuts man; can't believe it took you so long to get out of that. I was just ****ing around with a chick with bpd for six months and she ****ed my head up badddd. I mean I am the type of person who reads books and books on how to get inside people's heads but she wreaked havoc on mine. When someone is making you feel that way it is because they have deeply held insecurities and they are naturals at manipulating your emotions. Anyway, don't feel bad. It will take time to get over it though and it will be a painful struggle. Typically I don't recommend psychologists to people that much cause they are expensive but there is a good likelihood you'll need one.

I don't think I'll get to the point where I'll need some therapy(I feel that hopefully time will heal me). Yes it sucks and its tough, some days I actually do great all the way through, but yesterday it hit me hard..until I went out with a much prettier, normal female friend of mine(damn it felt so good and different) last night. I need to work on plate spinning more..helps me a bit.

It still comes and goes though..it just totally sucks. At times I crave the bpd broad like some kind of drug eventhough I know she is bad. Almost 2 weeks of NC now.

Too many guys throw the BPD label around too loosely. This is not one of those times. She hits just about every indicator of BPD there is. You didn't mention her father, but I know it's not going to be a happy story.

There's a book called "Stop Walking on Eggshells." It's not long. You can stand in a Barnes and Noble and read it for free. It's about recovering from a BPD relationship.

^^She was abused/abandoned by her mom at age 4. And her father also abused and left her not too long after that.

drummerdude27 said:

^^She was abused/abandoned by her mom at age 4. And her father also abused and left her not too long after that.

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Classic

drummerdude27 said:

Funny thing is I remember her mentioning in her late teens she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder

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Hi. I'm a BPD marriage survivor and your quote is all you need to know. You need to run the other way and not look back. Seriously, be glad you got out. Delete her number, block her on Facebook, twitter, whatever. These women will inflict serious pain if you let them back into your life.

They are not good people and will recycle you for their own self-interests. She does not love you, contrary to what you believe. She is so bad, that if you died, she would not care and find a guy immediately to work out her issues on.

I'm telling you from experience, you don't want anything to do with this woman. If you contact her, you might as well tattoo "BETA" on your biceps.

Just be careful cause chances are she will text you or call you and lure you back into her web. They are masters of this and you do not stand a chance. Your best bet is to delete delete delete and run run run. Abe

Hey DD27,
I'm about 7wks NC after a 3 month stint with one. That's how I ended up here. My only advice is keep the NC and just keep going one foot after another. Don't try understanding how she may be feeling or what she might be thinking because it sure wont be anything like you might imagine. Trying to make sense of her version of logic is a waste of time.
BPDfamily (google it) is not a bad place to go if you want some more tools for helping you deal with how you're feeling. Say hello and the folks there will guide you to resources. Everyday more and more poor fvckers wind up there with their stories to tell.
For me, I have identified some co-dependant issues in myself, I was definitely a chump that put her on a pedestal, as I typically did with hot women. I'm working on this now and starting to see things much clearer.
It's actually been a good life lesson for me, the pornstar sex was great and I only got in far enough to get a little burnt and learn about BPD.
Number closed a chick I met mountain biking today, it's good to be back in the game, especially with a greater understanding of myself and the players that can absolutely fvck you up.

I know how bizarre it might all feel now but you'll be fine in time.
They really are a piece of work hey!?

I actually never did put this girl on a pedestal in the first place(I've been through a lot with women so I'm not quick to jump that gun), she actually started to put me on the pedestal(told me I was the best bf she ever had, didn't cheat/abuse her, etc). Hell, before we became exclusive I was taking my time with getting to know her. Shes the one who actually wanted me for a relationship. And once that happened, the rollercoaster ride started to happen a few months after that.

Though a couple of issues I do have..I tend to wait for girls to show interest/talk to me first. I'm 30 and still have a problem at times going up to girls/asking them out. I have game but its rare when it comes out, but when it does its really good. I'm not a bad looking guy, got a full time job/future, I am fit and have good family/friends. But I know I need to work on letting that game come out more often, just dont know how.

Thanks for the resources, when I get some free time I will read up on everything you guys posted..tomorrow is 2 weeks of NC. Kinda worried/hope she doesn't try to recycle me. I heard even if you block someone with BPD they will go through great lengths to try to contact you.

just stay the course man and don't let her back in. Remember, if she was that great, you wouldn't be posting about her in the first place. she'd be cooking you dinner and planning a chill weekend with you if she was good to you, which she isn't.

We've been through the same things as you and nothing good can come of it. There is no hope or happy ending with these types. My BPD ex wife is getting married and we are not even two years removed from our divorce! They are that crazy.

Run the other way!!! You got a free pass to enjoy a better woman.

When you think about it, a BPD ex is no different than an ex without BPD. If she still tries to contact you for any reason, just ignore her. It's really that simple. If you are worried about not being able to maintain NC, then change your phone number so you won't hear from her. The power is all with you here, only you can decide whether you're going to crack and break NC. She can't do that for you, she can't make you call or text her, she can't make you answer the phone if she does. It's all on you, and you have to have the strong will not to do it. Just because she has BPD, should be no excuse to break NC or dwell on it. You went through some tough sh1t, time to move on and begin fresh without her in your life. Forgetting her is the first step in doing that.

Just a little update, brothers. 1 month out/NC and I just got a text from her a couple nights ago saying "I know you don't want to speak to me but please stay out of my dreams, would ya?"

I didn't reply...Hoover attempt?

drummerdude27 said:

Just a little update, brothers. 1 month out/NC and I just got a text from her a couple nights ago saying "I know you don't want to speak to me but please stay out of my dreams, would ya?"

I didn't reply...Hoover attempt?

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Yes, but I'm sure you already knew that.

Remember they think/act/talk in extremes.

"Your the worst person EVVVER!" "I'll NEVER talk to you again."

And here she is one month later, texting you just to see if she still has you on the hook.

1 month out isn't that long, if you feel weak or curious just know that the text truly has nothing to do with you or her interest in you. It has everything to do with her & her convoluted mind thinking she has you anytime she needs you.

Keep meeting new girls and eventually she will stop when the next "actor" signs up for the lead role in her play.


good luck bro

Yeah I am remaining strong Mauser. Haven't responded back nor has she texted me again, yet. Thanks so much. I always see you on threads about BPD and you definitely are a great help, brother

got ANOTHER hoover today. She texted me saying she was at a motel a few blocks away, even gave me the room number. Saying if I had a phone charger she could use and that she was on the verge of relapsing(she use to do meth) and could use someone to talk to. Idk why this hoover took a lot more out of me this time around(Maybe cause when we were together I told her if she ever relapsed, I'd never talk to her and leave her) but I remained strong and didn't text back.

Low and behold, a few hours later I get another text from her saying she found a charger and that she was sorry for bugging me...wtf? Then I got one more saying how she misses her "friend" and how we had so much in common, etc. She mentioned nothing or gave an apology about how she hurt me during the relationship. I am not going to respond but damn I could use a drink to get the thoughts out of my head. Also hoping she doesn't come by and try to stalk.

I am doing good on the spinning plates front, talking to 4 girls actually but Idk why this bothered me today.

I dated a "nice" lady with borderline traits. I got lured in four times like a sucker....only to get my heart ripped apart. She still sends me a text once q month ...how no woman has ever loved me like her...blablabla. I ignore....it was really hard at first , but you must never go back to her...never. Block her if you have to or change numbers. Good Luck....they are masters at what they do. Abe

drummerdude27 said:

Anyone else here ever date a girl with borderline personality disorder?

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Little do you know that everyone on this forum has dated a girl with BPD...

gravityeyelids said:

Little do you know that everyone on this forum has dated a girl with BPD...

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:crackup: yeah no sh!t.

how hard is it to ignore a chick "bpd" or not? just because she (might be) has bpd doesn't give her any special treatment, if you were treated like sh!t by a woman cut her out of your life, cancerous women should be cut out of your life, that keeps their bullsh!t from spreading, dont know why all these guys cant wait to hear from them or allows them to still keep in touch. amazing!