FWB trying to make you jealous

pyros · Apr 28, 2014

So what do you do in this situation?

The thing is this FB of mine has gone on a trip for a week. Today we were on the phone and she suddently told me: "btw, just say hello to 'guy' when you see him at the bar" (she told me several times that this guy asked her out a few times, talks to her almost everyday....etc, but that she is not interested. Could be true, could be a lie...)

me: what? Im not gonna say anything. He's your 'friend' so you do it.
her: oh whoah, don't get upset.

Now I understand that she is not my gf, and really, I do not care about the guys she talks to or does whatever she wants, but I do not want to hear again how X guy or Y guy tried to pick her up, how this same dude asked her out again, etc.

I was thinking about telling her that I dont want to hear that sh-it again because I find it disrespectful.

She says that she doesn't want to have anything with this guy but she keeps talking to him via whatsapp etc, so she either likes him and may have had something with him before me, or she is a damn attention whor-e, or both.

How do I handle this?

P.S.
I just want her as a FWB as I said above, but I guess I should set some boundaries anyway.

SgtSplacker · Apr 28, 2014

PairPlusRoyalFlush said:
FWB's are the definition of slvt. They love drama, creating jealousy, attention, triangulation of male orbiters and lovers, etc. This comes with the territory. I learned the hard way to not go out in public with them.

Man speaks the truth.

No but really, this is a great opportunity to neg her because she is being stupid.

VladPatton · Apr 28, 2014

Next time she tells you something you don't wanna hear, ask her to explain the logic and purpose behind it:

"why would I go do that?...seriously, why would I take the time out of my day to do that, what's the point?"

She what she says...the replies would most likely be priceless and she'll feel real dumb trying to justify it.

narcissist · Apr 28, 2014

Waste of time to do anything other than continue fvcking her. Don't get emotional with fvck buddies. Shes a fwb. Nothing more. Its expected that they will talk to other guys.

You should have the ability to drop her if she acts up too much. Trying to set boundaries will only have the opposite effect and she will lose attraction.

Hopefully you have other plates to fall back on, if you have to drop her. I hope you are not putting all your eggs in one basket. Especially if that basket is a FWB.

That would be a sure fire way to get envious and jealous of the other dudes talking to her, and becoming needy, such that you begin setting boundaries to a girl that your NOT even exclusive with.

My advice. Meditate. Realize she aint worth your peace of mind.

pyros · Apr 28, 2014

VladPatton said:
Next time she tells you something you don't wanna hear, ask her to explain the logic and purpose behind it:

"why would I go do that?...seriously, why would I take the time out of my day to do that, what's the point?"

She what she says...the replies would most likely be priceless and she'll feel real dumb trying to justify it.

besides this answer which I may implement...nothing else?

when she said that I should say hello to this dude (that texts her, flirts with her, sends her songs ....and she keeps talking to him) and I said that I was not gonna do that, nothing else I could have done?

Someone said that setting boundaries with a FWB is counterproductive? really?

Trump · Apr 28, 2014

pyros said:
- this FB of mine has gone on a trip for a week.
- she suddently told me: "btw, just say hello to 'guy' when you see him at the bar"

me: what? Im not gonna say anything. He's your 'friend' so you do it.
her: oh whoah, don't get upset.

- I understand that she is not my gf,
- I do not want to hear again how X guy or Y guy tried to pick her up, how this same dude asked her out again, etc.
- I just want her as a FWB as I said above, but I guess I should set some boundaries anyway.

Bro you are giving way too may conflicting statements, you wanna keep screwing her without any emotional attachment, she is not your girlfriend, yet you want to set boundaries and you don't want to hear about her stories about guys picking her up. That's like selective listening.

Bro with a women their WHOLE GOAL is to get you emotional and nervous. Doesn't matter what the issue is, but if you make what they SAY important and use energy to get angry or dispute it, they have done their job. You are using your mental energy and time while they are laughing in the background.

But that's the thing with FB, they are great when no one else is in the picture. :wave:

Jaylan · Apr 28, 2014

Is this worth even a thread?

You say: lol, hes your buddy...you tell him hi

And proceed not to take it seriously. Then the next time you are together, lay simple ground rules.

You say: Just so things are easier between us, lets not talk about other men or women. Sorta like dont ask, dont tell. Lets just have fun we when are together ok?

And leave it at that. Dont get upset, dont show emotion...just be matter of fact. Simple. And actually, I bet you doing things the way I say will have her flustered at the fact that this shows you arent going to be emotionally or physically invested in her. In other words, doing what I said shows you will pursue other options, and that you dont care about her personal life.

Be nonchalant and easy going when a woman you are dating casually mentions another guy. I always reply with a joking statement whenever Ive encountered such behavior. I usually reply "lol ok"...or say something sarcastic with a smirk showing I dont really care.

Peaks&Valleys · Apr 28, 2014

When it comes to FB's (FWB'?). The only rules should be that you don't give a $hit what each other does when the two of you are not together.

You can't have an FB - definition: using each other for sex. And tell her she can't talk to other guys, or date other guys, or cuddle with them, or let them buy her things. Girls need all this kind of ****. If they're not getting taken out by someone else, then you're going to have to take her out. Do you want that? If you do, then your crossing a dangerous line out of FB territory, and likely just to fvck the whole thing up.

Let someone else spin their wheels wining and dining them, and listening to their stupid a$$ stories. You're there to satisfy that other need they have. That's it.

pdx1138 · Apr 28, 2014

Peaks&Valleys said:
When it comes to FB's (FWB'?). The only rules should be that you don't give a $hit what each other does when the two of you are not together.

Most of the responses of the posters are good, this one nails it.

There are NO boundaries in a FWB setup. That's the point.

There is a price to be paid for entry to a FWB situation, and that's..... not to care....unless you wish to be made a fool.

jurry · Apr 28, 2014

Is there really ever "friends" with benefits? I've rarely seen any scenario where BOTH people were satisfied with the situation of just fvcking and not wanting more, otherwise why would there be any attraction in the first place? Sure it may happen for awhile until one person gets pissed or sick of it not going anywhere.. but what you're saying sounds like she is clearly just trying to make you jealous so that you will want to be more serious with her. And based on your reaction you obviously do have feelings for her or you wouldn't be bothered by it.

Peaks&Valleys · Apr 28, 2014

Mauser96 said:
I disagree a bit. Yes, it should be you don't give a sh%t what the other does when you are not with them:

However, that has nothing to do with what she asked him to do. At all. She deliberately threw that in to get a rise out of him, to make him stew and to piss him off.

Vlad nailed it before I could

"why would I go do that?...seriously, why would I take the time out of my day to do that, what's the point?"

Then listen to her stumble along, making lame asssss reasons, etc. She will realize how stupid she sounds.

I agree with Vlad's statement as well, as well as a few others on here in regards to fb's in general.

"why would I tell him hi for you?"

Money.

She'd probably like to make the other guy jealous as well. Get a little love triangle going back home, while she's banging out more dudes while on vacation. Perfect situation for her.

Here's where I'm going with this: OP should not be in this position in the first place. OP, why are you talking to your FB while she's on vacation? If so, if she's texting you, then why are you giving out details about what you're doing? Light small talk is fine, but other than setting up a time to fvck, you really shouldn't be shooting the $hit with her, not if you want to keep her as an FB. Dangerous ground.

Turuwal · Apr 28, 2014

FWBs are just fvcking stupid and pull all this crap all the time. One day it's "your d!ck tastes yummy" the next day it's "I only think we should be friends". Hot, cold, absolutely retarded sh!t. I don't really know what to do about it other than spin plates and ignore them when they are being idiots. They will either come back or go away. Who cares.

gravityeyelids · Apr 29, 2014

i would have straight up ignored her comment and just kept the convo going saying something like "how's your trip? tell me they have a badass open bar there." Either that or make just the slightest acknowledgment that she even said anything...just pretend you're distracted by something not on the phone and be like "oh, yea, whatever.."

IMO the fact that you reacted so much wasn't a good thing. I mean if she's constantly doing sh!t like this then yea you need to say something but otherwise i would just be as unresponsive as possible.

pyros · Apr 29, 2014

well, the thing is we're FB but we do other stuff besides sex, so we could call this 'casual dating'. The majority of FB's dont want to just meet for sex because they feel used and like a who-re so you end up doing other activities such as going to the movies etc.

Im talking to her while she's on vacation because she texted me, she called me...and well, it would be weird if I do not answer or text her ANYTHING during two weeks.

Anyway, same **** happened some weeks ago when she asked me:

her: Next time we go to a club, do you mind if when dancing reggaetton some guy wants to dance with me?

me: You can dance whatever you want, but if we're there together and you want to dance dirty with a guy I'll just leave.

her: but why?? is it such a big deal?

me: no, do whatever you want but there are some basic common sense thing to do or not to do.

see? same shi-t.

goldengoose · Apr 29, 2014

Why are you going out with her to places? Keep her in your bed where she belongs. You won't have any bullsh1t drama that way. FWB's are for fvcking, not going out on the town. Let her dance with some other dude at the club. You go dance and meet other chicks, get their numbers, start new FWB's with them. When this one gets annoying enough you can end it with her. You guys create and add to the drama more than these air head chicks do.

pyros · Apr 29, 2014

I've had other fuk-buddies that behaved better, I mean, no manipulations or drama games.

In the example I gave you above, the thing about her dancing reggaetton with other dudes it's just disrespectful, it does not matter if we're just f-buddies, anybody with common sense would avoid doing that when you two are together. It's just ****-ing retarded.

It seems she wants to get a reaction from me as some of you said. I'm not gonna tolerate disrespectful behaviour like that, so if she does she will be getting home on foot.

Anyway, I dont think she's gonna do it, she just want to make me nervous and see my reaction, in other words, a **** test. But hey, no problem, once I've banged her enough times, she'll get friendzoned, and I don't think she's expecting this...lol.

bukowski_merit · Apr 29, 2014

This doesn't at all sound like a FB, FWB, or Casual relationship. And I'm focused on both of your behaviors.

1) Some women's desire to throw drama at men is high. And it gets higher when they begin to feel attachment (and normally don't like the feeling).

2) Some women's desire for drama is low. So much so that the first sh!t test from her will catch you off guard most of the time.

I'm going to take a wild guess and say this woman is: 1)

These ARE the type of women you can have very fun casual relationships with; but only a mad man would dedicate his emotions to.

So be cautious.... Lots of guys end up with Oneitis for women like this... End up in relationships with them... And those never go good!

I wouldn't advise you to spend a lot of your time with women like this. Going out to movies, dinner, bars, clubs, or spending more than one day a week together - is not recommended.

Not only will she probably catch feelings (thus increasing her drama); but you will too.

Regardless of what you're telling yourself logically; unless you're a sociopath - you will become attached to that which you become familiar with. You sound like you might already be. You will also become attached to things you spend a lot of time thinking about and trying to figure out.

So...

What should you do from here?

Expect... More... Sh!t....

Lots of it.

pyros said:
once I've banged her enough times, she'll get friendzoned, and I don't think she's expecting this...lol.

Can you explain your thought process behind this?

Maximus Rex · Apr 29, 2014

You Want Advice For A Situation You Were Told Not to Get in From Jump

pyros said:
So what do you do in this situation?The thing is this FB of mine has gone on a trip for a week.

Is this the same chick from, "Girl Delaying Sex...," http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=213754",Banging a Girl Turns Out in Weird Situation," , http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=213907 and "Attention Wh-ore+ Annoying," http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=214210

If this is indeed the same woman, let's do a quick review of prior advice that you have gotten in regards to this situation,

GotED? said:
Phucked up EMOTIONAL ISSUES and BAGGAGE LEFTOVER FROM OTHER ALPHA MALES in the past.

From personal experience, a woman who can't enjoy sex has some serious emotional and mental trauma to get over about physical intimacy.

Really - good luck with this one- it's an uphill battle.

Exodus-"Banging a Girl Turns Out in Weird," situation http://www.sosuave.net/forum/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=2138261 Post 2

cordoncordon said:
She is trying to game play/pressure you into saying that you want to be exclusive with her. This is her way of giving you an ultimatum without coming out and directly saying "this is an ultimatum". She thinks that since you tasted the goods, now you will want to dine at the buffet on a nightly basis.

Up to you want you want to do from here, but that is what she is doing.-"Banging a Girl Turns Out in Weird,"-http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=213907-Post

hockeyfreak79 said:
Agreed 100% with GotED........uphill battles are just not f*cking worth it, it's draining and can kill your overall game. It's been a long time for me but I meet a cool chick recently BUT this broad has major sex issues, probably the worst I've ever experienced. Just a cold fish, pretty disappointing.

I'm guessing you are in your 30's, it doesn't matter single mom or not some chicks in there 30s & up just have the worst emotional issues and baggage.

Refrain from fapping 2-3 nites before a date, that way you don't take an hour second guessing yourself whether or not she wants to f*ck. She agreed to come to your house, she wants you to get it in.

Try dropping the single moms bro! Its low hanging fruit, I get it. It's the best decision I've made in a long time!-"Banging a Girl Turns Out in Weird," http://www.sosuave.net/forum/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=2138466-Post 7

PairPlusRoyalFlush said:
pure manipulation to lower your self esteem and therefore gain power for herself, addition by subtraction. Her IL is also pretty low or she wouldnt DARE say such a thing, unless she is CLuster B level crazy.-"Banging a Girl Turns Out in Weird," http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=213907-Post 14

In "Attention Wh-ore+Annoying," http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=214210 you said the following,

pyros said:
I'm seing this girl that is a complete attention whor-e. She has 85% guys as friends on FB. Besides, she has many male 'friends' and she tells me about how they try to flirt with her, ask her out etc, every damn time we meet.

Also, she has the bad habit of critising some aspects of myself, for example, she has 'complained' about my belly several times

And...she has said that my car is small...twice.
All this in a month and a half period.

sometimes I get the feeling that she does not like me that much.

Here's the advice you received regarding this issue,

asa_don said:
you hang out with a girl who insults you to your face? you are the ultimate beta if you keep her around as a fwb. some of you guys need some self respect when handling your relationships.-Attention Wh-ore+Annoying http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=214210, Post 3

MOTU said:
Next!!!!-Attention Wh-ore+Annoying http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=214210, Post 5

goldengoose said:
In all seriousness, why would you even consider her as a FWB? She doesn't even like you and you think you're going to have a FWB? Hitting the gym would help you out too btw. Attention Wh-ore+Annoying http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=214210, Post 6

Even skinnyguy contributed something positive to a thread for once,

skinnyguy said:
the girls who get a lot of male attention can be really disrespectful. "Attention Wh-ore+Annoying" http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=214210, Post 7

And the following was Rex's advice,

Maximus Rex said:
Your situation is far similar to mine because you've actually indulged in coitus with the broad, however you're allowing yourself to be controlled by the prospect of sex and to do so would cause ole girl to lose respect for you and you would be ceding control of the relationship over to her. She'll realize that she can have you do whatever she wants whenever she wants and all she has to do is give you some.

What you need to do is call homegirl and tell her that you're not coming over and you realize that game that she's trying to play. Tell he that she's cute and she may be able to do that with other dudes, but you're pryos and sex won't be able to use sex as tool of in order to gain your compliance, then you freeze ole girl out. "Attention Wh-ore+Annoying, http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2142696#post2142696 Post 28

Now after you contrary to most of advice you were given, (namely to leave this broad alone,) you went and had sex with her before she left, now you're dealing with this situation,

pyros said:
Today we were on the phone and she suddently told me: "btw, just say hello to 'guy' when you see him at the bar" (she told me several times that this guy asked her out a few times, talks to her almost everyday....etc, but that she is not interested. Could be true, could be a lie...)

Dude, did we not tell you to leave ole girl alone and if you did decide to mess with her to maintain control of the frame? What's insulting is that you want advice for a situation you clearly advised NOT to get into to begin with.

pyros said:
How do I handle this? ....but I guess I should set some boundaries anyway.

This advance pimp level game and when you tell ole girl this and you're going to have to believe it with every fiber of your being yourself. You tell her, "Look, you need to understand something, any woman that I'm dealing with understands that I don't tolerate her talking to other guys. If you're going to have any dealings with me, it's going to be with ME AND ME ONLY. For you to tell me about the other dudes that you deal with, I view that as a sign as disrespect and I don't deal with disrespectful women. The next time you disrespect me by talking about my car, my weight, and mentioning other dudes will be the last time. Are we clear? With that, she should know how you stand on things.

pyros said:
Now I understand that she is not my gf,

You want her to be.

pyros said:
and really, I do not care about the guys she talks to or does whatever she wants, but I do not want to hear again how X guy or Y guy tried to pick her up, how this same dude asked her out again, etc.

You do care, otherwise you wouldn't have made a thread about it.

pyros said:
She says that she doesn't want to have anything with this guy but she keeps talking to him via whatsapp etc, so she either likes him and may have had something with him before me, or she is a damn attention whor-e, or both.

Why do you care?

pyros said:
P.S.

I just want her as a FWB[

This is where you're lying to yourself in The Game. You can lie to yourself, but you can't lie to the DJ's of So Suave. The fact of the matter is you like this chick more than you're allowing yourself to admit and it shows in this thread. The fact of the matter is that this chick is somebody who you merely get in the bed with on occasion and as you said, in Attention Wh-ore+Annoying http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=214210&page=2 Post 29

pyros said:
I like her company but I just want a fling, nothing serious. It would be nice to 'date' her for three or four months, nothing more...just casual relationship.

Well guess what potna? You got your "fling," and her mentioning other guys to you, is just her having casual conversation with you. Since you wanted a "causal relationship," with ole girl, you have no place to feel some kinda way when she mentions other guys, because after all, "You're not her man." Now you have two choices.

1) Continue with the status quo.

2) Leave her alone.

Peaks&Valleys · Apr 29, 2014

Pyros, this not a FB/FWB. I'm starting to think you're a troll. Either that, or you really need to get your $hit together.

Also, if you're serious about all this, ol Rex lined it up for you pretty nicely, I'd revisit the advice you've already gotten on here.

asa_don · Apr 30, 2014

i'm betting this guy ends up in a relationship with this fwb.

FWB trying to make you jealous

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