Enough is enough, time for a change journal.

So after been spending the last couple months on this forum and reading countless articles, talking to several members here and asking for advice, I have decided to start a journal on my journey to become much much better with women with the long term goal of getting a girlfriend and hopefully having a LTR with them and also improving myself as a whole.

A little background on my history with women and the turning point for me to decide enough is enough.


Highschool years: In my senior year of highschool, I met a cute korean girl in my accounting and calculas class. I was absolutely terrible with women back then, not that I'm that much better nowadays with women either. I was absolutely nervous around her and I didn't have the guts to talk to her until like 2 months later into the semester. Boy was that a relieve I thought. At that time, I though becoming friends with women was the best strategy. I thought oh maybe if I be nice to her and all and help her with everything, she would eventually like me and stuff. I remember one day I went up to her and asked her for her email address (facepalm) and when she gave it to me I was super happy. I eventually got the courage to ask her out to lunch or something and guess what, she just laughed in my face, but me being naive and all I still remained friends with her. I remember she wrote something in my yearbook that went along the lines of "your so nice and always there for me, thanks for much" or some crap like that. Well I guess you all know how that turned out. I eventually found out she had a bf. That stung me for the last few months of school I had left. I ended up having to repeat my senior year because my grades slipped up and I forgot to accept one of my university offers on time leading to them withdrawing there offer. I got over her during the summer but it completely turned me off of asian girls for some reason. What I probably should have done was hit on the other asian girl in my class who was showing me interest. She was also quite cute but I was so focused on this one particular girl that I missed out on that other girl. Instead of trying to learn from my failures with women, I chose to ignore it and instead turned all my anger and frustration to working out. Fast forward to university.

Undergrad: I studied computers and stuff so there weren't many females in my class. I started working out seriously around this time. I would hit the gym 2-3x a week lifting weeks and doing cardio. I began experimenting with different types of foods that I read about in fitness magazines. By my junior year I had gained a significant amount of muscle and people noticed and complemented me. In my junior year, I met a native american HB7 community college transfer student in my class. She was abit better looking then the previous korean girl I met and also a lot taller too. At first I wasn't nervous around her and we had a few quick 10-15 chit chats here and there, but then I noticed how cute she was and then I started to get nervous around her. Again, it took me like 2-3 months to get the courage to ask her name and really start talking to her. I remember, I used to try and come up with plans on how to sit close to her or beside her. Ya I know pathetic. Anyways I eventually got her msn and number. I used to hit her up on msn and chat to her all the time about random stuff. I wasn't being funny, flirty, or teasing at all. It was all generic crap like, how was classes today, how did you find the homework, etc, essentially all boring crap. I eventually got the nerves to ask her out the week before vday. I got rejected. After that, I noticed she started to turn distance and cold on me. At that time, I didn't know what to do and instead of backing off, I chased. I chased so much that she told me I didn't need to come with her whereever she was going, and I also had a gut feeling I was doing the wrong thing, but I didn't listen. Eventually she went totally cold and silence on me, and took me off of msn and facebook. I just started to research dating and seduction at the time and asking my beta friends for advice. I learnt all about teasing and being playful, but at that point it was too late. From her I learnt to never chase and appear needy and clingy and also to be playful and teasing. I eventually found the website sosuave from a friend of mine, but I gave up too early because I thought it was a waste of time and if I only focused on school and career, chicks would eventually come to me, instead of realizing the problem is not with girls but with me. Fast forward to community college.

Community College: I quit my job doing something in my major at college and instead tried to pursuing fitness because I really loved working out. I thought the program would be littered with hot girls since it was a fitness program afterall. Boy was I wrong, there were a few fat chicks in my class, some average looking girls, maybe 1-2 HB8's and that was it. The only plus side was I had a few really good looking instructors. Instead of chasing girls I decided to really focus on my studies. I befriended a few girls in my class. Previously I had no friends that were girls. There was one girl in my class who I got along particular well with, although I found her meh maybe a 5.5 in a good day and she had a bf so I knew nothing would happen between us. Me and her became good friends. Lets call her Girl A. To this day, me and girl A are still friends and I plan on visiting her soon. At this point in time, I stopped kissing up to women and instead was abit of an arrogant ass. I was called an ******* by her a few times, but it felt good in a strange way. I was alittle more playful this time around. In my second semester one russian girl HB6 who had a nice body but smoked, partied, and drank, and had a tattoo in my class started to notice me, due to my confidence and focus in school. She was getting all this attention from all the horny guys in my class, except me. It drove her wild. She was flirting with me like crazy, touching my shoulders, my arms, telling me I was her hero, etc. One time, she saw my arm exposed and I was like "your jacked, nice ". I had absolutely no interest in her due to heavy accent, her reputation of sleeping around, and her lifestyle. She eventually got the hint and dated someone else 1 yr later. I didn't really care because I wasn't interested in her at all. I kind of regret now at least for not casually dating her and stuff for practice because who would have known I would have desperately needed that practice a few years later down the line when I went to graduate school. Fast forward to university again.

Graduate school: So I figured the fitness field was not for me due to it being a lot of sales if your doing pt training and not being a stable career. I did a degree in exercise science and then returned back to complete my masters degree. This occurred in the fall of last year. There was quite a number of girls in my class. The ratio is something like 4:1 for girls to guys. Of course this being graduate school, a lot of the people were already in relationships or married. There were only a handful of girls in my class who were single and even then even far fewer that were attractive enough to date. By this point in time, I had developed confidence, learned how to tease and be playful, had a bit of an ******* vibe, didn't let girls looks affect me, and was somewhat comfortable asking girls out. I'm just going to give you the coles notes of what transpired these last couple of months. If you want to read it in detail, go read my previous early threads. I met a girl in the beginning of the program. I didn't think much about her and had my eyes set on another girl. Me and the girl got close, girl started showing signs she was interested. I didn't do enough right things to progress things forward. Eventually my inexperience and me developing oneitis for her caught up to me, girl lost interest and I ****ed up. I managed to get a little interest back after I backed away and started to act myself again and she started to act herself again, contacting me again and flirting with me, but then I got impatient and blew it with her again. Unlike the previous girls, the pain from this stung like a *****. It was the most intense pain I have ever felt before in my life. Anyways while I was so busy focused on this girl and getting mind ****ed, my grades suffered big time. I am on the verge of getting kicked outta my program right now, and they are holding a meeting to decide my fate this upcoming week. I managed to snap out of it during the last 2 weeks of school and really hammer at studying but who knows if its too late.

This experience these last few months really showed me that I lack serious game and neglected this part of my life big time. The first girl made me focus on my fitness and health. The second girl made me focus on my education and career aspirations. Finally the recent girl, made me focus on dating and relationships but also everything in my life as a whole from education, social network, health, and being a man. After this painful experience I just said enough is enough. As my buddies have showed me, I can't rely on anyone but myself to help myself.

I have since started to ask several girls in my class for there numbers and picked up 3-4 numbers. I went out to lunch with one of these girls although I suspect she has a bf, we had a good time, and she thanked me afterwards. I asked another girl out but kind of got rejected. I'll try again in a few weeks with her. I have been reading the forum posts, dating and seduction books religiously for the last few months everything ranging from corey wayne's how to be the 3% man, harry wilmington's no girls for you, robert greene's art of seduction, etc. I'm also trying to find ways of meeting new girls outside of school and going to as many social events as possible.

Although I think I have a good understanding on the material I have read, I need the practice and field experience to perfect it. They say pain is the best teacher, and I sure as heck learnt the hard way and suffered tremendous pain. I can only hope that I learnt my lesson and never make the same mistakes again. Never in my life have I been at my lowest then in these past few months. Everything I said or did, seemed to be working against me. It was as if the universe was trying to screw with me, not just with dating but in life in general. I guess its time now again to pick myself back up and to try again but learning from my mistakes and never repeating them.


My main goals from this point on include:

1. Going out and meeting new people
2. Trying to strike up conversations with strangers, especially girls so that I eliminate this fear of approaching and talking to strangers and also to practice perfecting my conversational skills.
3. Try to meet new girls and getting numbers
4. Practising all the techniques and theories that I have now learned such as refine my skills at asking girls out on dates, being an awesome date and having fun on dates, escalating on dates, learning how to go for the kiss and becoming a great kisser, and ultimately sleeping with the girl so that I can potentially have a relationship with the girl
5. Try to become friends with a few girls so that I can use them for social prove, getting them to hook me up with their friends and even using them to make my targets jealous
6. Expand my social network
7. Work on my body and fitness especially trying to get a six pack.
8. Picking up new hobbies to improve myself such as taking salsa lessons, music lessons, learning a new language, cooking lessons, signing up for toastmasters to work on my confidence and presentation and speaking skills and taking tai chi classes to help relax my mind.
9. Reading a lot of self help books to enrich my mind instead of watching tv shows all the time.
10. Finally, study my ass off in school, so that I can at least obtain an A- average assuming they will let me continue my program.




Week 1: My goals for this week include:

Getting out of the house instead of sitting on my ass in front of the computer.

Someone organized a get together to watch a baseball game on friday, and I signed up. Although I can't stand most sports I did it because it will get me out of the house, gives me an opportunity to expand my social network, practice talking to the females at the game, and trying to get numbers and building rapport. One of the girls who is going to the game I had previously spoken to about playing sports with. It never materialized but perhaps this will be an opportunity to make it happen. Although I have no interest in dating her, I will try to get her number and convert her to a friend and also use her for social proof and even ask her to hook me up with her friends later down the line.

Getting back in touch with my buddies. I got pissed off for the last few weeks at my friends, because they seem to be a bad influence on me. There always trying to get me to do drugs, drink, go to strip clubs. I've wanted to go away on vacation with them but it seems all they want to do is drink. party, and smoke weed. I'm getting to the point where I just want to cut them off and replace them. My best friend has helped me a lot in regards to my most recent situation with the girl, however some of his advice wasn't the greatest and may have hindered my progress with the girl. My best friend is kind of a ladies man, but just not quite there yet so I will try to pick his brains a bit more. My other buddy is just being a selffish prick, as he is alittle bit of a ladies man too although he recently got dumped and had his gf cheat on him. He won't hook me up with any of his girl friends nor there friends but wants it all to himself.

My other girls this week include, trying to strike up conversations with strangers, especially girls. I probably won't start asking for numbers yet until I feel I have gotten pretty good at being interesting, playful, and good at building rapport. Then I will start going in for the kill.

Anyone got any other ideas on where to meet girls? I already tried the clubbing scene and it really isn't my thing. The music is too loud, its overcrowded and I feel really out of place.

I also started watching movies related to seduction. I just finished watching casanova, total waste of time I might add. I learnt nothing from that movie. I'm currently watching dangerous liasons and the pick-up artist with robert downey jr. My next movie to watch include the tailer of panama.

I forgot to mention, that chick who I had lunch with 2 weeks ago, I have since asked her out again to grab drinks or something and I didn't get a reply back until a day later. I noticed she has a habit and tendency of always taking days to reply back to any of my texts or facebook messages even though she is always the one to initiate contact. I consider her cannon fodder who I can use to experiment and refine my skills. I want to try a social experiment on her. She replied back to my earlier text message last night about asking her to grab a drink on saturday. She said she was at a concert. I'm thinking I won't reply back and contact her until next saturday just to see how she reacts. Maybe give her back a little taste of her own medicine just to see how she reacts. I get the feeling she is an attention *****, because she is always posting pictures and making posts on facebook. I want to experiment giving her a little attention, then suddenly cutting it off to see how she reacts.

Week 1 day 1:

Had a lot of trouble sleeping last night. My mind was only thinking about two things as I lay there in bed. Whether or not my program will let me continue to study in it this year and about the girl who broke my heart. I have been preying to god everyday for the past 2 weeks to lend me a helping hand with my school situation. I just woke up and checked my emails this afternoon. I got invited to a bbq party hosted by one of my classmates. I typically don't go to any of these social events but hey what do I got to lose? So I accepted the invite. Someone else from my undergrad also organized a class reunion type of event for another weekend, I'm not sure if I should go to that event since I didn't really speak to those group of people and there were a lot of fake people in my undergrad program. I also didn't hear about my school situation yet. I was told I would be contacted before the meeting with my final grade so I have a better idea of where I'm standing but so far nothing.

I have to say, sitting at home sucks balls. I have nothing to do and I'm bored outta my mind. I'm going to go workout and do some weight lifting and jogging in the evening, but I don't even know what to do for the rest of the day. Its like I've lost my purpose in life. I mean if my school lets me study, I at least have a major goal I can strive towards, but now I just feel so purposeless.

Week 1 day 2:

My mood seems to be even worst then yesterday. I guess it must be because tomorrow is the big day. The day when I find out what my fate will be in my program. It kind of blows that the grad coordinator didn't get in contact with me to let me know about my status nor my score on the final exam, like she said in a previous email. I guess she must consider me a lost cause. Now I'm really preying for a miracle to happen. If I am granted this miracle, I will definitely kill it when I return back to school in May. I just hope I'm given another chance. I'm really considering appealing if they don't let me continue in my program. I've seen a psychologist and also have an upcoming appointment with a psychiatrist. Hopefully the documentation will help if I need to appeal.

So that girl who I had lunch with text me last night saying "Hope you are doing great!!!!!". I didn't bother replying back. She knows about my school situation. I'll probably text her back tomorrow after I find out what the school has decided about my status.

I'm taking a day off of weight lifting today, I might do a jog in a little bit just so I'm not sitting around all the time. I just received my copy of the rational male today and am excited to start reading it once I finish reading the art of seduction.

Following: good vibes towards you being eligible to continue your program. Good luck.

All is lost. I just got an email from the grad coordinator saying that they won't let me continue in the program. Now I've official lost everything . I'm going to have to return again next year and repeat the unit. What the hell am I suppose to do for a whole frinking year? I don't know whether or not I should appeal the decision. I do have medical documentation but as for telling them I got mind****ed because of a girl, I don't know what sort of evidence I could possible give them. It feels like the universe wanted me to fail and get the crap beat out of me this year, no matter how hard I tried to get back up. I feel like I have absolutely no purpose anymore, maybe I should just go stand in front of traffic and turn into roadkill. It makes me ask myself, what the hell did I ever do that was so bad to deserve this? This has officially been the worst year of my life!

Which is why I started paying a Dating Coach, David Wygant to be exact, who was the inspiration for the movie "Hitch"

thunder_god said:

...I have decided to start a journal on my journey to become much much better with women with the long term goal of getting a girlfriend and hopefully having a LTR with them and also improving myself as a whole...

Click to expand...

Take my advice, you don't want to have this as a goal...most women aren't worth it. You'll go into relationships with the wrong mindset and it'll almost always not work out.

If it happens it happens but seriously if you want to be emotionally healthy, see all relationship as purely sexual and then see what happens from there.

thunder_god said:

...All is lost...Now I've official lost everything ...It feels like the universe wanted me to fail and get the crap beat out of me this year, no matter how hard I tried to get back up. I feel like I have absolutely no purpose anymore, maybe I should just go stand in front of traffic and turn into roadkill. It makes me ask myself, what the hell did I ever do that was so bad to deserve this? This has officially been the worst year of my life!

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I think I see one of things that is causing your problem with women.

Stop, think and reflect...and don't be an overly emotional unstable p*ssy.

thunder_god said:

5. Try to become friends with a few girls so that I can use them for social prove, getting them to hook me up with their friends and even using them to make my targets jealous

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Doesn't work in my experience. Can't make a woman do a damn thing for me.

She'll find out I'm single and her response will basically be: try harder. No introduction to her single friends, no nothing. I used to think I was at a disadvantage by not having any female friends but I can't think what use they would actually be. They don't give good advice because everything they say comes from the perspective of them thinking they're better than all other women. And they certainly won't do anything to help you if it requires effort or thought on their part.

She might call you a friend but unless you've known eachother from school, you're just another disposable chump. This goes for men and women. Friendship seems to be all about convenience for most people.

3agle 3yes said:

Take my advice, you don't want to have this as a goal...most women aren't worth it. You'll go into relationships with the wrong mindset and it'll almost always not work out.

If it happens it happens but seriously if you want to be emotionally healthy, see all relationship as purely sexual and then see what happens from there.



I think I see one of things that is causing your problem with women.

Stop, think and reflect...and don't be an overly emotional unstable p*ssy.

Click to expand...

as for not having it as a goal, still, him getting laid would be excellent, nice as well if he can't have a relationship at the moment

Week 1 day 4: Yesterday was brutal, after finding out I failed my final exam, which I was positive I was gonna ace and save my ass from getting kicked out of the program. Things didn't turn out as planned. Now I'm deciding whether or not to appeal the decision, but it feels like the universe is screwing with me, so I don't know. I really don't want to take a whole fringing year off of school, I don't know what the hell to do with my time. I've lost my purpose.

Now onto girls and dating. I finally texted that chick why I had lunch with me. She instantly replied back.

her: hope your doing well!!!! (from 4 days ago)
Me: I've seen better days
her: what's up?
Me: its a long story, I'll have to tell u in person
her: ok, want me to call today?
me: I'll tell u at the jays game tmr (someone organized a baseball game for our class)
her: I won't be there
me: nah its alrite, I won't be home later
me: u watch ufc?
me: I might be watching it this weekend with my friends downtown
me: come join us if u have time
her: I'm in montreal! Thats why I can't make the game either
her: I'd have liked it
me: montreal?
me: nice
Her: ya! whats up?
her: give me a hint
me: are u on lunch break or are u just slacking off?
me: I wouldn't want to spoil it lol
her: lunch haha
her: and haha spoil?
me: I'll tell u at the bbq ( another social event organized by someone in our class)
me: thats if your going
me: or when I'm downtown sometime next week for my muay thai classes
me: ttyl I got to run, have fun at placement .

So it appears trying to get her out didn't work out so well this week. From her actions, I sense low interest, but I'll just keep her around to brush up on my skills. Guys feel free to comment on my texts, I definitely know it needs a lot of work, which is why I'm practising with this girl so I don't **** up the next time I met a girl who I really like. This whole conversation was like 10 minutes. I tried to keep it short and to the point, which was to get her out.

I learnt from my previous mistake with that other girl. There's a whole lot you can say and do with texting and not really **** up when a girls really interested in you, and she will still text and talk with you for hrs, but when her interest level is waning, she doesn't have patience for being cute and talking to u for long.

I'm going to go and try to chat up the girls at the baseball game tmr and try to get some new numbers. There's a girl who had mentioned playing badmington with me at the athletic centre but things didn't work out due to time constraints. I'll see if I can get her out to play badmington with me again, although with my current school situation I don't know if they'll consider me a student now at the athletic center. Anyways I really need to go out and start meeting more girls. It blows that I live in the suburbs and there isn't any activities that I can do to meet women. I'll see if I can hit up the mall soon. Gotta start somewhere.

I finally finished reading the art of seduction, boy did that book take a long time to finish. I'm now rereading corey wayne's book for the second time. After that's done I'm going to start reading chase armante's book and then the rational male.

I think reading all these different books give me a combination of theory (art of seduction, rational male) and practical examples and knowledge (how to be a 3% man, and girls chase). I'm really looking forward to start applying some of this stuff and even cold approaching girls.

I read everything and oh dude, I'm just at this exact point of time :

thunder_god said:

She was also quite cute but I was so focused on this one particular girl that I missed out on that other girl. Instead of trying to learn from my failures with women, I chose to ignore it and instead turned all my anger and frustration to working out.

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And the timings are the same, sh11t started in the final weeks of highschool.First year of college almost passed and all I did was hit the gym and get bad grades,while failing with yet another girl.

I read on,and I sure as hell don't want my life to be as yours in the following years, no offence man, but you said you're in this PUA related stuff since a few years now, and your progress was really damn slow to none.

I don't know if this should discourage me or make me feel lucky, but heck, I suffer from big-time oneitis since a year and a half now, for a girl that ljbf and rejected me,cause of my terribad approach.

All the things I learnt these past several months, like how to always look your best , how and when to be funny, serious, or sexual and all that crap, and I can't use it because I don't have the guts to approach women ! Clubs are not for me, too loudy and overcrowded,as you said. It remains girls from college,gym, and of course, cold approach,all suck for me. I keep making excuses I can't do it.

Like, look how much of a retard I can be. A girl I went out with calls me the same night at 2 am to go to her,cause her room mates are gone, she obviously wanted to have sex. Instead of going to the first non stop and buy some condoms, I just go there and watch a movie with her, and she also cooked to me , lmao. When I look back, I'm like, why do I even exist ?

cataxdz said:

I read everything and oh dude, I'm just at this exact point of time :

And the timings are the same, sh11t started in the final weeks of highschool.First year of college almost passed and all I did was hit the gym and get bad grades,while failing with yet another girl.

I read on,and I sure as hell don't want my life to be as yours in the following years, no offence man, but you said you're in this PUA related stuff since a few years now, and your progress was really damn slow to none.

I don't know if this should discourage me or make me feel lucky, but heck, I suffer from big-time oneitis since a year and a half now, for a girl that ljbf and rejected me,cause of my terribad approach.

All the things I learnt these past several months, like how to always look your best , how and when to be funny, serious, or sexual and all that crap, and I can't use it because I don't have the guts to approach women ! Clubs are not for me, too loudy and overcrowded,as you said. It remains girls from college,gym, and of course, cold approach,all suck for me. I keep making excuses I can't do it.

Like, look how much of a retard I can be. A girl I went out with calls me the same night at 2 am to go to her,cause her room mates are gone, she obviously wanted to have sex. Instead of going to the first non stop and buy some condoms, I just go there and watch a movie with her, and she also cooked to me , lmao. When I look back, I'm like, why do I even exist ?

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Actually I started reading about this stuff a few yrs back, but I stopped after like 2-3 months because I wasn't entirely convinced, hence why I didn't improve my game by much. I should have stuck it out and tried to get more experience so that when I got into my masters program I would have been prepared when I met the girl who I liked, but instead I lacked experience. I brought a knife to a gun fight and got slaughtered.

Week 1 day 5: well today sucked. The baseball game was a bust. Most of the girls who I spoke to in class didn't even show up, and the guy who organized it ****ed up the seating. All the girls were put in 2 aisles above everyone else and I had an empty seat beside me wtf. I just had some guy who I rarely talk to chat, it was ****ing boring. I bailed after an hr. I should have just stayed home or called up my buddy to go drinking instead.

Week 1 day 7: The last few days have been horrible. I even started having suicidal thoughts about jumping in front of traffic or just taking a knife and stabbing myself because of the pain. Now I know I am stronger then this, and I definitely won't be taking my life, but the pain is so ****ing intense. My mother keeps on *****ing at me about random things and I've gotten to the point where I just want to tell her to stfu and strangle her. I've had it with everyone. My friends are ****ing unreliable. Always being wishy washy about everything and always flaking. I need to start developing a new circle of friends.

I have been speaking to a few friends and colleagues seeing if they could introduce me to their girl friends but they keep on saying let me see or some other bull****, etc. I now realize I cannot count on anyone except myself. So from now on, **** every one else. I'm going to start doing whatever the hell I want to do. I have been dying to go on a vacation for the past 3 years and everytime friends and family always come up with excuse this or excuse that. **** that ****! I'm going to book a vacation tour just for me, everyone else can just go **** themselves. I will no longer let anyone else hold me back. My emotions have been switching between sadness, pain, depression, and anger.

Once I come back from vacation, I'm going to start looking for a part time job so that I can start rebuilding my wardrobe, having money to pay for hobbies, signing up for toastmasters and also to purchase more exercise equipment for my home gym. I'm going to then save up all the money for 1-2 future vacation trips by myself and for tuition next year. I'm no longer going to let me parents use emotional blackmail or guilt me into not buying what I want. I don't ****ing care anymore. What the **** is the point of being on this earth if all you do is save and not spend a single dime on things you want to have?

I now realise no one can help me but myself. I am determined to change up my odds and pick myself up and become even stronger than before.

thunder_god said:

Week 1 day 7: The last few days have been horrible. I even started having suicidal thoughts about jumping in front of traffic or just taking a knife and stabbing myself because of the pain. Now I know I am stronger then this, and I definitely won't be taking my life, but the pain is so ****ing intense. My mother keeps on *****ing at me about random things and I've gotten to the point where I just want to tell her to stfu and strangle her. I've had it with everyone. My friends are ****ing unreliable. Always being wishy washy about everything and always flaking. I need to start developing a new circle of friends.

I have been speaking to a few friends and colleagues seeing if they could introduce me to their girl friends but they keep on saying let me see or some other bull****, etc. I now realize I cannot count on anyone except myself. So from now on, **** every one else. I'm going to start doing whatever the hell I want to do. I have been dying to go on a vacation for the past 3 years and everytime friends and family always come up with excuse this or excuse that. **** that ****! I'm going to book a vacation tour just for me, everyone else can just go **** themselves. I will no longer let anyone else hold me back. My emotions have been switching between sadness, pain, depression, and anger.

Once I come back from vacation, I'm going to start looking for a part time job so that I can start rebuilding my wardrobe, having money to pay for hobbies, signing up for toastmasters and also to purchase more exercise equipment for my home gym. I'm going to then save up all the money for 1-2 future vacation trips by myself and for tuition next year. I'm no longer going to let me parents use emotional blackmail or guilt me into not buying what I want. I don't ****ing care anymore. What the **** is the point of being on this earth if all you do is save and not spend a single dime on things you want to have?

I now realise no one can help me but myself. I am determined to change up my odds and pick myself up and become even stronger than before.

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Although David WYGANT says I'm improving when it comes to talking to women, I need to know how to approach and talk to them in different settings

Week 2 day 2: Still feeling pretty ****ty. I'm going to have a meeting tomorrow with my prof to see where I messed up on my final exam.

I was invited to 2 birthday parties, one for this friday and another the following week. I accepted the invite for this friday. After the birthday everyone is apparently going to some musuem party. I think it will be a good opportunity to practice and meet some potential girls. I have the BBQ event the next day as well, which will have a large number of my classmates in attendance. I will see if I can get a few more numbers that day as well. I usually don't go to any of these things, because I generally hate large social events, but I am trying to be more open minded now.

Not too sure after the other birthday party since I haven't spoken to the guy who invited me for 2 years and I saw his guest list and its like pure FOBs which isn't really my cup of tea but we'll see how I feel next week. I still haven't finished reading corey wayne's book yet for the second time (only half way there). I've been watching 3-5 of his videos everyday. I just need to get out of this slump first before I feel I can start approaching random girls on the street. I guess I will take it one step at a time.

I also watched that movie 500 days of summer and yes man for the last 2 days. I thought watching how long it took the protagonist to get over the girl would help. Brutal, since I experienced some of that stuff with that girl who I messed up with like her hitting me and stuff brought back memories. I still haven't fully given up on her yet in my mind . I can't wait to meet the new girl autumn thats suppose to be a replacement for summer. A part of me, still feels like I want to reach out to her and ask her out again since its been 3 weeks now since I last heard from her and she doesn't really go out to any social events my class organizes (kind of a loner).

I got a text from that other girl who I had lunch with last week yesterday night and today. The conversion was as follows:

Her: Hey! How are you?
Her: What happened with their decision about school!
Me: Hey. I'm ok. How's everything? Hope mtl was fun.
Me: I'll tell u about the school thing at the bb on sat.
Her: Okay. I wish I had shorter days / no commute and we could meet up
Me: No worries. Hope placements going well? Haven't accidentally injured or killed anyone yet I hope .
Her: Nope but guy almost fell today cause I made a big mistake cause I got distracted by the fact that he was peeing himself and needed a bottle to pee into .
Me: Ah nothing beats watching a grown man pee their pants lol. I would have yelled "nurse cleanup in bed one or something"

I saw a pic she posted of her sharing a milkshake with some guy, presumably her bf. I'm probably not going to put much effort into her anymore, not that I was really anyways. I'll just keep her as a friend for now so once she gets comfortable with me, I'll ask her to hook me up with her friends and also use her as social prove for future targets. I have to admit though, texting with her really sucks. I miss texting with that girl who I messed things up with . She used to always text back right away or if she couldn't would let me know. Also she would send several text messages back to back and was really engaging. This girl on the other hand, is the complete opposite. Man I really do need to start going out more and meeting new attractive women, so my mind isn't so focused on my oneitis. It just sucks to blow it with someone who you had such great chemistry with. She made me feel like a kid. Everytime we hung out, we would be playful with each other like kindergarden kids. I never experienced that before with any girl. Even when we locked eyes, there was this sexual electrical energy I felt.

I also just created an account on plenty of fish. I can't believe I have now resorted to trying online dating and using plenty of fish of all places. I don't really intend on messaging any girls on pof. I'm sure they get bombarded by hundreds of afc guys who just can't control themselves. I'll use some of corey wayne's advice for creating an online profile and just leave it there and let it sit. I'll only reply back to messages since I don't think I'll have time to go on pof anyways once I start doing all that other stuff to improve myself.

One thing I have noticed on pof is that a huge ton of chicks, especially the fat ones underestimate how fat they are. I see a large number of whales on there lie and lack integrity about their figure. They would put down average or a few lbs over weight. Since when does looking like a whale make you look a few lbs over weight? I know if I were ever out on a date with one of these girls, and I found out they lied about how fat they are, I would instantly bolt for the door.