Girl I'm dating hanging out with this guy a lot

Been dating this girl and its been going well. Lately she's been hanging out with this guy a lot. I called her out on it and she goes it's for work and he's just a friend. This guy is 40 we are in our mid 20s and every chance he gets he snaps a picture of her at brunch or dinner or having drinks and tags her. I won't lie it gets me jealous and she told me before that nothing is going on and she is only dating me. Few of these events were in a group setting with coworker or her friends and a few are just them.

How should I proceed in this situation? My gut feeling is the guy wants more then to hang out with a cute mid 20s girl just not sure if my girl is giving in or what is going on.

Quick question: are you two dating or are you in a committed monogamous relationship?

apprenticedj said:

Quick question: are you two dating or are you in a committed monogamous relationship?

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We been dating exclusively since December.

i think when your gf starts hanging out with a 40 something year old guy all the time you're supposed to never talk to her again

Well that's significant. I mean, obviously, we know what HE wants but her intentions are a little harder to decipher. Regardless we're talking about some very DANGEROUS territory here, workplace familiarity bleeding over into after work hangouts, both with and without co-workers. In all honesty my friend there is nothing you can do, if they're gonna hook up you can't stop it. But if you keep questioning her, doubting her and being the typical jealous dude you're going to run the risk of pushing her into his arms and bedroom. So just lay back and make sure she doesn't think you're threatened by their relationship. In fact you should be doing the same thing, go out with friends, hopefully female. Two can play at this game. Sounds immature but you need a quick reset of the balance of power in the relationship. If you're only in four months and ALREADY you're displaying jealous controlling behavior she's gonna run away quick.

apprenticedj said:

Well that's significant. I mean, obviously, we know what HE wants but her intentions are a little harder to decipher. Regardless we're talking about some very DANGEROUS territory here, workplace familiarity bleeding over into after work hangouts, both with and without co-workers. In all honesty my friend there is nothing you can do, if they're gonna hook up you can't stop it. But if you keep questioning her, doubting her and being the typical jealous dude you're going to run the risk of pushing her into his arms and bedroom. So just lay back and make sure she doesn't think you're threatened by their relationship. In fact you should be doing the same thing, go out with friends, hopefully female. Two can play at this game. Sounds immature but you need a quick reset of the balance of power in the relationship. If you're only in four months and ALREADY you're displaying jealous controlling behavior she's gonna run away quick.

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Appreciate the feedback. I'm going to play it cool as I already brought it up to her already and you are right there is nothing I can do. It really did get me upset and maybe because I care too much.

bruceartest24 said:

Appreciate the feedback. I'm going to play it cool as I already brought it up to her already and you are right there is nothing I can do. It really did get me upset and maybe because I care too much.

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The guy who tries to play it cool usually ends up looking like a fool when he ges dumped or cheated on. There's no reason for her to be hanging out with some 40 year old man unless he is doing things for her which in return she will give him sexual favors. Women who love their man won't hang out with another man. A little over 3 months of a relationship isn't much, not much has been invested which is why she is hanging out with him. Time for you to find a new girl or you will look like big a chump.

Hey man it happens. One of the mantras that seems to be repeated around here is "always care less". While it's not really possible to control how much you actually care, it's a subconscious thing, but you can control how much you let her know. Act aloof, casual, non-chalant etc. TRY not to sweat it too much and honestly take some time to yourself to enrich your own life, get in touch with buddies, go see family and work on hobbies. Your relationship is still new so it's easy to get caught up in it and lose some sense of self. Reclaim that, even if this relationship fizzles at least you'll have learned a lesson for the next one. Best of luck.

bruceartest24 said:

Been dating this girl and its been going well. Lately she's been hanging out with this guy a lot. I called her out on it and she goes it's for work and he's just a friend. This guy is 40 we are in our mid 20s and every chance he gets he snaps a picture of her at brunch or dinner or having drinks and tags her. I won't lie it gets me jealous

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Let me get this straight......you are jealous of a 40 yr co-worker because he gets to have drinks and food for work with your girlfriend?

What are you gonna do pal? Tell her to quit her job because you cant get over this? Look man, your insecure reaction is exactly what drives attraction into the ground. Act aloof and quit giving a sh1t....

Hes snapping photos.....while your snapping her legs in the bedroom. Start acting like the prize in this relationship.

Agree with TheException. But if you find out she's cheated you must drop her and never look back.

foreverAFC said:

i think when your gf starts hanging out with a 40 something year old guy all the time you're supposed to never talk to her again

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This.

Have some self respect OP.

TheException said:

Act aloof and quit giving a sh1t....

Hes snapping photos.....while your snapping her legs in the bedroom. Start acting like the prize in this relationship.

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Is that what you do with your girlfriend? Act aloof? Acting aloof does nothing when the other guy is making her vag tingle and get wet. When girlfriends lose interst, the boyfriends are no longer leg snapping when the girlfriend refuses to have sex. Acting like a prize does nothing. You need to be a prize. The girl obviously doesn't see him as a prize because she's hanging out with a 40 year old. You have a strange mind set.

Lol is there something in the air? Why the hell are so many women in relationships hanging out with male friends lately? First of all did you state you expectations for her before you started the relationship? Do that first and she'll know what the consequences are for trying something like this. That being said, the fact that she's spending so much time with this guy and letting him take pics is a huge sign of disrespect. You know damn well she'd be furious if you were having drinks all the time with a coworker and taking pics together.

goldengoose said:

The guy who tries to play it cool usually ends up looking like a fool when he ges dumped or cheated on. There's no reason for her to be hanging out with some 40 year old man unless he is doing things for her which in return she will give him sexual favors. Women who love their man won't hang out with another man. A little over 3 months of a relationship isn't much, not much has been invested which is why she is hanging out with him. Time for you to find a new girl or you will look like big a chump.

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Hah the last time this topic came up I advised the OP to play it cool and start talking to new women. You pointed out a valid flaw in that logic however. bruceartest24 unless you have other options lined up right now then sticking around will indeed make you look like a fool who tolerates disrespect. It's only been three months and she's already behaving badly so it's only going to get worse further down the line. I'd tell you to break it off now or at least end exclusivity but I know you aren't going to do that. Instead, stop initiating contact and start talking to other women. Perhaps when she see's you pulling back she'll realize that her behavior is unacceptable. If not then break it off completely.

goldengoose said:

Is that what you do with your girlfriend? Act aloof?

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Whats your obsession with her?

Acting aloof does nothing when the other guy is making her vag tingle and get wet. When girlfriends lose interst, the boyfriends are no longer leg snapping when the girlfriend refuses to have sex.

The girl obviously doesn't see him as a prize because she's hanging out with a 40 year old.

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You assume an awful lot.

1. That this guy makes her vag tingle
2. That the girlfriend is losing interest
3. That the girlfriend refuses OP sex.

Those assumptions are based upon what exactly? You're jumping to conclusions which may not even exist. Unlike you....I stick to facts and give advice based upon evidence given. If OP says they work together and get drinks/food for work, why do you automatically jump to the worst case scenario? Could they not simply have clients that they meet for drinks and food on a regular basis?

Acting like a prize does nothing. You need to be a prize

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Thought precedes action. "Think and you shall become". Creating your own reality has a positive feedback loop.

If you think you are confident > You act more confident > Which leads to you thinking you're even more confident.

I literally just did a podcast on this a couple weeks ago - check it out: Candy Crush + Why She WILL Leave You For Her Close Guy Friend

In the meantime - as you may be aware, bringing this to her attention and trying to logically convince her why she shouldn't hang out with this guy will get you nowhere. You can handle this one of two ways: 1. Whine about it and be all butt-hurt when she tells you these stories of her hanging out with guy; or 2. Start doing what she's doing - make plans and be aloof when you say to her "oh, me and a friend are going to a salsa club tonight" or "me and a friend are going to see a movie together." If she inquires further, mention the name of a female friend (even if it's not true) and say "yeah, she wanted to see this movie, and I know you don't like these kinds of movies so I said we should go together." Of course, like any hypocrite she'll probably be like "why would you not want to see it with me? Why go with another girl?" Then you just hit her with what she hit you with - "but honey, we're just friends, nothing's going to happen, why are you so upset?" Then she'll probably try to explain herself, at which point you use her words against her - "Look, you yourself have guy friends you go out with, and at first I felt some kind of way - then I realized you were right, and that I had friends of both genders I was neglecting by being in a relationship, and that neither of us should feel the need to do that. So, off to the movies I go!"

See if she doesn't change her tune by the time you get back, lol

TheException said:

Whats your obsession with her?

You assume an awful lot.

1. That this guy makes her vag tingle
2. That the girlfriend is losing interest
3. That the girlfriend refuses OP sex.

Those assumptions are based upon what exactly? You're jumping to conclusions which may not even exist. Unlike you....I stick to facts and give advice based upon evidence given. If OP says they work together and get drinks/food for work, why do you automatically jump to the worst case scenario? Could they not simply have clients that they meet for drinks and food on a regular basis?

Thought precedes action. "Think and you shall become". Creating your own reality has a positive feedback loop.

If you think you are confident > You act more confident > Which leads to you thinking you're even more confident.

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You're the one who always posts about her and talks about her having other men and orbiters around, so I wanted to know if you act aloof when she brings other men around in front of you.


It's not assumptions, that's how things go when other men come around. There's enough threads on this site to show that and not to mention what I've seen people who I know go through.

Some other guy makes her vag tingle and get wet, she loses interest in the boyfriend, the sex stops, he acts aloof trying to get her interest back, she hooks up with the other guy, she dumps him and it's over.

The more time you spend with another person, the more feelings develop. High quality women don't spend 1 on 1 alone time with other men.

If you think that's ok, then you have the wrong mind set.

Women who love their boyfriend don't hang out with another man.

Thinking is good, but if you are not "it" that won't help you. If the chick thinks the other dude is "it" then her vag tingles for him.

Ive never seen such a guy like TheException, who constantly defends women hanging out ALONE with other men. Every single case Ive seen, where the woman starts hanging out with some new guy, its always been the death knell of a relationship.

OP should just kick her to the curb now. Not be some chump who sits around, says nothing, and allows her to hang out alone with new men without consequence. I for one wouldnt disrespect my gf by constantly hanging with some chick from work, and posting pics all over social media.

Its one thing if she was catching up with an old friend from time to time. Its a totally different ballgame when shes frequently hanging out with some orbiter from work.

Let me tell you this....women dont try this kinda crap with a man they are afraid to lose. They dont try this crap with a man they know isnt afraid to walk at the first sign of disrespect. I had a girl who was very, very into me...and she says the following, during a few conversations we had about how I expect a gf to behave--"Jay, wow...youre harsh. You really dont play around. You'd really just leave a girl like that? I dunno, ultimatums seem controlling"

To which I reply "Im not controlling anyone. I know what I want, and I know what I feel is respect and disrespect in a relationship. A woman is free to do what she wants, and Im free to leave if I dislike how the relationship is going. Shes free to do the same as well if I behave badly". Then this girl simply says "yeah, true...I feel you. I just wish you werent so matter of fact about just quickly up and leaving a girl".

Guess what? A couple weeks later she was downright begging me to give her the D...but I knew she would get sprung and wanted me to wife her up. So I just avoided that drama. The grand point being, from what I have seen, is that women respect and are attracted to a strong man whos firm in what he wants from his woman. B!tching at your disrespectful girlfriend solves nothing. Maturely and calmly telling her to shape up will work, and then calmly leaving without any drama reinforces your stance.

I establish my boundaries before a commitment starts. If a woman disrespects those boundaries like your girlfriend has, Id tell her "listen, we talked about this before we got together. You can do what you want, but you know what the final outcome will be. You do what makes you happy, and Ill do the same." And this is all said in a calm, matter-of-fact tone. And this IF I didnt already break up with her for daring to think she could pull that ish with me.

Jaylan said:

Ive never seen such a guy like TheException, who constantly defends women hanging out ALONE with other men. Every single case Ive seen, where the woman starts hanging out with some new guy, its always been the death knell of a relationship.

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Several other posters have mentioned the same thing. That's because The Exception settled for a low quality woman who puts up with whatever she does in order to keep her around. He's afraid of losing his only option so he deals with it by defending her. When she b1tches him out, he acts aloof then forgives her. When she has other men around, he ignores it and thinks he's a prize. Real alpha's wouldn't put up with this sh1t and women who are in love with their man don't spend lots of 1 on 1 time with another man.

PairPlusRoyalFlush said:

There is this massive fallacy in the manosphere that women are biological androids that long to submit to one alpha male heart/body/and soul. Some will admit that a woman may leave an "alpha", but only if certain conditions of hypergamy are met. This falsehood is simply a new form of pedestalization that lifts up women as a new kind of "noble savage". For one thing, it ignores slvts, who often completely ignore hypergamy in favor of mental illness and hedonism. It also ignores that most people have the urges of the slvt. People, including women, like variety. Most will break any rules that are not enforced.

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Low quality women that includes wh0res do like variety. They like the variety of sucking and having other c0cks in their pvssy. High quality women who love their man don't have other men hanging around, period. Seems like you have been with too many low quality women to know the difference.

noobolgy said:

For me this behavior is disrespectful. A woman with high interest would not do this kind of stuff out of respect. A woman with high interest wouldn't dare do anything that she thinks you might consider as disrespectful. She should be doing everything she can to make sure she won't lose you.

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Of course it's disrespectful, but you have to understand the mind set of these women. They don't care that is disrespectful because they don't respect their man. To them, their behavior is perfectly fine because they're getting what they want and that's all that maters to them. Acting aloof and trying to get interest back is stupid when the woman has her eyes set on the other man.

You have to ask yourself, do you trust her?

For me this behavior is disrespectful. A woman with high interest would not do this kind of stuff out of respect. A woman with high interest wouldn't dare do anything that she thinks you might consider as disrespectful. She should be doing everything she can to make sure she won't lose you.

I don't have an opinion on your situation OP, I do have a very close female friend, we talk every day and we go out to bars and clubs together, it is a 100% platonic relationship, she had a boyfriend when we met and I'm seeing someone now. On Saturday night I stayed over her place and slept in her bed because I was hammered and couldn't drive home. Nothing happened and nothing ever will. I told the girl I'm seeing about her, and she has no problem when I go out with her.