How to get over oneitis?

My oneitis is in all my classes and I see her everyday. Plus she still texts me every few days. I can't really go no contact as I still need to work with her and stuff. Its affecting me so badly that I\m on the verge of getting kicked out of my program. I saw one of my profs today and she told me to go see a psychiatrist because she has noticed that I have been really down and depressed lately. My grades are slipping and I'm trying to study but my brain can't focus. I have a test in a few days but my mind just isn't into studying.

I think you need to ask yourself why you are so infatuated with this girl. Is she an ex-girlfriend or just some chick that rejected you?

I know its tough to fight the pain but you have to find some kind of inspiration for your strength; sometimes I'm able to do this by reading a book or watching a movie that I can relate to. Your studies, if they are important to you, will have a long term benefit. This ***** you're obsessed with, even if you ended up getting somewhere with her, will be a distant memory before you know it.

I've been through oneitis before, I gradually got through it & tried chasing other girls, eventually, you'll take a liking to at least of the girls you chase & from there it gets much easier..

Good luck bruh

If you stand in a doorway and extend your arms (as if attempting to make a snow angel) and hold your arms pressing outward, then step inside you will feel the sensation of your arms lifting. This was caused by sustained pressure. This is what oneitis is. It is the illusion caused by the sustained THOUGHT pressure. You have given your brain momentum by focusing an unnatural amount of your brain power on this woman. The only cure is to find another woman. At some point (months later) you will find yourself thinking about the new girl (who is hopefully having sex with you) instead.

Nice analogy, bigneil.

Another way is to change the held associations of what you like about her with what you don't. You may have to make some up. Your brain won't know the difference, you just have to make it believe you believe it. The pleasure you then get thinking about her will eventually fade. You will, perhaps, realize she is a figment of your imaginings, and no longer the indirect conductor of your emotions.

Night-hawk said:

Nice analogy, bigneil.

Another way is to change the held associations of what you like about her with what you don't. You may have to make some up. Your brain won't know the difference, you just have to make it believe you believe it. The pleasure you then get thinking about her will eventually fade.

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I've already tried that avenue. I've been telling myself all about her flaws and stuff but its just not helping. I feel really broken inside right now.

Have you gone and screamed out at the moon to be released of this curse? And laugh how funny it sounds.

Better yet, go out and yell and break something like a twig, or if you have a lot of pent up tension, a much bigger stick, then huck it at a big tree. Tell yourself that you are free of this. And believe it. Your associations, and the emotion you place with them, make more intense then the emotions you are feeling about her.

When you reach a calm and her image is floating amongst your mind ever so softly, and no emotion moves those waters, you're on to something.

Other than that. Good luck on your other test.

Same chick from before thunder_god? You may have to just tough it out my man. Always refresh your mind that there are so many more chicks in the sea. Every time I meet a girl I like I always feel like she's the one, or there won't be another one like this chick. In reality, your really young. Your going to run into so many girls. You don't realize it now and it's not the answer you want, but it's the honest truth

Nickface said:

Same chick from before thunder_god? You may have to just tough it out my man. Always refresh your mind that there are so many more chicks in the sea. Every time I meet a girl I like I always feel like she's the one, or there won't be another one like this chick. In reality, your really young. Your going to run into so many girls. You don't realize it now and it's not the answer you want, but it's the honest truth

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Ya same chick. Thing is, I was feeling ok about it yesterday until I got my test back and saw that I failed it, now all these feelings have come back at twice the intensity. Now I'm at an all time low. I can't focus on studying for my next test later this week and I've reached major depression mode. I'm going to try and speak to a therapist tomorrow or something.

thunder_god said:

Ya same chick. Thing is, I was feeling ok about it yesterday until I got my test back and saw that I failed it, now all these feelings have come back at twice the intensity. Now I'm at an all time low. I can't focus on studying for my next test later this week and I've reached major depression mode. I'm going to try and speak to a therapist tomorrow or something.

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Look try to not let it depress you. Believe me, all of us have been where you are and this forum is a good outlet. I think I get why you don't want to talk to her about all this. It would come off as being embarrassing coupled with the fact that you will see her everyday. You absolutely have to find another hobby or girl to spend your attention on.

Literally come into class and be the first one to leave. The less you interact, the better it will be in time. You have to not text her back as hard as that sounds. If you think you have no shot with her, don't think twice about how you treat her.

I got to the point in my life where I literally have 0 girls that are friends. I mingle with potentials. That's where you have to get and keep it too.

Nickface said:

Look try to not let it depress you. Believe me, all of us have been where you are and this forum is a good outlet. I think I get why you don't want to talk to her about all this. It would come off as being embarrassing coupled with the fact that you will see her everyday. You absolutely have to find another hobby or girl to spend your attention on.

Literally come into class and be the first one to leave. The less you interact, the better it will be in time. You have to not text her back as hard as that sounds. If you think you have no shot with her, don't think twice about how you treat her.

I got to the point in my life where I literally have 0 girls that are friends. I mingle with potentials. That's where you have to get and keep it too.

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I want to start going out right now and meeting new girls but I have a huge midterm test I need to be studying for. My original plan was to start going out to meet girls during my placement and break as well as picking up two new hobbies but I'm really struggling this week trying to stay focused on studying. This is like the worst ****ing pain I've ever felt in my life, and I've had the **** kicked out of me several times when I was younger but those were nothing compared to this. Physical pain is only temporary and goes away quickly, but this **** is like a deep throbbing chest pain that is eating me from the inside that seems to come and go throughout the day. I pretty much don't have contact with her anymore other then saying hi if I see her. I don't even try to look in the same direction where she is sitting, and she seems to have gotten the hint and stopped texting me. I miss the texting, but at the same time I know i can't go on like this otherwise I will die a slow painful death.

You know you always see in the movies and tv shows, its the guys that do this **** to women, but it seems in reality, its the other way around. I feel disappointed in myself for letting this happen to me, I've been so closed off with my emotions and stuff, and as soon as I open up, I get my heart ripped out of my chest. I should have listened to my best friend, and started dating girls and getting experience when I was in highschool. I feel really behind now.

One thing I have found though is, its all my guy friends who have been helping me out through this phase. I have a few friends who are females who I have known for years and they don't seem to give a ****. I'm not sure if this applies to all females, but it just makes me feel less guilty in the future if I were to ever do this **** back to females.

thunder_god said:

I want to start going out right now and meeting new girls but I have a huge midterm test I need to be studying for. My original plan was to start going out to meet girls during my placement and break as well as picking up two new hobbies but I'm really struggling this week trying to stay focused on studying. This is like the worst ****ing pain I've ever felt in my life, and I've had the **** kicked out of me several times when I was younger but those were nothing compared to this. Physical pain is only temporary and goes away quickly, but this **** is like a deep throbbing chest pain that is eating me from the inside.

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I get it man, believe me. I grew up and I cared less. You still sound a bit young. School is important, so try as hard as you can to focus on this test. Talk about this situation to your friends/family. It's better to do it in person then it is online.

How is your relationship with her again? I forgot if you mentioned if it's just a school relationship? Ask her to study with you. It would make you feel better winning the little battles day to day. Some days you will feel like **** but if you can get back on good terms again as friends then life would be easier...

By the way, don't get angry at her or females in general. If you feel that way, you lose. There are a few good ones out there and that's where you should exert your energy. You didn't do anything wrong OP. Every guy has been where you are. You feel this way cause you think your alone which is not the case in the slightest.

Nickface said:

I get it man, believe me. I grew up and I cared less. You still sound a bit young. School is important, so try as hard as you can to focus on this test. Talk about this situation to your friends/family. It's better to do it in person then it is online.

How is your relationship with her again? I forgot if you mentioned if it's just a school relationship? Ask her to study with you. It would make you feel better winning the little battles day to day. Some days you will feel like **** but if you can get back on good terms again as friends then life would be easier...

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Well before all this drama happened, it was pretty good. I had one lunch and one dinner with her when I only saw her as a friend. We both provided each other with support with school and stuff, but then we both started developing feelings for each other after talking and spending time together for a few weeks, her sooner then me, but unfortunately for me she had nearly a decades worth of dating experience, whereas I had none so I didn't know how the games work and how to escalate. I passed some of her **** tests but I also think I later failed some as well. You can read one of my earlier threads about her flaking on a date, and what happened. She drunk texted me once saying she wanted to make out with me before the holidays, and then later told me that again over the phone during the holidays, but 5 minutes before that, told me she doesn't date guys in the same program as her after I asked her out, this was right before throwing a huge fit and saying she hates me and stuff about me not replying back to her text and not picking up her phone calls that day. She called and texted me afterwards, but I was busy doing something else, so who knows what could have happened.

Anyways I started to notice my behaviour getting affected by her words and actions, and my emotions started to get out of control. I could be happy and feel like cloud nine one moment, to being completely pissed off the next, or really depressed and sad. It was like a drug addiction, and I didn't even see it coming. I initially had my eyes set on another girl in my class, that was much more attractive then her so I didn't really pay much attention to her for 2-3 months but for whatever reason, I developed oneitis for this girl. Anyways as you already know, once you develop oneitis you've pretty much already lost the battle. She seems to be more distance now and doesn't really text me anymore, it also doesn't help that I started to give her really short replies back either and don't reply back nor pick up her calls right away, as in the past, as I'm trying to move on. Anyways I don't think its salvageable anymore nor can things return to the way they were. She probably thinks I'm being weird and cold towards her, while I'm thinking she's trying to distance herself from me. Thank god, I don't have to see her for 3 weeks after this week when I do my placement. I think I'm going through the withdrawal symptoms of oneitis right now.