backbreaker
Master Don Juan
as they say your greatest strength can be your greatest weakness.
My biggest strength if i had to name is that I'm extremely self sufficient. I pride myself in not needing anyone's help, not asking for help, getting **** done on my own. which in turn compounds itself because people see this and automatically ask me to help them fix **** or work on something or help them with something and I do so because, I'm just that ****ing alpha lol. It makes me feel good about myself thus raising my self esteem which in turn, not only allows me to keep my wife in life but allows me to keep my entire life in line.
Right now, not even talking about regular work with my company and the horse racing, I have 2 iphones that I have to fix for people, a business plan that I am putting together for someone and i'm organizing a camp out for our NA group in 1 month.
Anyway, our business is growing. To the point where I can't do my horse racing anywhere near as much as I usually do, which is costing me money because i make more money doing that than this. But in the end game, this business is more important because it ties into my long term goals, so growing it is what i want to happen.
Here is the problem. We are growing too fast. i have more clients to deal with, more proposals to put together, more project checklists to create, more accounting /bookkeeping to do , more errands to run. Right now we are working on 9 projects, about to be 10 and none of them are small. in the past we would work on 3-4 big jobs and like 4-5 med sized jobs. right now we are working on 8 big jobs and one job i'm doing as a favor for a friend basically.
The last.. really since may, i have not been sleeping well. I found out that I do have a slight intolerance to lactose that just recently developed so I cut that out of my diet, and it got a little better. At first I was not having any energy in the day AND i could not sleep. Once I cut the lactose out, i just couldn't sleep or stay asleep. Also i was too tired to have sex so we have probably avg'ed one sexy time a week the last 2 months. just beat man.
Anyway, this week i have been so ****ing tired i have not been able to work one day this week since last Sunday. I have not slept since sunday. at least not real sleep. I was virtually delirious yesterday. Snapping on everyone, even my son, which i felt like **** for. I was done self diagnosing myself so I went to the doctor yesterday (I hate going to the doctor) after my wife pretty much strapped me down in the car and took me.
My blood pressure is slightly high (140/86) but keep in mind, i haven't slept in 4 days. i doubt it's usually that high. though i am black so that is something i will keep a close eye on. Anyway, my point being, he thinks i'm just stressed the **** out. i'm in perfect shape. I eat good. I don't eat a lot of salts. I don't drink caffeine at all, i don't drink alcohol, don't use drugs obviously.
so the doctor prescribed me Trazodone as an anti depressant which also causes drowsiness, and i took one last night and slept like a freaking baby full of titty milk. then woke up and tore my wife a new ******* lol. i literately ****ed her to sleep. Later today I will take my son and my wife to the waterpark.
I guess what I am trying to say is 2 things. 1. I can't do everything by myself , no one on earth is that bad ass, at least I"m not and 2. it's hard to find people you trust. every time i reach out to someone and try to find solid help, outside of my wife and my one programmer that i trust i get ****ty results and i'm like **** it i will do it all myself. which has worked so far,but now its' too much and I don't know what to realistically do. I have to do something that I have a really really hard time doing.. reach out to \someone, open up to someone. it's the only way i can grow / get where i want to get. and i hate doing it /don't want to do it because it NEVER works.
My biggest strength if i had to name is that I'm extremely self sufficient. I pride myself in not needing anyone's help, not asking for help, getting **** done on my own. which in turn compounds itself because people see this and automatically ask me to help them fix **** or work on something or help them with something and I do so because, I'm just that ****ing alpha lol. It makes me feel good about myself thus raising my self esteem which in turn, not only allows me to keep my wife in life but allows me to keep my entire life in line.
Right now, not even talking about regular work with my company and the horse racing, I have 2 iphones that I have to fix for people, a business plan that I am putting together for someone and i'm organizing a camp out for our NA group in 1 month.
Anyway, our business is growing. To the point where I can't do my horse racing anywhere near as much as I usually do, which is costing me money because i make more money doing that than this. But in the end game, this business is more important because it ties into my long term goals, so growing it is what i want to happen.
Here is the problem. We are growing too fast. i have more clients to deal with, more proposals to put together, more project checklists to create, more accounting /bookkeeping to do , more errands to run. Right now we are working on 9 projects, about to be 10 and none of them are small. in the past we would work on 3-4 big jobs and like 4-5 med sized jobs. right now we are working on 8 big jobs and one job i'm doing as a favor for a friend basically.
The last.. really since may, i have not been sleeping well. I found out that I do have a slight intolerance to lactose that just recently developed so I cut that out of my diet, and it got a little better. At first I was not having any energy in the day AND i could not sleep. Once I cut the lactose out, i just couldn't sleep or stay asleep. Also i was too tired to have sex so we have probably avg'ed one sexy time a week the last 2 months. just beat man.
Anyway, this week i have been so ****ing tired i have not been able to work one day this week since last Sunday. I have not slept since sunday. at least not real sleep. I was virtually delirious yesterday. Snapping on everyone, even my son, which i felt like **** for. I was done self diagnosing myself so I went to the doctor yesterday (I hate going to the doctor) after my wife pretty much strapped me down in the car and took me.
My blood pressure is slightly high (140/86) but keep in mind, i haven't slept in 4 days. i doubt it's usually that high. though i am black so that is something i will keep a close eye on. Anyway, my point being, he thinks i'm just stressed the **** out. i'm in perfect shape. I eat good. I don't eat a lot of salts. I don't drink caffeine at all, i don't drink alcohol, don't use drugs obviously.
so the doctor prescribed me Trazodone as an anti depressant which also causes drowsiness, and i took one last night and slept like a freaking baby full of titty milk. then woke up and tore my wife a new ******* lol. i literately ****ed her to sleep. Later today I will take my son and my wife to the waterpark.
I guess what I am trying to say is 2 things. 1. I can't do everything by myself , no one on earth is that bad ass, at least I"m not and 2. it's hard to find people you trust. every time i reach out to someone and try to find solid help, outside of my wife and my one programmer that i trust i get ****ty results and i'm like **** it i will do it all myself. which has worked so far,but now its' too much and I don't know what to realistically do. I have to do something that I have a really really hard time doing.. reach out to \someone, open up to someone. it's the only way i can grow / get where i want to get. and i hate doing it /don't want to do it because it NEVER works.
