The Universal Female Excuse Archive! Add any female excuses you've gotten or heard!

All rise!

Judge nismo knows that we men have been bombarded with female excuses for many many years and times on end. It's funny at best, irritating at worst. It seems they're coming up with slicker ways to reject or flake on men doesn't it? Most likely, in flaking on any first date, a woman's excuses are pretty much total bullsh*t. They know flaking is a sure sign of disinterest on their part. Just play your own role like a man in not letting them manipulate you further by demanding a level of accountability from them.

I'll kick this list off with my sixth deck of cards with 2 jokers! Feel free to add yours, verbal or nonverbal. Here's the deal.

*Extra points if any of these are texted from Facebook, POF, Twitter, OKC, etc.*

1. I lost my phone
2. My phone was off
3. I'm going to the bathroom (She won't come back)
4. I have a family emergency
5. My (insert relative or pet) died
6. I can't find a babysitter
7. I'm trying to get closer to God
8. I've got an illness/sick
9. I want to focus on my career right now
10. I've had bad luck with dating recently
11. I can't give my number out, but give me yours
12. I've got a busy week ahead of me
13. I have a boyfriend
14. I can't unless my friend comes along
15. I'm not looking for anything right now
16. If only we go as friends
17. I don't have a phone
18. I'm working late/ have to go in super early
19. I need to babysit my little (insert relative)
20. I double booked myself
21. My car broke down
22. The bus line doesn't run today
23. I got injured in a car crash badly
24. It's gonna rain later on today (They use this sh*t in Arizona!)
25. My parents won't let me out of the house
26. My phone stopped working (The night of!)
27. I've got relatives coming in from out of town
28. I'm going out of town
29. I've got family drama
30. My husband/ bf came back early from vacation
31. I have a headache
32. I was born a man
33. I think you'd be perfect for my friend
34. I have other plans
35. Something just came up
36. I'm too drunk
37. I'm washing my hair
38. I have to write a term paper
39. Oh That was tonight? I thought that was tomorrow (and many many tomorrows later)
40. I'm sorry, I fell asleep
41. I've gotta get to know you better first
42. Let's be friends first
43. She plays hard to get
44. My friend just got dumped and I can't leave her alone
45. I ran out of gas
46. I caught a flat
47. I'm in love with someone else/ involved, etc.
48. I can't get a cab
49. I can't make it
50. I don't want to come
51. I have a business trip to go on
52. I need time to think

little joker: my dream man asked me out today!

BIG JOKER: ........................................................................................................................................SHE GOES GHOST!

Keep it going.

nismo-4 said:

All rise!

Judge nismo knows that we men have been bombarded with female excuses for many many years and times on end. It's funny at best, irritating at worst. It seems they're coming up with slicker ways to reject or flake on men doesn't it? Most likely, in flaking on any first date, a woman's excuses are pretty much total bullsh*t. They know flaking is a sure sign of disinterest on their part. Just play your own role like a man in not letting them manipulate you further by demanding a level of accountability from them.

Click to expand...

the bold undeline part is key!
just had 6, happen to me, co worker, 15 years younger, lots of fun, flirting at work, texts at home then she pushes for a date
couple of nights before the date...cant get a babysitter! no offer of an alternative..."no worries, such is life" that was that. life goes on. she has guys doing stupid sh!t to be with her...there may yet be a twist!


that list could run into thousands, a woman has as many excuses as there are grains of sand on the beach

1}Teacher chick.
This twӓt's a fücking artist at excuses! Here's the latest which gave us all a laugh at the bar. Friday night, 3 day weekend coming up: "Sorry I am swamped with grading papers!" Meanwhile, 4 out of the 6 people I hung out with were....teachers.

2}Asian business chick.
She pulled a multi on me:
"I don't receive texts on weekends because my phone is hooked up through my company's system, so it is actually my work phone on the weekends, and it blocks texts Saturdays and Sundays, plus I had friends over from Boston and I was extremely busy!" She deserved an Oscar for painfully acting out the word "extremely".

Entertainment at it's best!

"I might be doing something else." -- from the 17-y.o. I was hot for when I was 19. She was really dating some other guy from my school.

VladPatton said:

1}Teacher chick.
This twӓt's a fücking artist at excuses! Here's the latest which gave us all a laugh at the bar. Friday night, 3 day weekend coming up: "Sorry I am swamped with grading papers!" Meanwhile, 4 out of the 6 people I hung out with were....teachers.

2}Asian business chick.
She pulled a multi on me:
"I don't receive texts on weekends because my phone is hooked up through my company's system, so it is actually my work phone on the weekends, and it blocks texts Saturdays and Sundays, plus I had friends over from Boston and I was extremely busy!" She deserved an Oscar for painfully acting out the word "extremely".

Entertainment at it's best!

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i would actually applaud her if she was grading papers. seems like every teacher waits till 2 days before grades are due to submit grades for assignments. i seriously question whether my grades are legit or drawn from a hat at random.

2 of the best ones I've ever gotten.... they made me lol...

"I am not feeling 100 percent tonight"

"The dog ate my phone"(texted from the same number)

fuzzball said:

i would actually applaud her if she was grading papers. seems like every teacher waits till 2 days before grades are due to submit grades for assignments. i seriously question whether my grades are legit or drawn from a hat at random.

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Its summer holidays - there are no papers to grade - all teachers get new classes in the next term.

"I've just got a lot of stuff going on right now."
Universally this means she is fvcking someone she likes more than you.

HedoRick said:

2 of the best ones I've ever gotten.... they made me lol...

"I am not feeling 100 percent tonight"

"The dog ate my phone"(texted from the same number)

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lol poor dog getting false accused like that.

Purefilth said:

Its summer holidays - there are no papers to grade - all teachers get new classes in the next term.

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well thats just hilarious then. although you sure she wasnt teaching summer classes?

HedoRick said:

2 of the best ones I've ever gotten.... they made me lol...

"I am not feeling 100 percent tonight"

"The dog ate my phone"(texted from the same number)

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That first one means she's getting railed by a better man.

The second one means you've been rejected.

This is one I overheard at work. Two coworkers agreed on a date. The day of the date comes and the girl goes "I cant because I remembered I gotta do the laundry." I've been teasing her with it ever since. "You are not going to your best friend's bday party? Why? you gotta do the laundry?"

I have my period
Its girls night out
I'm not sure about my sexuality
I think this is moving to fast
I don't even really know you
Who are you?
I heard your to much of a player ( this one she's gna still come out)

I'm to messed up to be with anyone right now.

Blonde from ma t ch.com:

I forgot that I was supposed to go Xmas shopping with my dad.

Brunette from m a t ch:

I'm gonna have to cancel our date tonight. I went to visit a friend last night. I was at his place. We were up all night, but umm I stayed in his spare room. So I'm really too tired to see you tonight.

Other brunette from m atch:

I want to have a threesome but my gf doesn't like you.

After a BJ from the club:

I can't hang out later. I have to get home to my husband.

<No. She didnt have a ring on and never mentioned being married earlier.>

Bar chick <at her place>:

You're everything I ever wanted in a guy. But you won't like me, and you don't look the guys I usually date. You should leave now.

Holy sh*t!

Mike32ct said:

Blonde from ma t ch.com:

I forgot that I was supposed to go Xmas shopping with my dad.

She's got a football player unwrapping the golden gift!

Brunette from m a t ch:

I'm gonna have to cancel our date tonight. I went to visit a friend last night. I was at his place. We were up all night, but umm I stayed in his spare room. So I'm really too tired to see you tonight.

Because said friend railed her in 69 positions!

Other brunette from m atch:

I want to have a threesome but my gf doesn't like you.

Since the jury is hung, I'm leaving you hung dry.

After a BJ from the club:

I can't hang out later. I have to get home to my husband.

Because he's gonna rail me so hard!

<No. She didn't have a ring on and never mentioned being married earlier.>

<That was to keep your flow of attention going. If she would've said so much earlier, she knew you would've ran. Always call a woman's bluff.>

Bar chick <at her place>:

You're everything I ever wanted in a guy. But you won't like me, and you don't look the guys I usually date. You should leave now.

I got this in its cliffnote form: It's not you, it's me. She realized your game and personality were great, but since it didn't (and doesn't) make you any more physically and financially attractive, we cannot continue.

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Read betw- Crazy sh*t Mike! :crazy:

Those that I remember...

- I thought we were hanging out tomorrow
- I have some errands
- I'll let you know in a bit
- I woke up really tired
- I'm not feeling well
- I have to babysit
- My friend came into town
- I started talking to someone
- I don't want to lead you on
- Send me your picture

My favorite:

I just met someone lol

nismo-4 said:

All rise!

Judge nismo knows that we men have been bombarded with female excuses for many many years and times on end. It's funny at best, irritating at worst. It seems they're coming up with slicker ways to reject or flake on men doesn't it? Most likely, in flaking on any first date, a woman's excuses are pretty much total bullsh*t. They know flaking is a sure sign of disinterest on their part. Just play your own role like a man in not letting them manipulate you further by demanding a level of accountability from them.

I'll kick this list off with my sixth deck of cards with 2 jokers! Feel free to add yours, verbal or nonverbal. Here's the deal.

*Extra points if any of these are texted from Facebook, POF, Twitter, OKC, etc.*

Click to expand...

I think this was done before.

Anyway understand where you are coming from, but what are they supposed to say? "You don't have enough game, Im not attracted, I just needed an ego boost."

Just because a girl sleeps with you or goes on a few dates doesn't mean she wants to get married or be full blown boyfriend/girlfriend status. Girls like one night stands, they like to pump and dump too.

Girls use others all the time to improve their position with their significant other or for their own ego. To think otherwise is naive.

Trump said:

Just because a girl sleeps with you or goes on a few dates doesn't mean she wants to get married or be full blown boyfriend/girlfriend status. Girls like one night stands, they like to pump and dump too.

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From my experience, women who sleep with you want you to stick around. I've only had 1 that never talked to me again (from a SNL.)

I'm not a sex god or anything, but I think once your d!ck enters, they associate that with spiritual 'chemistry' and 'connection.' Afterwards, I no longer care about them and stop pursuing them. Indifference if you will. They have to justify if that connection was real or not, that's when their hamster kicks into overdrive.

nismo-4 said:

Holy sh*t!

Read betw- Crazy sh*t Mike! :crazy:

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Yup . I agree with your translations.

Nice thread. There isn't much to add at this point. I like the one about "I'm trying to get closer to God." A good reply is: "Then why do you lie?" :crackup: :crackup:

Anyway.. for flaking:

"I fell asleep."

"Things are complicated right now."

"Work is crazy."

"I'll be out of town and then out of town again."

"My family is visiting."

I'm happy to say I've reached a point where these excuses don't bother me anymore. When a woman can't be straight up and chooses the cowardly manipulative path.. I don't get mad or upset. I just lose all respect for her.

Oddly enough.. losing respect for them often boosts their interest level and then sometimes I can reverse the game on them. Get them to chase me... F*ck them and dump them soon after.

Most men don't realize this but --> Women are liars by nature. Its a leftover survival tactic. Most men would find the complexity of women's lies staggering. They put a lot of energy into them. Its rare you meet an honest woman. Honesty take balls and integrity. Most women don't have the courage or character to be honest.