Not sure how to handle this..

I've been seeing this girl for over a year. Fb's for 5 months before making it official.

She's 20, 8.5, blonde, no tits, father is German. I'm 26, 5'8, 195lbs 'bodybuilder'.

She works as a bartender at the club I bounce at, and is also a bartender at a major chain steak house.

She loves me - she displays extreme femininity, which I love, with extreme masculinity - I can't stand that sh!t and call her out on it.

Like I said, she's head over heels for me, but I doubt I will ever be for her - and there's one major reason why which is rarely discussed here or anywhere else for that matter..

About a month into making it official, I'm watching tv with her and a buddy of mine. She's trying to set him up with a gf of hers. He asks if she's been with any black guys - she said no, then goes on to tell us that she has a fantasy to be plowed by a black guy (has a poster of rapper Drake in her bedroom).

I told her to leave, she didn't. She honestly didn't think it was a big deal - it was beyond fuked.

Fast forward almost a year now, and, again, this b!tch loves me, but the lack of emotions I show her whether it be romance etc. is getting to her - it's very tough for me to give into and 'love' the girl due to reasons such as:

- she listens to rap, hip hop, gangsta rap, dances like a g-unit sometimes which annoys the f*ck outta me
- she's a pothead (which is whatever), drinks like a Russian, slept with 12-13 guys before me
- about a month ago she got a tattoo with her gfs - hers was the most 'badass'. it was a f*cking black handgun under her left armpit near her tit. I let her have it for that - she said she wanted to show her 'rebelliousness' where nobody can see it - tho a week later she *****s it out on Instagram.
- she talks 'black' sometimes - not around me anymore - around her orbitors and gfs
- once told me she wanted to be a rapper.
Look, I have nothing against black people - my best buddy in college was black - its simply the fact that I refuse to rationalize any behaviour from her whatsoever. It's not like I can straight out tell her "look, baby, this is why I can't love you - remember when you said you have a fantasy to hook up with a black guy??"

I'm in a rock and a hard place - a long time player buddy of mine, the only other person I've told this to, said he's never run into a situation like this, and since I'm so deep in at the moment, he wouldn't know how to handle it.

In my most beta of moments, it's almost as if I'm waiting for a black guy to spot her at her place of work and tag it.

How in the f*ck do I deal with this. I cannot accept it - we all have fetishes etc. but openly throwing it out there to your ‘lover’ is yet another slut tell..

thanks.

without offending but you are dating bartender , you have to expect that , if you really want a woman that keep black men in her fantasies only then go to women work in banks .
I bet your girl is blonde , blonde girls go crazy after blacks

I'll say the same thing I did when you posted about this chick 6 months ago.

( . )( . ) said:

She's a 20 year old "modern woman" with more red flags than communist China. There are no happy endings here. It's a dead investment.

Click to expand...

Whenever I hear a white guy say something like "I got nothing against black people ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS IS BLACK", it's just an awkward smh moment. Knowing a black person shouldn't be treated as some kind of racial immunity, it should be treated as if you happen to know a person who happens to be black. I get that you are as far from being racist against blacks as your girl is close to becoming Nicki Minaj (who would want to be Nicki anyway?) just leave it at "I have nothing against black people"

Any blacks that give you **** after that saying such things as "How you gonna say you ain't racist but you don't like rap/hiphop/insert-name-here-rapper, etc...." is an uneducated ninja, don't apologize. If you aren't into it then you aren't into it, end of that question. I get it too, I hate chicks that act "hood" too and have recently been trying to make a conscious effort to avoid women with that arrogant and ignorant entitled persona.

Speaking honestly your girl sounds hood as ****, no offense but I wouldn't even LTR a white chick that did nothing but seek black dycks all the time. This is different from a white chick that is attracted to black men, I'm all for a woman like that who isn't hung up on race. I'm talking about a white chick who purposely tries to act, dress, and talk like she's living the life of a hoodrat.

Blatant loud tattoos?
Overbearing aggressive masculine attitude?
Profanity-laden macho speech and independent posturing?
Wears tons of weave or a "hairhat"?
Overly promiscuous and openly proud of her lack of responsibility?
Multiple kids or abortions out of wedlock under the age of 30?
Lazy, but entitled?

If your girl is a checkmark in more than two of those questions than congrats nyucka, you got a hoodrat in the making! Hood chicks have been the downfall of black men in America for at least the past 30 to 40 years, since crack was spread through black ghettos. If a hood chick wants some dyck, it doesn't matter if she is with you or if the guy is with someone else she is totally gonna get it. There's a ton of hood ninjas that will totally charm your girl and it don't take much because HOOD CHICKS DON'T FEEL GUILT FOR THEIR LUST.

Don't believe me? You can look up the high out of wedlock birth rates by black women in this country in comparison to women of other races. I got on a rant, but gaddamjit....

BlackEricNorthman said:

Whenever I hear a white guy say something like "I got nothing against black people ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS IS BLACK", it's just an awkward smh moment. Knowing a black person shouldn't be treated as some kind of racial immunity, it should be treated as if you happen to know a person who happens to be black. I get that you are as far from being racist against blacks as your girl is close to becoming Nicki Minaj (who would want to be Nicki anyway?) just leave it at "I have nothing against black people"

Click to expand...

You'd do well in discerning the difference between true hatred for blacks and finding the 24/7 MSM glorification of "thug lyfe" for which his brainless chick has fallen victim to abhorrent.

A big difference.

Seems to me you're mostly bent out of shape because she said she'd like to be plowed by a black guy.

And her lifestyle choices remind you of that fantasy, which bothers you.

I recommend that you first separate "current behavior" from "potential behavior" in your mind. Current behavior does not necessarily lead to potential behavior.

And then come up with "red flag behavior" that will end the relationship.

Then tell her what that behavior is.

Say something like this:

"Look, I like you, I like being with you. But some of the things you've said worry me. It makes me think you might do certain things. Things that would end this relationship. To be fair, I want to tell you what those things are. Keep in mind that your life is your life, and I'm not telling you how to live it. I'm just saying that if you do any of these things, then we're through. I don't judge you, I don't look down on you. I'm just letting you know what's acceptable to me, and what's not. These aren't open for discussion, and I'm not telling you how to live your life."

Then just tell her if she ever gets down with a black guy (or whatever else you're worried about), you're done.

It's CRUCIAL that you don't come off as trying to tell her how to live her life. Let her know her behavior is up to her.

But there WILL be consequences. Not judgement, not punishment, simply cause and effect consequences.

If she values your relationship, and if she's got half a brain, then she'll stop doing whatever she's doing.

If she's just another floozy trying to push your buttons, you'll know.

Bottom line is to be clear with her AND YOURSELF what your boundaries are, and WALK if they are crossed.

I think the problem here is the OP is expecting more from this bird than she's capable of giving. Going by his list of red flags here and 6 months ago she should have been a pump and dump or a bit of casual light hearted fun at best. If he didn't have any investment it wouldn't matter what zany sh!t she says.

This is just a clear cut case of good ole fashioned oneitis.

It's oneitis to an extent, yeah. We're too intertwined in social groups, work place environments etc. for me to make a clean cut - I'm essentially holding onto her for spite, and possy. Not healthy, I'm aware.

She "won" a trip that our club was hosting - it involves all co-workers from various businesses the owner is involved in. They'll all be going down to Barbado or wherever for 4 nights 5 days. I'm kinda hoping that I'll hear through the grapevine she either hooked up with some squirrel or did blow again so I can just end it.

taiyuu, I understand what you're saying, and there's a good chance I will use what you put - though my goal here honestly is to make certain I don't say in any shape or form that I'm affected by her statement way back when about her fantasy. its like, if we go down that road I'm not sure I'll even be attracted to her after that talk. though yeah, its the white elephant in the room forsure.

Dump her. From this point on, your oneitis will continuously grow until the ***** can control you.

Had that happened to me too. "I heard XXX guys are good in bed".. I went ballistics. She never mentioned that no more, but the fact that those words came out of her mouth was painful enough to break the relationship.

From 100% trust to 0% in that instant.

That sounds like a HORRENDOUS tattoo. My ex got one and that began to be the end of it all.

Just show her this if she wants to be with a black guy.

http://data.whicdn.com/images/58514886/Date-A-Black-Guy-They-Said.._large.jpg

sharkbeat said:

Dump her. From this point on, your oneitis will continuously grow until the ***** can control you.

Had that happened to me too. "I heard XXX guys are good in bed".. I went ballistics. She never mentioned that no more, but the fact that those words came out of her mouth was painful enough to break the relationship.

From 100% trust to 0% in that instant.

Click to expand...

what does the term XXX mean in this instance? I've seen this before and want to make sure I know where that origiates.

she said no, then goes on to tell us that she has a fantasy to be plowed by a black guy (has a poster of rapper Drake in her bedroom).

I told her to leave

Click to expand...

"I heard XXX guys are good in bed".. I went ballistics. She never mentioned that no more, but the fact that those words came out of her mouth was painful enough to break the relationship.

Click to expand...

Good lord you guys, sensitive much? Next time why don't you share your fantasy about banging her and her sister at the same time. I have no love for wiggers and would probably never date one, but that's not about black culture per se.. it's more about being annoyed by people who pretend they are what they're not.

I took a bite out of taiyuu_otoko's advice and told her a couple nights back.

I wasn't going to heading in, but I was tired - wasn't feelin' too hot, so I told myself whatever lets do this.. she's always wanting more out of me from my end of the relationship, so I told her this is more or less why you're not getting that from me.

It was nerve wracking as fuk - cold sweat when I was telling her (I swore myself I would never) and after, when it was over - I told her, I feel like I just got in a massive donnybrook.

Her tone is shock, indifference to why I'd take such offence etc. She was begging me to 'snap out of it'. lol I went into this kinda tirade on how I'm a proud fuking white man, any bish I had before your ass wanted my white meat and only that - it was that kinda angle, ahah though better played out when I said it on the spot..

Taking away from all that happened - I can hardly look at her - it improved a bit last night at the club, but even so - the resentment, bitterness and hatred runs deep in me - so much hate fuking. I know she 'loves me' and is totally horny whenever we hang..it's just, again 2 points:

1. like taiyuu_otoko said, her behaviour/lifestyle choices lean hard on her fantasy. that's fuked for anyone to 'endure'.

2. She wants to meet up and 'talk' tomorrow night - one thing I'll most def be saying out of the gate is "next time you're lookin' at the man of your dreams, shut your fuking pie hole and think before you speak."

Zarky: She's not a wigger - she's feminine, and when she displays masculine traits, it's always in a black thug lyfe style....and hold this, you're calling me sensitive? If it bothers me, then it does - who cares about why it does - it's white trashy and a turnoff to hear that. I told her that a few nights back I don't rationalize anything from my girl. If she said this in the context of a fuk buddy OR talking about our sex fantaisies, then no sweat - but the context in how/why she said it has always kept me barely holding on to this, no matter how bad she wants me. I'm looking for a solid healthy LTR and this 'issue' is holding me back, as much as I want to plow forward. If that's being 'sensitive' then enjoy the cuckold.

What exactly bothers you? Is it that she fantasizes about banging a black dude OR that she acts ghetto while she's supposed to be a white feminine chick? If her fantasy was to bang an Asian dude, or a Latin guy, etc, would it still bother you so much?

Based on how you describe her, I would say low quality woman for sure, but she's a bartender and that's to be expected. As someone who actually grew up in the hood/ghetto, I know and understand ghetto life and what it's all about to be a hood pimp. I ain't black, nor am I white. I've worked my way to get OUT of the hood and away from anything related to the hood. Nothing pisses me off more than these ignorant fvckers trying to act hood-like. Take her dumb white a$$ and throw it in the hood and let her see how cool she really thinks it is then. I think this is what pisses you off most.

Like taiyuu_otoko stated - it's her behaviour that will remind me of her fantasy.

It's funny, I was thinking that last night 'if her fantasy was with an Asian, or Latino, would that chap my a** as much?? probably not - because her current/past behaviour doesn't coincide with that fantasy - it doesn't remind me, therefore it does not bother me.'

I'm also one of those guys that grew up on rock, non-screamo metal, hell I even listened to Jazz for a while. Sh!t like that, you know? I'm not a pretender.

She's back from the cottage today, texted me she's all excited and couldn't wait to see me etc. Let's see how this evening goes..

http://sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=199875

People responding in this thread are really doing more bad than good. Her "wigger" behavior and her sexual fantasy are really not the main problem here. The OP's main problem is that he's in a LTR with a piece of trash who is displaying COUNTLESS red flags! People have told him so in his previous thread, half a year ago and he clearly disregarded all our advice.

Now he has deluded himself into believing that her wigger behavior/sexual fantasy is the ONLY thing keeping him from having a solid, healthy LTR with her. As if all her other problems are non-existant!

This guy just can't help himself and doesn't want to accept the fact that his girl is a low life piece of trash with a huge amount of red flags. Now he has picked one of those red flags to obsess over, so he won't have to see the other 999 red flags.
Members on this board who respond to the OP by talking about this one particular red flag that he is obsessing over, are assisting him in this self deception, you are helping him to shut his eyes for the other 999 red flags.

But whatever...the guy is doomed anyway. I fully agree with what backbreaker said to him half a year ago:

backbreaker said:

I hate you OP. I really do. You want to know why I hate you? Because at least the guys that come here on the forum, know that their lives are ****ed up, know where they are and are not happy with it, and want to achieve to be in a better place

you on the other hand, want us to rationalize dating a drug addict who you admit yourself just got back from a vacation from Six c0cks over texas.

she doesn't hav eone ****ing reedmable quality about her and you sound like ****ing carl thomas over here.


for not having a backbone, for not standing up for yourself, for allowing your self to fall for the first girl that looked at you, you deseve every last thing that is about to happen to you with this girl.

Click to expand...

you don't ****ing deserve any advice or help. i'm a;ll for helping guys who want to better their lives but you don't want that. you want to rationzle being in a LTR with a ***** who is a drug addict. lol and she's 20 and you think that the ride is over, man you haven't even approached the climb to the top of the roller coaster yet so you can really start the fun.

you deserve every lats thing that is about to happen to you for being a quivering spineless no self esteem beta male.

Click to expand...

Once in a while, some guy comes onto SoSuave who really doesn't deserve any help at all, coz he is totally beyond help and anyone giving him advice is absolutely wasting his time. OP is such a person...

Move along, everybody. Nothing else to see in this thread.