Crack this chicks code!

Hey guys I'm new to the forum although a long time lurker, anyway let me explain my current situation with this girl I recently met.

There was construction near my condo a couple of weeks ago and one of the safety girls and I started chatting. We made each other laugh and so we chatted again whenever I walked past her on the way to my car. This girl is tall, like 6', while I'm about 5'8" so I assumed she was just really friendly and chatty. Until she called me by my name, I didn't tell her my name and when pressed she revealed she spoke to my mother when she was leaving my place after dropping me off some baked goods.

So I ok, theres interest and I asked for her name and we exchanged Facebook. I'm still in doubt at this time, still thinking its just a friendly exchange. The construction crew leaves and a week goes by and she finally messages me on Facebook giving me her number and telling me to give her a shout. I did not message her first she initiated this.

So I call and we hook up and hang out two nights in a row...things go well and I now assume we are moving along to the beginning phase of dating...I text her and let her know that I showed her picture off to my friend and that he gave his approval of her, I said this more in jest than as a statement of fact. She responds with, "PARDON ME?" and the next text, "Tell your friend our communication is about to greatly diminish starting now".

I played it cool and replied, "ok well it was nice hanging with you, all the best"

A week goes by and I wake up to a voicemail, "I'm sorry for the way I reacted but I am just in no position to be dating right now please call me"

Instead of calling her I text 2 days later. She tells me she is still getting over her last bf and shes not ready for a relationship although she really liked hanging out with me and can we please be friends. I reply that," I know what I want in life, and I was getting into you, when I feel that the feeling is not mutual I move along rather than waste my time or feelings"

She responds, "I am really sad we can't just be friends.".... I say that maybe we can but that my friendship will come with flowers and ice cream because that is the way I feel....I left it at that, and that was last night.

She just texted me, "ok. So can we still be friends? Maybe just not talk daily or whatever? A weekly visit for ping pong or gelato or whatever?"



****Keep in mind it was her who found out my name, her who gave me her phone number and told me to call her and her who first invited me out to hang and when I dropped everything at the sign of her cold feet it was her who is now wanting to be my friend, I did not ever initiate any contact I only have responded to her from the beginning***

Waste of time or what? This chick is hot as **** by the way

Do YOU WANT her as "just" a friend, or will it drive you nuts to not be getting any from her? If the latter, then be honest with her and tell her no.

Eek. Her initiation is all fine and dandy, but typical ***** who gets her pantys in a bunch over dumb ****. To me it sounds like you came across as a kind of pompous by mentioning the friend as even though it was in jokes, this may indicate to her that she can't trust you and therefore in girlnese, her firm, fragile ego interpreted that if she goes further with you she has to worry about too much of gaining approval and so her initial reaction is to act defensive. Now, you totally could have countered her remark rather than deflect her rejection (they are just words remember and tests) by blatantly stating your rejection as well. In this case you basically told her you aren't interested so, in this mess she wants to salvage some validation still, hence why she wants to do the friend thing. In the future don't bother with the uber ****yness unless you are clever enough to defuse her unexpected objections, and don't take her initial response so serious, step back and reassess how she may feel and how you can fix little things like that.

goundra said:

Do YOU WANT her as "just" a friend, or will it drive you nuts to not be getting any from her? If the latter, then be honest with her and tell her no.

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I don't want to be friendzoned by this chick I would rather not see her at all...I guess theres that hope that maybe she is just saying shes not ready because why even after I tell her how I feel and that i don't want to waste time and feelings is she so persistant in hanging out with me....I just met the chick so theres no long term connection...What i'm wondering is, is she just testing me or is does she seriously just want me as a friend even though she hardly knows me?

Night-hawk said:

Eek. Her initiation is all fine and dandy, but typical ***** who gets her pantys in a bunch over dumb ****. To me it sounds like you came across as a kind of pompous by mentioning the friend as even though it was in jokes, this may indicate to her that she can't trust you and therefore in girlnese, her firm, fragile ego interpreted that if she goes further with you she has to worry about too much of gaining approval and so her initial reaction is to act defensive. Now, you totally could have countered her remark rather than deflect her rejection (they are just words remember and tests) by blatantly stating your rejection as well. In this case you basically told her you aren't interested so, in this mess she wants to salvage some validation still, hence why she wants to do the friend thing. In the future don't mention your friends and don't take her initial response so serious, step back and reassess how she may feel and how you can fix little things like that.

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Sounds very solid!I realize now in hindsight the missteps, but re-assess how? By agreeing to be friends and hang out with her some more searching for some indication she wants to elevate it?

All I will say is I think you can salvage this. Get together, make sure she is submitting, and whatever you do don't agree to the friendship thing just make fun of it and kiss her. If she opposes. **** it. Just don't care and go on your merry way.

She just wants all the awkward out of the way, and she will either do this by getting your validation and once her satisfaction is filled she will prance away like a happy fawn, or she will show you she is interested and that what she meant wasn't actually what she really meant. Take the lead and don't agree to things like being friends because it means you are taking it too literally and basing your decision on her terms. Ask yourself, is she complying? If so then good. **** the rest.

She wasn't saying "I don't want to have sex with you."

She was saying "I like you and if we end up having sex that would be great, but I'm not going to tell all my friends and family that I am 'in a relationship' because I just did that and it ended poorly. I felt like I looked stupid doing that, so now there is a lot of pressure on any relationship that is official."

She will have sex with you after a fun day of ping pong and gelato.

And then she will dump you.

she is still getting over her last bf and shes not ready for a relationship

She pretty much made it clear that she wants you to be an orbiter(friend). You made the right move by telling her no. I know she's hot, but don't let her keep you around while she comes crying to you that some other guy banged her last night and her feelings are hurt. Then what?

Next her, man. You tried and she denied.

Night-hawk said:

All I will say is I think you can salvage this. Get together, make sure she is submitting, and whatever you do don't agree to the friendship thing just make fun of it and kiss her. If she opposes. **** it. Just don't care and go on your merry way....Take the lead and don't agree to things like being friends. Ask yourself, is she complying? If so then good. **** the rest.

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That sounds congruent to what I was thinking but needed to hear...So her last text was basically "can we still be friends?" ... I should respond by saying something like, "No, but we can hang out" ?? Or should I not respond via text and just call her to make plans?

Larry Lurex said:

She will have sex with you after a fun day of ping pong and gelato.

And then she will dump you.

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That is totally fine by me man, I just want to conquest this girl


Thanks for all of the advice/tips so far fellas. ****ing great stuff!

OP I really don't know why you are getting so emo about this. I mean you barely know this person, who says if nothing else that you can't have more friends? This is a perfect opp to accomplish a number of things.

First I don't believe for a second that she is not interested in you sexually. She is. She just wants to play things on her terms. What I would do is say to her I thought if over and we can hang out and chat as friends....no problem. And then, act like a friend! Text or call her now and again to see what's up. Hang out with her too every so often. And when you do have contact with her? DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES talk, act, or think in a sexual nature. Be a happy go luck fun guy, but only in a friends sense. Never tell her you like her. In fact talk about other girls you are going out with or talking to, even if you are not.

I can promise you that if you do this, she will literally have a full system meltdown and she will go insanely crazy, and jumping you within 2 weeks.

And if that doesn't happen, (it will) at the very worst you have another good friend and a possible wingwoman.

Go for this plan OP, and report back on your progress.