comic_relief
Master Don Juan
OK so I wrote this really late at night and on little sleep. Don't mind the fact that the grammar is not up to my usual standards, but I figure everyone here loves Lay Reports.
So, this one is from a month and a half ago. I got this new relationship. We went out on a couple of dates before anything physical happened.
The one night, I was worried about an ice storm that was supposed to hit around midnight and didn't feel like driving into school the next morning since i have a 20 minute commute to university. So I called my lab partner up and asked if I could spend the night on her couch since she lives five minutes from campus. She acquiesced even though she wanted to "get to bed early."
We were supposed to go to bed around 10PM to get up for class the next morning, but we didn't make it to bed until 4AM talking about different things. She said she had rules about relationships which includes "No cuddling... no getting attached... no sleeping in the same bed... no relationships..." I figure to myself, "I found myself the perfect fvck buddy for while I am in college."
So then we started telling stories of our exes to see who is going to hell faster, she told me that she had sex in a confessional at her church, so I countered with having sex "behind a pulpit while I was on a missionary trip." We had a draw.
We then talked about our mutual interests in the geosciences and oil companies. Next, we talked about our dry spell that we have been having. She was going on a year long dry spell, while I was having a year and a half long dry spell.
I decided against making my move that night because I had no condoms on me (left them in the car), but I had another date with her that Friday. I woke up and went to university.
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Fast forward to Friday, I get a call from her asking when we wanted to meet up together at Olive Garden for food. So we meet up and have a nice quiet date and the entire time, we are completing each others sentences because we have such similar outlooks and conversational topics. It's uncanny!
So we go back to my house. She makes my roommates (my sister and brother-in-law) an apple pie with a bourbon sauce and brownies :flowers:. She chats with my roommates about the sciences and we then finally get our alone time around midnight after they go to bed.
We go back to my room where we are talking about different things. I casually mention that I give great back massages. She agrees to wanting a back massage. I start giving her one but can't get the back massage just correctly. So I ask her to take off her shirt. She does and then I go in for the kiss. We start with two hours of foreplay. She sees my penis and her eyes go wide then says "Very nice, definitely one of the nicest ones that I have ever seen." I get that a lot. When I stick it in her, the only thing that she said was "What are you like nine inches long?!?" I tell her the truth that I am only six inches but it all has to do with girth. :crackup: (yes, I should do so much gloating, but damn this is a good time).
One thing leads to another, I check to make sure she is clean, and we have a four hour love-making session and fall asleep together (rule 1 broken) in each others arms (rule 2 broken) around 6AM.
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We get up Saturday midmorning and go have another bout of love making for three hours again (this time with eating out and full *******. She swallowed ;-). oh that means she is a keeper). We might have been a bit deprived for the last year or so.
She mentions that she needs to go get extra clothes at my house and some steaks for my roommates and me. We head back to her house and get the stuff. Then go back to my house and cook up the steaks, but my roommates are much more subdued. They can tell that we had massive amounts of sex and are waiting to see if this one sticks around, but we sit together for dinner to chat about different things.
After dinner it is back to my room for homework on our class and telling stories about our exes. Around midnight, we have a three hour round (thank god for lube) where we utterly collapse on the bed gasping for breath around 4AM. We fall asleep in each others arms.
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Sunday morning we get up at 10AM and watch Chris Titus until midafternoon. What could have been the worst thing to occur was that my parents arrived to visit me. My mother's only question to me was "So... your sister tells me that you have a friend staying over. Did we catch you with your pants down?!? We want to meet her..." Your hilarious mother :cuss:, my lab partner came out of the room and converses with them about different subjects. By the end of the conversation, my parents love her :crackup:.
Then around 6pm we have final two hour fvckfest, which ends with both of us holding white flags with our bodies telling us no more. She goes home at 11PM.
To repeat, we had a date start at 2PM on Friday and end at 11PM on Sunday. I believe if my math is correct, then we had just as much sex as we did sleep or slightly a little bit more. That was impressive.
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After about three more weeks of us getting attached to each other, we made the step to being boyfriend and girlfriend (rules 3 and 4 broken). We both realize that this relationship will be lasting quite a while as far as we can tell. We are both perfectly fine with this (and more importantly, her friends and family approves of me).
We are now wondering how long it will take for my classmates within our major to realize that we are dating so we aren't saying anything about our relationship because we now treat it like a game to keep people guessing.
In other news and a smaller FR (sorta) but not entirely unrelated: It's kind of funny though because I am 25 years old now with salt-and-pepper hair while my lab partner is 20 years old. It makes me laugh hard because recently I had a 19 year old LJBF me because I was too old (haven't been LJBF'ed since I was 17) and couldn't keep up with her if I wanted to. Now she complains to me that there are no good guys out there and is using a dating site to find guys (even though she rejected me, one of the best guys that she could find on campus (paraphrased by my now girlfriend). Now she is chasing me and doesn't even know that I have a girlfriend. Since it is none of her business who I am dating, then i think that I will let it go on for however long I want. I believe some people need to eat their cake and shut up.
- comic_relief
So, this one is from a month and a half ago. I got this new relationship. We went out on a couple of dates before anything physical happened.
The one night, I was worried about an ice storm that was supposed to hit around midnight and didn't feel like driving into school the next morning since i have a 20 minute commute to university. So I called my lab partner up and asked if I could spend the night on her couch since she lives five minutes from campus. She acquiesced even though she wanted to "get to bed early."
We were supposed to go to bed around 10PM to get up for class the next morning, but we didn't make it to bed until 4AM talking about different things. She said she had rules about relationships which includes "No cuddling... no getting attached... no sleeping in the same bed... no relationships..." I figure to myself, "I found myself the perfect fvck buddy for while I am in college."
So then we started telling stories of our exes to see who is going to hell faster, she told me that she had sex in a confessional at her church, so I countered with having sex "behind a pulpit while I was on a missionary trip." We had a draw.
We then talked about our mutual interests in the geosciences and oil companies. Next, we talked about our dry spell that we have been having. She was going on a year long dry spell, while I was having a year and a half long dry spell.
I decided against making my move that night because I had no condoms on me (left them in the car), but I had another date with her that Friday. I woke up and went to university.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fast forward to Friday, I get a call from her asking when we wanted to meet up together at Olive Garden for food. So we meet up and have a nice quiet date and the entire time, we are completing each others sentences because we have such similar outlooks and conversational topics. It's uncanny!
So we go back to my house. She makes my roommates (my sister and brother-in-law) an apple pie with a bourbon sauce and brownies :flowers:. She chats with my roommates about the sciences and we then finally get our alone time around midnight after they go to bed.
We go back to my room where we are talking about different things. I casually mention that I give great back massages. She agrees to wanting a back massage. I start giving her one but can't get the back massage just correctly. So I ask her to take off her shirt. She does and then I go in for the kiss. We start with two hours of foreplay. She sees my penis and her eyes go wide then says "Very nice, definitely one of the nicest ones that I have ever seen." I get that a lot. When I stick it in her, the only thing that she said was "What are you like nine inches long?!?" I tell her the truth that I am only six inches but it all has to do with girth. :crackup: (yes, I should do so much gloating, but damn this is a good time).
One thing leads to another, I check to make sure she is clean, and we have a four hour love-making session and fall asleep together (rule 1 broken) in each others arms (rule 2 broken) around 6AM.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
We get up Saturday midmorning and go have another bout of love making for three hours again (this time with eating out and full *******. She swallowed ;-). oh that means she is a keeper). We might have been a bit deprived for the last year or so.
She mentions that she needs to go get extra clothes at my house and some steaks for my roommates and me. We head back to her house and get the stuff. Then go back to my house and cook up the steaks, but my roommates are much more subdued. They can tell that we had massive amounts of sex and are waiting to see if this one sticks around, but we sit together for dinner to chat about different things.
After dinner it is back to my room for homework on our class and telling stories about our exes. Around midnight, we have a three hour round (thank god for lube) where we utterly collapse on the bed gasping for breath around 4AM. We fall asleep in each others arms.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday morning we get up at 10AM and watch Chris Titus until midafternoon. What could have been the worst thing to occur was that my parents arrived to visit me. My mother's only question to me was "So... your sister tells me that you have a friend staying over. Did we catch you with your pants down?!? We want to meet her..." Your hilarious mother :cuss:, my lab partner came out of the room and converses with them about different subjects. By the end of the conversation, my parents love her :crackup:.
Then around 6pm we have final two hour fvckfest, which ends with both of us holding white flags with our bodies telling us no more. She goes home at 11PM.
To repeat, we had a date start at 2PM on Friday and end at 11PM on Sunday. I believe if my math is correct, then we had just as much sex as we did sleep or slightly a little bit more. That was impressive.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
After about three more weeks of us getting attached to each other, we made the step to being boyfriend and girlfriend (rules 3 and 4 broken). We both realize that this relationship will be lasting quite a while as far as we can tell. We are both perfectly fine with this (and more importantly, her friends and family approves of me).
We are now wondering how long it will take for my classmates within our major to realize that we are dating so we aren't saying anything about our relationship because we now treat it like a game to keep people guessing.
In other news and a smaller FR (sorta) but not entirely unrelated: It's kind of funny though because I am 25 years old now with salt-and-pepper hair while my lab partner is 20 years old. It makes me laugh hard because recently I had a 19 year old LJBF me because I was too old (haven't been LJBF'ed since I was 17) and couldn't keep up with her if I wanted to. Now she complains to me that there are no good guys out there and is using a dating site to find guys (even though she rejected me, one of the best guys that she could find on campus (paraphrased by my now girlfriend). Now she is chasing me and doesn't even know that I have a girlfriend. Since it is none of her business who I am dating, then i think that I will let it go on for however long I want. I believe some people need to eat their cake and shut up.
- comic_relief
