Let yourself fail!

The reason why you are here at this website, improving in ways you never dreamed possible before in your life, was because you failed at achieving what you wanted with women.

Listen to yourself before you came to this website:

“Oh, how I have failed with the ladies! If only I knew what to do! If only I knew the secrets of attraction, love, and women!”

And so here you are gobbling up more information than ever. And this is good.

But…

Do you allow yourself to fail? Or do you go search on posts on EXACTLY how you should act on a date? Do you try to push your comfort zones or do you read the pages of seduction material for the 435473th time?

Failure is a necessary component of growth. Let yourself fail.

Not all the time. You are not the Nice Guy who crashes and burns without a clue (and does it again and again and again). Don Juans are made by failing, not by succeeding.

When you fail, you have information sent back on things that can be worked on. Are you too scrawny? Do you not have fun dates? Is your personality the problem? Do you let yourself have fun? Are you scared of sex? What is it?

A failure can help you more than reading every damn post on this board. Failure will aid you much more than the whole of the DJ Bible.

Going into Don Juan is not a light switch. You do not stuff this information in your head and become a drone of the ideas here. You need to fail. You MUST fail. You will always learn more about failing because it won’t be hypothetical! You won’t be having fantasies of you, being a blazing Don Juan, and going from girl to girl. No, you will be OUT THERE (which is where you learn everything) and you WILL FAIL. This failure points out where you NEED to improve.

“But Pook! If I fail, I will lose the girl!”

For every love that dies, a new one is born. It is a law of Nature!

Keep the focus on YOU. So what if you lose the girl? Another girl will quickly take her place. If you WAIT on the first girl, you will be worse off when you meet that second girl. FAIL NOW.

“But Pook! I remember the pain before. I am learning this information so I will not enter that pain again.”

Let me tell what is MORE PAINFUL. It is getting trapped in a tortuous cycle of devouring more and more information with no action. In this case, the Nice Guy is more admirable than you because at least the Nice Guy allows himself to fail. You never let yourself fail so you will never grow.

“But Pook! Isn’t the point of the information to AVOID failure?”

This is the number one common mistake that makes long time regulars here still stuck in their cycle. They think the information is going to remove failure. That is not the point. Just as in order for your muscles to grow, you must let them fail (and fill in the void with protein, sleep, etc.). So too that in order to GROW (not in your mental self, but in your real self OUT THERE), you must let yourself fail (and if you do fail, fill in the void with the information and feedback here.)

“But Pook! Why should I intend to fail?”

The point is not to INTEND to fail. It is to LET yourself fail. If you fail with a girl, IT IS AN OPPORTUNITY THAT YOU MISSED ABOUT YOURSELF.

Let us repeat it again:

FAILURE IS AN OPPORTUNITY. After all, risk is the key to self-improvement.

The Number 2 common mistake here is people thinking that they ARE NOT ALLOWED to fail because of all this ‘information’ they have soaked up. In other words, that if they failed, they really ‘aren’t don juans.

Let me tell you something: Don Juans are not made on message boards. They are made OUT THERE. Whatever happens to you out there, no matter how bad it is, come back here and we will help you. You are beyond your Nice Guy days.

But flaws can only be removed by confronting them, never by masking them.

“But Pook! I did what you said and… I had great success! I was hoping I would fail so I could improve but dammit, I succeeded beyond my wildest expectations! I was looking forward to failing so I can improve but the hot chick accepted my advances and dates! How could she do that!?…”

Now you see the point of it all. Even though there are TONS of posts that say ‘not to fear rejection’ or ‘that she is missing out on you’, you still are scared of failing. Failure is actually a GOOD thing since it helps you grow. It is good to IMAGINE success, but do not FEAR failure. Embrace it like the gift it is since it allows you to grow. (For if you don’t fail now, you will fail later on. Get it over with.)

It is a win-win situation.

SO GO OUT THERE AND LET YOURSELF FAIL!

Nicely done. Made me realize what i've been doing wrong.

I'm sure this post will be completely fascinating to those who read it.!

wow pook, this post is great, its short and gets right to the point.
yah you are right, we should just go out there and just do it. if we fail, we would have learnt something, if we pass, then we got what we wanted. it's a win win situation.

Pook: I disagree with part of your arguement.

The definition of failure depends on how you look at it. Some people consider failure to be when they make a mistake at something versus doing something right.

Personally, I consider the situation where you attempt to do something but do not meet your goal as a sort of delayed success. Delayed success is sort of like a stepping stone to the original goal. After you fall short enough times, you will have learned what mistakes to avoid in the future, and sooner or later, you will get it right.

You can keep on trying to do something, and although you may not make it the first few times, you have "failed" only when you hit the dirt and refuse to get back up and try again.


Although life has it's setbacks, you cannot actually "fail' until you give up.


How can this be applied to the Don Juan?

First off, I agree that experience is the best way to learn. however, a Don Juan should not consider it failing to simply make a mistake. A Don Juan only "fails' when he lets the odds intimidate him and make him back down from the challenge at hand.

Top post, this is a good one for those who are constantly nitpicking certain pieces of advice or the ones who never leave. The answers are out there

Page I think you have got the wrong idea of what the world "failure" and how pook has used it in this context. Failure is not "giving up" but an unsuccessful attempt. Your really just arguing over the use of the word.

Originally posted by Page
Personally, I consider the situation where you attempt to do something but do not meet your goal as a sort of delayed success. Delayed success is sort of like a stepping stone to the original goal. After you fall short enough times, you will have learned what mistakes to avoid in the future, and sooner or later, you will get it right.

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How I came to this site was because I FAILED badly with the woman I wanted. Looking back through my Pook years, I see that the times I failed was when I got my head snapped on straight and truly changed.

Turning a 'failure' with a woman to make it a 'learning experience', just one bump along the long road of success, sounds good in seminars and all. But you've got to risk, you've got to roll your dice.

Nice Guys are nice because they don't want to fail. Why else do Nice Guys listen to womanly advice? Why else do Nice Guys give chocolate, flowers, poetry, etc. to the woman? They certainly don't do it out of a spirit of love (though many do, these infatuated chumps). Many do it because they think it is 'the routine' and they don't want to fail. They want to 'play it safe'.

"May I kiss you?" the Nice Guy asks. He doesn't want to make her 'uncomfortable'. If this Nice Guy risked failing, he would just kiss her and go for it. He could be slapped OR she could say, "THANK GOD! I THOUGHT HE WAS GAY!" and all is good.

Some here still act like those Nice Guys with the only difference is that they listen to men instead. You've GOT to sprinkle risk in your life.

As Anti-Dump said, you DO want to protect your heart. But some are so scared of failing that they literally COCOON their life!

To the loners- You know who you are. You don't think you are good enough, have the right things, do the right things, etc. to let a woman into your life. But you do! You loners aim at your comfortable world but do so at sacrificing long term happiness. LET A WOMAN INTO YOUR LIFE! You'll probably enrich her life more then you think, and she will definately enrich yours!

To the shy guys- You know who you are. You are worried what others might say, what she might think, what everyone might say. But the truth is that you could walk in front of a bus and you'd be forgotton in a day. No one is going to care that you lusted after a chick. Even chicks forget. GO FOR IT! YIELD TO YOUR DESIRE FOR ONCE!

To the addicted-to-sosuave crowd- You know who you are. You read more and more and more and more and more information. Yet, there you sit in front of your computer. The information you see... it is a novelty, something new for you to think about. But once you go out and FAIL with the ladies, all the information literally changes. Rather then being a novelty to think about, like some new philosophy to adopt, it becomes addendums to your battle plan. You exit the world of THEORY and go OUT THERE (since that is where the chicks are. Only feminists reside in the world of THEORY and you don't want those anyway).

Everyone came to this site with problems. This site corrected many of them. Alas, the site also created a few new problems. One of them is that guys are scared to fail, especially with all this information around. They think that with this information that they won't fail. It is fun to fail and is the zeal of life. Let yourself fail!

Also, failure is the only way to trigger metamorphosis.

You can keep on trying to do something, and although you may not make it the first few times, you have "failed" only when you hit the dirt and refuse to get back up and try again.

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Only by failing can you succeed.

Don Juaning is like a dance. You can learn all the steps. But unless you go out and trip yourself (or step on her, haha) a couple of times, you will never EVER dance.

Some guys are so scared of failing, that they memorize how they should act and so on where as me have one thought going through their head: "WHEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Some men see women and cry, "WHY!?" But I approach women and say, "WHY NOT?"

great post

Just what I needed to hear...time to get back on that charger and once more, forth into the fray. I have been reading and re-reading the DJ Bible, and combing this discussion board for tips. I have a massive Nice Guy mindset to change! Let a woman into my life after that last one with Histrionic Personality Disorder (and a very nice ass, I might add)? Time to say hello to the lovely women walking by me everyday.

Thanks, again, Pook.

Wow, Pook. It's like you read my train of thought lately. I've been reading sosuave.com for probably over half a year and yet, while I believe I've improved my character, I haven't seen any more success when it comes to women. I've actually been thinking lately that the reason for this is that I don't take any risks. I always chicken out approaching women, and since I'm in Computer Science at school, there's not too many women I meet on a regular basis.

So, this week I'm gonna do one of the lessons from MOTU's Boot Camp and go out and get rejected 10 times. No matter what happens, I succeed. As long as I do something I succeed!

Nice post Pook!

I have found the failures I have made in my encounters to be the best way to CEMENT the lessons of this site into my psyche.

You can learn a ton from just reading the bible, but the only way to become the complete DJ package is to get out there and see SPECIFICALLY what you do wrong (i.e. that which you can't apply from reading alone).

EXPERIENCING failure in the field is the ONLY WAY to show what parts of the bible you haven't yet INTERNALIZED so you can sharpen your focus on that part of your game.

Thankyou Pook. This is one of your best posts in my opinion, I can fully relate to everything you have said here. Lately I have had trouble conquering my fear of approaching girls, mainly because I don't want to fail, but I now realise it is better to try and fail than it is to stay in your comfort zone. The human mind seems to think it is helping you by making you stay in your comfort zone, but in reality you will be set free only when you push outside of the comfort zone. You have to push through pain in order to do this, and risk failure like you say.
I am going out in a few minutes to try some approaches, mainly street pickups. I do not care about failure, I am going to try. I am not going to stay in my comfort zone. I'll post my results when I get home tonight.

Ok, I just got home. I went for a walk around my town, and my aim was to get some eye contact with girls on the street, then possibly approach. I had fun today, usually I break my eye contact too early, but today I held it til the girl looked away!! A lot of girls didn't look into my eyes, but a few did. The best, however was a girl I saw on the street a few days ago....I gave her eye contact the other day, and I saw her again today. When we noticed each other, we both looked away, then suddenly looked back and gave a big smile to each other! The shield is down now, tomorrow if I see her again (she takes the same route home each day I presume) then I'm gonna start a conversation and number close. I do not care about failure.....thanks to this post I am ready to risk failure.
I am slightly disappointed in some respects about today though.....although I got plenty of eye contact with the girls, I didn't yet open my mouth and talk to them. And the other thing was, I was in a shop and I noticed a cute girl in the cd section. I was on the opposite side of the cd shelves to her, and tried to get eye contact, but she did not look at me. I wanted to approach, but fear created a barrier that I just couldn't bring myself to cross. Has anyone approached a girl in a shop like this?
Bearing in mind I live in the UK, where people seem more closed off than in some countries, anyone got any tips?
Anyway, I'm happy mainly though, because I have made a bit of progress and I will continue tomorrow. I'll keep you guys up to date with my progress. Thanks again Pook for motivating us with this post!

Pook,
Good post! Reminds me alot of a very similiar post I made about a month ago, but you put it into words much, much more clearly than I.

Again good post!

Mr. Mystery

Originally posted by Pook

To the addicted-to-sosuave crowd- You know who you are. You read more and more and more and more and more information. Yet, there you sit in front of your computer. The information you see... it is a novelty, something new for you to think about. But once you go out and FAIL with the ladies, all the information literally changes. Rather then being a novelty to think about, like some new philosophy to adopt, it becomes addendums to your battle plan. You exit the world of THEORY and go OUT THERE (since that is where the chicks are. Only feminists reside in the world of THEORY and you don't want those anyway).

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Yes! This is the best part, in my opinion. But as true as it is, we - addicted to information, theory - seem to look for more and more excuses. Like...:

OK! Pook is so right here! All I need now, is to start approaching. Ok, I just need to refresh my memory and read some about technical stuff, and tomorow I`ll start...................

I was super theory guy, until few days ago. And this Pooks post is another kick. I belive I understand finally what the problem with collecting knowledge here is all about. Collected knowledge is like a Babel tower. Information is just a symbol of real process or relation, something. When you collect this bricks of information and try to build a tower from it, big, strong, ect. you must fail, because with each brick it becomes worse and worse. You are trying to make something big that will work for you, from small pieces, each of is wrong, not working, just a SYMBOL of something real, out there. Only This thing out there is working, but it`s beyound words. Milion words will never BE what spimplest thing in reality really is.

I think, a good way for making thinks work, is to take each single broken brick from sosuave, and make it done well out there. Go back to sosuave then, and take another one. And be happy, because you already have something good, working, and its in you. Repeat until you became real, working Don Juan.

It`s so important to just pick a knowledge and go out, never collect it as some treassure, by itself it`s just crap. That`s how I understand it.

kudos to pook, I've screwed it up with a girl a couple of weeks ago, and I've been thinking about many of the things you said, I had this idea in my head, but your words arranged every thought I had and can now interact clearly with my thoughts and see the ups of being able to see my weak points before they take over again in the future, and this post not only applies to dj-ing but to many things in life.

Good post Pook. The problem is very few people understand what you mean.



I hope you do answer this before you leave;
What does Pook stand for?

Guitar_Whizz:

And the other thing was, I was in a shop and I noticed a cute girl in the cd section. I was on the opposite side of the cd shelves to her, and tried to get eye contact, but she did not look at me. I wanted to approach, but fear created a barrier that I just couldn't bring myself to cross. Has anyone approached a girl in a shop like this?

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Just did yesterday. Didn't even have EC yet (which I normally look for), but I walked just by her saying "no need to buy CDs anymore..." in a joking tone and turned towards her where we made EC and smiled. "that's the great thing about the internet...MP3s". She said "I don't have the internet yet!, blah, blah" = cold approach done. Chat mode begin...

If you want to be great at anything in life, one has to accept failure as part of success. In baseball one has to take a chance to be great, one can just walk up to the plate and walk every time. Your best hitters in baseball strikeout a hell a lot. The best hitters make contact 3 out of 10 times. When you strike out, move on and make up for it the next time at bat.
I used to be the same way, meaning I use to fear failure, especially when it came to women. I would always leave it up to the women to approach me. Then I decided what the hell just approach them. I was really surprised by the reaction of most women. If done sincerely most women will react positively. What I do is not to come across desperate. Make small conversation and move on, every so often you will run into them again. Your are setting your self apart from other men who hang around needlessly.
What I am saying is take chances, it hurts more not too. Women are shy too and want guys to approach them.. So grow some balls and go for it.

I agree.

To truly succeed, you have to accept that your continued growth as a Don Juan and that your continued improvement as a human being is more important than any one girl. It's one of the reasons why it's best to make your mistakes before learning the rules too thoroughly. It gives you a feeling for what works, what doesn't work, and ultimately just how flexible an individual rule really is.


I am
The Main Event.

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