date with girl: she brings her friends

pyros · Dec 23, 2012

Hi.

I met this chick, 21 years old HB7, two months ago. She added me on FB some days after the first time we met.
I suggested we should hang out so we went once to grab a drink. It went nice, we talked , laughed etc.

After that day she suggested to meet again, but I was more interested in another girl so I declined saying I had to travel because of my work.
She contacted me again to remind me that we should hang out when I got back.

Well, two weeks later I texted her to meet. She agreed.
We were suposed to meet tonight at 19h but half an hour before she texted me this:

'Hi Pyros!!. See this, I have this female friend of mine that kind of likes this guy but she's not sure to go with him alone. Can you do me a big favour?? can we just go the four of us?? please?? If it is ok for you I will owe you one! can you pick us up at 19h?'

To what I replied:
'Hi HB7. No problem, I find it ok that you wanna hang out with your friends, see you another time. Have fun.'

She replied:
'I did not mean that I wanted you to be our driver. Anyway, have fun too. '

What do you think? Was it a flake right? she was just not sure about spending time with me alone?
Do I contact her again or wait for her to contact me?

Thanks.

VladPatton · Dec 23, 2012

If you didn't want to drive you should of just met them at the place. I don't see why you would cancel a night of going out with hour girl.

pyros · Dec 23, 2012

Why? because I just met this girl one time, so I dont want our second 'date' to be with her female friend and another guy.
Besides, she changed plans 30 mins before our meeting. So all this just shows that she did not want to be alone with me. I guess.

Am I wrong?

cfdagola · Dec 23, 2012

pyros said:
Why? because I just met this girl one time, so I dont want our second 'date' to be with her female friend and another guy.
Besides, she changed plans 30 mins before our meeting. So all this just shows that she did not want to be alone with me. I guess.

Am I wrong?

lol. you're wrong.

if that other guy was a mutual friend of both her friend and herself then yeah she's just bringing her friends along so that she doesn't have to be alone with you.

however this was some dude. and her friend didn't wanna go on a date alone with him. so she wanted to tag along on your date. basically a double date.

nothing wrong with that.

however by how fast she accepted your blow off. i doubt you'll be able to recover from this very easily if at all. because if that's really what she said. she doesn't give a flying fu*k what you do.

The Bat · Dec 23, 2012

I think he was right in doing what he did.

I am not saying double dates are never a good idea...they are just not a good idea when you don't know ANYBODY!

The idea of a double date is that you at least EITHER know one partner of the other couple OR you know your gf REALLY well (i.e. have been with her for awhile now).

I think the girl, together with her gf, was looking to hang out with couple of dudes who would fawn over them and buy them drinks or keep them entertained for the early part of the evening till they get drunk enough to approach the hottest guy at the bar, which most likely isn't OP or that other guy, and fvck him or at least get more free drinks out of him.

I say this one is a lost cause. Poster above me is right in that she sounds like she doesn't care too much about what you do or think.

Time to go NO CONTACT, son!

Unless she is willing to come over to your place, cook you food or bake you dessert, and fvck your brains out, you are not to hang out with this girl!

TillTheEndOfTime · Dec 23, 2012

I think she was just trying to help out her 14 year old friend in the body of a 21 year old. Honestly, what 20+ year old does the "I kinda like him, but can you come with me?" deal.

You were too harsh in my opinion.

Bokanovsky · Dec 23, 2012

pyros said:
Why? because I just met this girl one time, so I dont want our second 'date' to be with her female friend and another guy.
Besides, she changed plans 30 mins before our meeting. So all this just shows that she did not want to be alone with me. I guess.

Am I wrong?

No you were not wrong. However, I would have responded somewhat differently. Instead cancelling the date, I would have said something along the lines of: "Hmm, don't really feel like doing a double date. Tell your friend to grow up!" That would have put the ball in her court, forcing her to chose between going on a date with you and hanging out with her friend and her date (which would have been a pretty good indicator of her interest level).

Buddha_Mind · Dec 23, 2012

This is with only love man, but: you overreacted. She was being honest with you--her female friend wanted a wing and "double" for her comfort zone--your lady wanted to help her friend and maybe all 4 of you could of had a great time if you'd lightened up a little! Maybe it's not all for a loss--give her a call and setup another date!

PS--she's 21--give her a bit of a break! Also, maybe she was a little nervous too. Hey maybe her friend's BF would have dropped off the map and it would have been you and two cuties?

SamTheHobit · Dec 23, 2012

Buddha_Mind said:
This is with only love man, but: you overreacted. She was being honest with you--her female friend wanted a wing and "double" for her comfort zone--your lady wanted to help her friend and maybe all 4 of you could of had a great time if you'd lightened up a little! Maybe it's not all for a loss--give her a call and setup another date!

PS--she's 21--give her a bit of a break! Also, maybe she was a little nervous too. Hey maybe her friend's BF would have dropped off the map and it would have been you and two cuties?

An optimist ladies and gentlemen.

Bokanovsky · Dec 23, 2012

Buddha Mind, you sure you're not a woman? Either that or you are very naive.

Trump · Dec 23, 2012

pyros said:
Why? because I just met this girl one time, so I dont want our second 'date' to be with her female friend and another guy.
Besides, she changed plans 30 mins before our meeting. So all this just shows that she did not want to be alone with me. I guess.

Am I wrong?

Yes. You are a wingman for 60 min, afterwards you say goodbye to them and take her back to your place. She's was still interested in going out with you after such a long time.

Or you could have said "if I do this you owe me big time."

Don't take them so seriously, have fun, go with the flow.

Harry Wilmington · Dec 23, 2012

Why would you try and hit her up again? You yourself said you were more interested in someone else after the first date anyway!

Just like I don't like it when a girl goes out with a guy just to be going out, I don't think a guy should waste a girl's time by going out with her u less he has a strong interest. Based on your questions to us, though, it seems like you weren't telling us the truth about your interest in her.

Anyway... I don't like to do double dates before I've made a chcik my girlfriend, so I understand where you're coming from. However, sometimes - just sometimes - situations like this come up and you have to be able to navigate them properly. In this case, all you had to say was: "Hmmm... so how will u make it up to me?" Then see what she says - depending on her response, you could have gotten thanked in a VERY nice way later on... but instead, you came off sounding inflexible and - since you did it via text - quite rude as well. You could have said this same sentiment via a phone call with better vocal inflections and it would not been taken as harshly.

BadNews · Dec 23, 2012

She may have REALLY liked you. Many of my female friends want the opinion of their closest friends as SOON as they think a guy is potential relationship material. You would have been doing her and her friend a favor by hanging out with this creepy dude. But you could have used the situation to do yourself a favor as well; by gaining the approval of her friend at the same time (which can open a woman's legs faster than her gynecologist.)

And who knows...you MAY have just had some fun while you were at it. As it is, you now look like a social reject who can't socialize in groups of people - awkward. Vlad was correct in suggesting to just meet them at your destination if you REALLY didn't want to drive. This wasn't a big deal, but you made it out to be. She is probably a lost cause now.

If it was her asking if she could bring a third wheel to your date, THAT may have been an alright scenario to bail on her. Poorly played my friend, poorly played.

VladPatton · Dec 23, 2012

BadNews said:
She may have REALLY liked you. Many of my female friends want the opinion of their closest friends as SOON as they think a guy is potential relationship material. You would have been doing her and her friend a favor by hanging out with this creepy dude. But you could have used the situation to do yourself a favor as well; by gaining the approval of her friend at the same time (which can open a woman's legs faster than her gynecologist.)

And who knows...you MAY have just had some fun while you were at it. As it is, you now look like a social reject who can't socialize in groups of people - awkward. Vlad was correct in suggesting to just meet them at your destination if you REALLY didn't want to drive. This wasn't a big deal, but you made it out to be. She is probably a lost cause now.

If it was her asking if she could bring a third wheel to your date, THAT may have been an alright scenario to bail on her. Poorly played my friend, poorly played.

↑
Exactly. You're not always going to get your way 100%, so you just use whatever situation arises to your advantage. In other words you could of displayed how cool and witty you are to all three of them, making your girl's vajayjay tingly and squishy.

Hope you are able to salvage this situation.

Good luck.

spiegel549 · Dec 23, 2012

From my personal experience sometimes these "rules" of what to do with women are taken way too serious, and that it works against you. The majority of the "rules" should be followed, but every situation is different.

You gotta say to yourself, how could it of hurt you by going on a double date? I do feel that a 21 year old that needs to pull a last minute date change is a bit annoying but why not just go? Maybe her friend is hotter and starts digging you, maybe the other guy is some loser and will make you look more desirable, who knows.

I know you want to be the man and show her hey its you and me or nothing!, but from my personal experience sometimes you gotta just roll with each individual situation. If you really have legit other plates that were begging to hang out with you that night and they are DTF then fine. Ditch her. But the reality is you probably had nothing else to do and stayed home (no offense) Even her response was "oh I didn't mean for you to be the driver." She was digging you, maybe just wasn't comfortable meeting you a lone. So you invest in a double date, and get yourself a 1 on 1 for date #2

If after you went on that double date it was this horrible experience which in any case you can always turn it around and have fun no matter what. Then you just tell her, next time it's just you and me.

Just my personal opinion

Dominance · Dec 24, 2012

You did well.. don't put up with her crap of trying to invite other people. That should let her know not to pull that again.

I've let it happen a few times in the past and it didn't go well. Later on her friends are okay but not so good at first.

pyros · Dec 24, 2012

Hi.

Yeah yeah I could have just gone with them but I do not find very nice that she changes our plans 40 minutes prior to our date. I really do not like the idea of meeting her and two more ppl that I do not know, come on, Im meeting her because I want to get to know her a bit more so if two more ppl come it does not make much sense from my point of view.
I understand that from her point of view she can then analyse me and see what her friend thinks of me too but...

I mean, if I had kissed her already then fine but we have not even kissed and just met once.

So I guess I'll contact her in a week to arrange something else and see what happens, right?

Bokanovsky · Dec 24, 2012

spiegel549 said:
From my personal experience sometimes these "rules" of what to do with women are taken way too serious, and that it works against you. The majority of the "rules" should be followed, but every situation is different.

You gotta say to yourself, how could it of hurt you by going on a double date? I do feel that a 21 year old that needs to pull a last minute date change is a bit annoying but why not just go? Maybe her friend is hotter and starts digging you, maybe the other guy is some loser and will make you look more desirable, who knows.

I know you want to be the man and show her hey its you and me or nothing!, but from my personal experience sometimes you gotta just roll with each individual situation. If you really have legit other plates that were begging to hang out with you that night and they are DTF then fine. Ditch her. But the reality is you probably had nothing else to do and stayed home (no offense) Even her response was "oh I didn't mean for you to be the driver." She was digging you, maybe just wasn't comfortable meeting you a lone. So you invest in a double date, and get yourself a 1 on 1 for date #2

If after you went on that double date it was this horrible experience which in any case you can always turn it around and have fun no matter what. Then you just tell her, next time it's just you and me.

Just my personal opinion

I agree that following rules to a tee is often counterproductive. However, in this situation, he did the right thing. The girl could have asked him if he wanted to go on a double date, yet she chose to put him on the spot by contacting him only 30 min before their scheduled date. That shows a lack of consideration at best and deliberate manipulation at worst.

Bokanovsky · Dec 24, 2012

spiegel549 said:
From my personal experience sometimes these "rules" of what to do with women are taken way too serious, and that it works against you. The majority of the "rules" should be followed, but every situation is different.

You gotta say to yourself, how could it of hurt you by going on a double date? I do feel that a 21 year old that needs to pull a last minute date change is a bit annoying but why not just go? Maybe her friend is hotter and starts digging you, maybe the other guy is some loser and will make you look more desirable, who knows.

I know you want to be the man and show her hey its you and me or nothing!, but from my personal experience sometimes you gotta just roll with each individual situation. If you really have legit other plates that were begging to hang out with you that night and they are DTF then fine. Ditch her. But the reality is you probably had nothing else to do and stayed home (no offense) Even her response was "oh I didn't mean for you to be the driver." She was digging you, maybe just wasn't comfortable meeting you a lone. So you invest in a double date, and get yourself a 1 on 1 for date #2

If after you went on that double date it was this horrible experience which in any case you can always turn it around and have fun no matter what. Then you just tell her, next time it's just you and me.

Just my personal opinion

I agree that following rules to a tee is often counterproductive. However, in this situation, he did the right thing. The girl could have asked him if he wanted to go on a double date ahead of time, yet she chose to put him on the spot by contacting him only 30 min before their scheduled date. That shows a lack of consideration at best and deliberate manipulation at worst.

pyros · Dec 24, 2012

Hi.

I think that ill text her next thursday, so I was planning on saying something like A:
'Hi HB7, how went Xmas? I did blah blah...listen, we should go do X next saturday or sunday evening.'

B:
'Hi HB7, how went Xmas? I did blah blah...I did not expect to be meeting some of your friends last time, I guess we should just get to know each other first.
Listen, we should go do X next saturday or sunday evening.'

Any good?

date with girl: she brings her friends

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