Crib sheet of girl crazy
- She has begun accusing you of things you clearly have not done.
- She play acts at keeping secrets, real or imagined, to incite your jealousy. (“Oh, just some guy I know… don’t be so nosy!”)
- She has begun to take her birthday and assorted holidays and ceremonies way too seriously.
- She’s contemplating more than one cat.
- She has taken to calling you from public places, especially those of ill repute.
- The ratio of call-to-called has flipped, and she now calls you less frequently than you call her.
- She gets snappy with you for no particular reason.
- She puts words in your mouth for the sole purpose of inventing fights.
- She begins to favor ****ing over lovemaking. (The usual BF/GF ratio is 2-to-1, lovemaking over ****ing.)
- She’s gossiping more about her friends’ love lives, and with an air of envy.
- She’s started having those moments when she doesn’t want you to touch her.
- She cries inappropriately when she sees cute things, or during maudlin, anti-climactic rom-com scenes.
- Many of her conversations start with the words “Did you hear…?” or “I just want to get away for a while…”.
- Her spending sprees have become more frequent, and less cost-conscious.
- She’s begun commenting on feminist blogs.
- She’s staying late at work. (99% of hot girls do nothing vitally productive for the maintenance of the economy, so late hours in the office are a major red flag that she is boffing the boss.)
- She’s started hitting you, and not playfully.
- She’s started making demands of you in the bedroom. (“You can put it here, but not here.”)
- She’s become obsessive about fishing for flattery. (Appease her, and you will pay a dear price.)
- She’s gotten annoying about insisting you don’t photograph her from bad angles.
- She begins mouthing equalist and feminist shibboleths with sincere urgency.
- She has begun striking provocative poses at inappropriate venues and events.
- She’s become compulsive about rearranging your home’s furniture and repainting the rooms.
- She has started comparing you and her to other couples. (“Why don’t we hold hands as often as John and Geri do?”)
- She begins believing your hobbies are personal slights directed against her.
- She overanalyzes the most trivial and innocuous inconsistencies.
- She has a sudden onset of strange sexual appetites. (“I got us a purple saguaro. Looks like fun!”)
- She wants to moonlight as an art class model.
- She erects monuments to your presumed unfaithfulness, and wallows immoderately in the oddly exciting notion (to her) that you may be cheating on her.
- She begins challenging you. Over EVERYTHING.
- She thinks the world is against her, and you’re not helping.
- She pushes and pushes and pushes. Rock solid stoicism doesn’t seem to be working on her like it used to.
- She confesses to fantasies of you fighting another man for her hand. Then she actually tries this maneuver by instigating trouble in a bar.
- Her wardrobe has recently acquired a lot of red hues.
- She’s started asking you for money, instead of tokens of romance.
- Her “I love you”s have become chants of self-reassurance, often deployed immediately after she has flirted with another man.
- She needs to “do things” with you, because chilling out just doesn’t cut it for her anymore.
- She can’t believe you don’t agree with her on everything.
- Your playful teasing has become inadequate. She needs more edge, and more of it.
- The sine wave of her hot-cold routine has begun oscillating at a higher amplitude.
- She’s begun fighting you for control of trivial decisions.
- She acts “fake offended” when she catches you eyeing another girl.
- And the craziest sign of all? She tells you to “stop smothering me!” and you’re half a state away, balls deep in another woman.
As soon as you observe any or all of these girl crazy signs, run, do not walk, to your nearest alpha male reinvigoration chamber and fuel up, so that you can demonstrate once again in no uncertain terms that your company is not to be trifled with by the likes of her. A hot girl falling victim to her crazy from a growing perception of ease and entitlement needs another dose of struggleporn. Give it to her, good, long and
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