Copied from my blog, A Dark Heart
With every new dating experience the dark side of human nature reveals itself piecemeal and it is often hindsight or an outside perspective that is the voice of reason. When any relationship ends, it’s natural and healthy to spend some time analyzing and drawing invaluable conclusions. Today’s lesson is that in most cases, you’re not special. You may feel like you mean the world to her, but it is often no more than your ego’s paradigm, one which she helped form. Men, regardless of how ‘jaded’ they are, still subscribe to the notion of true/real/unconditional love, out there somewhere, but all love is conditional. Every man, woman, and child on this earth is motivated by self interest and when you stop fulfilling that need, you’re out.
This interest is usually a combination of things, with intangible qualities such as emotional support and validation ranking far lower for women than resource provision, status boosting, and a general upswing in lifestyle. A woman will only ‘love’ you so long as you fulfill whatever role she has assigned to you. And more often than not, you will blindly accept this fact. Only when you come to the realization that women are incapable of love in the way men define it can you remove the blinders and see things peripherally.
It’s not a bad thing and it doesn’t mean women don’t care about you; quite the opposite. They will fall in love, shower you with attention, chase you unceasingly, get depressed when you’re not around, and act like little girls when you do see them (if their interest is high enough), but this love has fine print. The moment she sees that you’re not playing into her design, her entire demeanor will change with astonishing speed and she’ll be off to find the next guy to fit her role.
The expediency of this depends on her station in life. I’ll use girl #44 to illustrate. For a good month, she was every guy’s dream. Hot, chasing, deferring in public, hanging on my every moment, always wet and ready to go (in fact the majority of our time together was spent in the sheets), and generally making you feel like you’re the world to her. Until she realized I wasn’t down for exclusivity, children, and marriage – all within the span of a year. This single mommy on the verge of 30 had one thing on her mind: provider. And as to be expected, she played down her adventurous early 20′s lifestyle (which attractive girl isn’t down to party at that age? she must have been a 9) as if she had matured and now gained a new appreciation for class and ‘traditional values’, when in fact it was her rapidly closing fertility window and a subconscious recognition of an inability to compete with the next generation of hot 20-somethings prompting this change of heart.
I was her ‘any guy’. Through a quick series of events and hints on her behalf, I came to realize that while I did turn her on sexually, the emotional investment on her behalf was highly dependent on me fulfilling a particular role. This was beautifully proven in a Facebook photo she posted not two weeks later, looking smitten as ever with her head on the shoulder of a guy who appears to be several years younger. And this is just the documented occurrence; I’m sure there are a number of others on the DL. That was me, in the same spot, not a fortnight prior.
The advertisement – I really like you. I might even love you pretty soon. I can’t wait to rip your clothes off. I will let you make all the decisions, be as dominant as you want, never complain about anything, and follow whatever path you lay out.
The product – I already have a kid. Although I’m still hot, I sense that the younger crop is starting to cramp my style. I want more children, but I don’t have much time left. I want to get married (again) to the highest value man I can secure, but I don’t have time to waste. I enjoy sex with you, but not nearly as often as we’ve been doing it. It’s going to drop off a cliff once I have you. There are plenty of guys who ‘want to move forward’ and you’re just one of them, so if you’re not down then get out of my life.
Know this: there is no ‘one’. There’s a right guy for the right job at the right time and the more attractive the female, the larger her network of employees. While relationships, pair bonding, and emotional investment are all great, it’s not the fairy tale you’ve grown up to believe. You are only as special as what you can provide – ‘what are you good for?’ Put another way, how long would you love your significant other if she got fat and stopped having sex with you? Circumstances permitting, not long.
If you strive to see the forest for the trees, you will be able to tailor your interactions with women for a purpose which suits you, not to mention avoiding some degree of heartache and confusion. When you see your respective roles, you will gain a higher sense of clarity – avoiding roles which don’t fit your plan and letting go when the cons outweigh the pros.
With every new dating experience the dark side of human nature reveals itself piecemeal and it is often hindsight or an outside perspective that is the voice of reason. When any relationship ends, it’s natural and healthy to spend some time analyzing and drawing invaluable conclusions. Today’s lesson is that in most cases, you’re not special. You may feel like you mean the world to her, but it is often no more than your ego’s paradigm, one which she helped form. Men, regardless of how ‘jaded’ they are, still subscribe to the notion of true/real/unconditional love, out there somewhere, but all love is conditional. Every man, woman, and child on this earth is motivated by self interest and when you stop fulfilling that need, you’re out.
This interest is usually a combination of things, with intangible qualities such as emotional support and validation ranking far lower for women than resource provision, status boosting, and a general upswing in lifestyle. A woman will only ‘love’ you so long as you fulfill whatever role she has assigned to you. And more often than not, you will blindly accept this fact. Only when you come to the realization that women are incapable of love in the way men define it can you remove the blinders and see things peripherally.
It’s not a bad thing and it doesn’t mean women don’t care about you; quite the opposite. They will fall in love, shower you with attention, chase you unceasingly, get depressed when you’re not around, and act like little girls when you do see them (if their interest is high enough), but this love has fine print. The moment she sees that you’re not playing into her design, her entire demeanor will change with astonishing speed and she’ll be off to find the next guy to fit her role.
The expediency of this depends on her station in life. I’ll use girl #44 to illustrate. For a good month, she was every guy’s dream. Hot, chasing, deferring in public, hanging on my every moment, always wet and ready to go (in fact the majority of our time together was spent in the sheets), and generally making you feel like you’re the world to her. Until she realized I wasn’t down for exclusivity, children, and marriage – all within the span of a year. This single mommy on the verge of 30 had one thing on her mind: provider. And as to be expected, she played down her adventurous early 20′s lifestyle (which attractive girl isn’t down to party at that age? she must have been a 9) as if she had matured and now gained a new appreciation for class and ‘traditional values’, when in fact it was her rapidly closing fertility window and a subconscious recognition of an inability to compete with the next generation of hot 20-somethings prompting this change of heart.
I was her ‘any guy’. Through a quick series of events and hints on her behalf, I came to realize that while I did turn her on sexually, the emotional investment on her behalf was highly dependent on me fulfilling a particular role. This was beautifully proven in a Facebook photo she posted not two weeks later, looking smitten as ever with her head on the shoulder of a guy who appears to be several years younger. And this is just the documented occurrence; I’m sure there are a number of others on the DL. That was me, in the same spot, not a fortnight prior.
The advertisement – I really like you. I might even love you pretty soon. I can’t wait to rip your clothes off. I will let you make all the decisions, be as dominant as you want, never complain about anything, and follow whatever path you lay out.
The product – I already have a kid. Although I’m still hot, I sense that the younger crop is starting to cramp my style. I want more children, but I don’t have much time left. I want to get married (again) to the highest value man I can secure, but I don’t have time to waste. I enjoy sex with you, but not nearly as often as we’ve been doing it. It’s going to drop off a cliff once I have you. There are plenty of guys who ‘want to move forward’ and you’re just one of them, so if you’re not down then get out of my life.
Know this: there is no ‘one’. There’s a right guy for the right job at the right time and the more attractive the female, the larger her network of employees. While relationships, pair bonding, and emotional investment are all great, it’s not the fairy tale you’ve grown up to believe. You are only as special as what you can provide – ‘what are you good for?’ Put another way, how long would you love your significant other if she got fat and stopped having sex with you? Circumstances permitting, not long.
If you strive to see the forest for the trees, you will be able to tailor your interactions with women for a purpose which suits you, not to mention avoiding some degree of heartache and confusion. When you see your respective roles, you will gain a higher sense of clarity – avoiding roles which don’t fit your plan and letting go when the cons outweigh the pros.