what. the. HECK. is going on here? very tough situation

Alright. This situation is a rather tough one, very, very delicate. I'll be as straight forward as I can be.

we're both 21 at the moment

This girl, a 9 easily (a 9.5 to 9.9 after counting her personality!), we originally met in 2003. Got seperated, now met again in 2011.

She's Muslim, religious.
We caught up at a theme park. Did kino, said we shouldn't touch since she's religious. I say fine.

We lose contact basically. Fast forward September 2012. We are suddenly in the same college.

We met up, and she went all out:
Laughed at ALL MY JOKES
She kept bumping into me, softly pushing me by the shoulder here and there
Waits for me after class (sometimes even 2 hours, just sitting alone waiting for me)

Remember, she's religious, never been in a relationship (she does the whole headscarf thing as well).

Point to take here (summer of 2011, she tells me to avoid physical contact, yet here we are, meeting after a year now and SHE is doing all the kino)

Another point: in a small argument over text, she started crying. Tells me our argument made her cry.

We meet a few more times, I don't have access to a car at the moment, but she does. 3 times she has invited me into her car, and says I am the first male ever to sit in her car with her (remember, she's religious).

NOW, last week, at 2AM in the morning she texts me saying that she needs to ask me something but is afraid. Asks me to promise I won't be mad by her question and will respond truthfully, no anger (I made her cry before remember), and I agree. She asks me if I like her. And instantly says "please say no". I shrug the question off, and she says "please answer. honestly please, because I have to say something to you after as well" (the heck?)

i keep toying the discussion around, and she says "Ok please answer my question"(i shrugged off like 8 of her attempts) . "if you do like me, I will never talk to you again".

I say "ok. Yes I do like you. so I guess we're not talking anymore, bye".
she starts texting back "NO! please say the truth, you're just saying it so we'll stop contacting each other "

back and forth a few more times, I say i gotta go and leave.

since then, everyday she texts me to meet up so we can discuss this even though I said YES I do like you and agree to your conditions of never talking again. but she isn't letting it up, and has now requested to meet like 15 times over the last 3 days.

we ran into each other today, and I quickly said I have to go. within minutes I get texts saying "that was mean. you make me feel bad. why did you leave like that without walking with me?"

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here's another interesting note. before this conversation (about the confessions), she has sent me around FIFTEEN (15) love songs.

summary:

-kinos on me despite saying no to physical contact a year ago
-im the first male in her car
-sends me love songs (over 15 in a few days)
-keeps wanting to go to places (recrational and restaurants etc,)
-always texting me and wanting to meet up (readily available all of the sudden)
-asks me if I like her, and if I do she will never talk to me again. I say I do and she suddenly becomes more attached and wants to talk and meet more than ever. WHAT/ THE. F***? is going on here?
-our earlier argument has made her cry

seriously, what the hell do I make of this?

don't tell me im looking too much into this, because this post is nothing in comparison to whats really happening here. It's a freaking mixed signals alarms blazing off around both of us.

never had a situation in my life like this.

Wow OP, imagine if somehow you get to fvck her (highly unlikely in Muslim culture from the small amount I know about it)?
If she's this fvcked up now, it would be 100 times worse if you make it physical with her.

I honestly don't know what her deal is so i can't really give solid advice, but I can see she's a complete nutcase.
They do exist. Run.

She likes you A LOT, and I think she probably wants to lose her virginity to you (but for her this is a HUUUUUGE thing).

I have to say, since she is from a deeply religious Muslim family, you will NEVER get approval from her parents. To be honest, I really don't see you having much of a future with her. There is nothing you can do to make her family like you. And if the two of you try to keep your relationship a secret, she'll be insecure and walking on eggshells the entire time.

A tough road to walk down, my friend.

The Gambler

All I have to say is she's clearly attracted to you, but it'd be a complete **** fest if you actually somehow slept with her.

It's just not worth it dude. I have been in similar, less extreme situations.

My first girlfriend was deeply religious and sexual experiences with her were always difficult and dramatic.

Best advice: move on

Well, I personally disagree with the religion of Islam, so what I'm going to say is what I would do in this situation, not necessarily advice that I would give you to do in this situation, but I would try to seduce her.

I would try to f*ck the muslim out of her.

Please mods, don't ban me for saying this, or edit out my post or lock the thread or anything. I'm not trying to be inflammatory. Its just that I think people are better off without religion. Its not just Islam which is bad for people, I think all religions are bad for people, but imo Islam is the worst because its the most proscriptive and dogmatic.

Therefore, I would try to turn this chick to the dark side. Be warned, this is a very dangerous thing to do, and most of the damage to her psyche was already done while she was a kid. But you have a chance to save her from a life of servitude and oppression in a delusional ideology.

Don't take this lightly. This is a big deal. Millions upon millions of muslim girls and women have been maimed and killed by their male relatives for being involved with men, It disgusts me.

I seriously think Islam is evil, and I personally will do anything in my power to oppose it. But that's just me so I don't want to advise you on any particular course of action.

^ The above advice ignores the fact that she's extremely unlikely to de-convert. More than likely she will just feel guilt and shame. Think about it. All of her peers and relatives are most likely Muslims. She's not going to alienate herself from everybody she knows and trusts just to have sex with somebody.

Yah well, it wasn't advice, its just what I guess I would do in that situation.

But she DOES seem into him, no? And she IS giving off signals that she's ready to experience some sort of sexual awakening, don't you think?

For a true 9 or 10 in a western society, it would be HIGHLY atypical if she didn't experience a sexual awakening at some point in her teens/early twenties. Wouldn't the OP rather it be with him, instead of perhaps some sort of oppressive arranged marriage with an old rich sheik who has 20 other wives already or something?

d!ckmojo said:

Well, I personally disagree with the religion of Islam, so what I'm going to say is what I would do in this situation, not necessarily advice that I would give you to do in this situation, but I would try to seduce her.

I would try to f*ck the muslim out of her.

Please mods, don't ban me for saying this, or edit out my post or lock the thread or anything. I'm not trying to be inflammatory. Its just that I think people are better off without religion. Its not just Islam which is bad for people, I think all religions are bad for people, but imo Islam is the worst because its the most proscriptive and dogmatic.

Therefore, I would try to turn this chick to the dark side. Be warned, this is a very dangerous thing to do, and most of the damage to her psyche was already done while she was a kid. But you have a chance to save her from a life of servitude and oppression in a delusional ideology.

Don't take this lightly. This is a big deal. Millions upon millions of muslim girls and women have been maimed and killed by their male relatives for being involved with men, It disgusts me.

I seriously think Islam is evil, and I personally will do anything in my power to oppose it. But that's just me so I don't want to advise you on any particular course of action.

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This guy just won dumbest post of the year award:rock:

Haha, thx bro

But seriously, I'm not an atheist, but I oppose oppressive religions. It may be dumb to you, but I think its important.

The real question here is : Are you ready for circumcision?

The Gambler said:

She likes you A LOT, and I think she probably wants to lose her virginity to you (but for her this is a HUUUUUGE thing).

I have to say, since she is from a deeply religious Muslim family, you will NEVER get approval from her parents. To be honest, I really don't see you having much of a future with her. There is nothing you can do to make her family like you. And if the two of you try to keep your relationship a secret, she'll be insecure and walking on eggshells the entire time.

A tough road to walk down, my friend.

The Gambler

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I'm not buying it, dude. When a girl likes a guy A LOT, it's not this difficult. There are no whiny, crying high school discussions. There's not all this confusion and childish drama.

I know she has religious constraints, but still.

Mantis Toboggan said:

I'm not buying it, dude. When a girl likes a guy A LOT, it's not this difficult. There are no whiny, crying high school discussions. There's not all this confusion and childish drama.

I know she has religious constraints, but still.

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Actually, I have to agree with the whole "religious contraints" thing. I once dated a girl who was Eritrean (i.e. African - born here, but both parents were from Africa). She was Christian, but most of their culture practices Islam.

Anyway, based on my experience dating her, I can say that cultural and/or religious practices can play a HUGE mind-f--k game with these girls as it pertains to dealing with the opposite sex. In my case, the girl I dated was a virgin until she was 29 (she was 31 when we dated), and she'd only been with 2 guys.

In terms of us dating, we had sex, but it always seemed like she was hesitant to do so. She never told her parents we were dating, which I found out later is because in their culture the girl doesn't bring the guy around until they've been proposed to. Furthermore, because she hadn't had practice being in a relationship before, there were lots of things she hadn't been accustomed to. Real talk: I bought her flowers one time, and she said she had never received flowers from anyone before - and I'm like "Really, at 31?!?"

I say all this to say: when a woman has a religion or upbringing that drills the idea into their head that sex is bad/sinful, or that being too flirtatious is cause for disaster, her head and emotions get real confused when they start liking someone for the first time. They don't know how to express it, how much of themselves to put out there, and how far is too far to go without disappointing their God, their parents, their community, and so on. It's possible to get a woman to break out of these things, but she'll still be very frustrating to date.

Greasy Pig said:

Wow OP, imagine if somehow you get to fvck her (highly unlikely in Muslim culture from the small amount I know about it)?
If she's this fvcked up now, it would be 100 times worse if you make it physical with her.

I honestly don't know what her deal is so i can't really give solid advice, but I can see she's a complete nutcase.
They do exist. Run.

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Well her family isn't religious, she chose to be religious (but she isn't "religious religious" like the old days; she still goes to weddings and such dressed and looking MIND BLOWING BEAUTIFUL (no scarf there) etc. Her sisters are all liberal and dress very Western, and her parents aren't religious either (I mean the whole family is Muslim and they believe every ounce of it, but they aren't religious religious).

The positive thing is that I myself am Muslim, and I am not religious either. I dress very modern and am extremely down to earth and have hundreds of non Muslims friends, males and females alike.

She isn't really a nutcase, but damn the situation is MIND FCUKING as hell. It's just all over the place.

She shows signs of jealousy as well, when I talk to other girls. But then the whole "i wont talk to you again if you like me" pops up. W..t..f...man

The Gambler said:

She likes you A LOT, and I think she probably wants to lose her virginity to you (but for her this is a HUUUUUGE thing).

I have to say, since she is from a deeply religious Muslim family, you will NEVER get approval from her parents. To be honest, I really don't see you having much of a future with her. There is nothing you can do to make her family like you. And if the two of you try to keep your relationship a secret, she'll be insecure and walking on eggshells the entire time.

A tough road to walk down, my friend.

The Gambler

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Not at all. Her parent's aren't religious, nor her siblings. They all respect Islam and such, and live with Islam in their hearts, but only she practices it the most of them all (i.e. headscarf, rarely puts pictures of herself on fb, etc)

She has already said she is free to marry who ever she wants, love marriage no problem. I am also Muslim, but no way near as practiciing as she is.

The thing that gets to me is, that to DATE, I am the first male to break so many barriers with her, including physical touching. But at the same time her "i wont talk to you if you like me" thing conflicts this.

I get the feeling THAT line of her was a lie used as a safety measure in case I said I am not interested her, so she wouldn't end up looking embarrassing or whatever.

Because I said yes I do like you, and now she has only continued to talk to me more DESPITE saying she would never talk to me. But remember, I never officially confirmed I am serious about liking her.

She's ALWAYS talking about marriage with me (as in not me and her, but she keeps saying she wants a guy like this that etc).

The she asks me if I know any guys with "certain" qualities who are looking for marriage, surprisingly enough her "conditions" are all met by me.

I found out through her sister, that she (the 9.5/10 at hand) always talks to her mother about me. About how we know each other for so long, how we're so close and how we hang out etc. She waits hours after classes to meet me sometimes.

(btw our college campus is beautiful, it's like a gigantic park, with it's own beach and ocean. It's on water, and the whole place doesn't even feel like a college).

PersistenceIsKey said:

All I have to say is she's clearly attracted to you, but it'd be a complete **** fest if you actually somehow slept with her.

It's just not worth it dude. I have been in similar, less extreme situations.

My first girlfriend was deeply religious and sexual experiences with her were always difficult and dramatic.

Best advice: move on

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She wants to get married soon, I want to get married soon as well. I don't mind if I don't have sex with her until marriage; I just want the whole thing figured out.

Because let's be honest, sometimes you get tired of fooling around and just want to settle down, get a career, start a family and live your remaining life out enjoying with family, friends and co-workers. A chill life doesn't necessarily have to be being at bars 3AM every night.

Hope I worded it properly.

Piers Nivens said:

She wants to get married soon, I want to get married soon as well.

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Hey, whatever works for you. You're 21, so I don't think you know a damn thing about marriage or relationships. But again...whatever works for you.

I don't mind if I don't have sex with her until marriage; I just want the whole thing figured out.

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This is a serious question, and I'm not making fun of you. Have you had sex before?

Because let's be honest, sometimes you get tired of fooling around and just want to settle down, get a career, start a family and live your remaining life out enjoying with family, friends and co-workers. A chill life doesn't necessarily have to be being at bars 3AM every night.

Hope I worded it properly.

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Again, you're 21. So I SERIOUSLY doubt that you've been fooling around in clubs and bars for years and you're just so tired of the scene and ready to start a family. I doubt that you've been to bars at 3AM every night. It just doesn't sound like you've experienced that lifestyle.

And the way you're chasing after this girl, I highly doubt that you have options. You're way too invested in her. And she hasn't given you anything. So my best guess is, she is the ONLY attractive girl on your radar right now...and possibly in a long time....and you've got a serious case of oneitis. If I had to guess, I think you're just lonely...and the fact that a pretty girl is paying so much attention to you has you placing unrealistic expectations on her.

I hope it all works out for you. But I think you have a very immature idea of how marriage, love, and relationships work.

well here is the deal from what I know, only way for she take you was if you become a muslim too so they parents would like you, even if let's say she is the more light version, since well she is not there, still have several things,

the question you have to make is are you willing to change your life for it? I agree with mojo religion killed more then saved people, but I also disagree with the captain save the ho he is trying to do, you can't make a person drop it, you can show her several things who make her religion wrong but in the end it will be her decision.

better you can do is move on, the things required for it are too troublesome.

she do like you hence why she asked if you liked her she would never talk with you and now her hamster are running like crazy because you are taking what she said serious.

again move on

edit

@iceberg you saying about he wanting to marry at 21 remember me one thing I read somewhere, you marrying before the 25 is like you leave a club before midnight.

The Muslims I have known will have one good date, decide they want to have sex, and then go find a sheik to marry them right away while the woman is still horny.

StepItUp said:

This guy just won dumbest post of the year award:rock:

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I know, right? DERP DE DERP.:crackup: