Dilemma: Getting closure?

So I've read an article online about getting over your ex and one of the steps they recommend is getting closure to decrease or get rid of that "hope" your subconscious mined has rooted in itself, something i never bothered to get. Im not gonna lie ..i still have some hope that some day in the near future that i will get my oneitis ex back (which is a terrible state of mind).

Now here is the thing. I am too afraid to actually get closure from her. I am afraid that:
1. I will actually get that closure even though somewhere deep in me dosen't want to get it and wont be able accept it because i want her so bad.

2.If im willing to accept i,t i will look very much AFC to her because she will find out after all these months (summer vacation from school) i still have strong feelings for her from since i reiterated that i have strong feelings for her and this will humiliate me and make me look like some a dude with a pvssy even thought i think she has this perception of me in her mind already.

Advice guys? No need to hold back on the harsh comments because i deserve it.

What is closure?

Someone asked about this weeks ago and I told him this - "Closure" is a childish concept. Closure doesn't happen with some stupid conversation. It happens when your body/emotions decide that they're over the girl.

Here's what I envision....you go to you ex. You ask her what went wrong. And she tells you "It wasn't the right time." "I didnt feel a spark." "I want to focus on other things."

And it's all just bullsh!t, right? Because all she's saying is "I dont want to date you."

When someone asks about closure, I basically translate it as "I want my ex girlfriend to tell me a bunch of pretty lies about why she left me."

The funny thing is, if you walk away with your head held high, there's still that small chance that she'll have some desire left for you. She'll wonder why you accepted the breakup so easily.

Once you get into the "What went wrong?" discussion (aka: closure), you just end up looking like less of a man in her eyes.

Iceberg said:

What is closure?

Someone asked about this weeks ago and I told him this - "Closure" is a childish concept. Closure doesn't happen with some stupid conversation. It happens when your body/emotions decide that they're over the girl.

Here's what I envision....you go to you ex. You ask her what went wrong. And she tells you "It wasn't the right time." "I didnt feel a spark." "I want to focus on other things."

And it's all just bullsh!t, right? Because all she's saying is "I dont want to date you."

When someone asks about closure, I basically translate it as "I want my ex girlfriend to tell me a bunch of pretty lies about why she left me."

The funny thing is, if you walk away with your head held high, there's still that small chance that she'll have some desire left for you. She'll wonder why you accepted the breakup so easily.

Once you get into the "What went wrong?" discussion (aka: closure), you just end up looking like less of a man in her eyes.

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I saw this and had to post back. I was the one who posted this a few weeks ago where you gave me this advice/realization Iceberg. Great advice btw Iceberg , id listen to him youngmack .It really helped me move on and it should help you too.

Mhm i see, yeah i kinda felt this way too about asking for closure. So what should i do now?

youngmack said:

Mhm i see, yeah i kinda felt this way too about asking for closure. So what should i do now?

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do what I did and forget about her. I gave her 2 chances that she fvcked up on and now I decided to move on. I suggest you do the same and never look back

youngmack said:

Mhm i see, yeah i kinda felt this way too about asking for closure. So what should i do now?

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What are your options?

Move forward.

Fact is, neglect is a necessary part of the abusive syndrome. A woman who abuses a man will push her out of her life (while she's screwing one or more other guys). The man is neglected and wonders what he did wrong. He did nothing wrong. There is nothing to reflect upon, study, measure, or correct. There is no closure to obtain. She's a slvt, plain and simple. Going back just gets you into another makeup/breakup cycle.

Getting closure is an AFC behavior.

Go find other women to mingle with and get close to, you won't need closure for the rest of your fooken life. Trust me.

With respect,

Exodus

This is how a break up is done

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEFjRrR3CQ4

Here's what you will find: even if you finally DO meet with her and try to get closure... you're still not going to feel it, and you're still going to want her.

I dated a girl for almost a year, and it got to the point where she wanted to be my girlfriend. However, we lived in different states (me, Cali, her, Las Vegas) and it didn't make sense to me to do the long distance thing. Despite this, I still enjoyed seeing her when I came to the city.

Then, out of the blue, she stops returning my texts and emails. I kind of knew why, but I still wanted to hear from her to get "closure," thinking an explanation would at least make things better.

Well, finally, later that year, I sent her an email saying (a) happy birthday, and (b) that I wished things had worked out for us. To my surprise, she sent me an email back saying (a) thanks for the birthday wishes, and (b) that she wished things had worked out too, but she had felt I wasn't making enough of an effort to show her how much I liked her (this, despite me making all the trips from Cali to see her and taking her dang near everywhere when I was in town).

Did I receive closure from it? Not really - all it did was make me wonder WHY she hadn't said anything about having this feeling while we were dating, and wishing I could go back in time to change it.

The truth is, once a woman's gotten rid of you, it generally means she's emotionally distanced herself from you and the situation. You wanting "closure" is really a means of lessening the bruise to your ego. But it won't. She moved on, dude - take it as a loss, not every girl is going to like you, and blabbering to her yet again about her feelings will boost HER ego ("oh boy, another guy who's life I've affected") but NOT her feelings for you.

Talking with her will get you nowhere. She'll either try to be nice and lie to you so as not to hurt your feelings, or she'll lie to herself and change facts and reality to suit her own feelings, in which case you'll just end up arguing because most of what she says won't make sense or have ever actually happened.

The best way to get closure is to date someone new where you soon end up thinking gawd that previous girl was such a waste of my life.

Simply put - talking to her about why it ended will give her an ego boost and set you back in your healing. It won't get her back, and you'll feel more rejected.Nothing to gain here.

You just gotta be all 'whatever' about it. Even though you're hurting, that's the perception you need to create.

Hexagram said:

Simply put - talking to her about why it ended will give her an ego boost and set you back in your healing. It won't get her back, and you'll feel more rejected.Nothing to gain here.

You just gotta be all 'whatever' about it. Even though you're hurting, that's the perception you need to create.

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What ive been doing lately is having a not giving a fvck attitude about women. Its the best path to take.

agreed.

There is no closure.

Figure it out and move on.

At the end of the day.. ask yourself this.. whats the point?

What am I going to get from this? What is my return of investment?

You'll realize there is no point, you won't get anything back from it, and you will just be thinking more about her.

Quoted for truth - how to break up and really mess with a girls head.

MisterD said:

This is how a break up is done

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEFjRrR3CQ4

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Yeah i kinda felt his way too. I didnt want to go down this path because im by nature not really a AFC. I be having girls left and right. Its just this ONE girl that im obsessed with.Shes my ex and she has had me hooked bad and its coming on two years .Its been over a year and icant get her out my mind. Everytime we get back to regularly talking i get AFC and reiterate my feelings for this girl.

I was just considering that maybe getting "closure" would finnaly get me over her because of the fact that i've tried everything before. I was super hesitant about doing this and now i definitely wont be gettin any "closure".

youngmack said:

Yeah i kinda felt his way too. I didnt want to go down this path because im by nature not really a AFC. I be having girls left and right. Its just this ONE girl that im obsessed with.Shes my ex and she has had me hooked bad and its coming on two years .Its been over a year and icant get her out my mind. Everytime we get back to regularly talking i get AFC and reiterate my feelings for this girl.

I was just considering that maybe getting "closure" would finnaly get me over her because of the fact that i've tried everything before. I was super hesitant about doing this and now i definitely wont be gettin any "closure".

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You are on ONEITIS vacation because you are not getting it down with other women. Go on MEETUP.COM and start doing something in a group setting - you will meet PLENTY of women (given you know your confidence, social personality, and good appearance). Before you know it, you will look at the side-view mirror as if 'Things Look Bigger Than it Should Be' - such as your fooked up EX-GF. Leave her behind in life - she isn't as Big as it appears to be.

With Respect,

Exodus

You can get "closure", but your mistake is thinking that it comes from her. Closure comes from within you, and it comes the day you decide that you will not take her back, ever.

MisterD said:

This is how a break up is done

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEFjRrR3CQ4

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That's the way to do it...genius scene!

Post # 2,222!!!

Closure for your ass. Written in 2 sentences.

The only closure you need is accepting the fact that your princess is in another castle and moving on is the best thing that is for you. Talking with her won't do any good that is for you.

Case closed. Now spin more plates if you aren't.