Infinite Improvement [Journal]

This is my journal to infinite improvement.

Most of this journal will be woman related, but I will also try to improve other aspects of my life. So many times I passed up opportunities to do many things that I know I would have enjoyed if I did not fail at them. I started applying this DJ stuff early 2012 and it Is August 2012 and I STILL feel like I am at square one. I STILL have AA, I am STILL a virgin, I STILL can’t get a girl to come through my place (Ok, I did ONCE but it went nowhere), and I STILL am doing useless things with my time. Things are going to have to change. Here are some of the things I would like to become:

• Impermanent: I will ALWAYS try to become a better person. I will NEVER remain stagnant and find myself doing the same thing every ****ing day.
• Undeniable: Even if a girl rejects me, I will still know that I am the **** and can get coochie elsewhere.
• Smart: I am already intellectual, but I’m not “Smart.” I want to not only be able to think things through; I want to be able to act upon those thoughts.
• Confident: I want to be able to talk to ANYONE, no matter if the person is a huge, buff dude or is a 14/10 chick. I want to walk into a quantum physics class and EXPECT a 100% on each exam. I want to know that I am capable of things small and great.

I have just got back to college on campus and I have already tried to hit these points hard. I got disappointments, but I also got glimpses of hope. I’ll write them in the next posts.

First Day back, the daygame
This school year will be the first year I will be in an apartment, so that means no listening to roommates telling me when it’s okay to bring women in! I basically spent about two hours cleaning and then I went out to buy supplies. I saw a chick from last year at a party and she glanced at me and quickly turned to her friend and started talking (most likely about me). I thought my chances with her were up so I never thought much about it, but then when she was in line, I was checking out some books and from my peripheral she was looking at me. I hesitated for about 2 seconds and when I finally decide to look up at her, she pretty much turns away and doesn’t look back my way for the rest of that encounter.

I took that hard on myself. This whole summer I was telling myself that everything I was doing is practice for THIS. Now that I am actually here, I COWARD OUT OF IT!! I left that store furious with myself and just found the next poor female victim to take out my anger on. I set my eyes dead on a petite chick walking opposite of me, regardless if she looked at me or not. She looks up and notices me, then immediately looks away. I still have my gaze on her. She nervously looks up and down then finally locks eyes with me and we both smile at the same time. “Hey” I said, shifting my smile into a smirk*. “Hi” she replied. I didn’t stop to talk to her because I just wanted to prove to myself that I could lock eyes with her, once I did that it was written off as a success. Tried it on another girl walking, I said the “Hey” with a smirk and she gave me a quick smile back and a “Hey.” Look at that, if I just stop being such a coward, I can get such great results.

My friends called me to hang out. For lack of anything more descriptive, they are nerds and AFCs. I feel like I should make cooler friends, but I feel like I can help them. One guy took some of my advice and now he’s dating one of our mutual friends. But back to the story, we went out to eat and go to a school sponsored rave. There, I saw a curvy chick (a little on the heavier side, but **** it) and I thought about approaching her. She was not dancing to the music, and only danced when a certain guy came around. I attempted to get near her by asking her to take of pic of me and my friends and she pretty much flat out IGNORES me and her friend takes our pic instead. Maybe she saw me checking her out? I have to be more careful with these things. Later on, I meet this girl from last year that showed me a lot of interest, but I never #-closed and eventually lost contact with her. She seemed really excited to see me and said that she “looked for me everywhere, but never saw me around campus” She invites me to a party and I said I’ll think about it. My friends wanted to go back and play video games, but I told them to go ahead without me. I’m really going to have to make the impression that I won’t be sitting around playing video games anymore; that’s all history.

These other guys invited me out to a party, but they said that they will “get back to me”. Just a little side note, hardly anyone who says they will “get back to me” ever contact me back. Nowadays, if someone tells me they will “get back to me,” I just write it off as they won’t. They end up hitting me up with a location, but I didn’t know where it was. I text back asking for it and I get no response.
Now transition into nightgame.

*My smirk is a SLIGHT smirk: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...p_1.jpg/987px-Retouch_Smirk_glasses_vip_1.jpg
I don’t do this: http://s1.favim.com/orig/23/damon-salvatore-ian-somerhalder-smirk-Favim.com-215837.jpg

First day back, the nightgame
So I have no party to go to, no one willing to come with me, and embarrassingly my deodorant ran out so my pits felt like they were perspiring. If I walked ALL THE WAY back to my apartment, I would have wasted too much time. I duck into a bathroom and try to clean up as best as I could then set off blindly to find a party.

I run into a group of black chicks who asked me if I was looking for a [frat name]’s party. I said yeah just so I could get a lead. We talked about how no one knew where the party was, but I noticed something. They were pretty much ignoring me. I would say something, one or two of them would give me attention, a one/two word answer, then turn back to talk to their GFs. Then to add insult to injury, some other random dude walks by and the girls started going crazy saying how hot the guy was and pretty much ignoring my existence. At that point, I wasn’t going to stand there and just get treated like trash, so I just walked on ahead of them towards the party. I mean, I can take a guy being hotter than me and girls talking about him, what I can’t take is when people blatantly ignore me even if I am talking right to them. I end up at the party and the mother****ers decide to double the price on entrance because of “late fees.” I pay it because I had no other options.

It was a black party (yes, I have to differentiate because there are either mostly white parties or mostly black ones, no in-betweens) and there were guys smoking in the living room, but I duck into the basement where the dance floor was. It was a sad sight, the room was literally split girls on the left and guys on the right. I ask for the bathroom and the girl told me that there was no tissue and I had to use cotton balls LMAO!! I told her “I’m not a chick, all I have to do is shake it and I’m good” she enjoyed that one. I spot a girl who was shaking it real good and I go up and start dancing with her. (I tried eye contact, but NO ONE was locking on) While we were dancing, I was trying to escalate and she kept rejecting it. I would move my head towards the side of her head and then she would bend forward to escape it. I explored with my hands and she would grab my hands and reposition them. I would try to talk in her ear, but she kept leaning away. I said **** it and just nexted her.

Then came a period where all I was doing with dancing with girls and getting similar results. Some let me explore their bodies, some let me put my lips on their ear. But, not one even allowed me to go in for the kiss.

I then met the girl from the previous post (Let’s just call her Sally). I tried to get her to dance, but then she got sucked away with her friends. So I danced with this one chick and we did some pretty nasty moves WHILE SALLY WAS THERE. I went to Sally a couple minutes after I finished dancing with the other chick and tried to dance with her. She started walking away and saying that her and her friends were “one unit.” Right there, I got right up next to her with my arms around her and said that she was being bogus inviting me out and then not dancing with me. She had a smile on her face (not sure because of my kino or she found ditching me quite funny) and said sorry in a very non-convincing way. Her friends started freaking out like I was raping her and started to walk towards us, so I just immediately break off her and told Sally to just “do whatever the **** you want.” I probably should have played it cool and got her number in hindsight, I KNOW for a fact that she likes me, doh!

After that fiasco, I go back to the chick I danced with beforehand and put my arms around her at the bar. I was VERY SCARED of the possible outcome because I tried to kiss her and she wasn’t having it. She actually did not even care that I put myself around her. She continually told me about how she didn’t want to dance because she is "too hot” I told her that she had all the time in the world to cool off, so she’s dancing with me now or bs’ing me. With this said, she follows me to the dance floor. Once again, I try to escalate slowly, starting by holding her hands while grinding, then gripping her hips, to stroking and squeezing her thighs, then getting my hands around her stomach area, then getting my head next to hers, then whispering in her ear. All this happened over the course of 3-5 minutes. (too fast?) We switch to front-to-front. I escalate again, but she STILL won’t kiss me. I didn’t have the patience to dance with her for (what?) an hour before kissing, so I number close her.

Okay I typed a lot. I got home at 2:30 AM and started writing the past 3 posts.It is now 5:00 AM, I should really be getting some sleep. There were more interactions after I left the party, but none of them were noteworthy.

P.S. I sent the chick (HB 6.5-7ish) a text along the lines of her giving me a fake number and risking dying from a heatstroke to reply to my text. She replied “Lol. I won’t die” I assumed she didn’t like me because she wouldn’t kiss me, but hey, got to try something new.

Okay, now that I actually have time to not rush this post, here is the text game from today (not really "game") and some details from last night. I don't think I should be going in for kiss-closes on every dance, especially since it wasn't my party. I didn't really feel at ease, but I pushed myself into it because I didn't want to pass up the opportunity. Should I be going in just to see how far she likes me? If I continue this kind of behavior with women, I am eventually going to be "that guy" who always tries to rape girls at parties and I don't want to be that guy.

I texted chick from yesterday and it went like this (paraphrasing everything to prevent searches):

Me: Hey [person], I wanted to know if this is ur real number and you didn't die from getting too hot
Her: Lol. I wont die
Me:Sure about that? U made it a big deal. U probably sat in a freezer when you got home. Good night though?
Her: Lol yes I'm okay and yes I did.
(My gut was telling me she was not interested, giving me short answers and ****)
Me: I never asked you, but do you go to this school?
Her: Yes
Me: Haha, so ur available to go out tonight since we dont have classes yet.
(I really was not feeling it with her lack of conversational skills and/or IL, so I just decided to go for broke)
Her:Lol, I am actually sick, that's why the heat got to me. sorry :/
(you were fine enough to go out and party but now ur too sick to come out the next day?)
Me:Cool, but you shouldnt party when youre sick
Her: i know, but had to show love to the host.
(Yeah, but I bet you'll come out to hop on his **** tonight, won't ya?)

It feels so impossible to pull chicks no matter what I try. But, once again when I was walking back from the party, I found another glimpse of hope. I saw some chicks walking and I was like "hey ladies" in my seductive voice. They said hey back and laughed, but as they continued past, one of them said "he's cute."

Another group of one guy and two girls were walking opposite of me and they said something about jersey shore and I was like "that's a great show! I love watching it!" They pretty much stared at me like I just swallowed a sword. One chick was like "Are you out of your mind!?" and I was like "It is very enlightening to know what a douche looks and talks like so I can avoid them at parties" They laughed and continued to walk away with one of them shouting back "Nice to meet you!"

I always knew the focus was on fun, I just have to stop trying to rush through it. I really got to slow down and enjoy the moment.

A mini encounter of another lesson of outcome dependency. I was eating food at the cafe and the tables are arranged in no order what so ever so I picked out a table with no one nearby. I left to get a drink and when I came back, this chick was at a table literally right next to mine. So, I'm eating acting like it's no big deal and I notice her giving me quick glances. This goes on for about 5 minutes until I eventually open her up with asking her what she's eating. A little small talk goes from how she is enjoying college to what she does for fun. I make a big mistake by asking her for her number BEFORE I even ask for her name. She said she had to go right after that.

Classic example of outcome dependency.

I feel compelled to talk to girls because I don't want to feel regret, but if I continuously force myself into it, I am going to start to treat it like work and not give my full natural effort into it. I am putting the bootcamp mentality into this and I feel like that is cramping my style.

Lessons Learned

• Don't be focused on getting the number, because it shows.
• Have Fun.

I'm starting to repeat my lessons learned. But they say the first step to solving a problem is to admit you have a problem.

Also tweaked the goals of my journal.

Hey Fly,

How's it going? I'm going to respond with a few observations. The idea is to be able to hone your skills of observation. This will save you time and effort and you can avoid needless rejections by observing women's signals ahead of time. There's nothing wrong with putting yourself out there. It's also unnecessary to set yourself up for inevitable rejection by approaching the wrong women or by moving forward too much too fast. Anyway, you're ahead of a lot of people because you're actually open-minded and willing to try new things. So pat yourself on the back.

*You said you saw a girl when you were out and then you said "She was not dancing to the music, and only danced when a certain guy came around. I attempted to get near her by asking her to take of pic of me and my friends and she pretty much flat out IGNORES me and her friend takes our pic instead."

She only danced when a certain guy came around because that was her boyfriend. She ignored you because she was out with her boyfriend and was unavailable/not looking. She has respect for her relationship and is into him. This reflects on her loyalty and has no reflection on whether or not you were man enough. She's off the market.

** On Dancing and moving forward....... Here's a quote about a woman who wasn't receptive "While we were dancing, I was trying to escalate and she kept rejecting it. I would move my head towards the side of her head and then she would bend forward to escape it. I explored with my hands and she would grab my hands and reposition them. I would try to talk in her ear, but she kept leaning away. I said **** it and just nexted her."

It was un-necessary to keep repeatedly trying to push forward. Ideally she is supposed to move toward you. I mean, if you're dancing together, notice if she comes closer to you. Then you just enjoy that she moved closer to you by staying put. If she inches a little closer a second time, then you can inch closer. Put your arm gently on her side and notice if she puts her arms around your shoulders and/or neck. The idea is SHE closes the gap a little, then you can close the gap a little. She closes the distance, then you. You put your arm on her side or her mid or lower back, and keep it there, and then you WAIT FOR HER TO RECIPROCATE.

If you inch closer and she backs away, then you back away an inch. If you lean in a little and she leans back, then don't keep pushing. You can move forward on a far more subtle level and read her reactions without anyone else around you really noticing. You can basically throw out the fear of a huge rejection that has a million spectators and you also can move forward or away smoothly. The distance is perceivable close up but not so much from the point of view of other people in the room.

If she backs away or avoids you on a small scale, and does so consistently, you can read her interest level simply by noticing her persistent, repeated behavior when it comes to distance. Notice, I said REPEATED behavior. Is she behaving the way a woman behaves who wants to be close to you or is she acting like a woman who doesn't?

*** "Once again, I try to escalate slowly, starting by holding her hands while grinding, then gripping her hips, to stroking and squeezing her thighs, then getting my hands around her stomach area, then getting my head next to hers, then whispering in her ear. All this happened over the course of 3-5 minutes. We switch to front-to-front. I escalate again, but she STILL won’t kiss me. I didn’t have the patience to dance with her for (what?) an hour before kissing, so I number close her."

I notice a lot of times guys will receive 6 or 7 signs that a woman is very interested and then they completely IGNORE those signals if a woman declines ONE advance. A woman could be holding his hand, flirting, hugging him, and giving off all kinds of signals of high interest, and then if he moves in for the kiss and she turns her head, he says "She must not like me!". I would say, if she gives you a dozen signs that she likes you, and then rejects one kiss, but then keeps hanging around and acting like she likes you, she just wasn't ready for the kiss YET. If she resumes all of her other high-interest behavior, she likes you. Some women just have rules about kissing and/or sex with guys they just met.

Notice her overall behavior patterns of the past and present. If her overall past and present behavior is high-interest, then no worries. She will probably be receptive to a kiss if you guys go out some other time. Just pay attention and do the same thing again later. Let her close the distance, you reciprocate. Throw in the occasional friendly touch. Observe. Repeat. The physical advancing never stops, whether you're just meeting with a woman who wants a fling or a woman you've been in a relationship with for a while.
Anyway, hope this helps.

Thanks for the response. I know I should be watching for women that are showing me interest, but in the past the opposite was the case. I would only go for women who locked eyes with me and I would leave immediately by the first sign she shown of rejection. The Confident Persistence vs. Early Ejection dilemma seems to be another thing to work on for me.

As for the chick that wouldn't kiss me, I think she was just there to dance with random guys. That text I sent her did not seem very interested, more like using my text game as a joke to laugh at. I guess she found my physically attractive, but was not looking for anything more than a dance. I am thinking about giving a couple days more and then texting her again. Who knows what might come out of it?

I know you went over this with me before, but:

• Read body language to determine persistence (harder than I thought lol)
• Reciprocation is a good sign of attraction

You're welcome. Anyway, I wanted to add something else to this thread.........One thing I realized was that you can use more innocent things to gauge how interested she might be in doing more naughty things. Most guys make such a big deal about the first kiss or sex. I say, focus on the more innocent things and the interaction will move forward smoothly and naturally. I NEVER obsess over a behavior. Instead, I think "What emotions would a woman need to feel to make her want to rip my clothes off?". You think about the emotions that lead up to the behavior. Then the behavior takes care of itself.

So at some point she has to feel turned on or sexually aroused, and then her emotions will fuel her actions. If a woman already feels some attraction, innocent touch and advancing in small steps will turn the heat up. Her attraction to you will be amplified by your moving forward. I mean that simply entering each other's physical space and using friendly, innocent touch in moderation will amplify the attraction that's already there. Once you've noticed she enjoys touching you a lot, you can move forward innocently. Try a gentle kiss on the cheek. A soft, lingering kiss on the cheek. Not a quick peck with stiff lips.

Try that out. If she enjoys the lingering kiss on the cheek, give her another. And another. And another. Then gently lean back. What woman would let a man that grosses her out give her a few soft kisses on the cheek? You could do that or give her 2 kisses on her cheek and one on or near her earlobe. This, to me, is smoother and quickly tells you her interest level. You can simply stop there or easily go from that to kissing on the lips..... Notice, I said you can determine if she is attracted to you by giving her a few soft kisses in a row, on the cheek. Some people kiss on the cheek socially as a greeting. There's a difference and a social kiss on the cheek as a greeting isn't the same thing as what I'm talking about.

I know these descriptions might sound tedious, but in reality, once you've developed your intuitions, you can observe and move forward pretty easily and relatively quickly. Speed isn't the goal. But it will appear to happen quickly to outside observers. The idea is that you're NOT in a rush. I can't stress this enough. Actually, if it happens slowly, you'll just build up more and more sexual tension until she's ready to take your clothes off. I WANT her to slowly suffer from the built-up sexual tension and then RELEASE that tension with me when it builds up to the point where she can't take it any more.

Another day, another approach.

So I woke up feeling good about myself. I had a busy day, but I felt like a challenge is more of what I need. Worked out and went to some science classes and English. I got out and walked around the quad. I tried to make some eye contact, but I was not really getting reception. Being a black guy in a mostly white school is kind of hard to pull off because the girl needs to already decide before hand if she likes a guy outside her race. I would stop girls and ask for the time, but based on their body language (if they STOP and talk or try to keep walking) I would just leave it at that or continue the convo. The first girl that actually stopped to talk to me I chickened out of. :l But the next one that seemed receptive I talked to for a total of 7 minutes est.

We talked about her classes and where she is going, her year in school, what she likes to do for fun... Boring stuff... We actually sat down in the lawn and chatted for the last 2 minutes, but then I felt that I was overstaying my visit so I made an excuse to get out of there and that I wanted to continue this convo sometime later. I asked for her number and then she started giving me the area code of the school (wierd... she bought her cell phone here?) but what's worst is that after she gave me the area code she was like "Uhh...467..." Fake number, great. I texted her literally 2 minutes before writing this journal entry. I'm not expecting a reply.

Other approaches went nowhere because I felt like they were not interested. I walked around for literally 2 and a half hours looking for approaches and I only got about 7 in with only 3 of them actually getting beyond 2 sentences. I still feel regret for not trying even if they seem to have low IL because some girls I've dated before shown me very little attraction initially.

Later that day, I went to a public speaker and that was okay. Some cute girls around, but I didn't stick around because I felt like I spent way too much time looking for approaches. I walked to the cafe and noticed a girl that was in that same room with the speaker. I tapped her on the shoulder and asked if she went to the speaker. she said yes and I asked her about what she thought of it, who she came with, and joked around about how they want to assimilate her. Once again... BORING... She still gave me her #, but I highly doubt she will respond. She did not seem enthusiastic about talking to me.

Observation

You know what? While I was looking for approaches, I saw this other guy who was getting this girl's number and she was practically beaming and super enthusiastic to give him her number. What the **** am I doing wrong that I simply can't get that to happen? Maybe they know each other previously? Every time I ask for the number, she looks sad like "Aw damn, I better give this guy my number or else he's gonna rob me," like I'm forcing them to give me their number against their will. I respect them more if they just say no, rather than look all nice and give me a fake number. Either way, my game is seriously lacking and I am still looking for that key thing I am missing.

P.S. Oh ****, I just realized that I did zero kino... But I doubt kino would have gotten me anywhere with low IL girls.

Lessons Learned

• Stop talking about boring ****
• Be sexual, use kino and all that good stuff
• Use that kino **** EARLY.

Went out to a dance class the other day. I've been dancing in the past, so I knew how to at least. Once again I'm trying to integrate the AD Machine and focus on women who show interest and it seemed to have worked. This one chick I see there usually said hi to me. We end up talking for a bit about how summer went and we start dancing. The music changed up from a fast to a slower song so we get in closer. Now the last time I seen her, she had a bf, but I don't know if they are still dating because he used to come with her and he wasn't there that day. I didn't bring him up because I didn't want the convo to go that route. I decide "what the hell? I'll see how much further I can escalate this." We get in real close, her thigh is brushing against mine and sometimes her chest would bump into mine. She never pulled back and never brought up her bf. Nice, but I decided I'll let it at that until I'm sure. Note: I actually met her bf and he is like an acquaintance to me so that would be horrible if I made a move and he is still going out with her.

Later that night, I danced with another girl and ran the same routine with getting real close to her and letting our body parts nonchalantly brush against one another. I think she was getting wet because I kind of pulled her in and she started to breathe deeper. We exchanged names, but I didn't number close (we're going to see each other next week so no big) and we talked a little more and she said she loves dancing with me. Yay, ego boost, but no real substance.

I get home and start playing on the 360 and check my FB. Just like that, I got a friend request from her. This is a near exact repeat of a situation that turned out BADLY in the past because I didn't make a move on that girl. I don't know if I should message her or just keep her on the friends list, because I don't want to start chasing this early and look desperate. I want her to chase me and I will begin my pursuit next time we meet.

I'm not getting a lot of replies to this journal, probably because I am not banging chicks on every entry, but whatever, I'm doing this for me and just giving you a narration of the journey. I have to go to class now, there were no lessons learned, but there were previous lessons being applied.

yeah so the second girl seems pretty into you, add her on FB...start a quick convo and grab her digits...say you have to go...text or call the next day and tell her you want to go out...simple...if that falls thru you still did learn something because you are building attraction in these girls

In10se said:

yeah so the second girl seems pretty into you, add her on FB...start a quick convo and grab her digits...say you have to go...text or call the next day and tell her you want to go out...simple...if that falls thru you still did learn something because you are building attraction in these girls

Click to expand...

Yeah I know I should start talking to her, but I would rather play it cool from the FB. If I end up screwing this one up, then for sure in the future I will contact the girls via FB. It's all a learning process.

More glimpses of hope lol. For some reason it always feels like I go through one bad day then the next day will be good and the pattern continues as such.

Today, I went to my early class and this chick that I opened real quick happened to be in my class. I talked to her some more and she was showing good IOI's with wanting to know my name and wanting a high five. She seems cool, but she seems nerdy (not exactly bad, but would get on my nerves after a while) and not exactly that attractive (would still hit it for the experience though, LOL).

Second one was a cold approach. Saw this girl walking, had a nice ass and it was just there begging me to approach. I digress, have you ever seen a chick you would approach walking ahead of you and you had this urge to start running towards her, but then doubt yourself and as seconds go by, she could turn and go somewhere else...? Yeah that kind of describes what almost happened here I decided that I had to approach and not blame it on how fast she was walking like the other times I backed down from it. So I just picked up my pace, and I must have looked ridiculous to anybody watching me.
I went up behind her and asked if she knew the time. She told me it and I said that our clocks linked up. I felt an awkward silence coming up, so I just asked where she was off to. Blah blah blah, once again I fell into boring talk about class. We get to the building and start walking around it and I just tell her that she seems like a cool person and should exchange numbers. She told me that creepy guys ask her for numbers then start stalking her. I replied telling her that we will meet up and hang out and at very worst she will never see me again so the threat of stalking is non-existent (stalking = oneitis and I am NOT down with oneitis). We exchanged numbers. I suspected a fake, but an hour later she texts me telling me that she was almost late thanks to me.

Went to my second class and there was like cute chick sitting near the entrance. We make EC for just 3 seconds and she broke it looking off into the hallway. Dang... Class ended and I got up and started walking back. She was quite a ways ahead of me. Once again, I gotta pick up the pace and just go for it. I catch up with her and just say "how do you like the class so far?"
She looked almost surprised that I spoke to her but then she said "It's easy"
**** more boring talk, but I noticed this happening so I decide to just break off until I find a better way to get at her. "Okay I got to go to [some place], I'll see you later"
She turns around and goes "Wait, you want my number?" LMAO!!
First time in about 5 years a girl asked if I wanted her number. I took it down and told her that we'll hang out soon. She agreed and left on her way. She might have given me a rejection hotline, but would she really go through the risk of giving me her number just to do that?

Either way this day has had so much success in it. I am texting girl 2 right now, but I am running out of things to say. I'll post it up next entry.

EDIT: I'll just post the text here, its not even that long

Convo with Girl 2: (Once again, paraphrasing)

G2: I fixed my time. and I got in class just in time lol
FBN: Lucky @ss. You could've been sitting there looking stupid lol
G2: yeah that would've sucked a lot
(took me like 10 mins to think of a way to escalate the text so I did not become boring)
FBN: that would've sucked like a 2 dollar hoe. Your classes are boring anyway. you done for today?
G2: Yup

Lessons Learned

• Please say something funny/interesting and stop boring them.

Hey Fly,

So far so good. And I'm going to quote something from you because this shows that you have good character and you have some class.... "Note: I actually met her bf and he is like an acquaintance to me so that would be horrible if I made a move and he is still going out with her."....... I think good ethics are important. Never sacrifice your ethics just to get some action. In the long run you'll feel better about yourself if you keep your standards for your own behavior high.

About Facebook. I'd say from now on avoid Facebook. You don't want to meet someone in person and then demote yourself to being a "Facebook friend". To redeem this situation, you can do what In10se said. Make a short conversation and get her number. It's very simple. At the end of your short conversation you simply tell her "We'll have to get together some time." and then ask her what's a good number to reach her at.

By not getting the phone number and getting her Facebook information instead, you added an extra, unnecessary step. You actually made your life more difficult by doing that. I'm lazy and like to get the most from the least effort when it comes to women. I'm going to dissect your interaction with her and tell you how you could have effortlessly put yourself ahead of where you are now. No worries though. This is a learning experience.

BASED ON YOUR COMMENTS, HERE IS MY TAKE ON THE SITUATION:

If you're rubbing up against each other when dancing and she is acting like she's enjoying it, and she starts breathing deeply like she's enjoying it, and she says she LOVES dancing with you, you've received enough signals that 80-90% of the time if you ask for a number, you'll get it. I call this taking the low-risk, rejection proof method of moving forward. Because she's already shown multiple signals that all basically tell the same story. High interest.

One of these signals by themselves may not mean much but it's one signal after the other after the other. It's like one signal stacked on top of the other. Once you receive numerous signs that tell the same story, you can pretty much assume high interest and then move forward by getting the number THEN. Plus, the timing is right. She's shown interest. She's feeling good. She complimented you or at least verbalized she likes dancing with you. Green light, green light, green light. The general principle is a good time to get or exchange numbers is when she's shown interest and is feeling good.


A quote from you "Yay, ego boost, but no real substance."

There was a lot more substance to the interaction than you might think. When you're looking at all of the signals together, they create a picture or story of either high or low interest. In this case, if you keep returning interest things will move forward. At some point you simply let her move forward and then you do.

Eventually you up the ante by holding hands, etc. If a woman ever acts really interested and then grows cold, it's usually because the guy failed to move forward and she's become discouraged. As long as you keep a reasonable amount of contact with her, invite her to spend time with you, and when she makes subtle advances you reciprocate, either by acting like you're enjoying it or by advancing a little yourself in return, she will keep showing interest, in most cases.

To put it more simply. If she's practically raping you on the dance floor and she's hanging around you and acting like she's enjoying your company, not only is asking for a number pretty much a low-risk move, but she's probably wishing you'd asked for her number.

Thanks Arist, I have no idea how I should open her up though... Just a simple "hey, how's it going?" or "Nice dance we had the other night"?

I'll come up with something. But it's time to update the journal, got some real good results from the last encounters.

I texted girl 2 from last entry if she would rather spend her friday with a classy, black gentleman or sit at home and watch tv shows. She ended up replying that she is going out for her friends b-day. I played it cool and told her to have fun. She thanked me and the convo ended.

I felt a little trollish and decided to text the girl from the beginning of the year. (The one I danced with at the party)
FBN: So we're going out at 10pm, right?
(then immediately texted)
FBN: Sorry, wrong person
SC:O ok
FBN:Wait, wait. That was mean to text you and not stop to chat. what's going on?
SC:Nothin much, just chilling
FBN:No outing tonight, too bad I was planning a meetup
SC: I was thinking about going out to a party
(I was going to go to the movies with my friends this night so I had no time for women)
FBN:Enjoy your night then, I was gonna relax tonight. I'll get back at you, k?
SC: Okay

I don't know if I got a chance with her, but I'll have to keep the faith. Funny part is that I hardly remember what she looks like.

Okay now girl in my class was up next, really long text convo (not my fault ) so I will cut out the boring:

FBN:Hi its Fly by Night
CC: I thought you werent gonna text me
FBN: Sorry for the anticipation, Im a busy guy. Whats up?

...
FBN:What you doing this fine evening?
CC:Gonna go to a party
CC:you text slow
(I was doing hw)
FBN:Like I said, Im a busy guy. partying is so overrated. You like it because youre new around these parts
CC:Lol its not boring yet for me, we can chill some night though
FBN:Wanna put a more definitive time on that? Like tomorrow so we can... discuss class ?
CC:Lol pls, I dont want to talk about class
FBN:Fine we can do other interesting things
CC:Sure, just let me know, im available all day tomorrow

(So about 2 hours later she texts me)
CC:Im bored
FBN:Go play tetris. arent you going to party?
CC:Idk anymore
FBN:sucks, id invite you out but im out of campus
CC:thats ok, nice of you to think about me though

(about 2 am in the morning, shes starting to annoy me with her texts LOL)
CC:What you up to?
FBN: playing 360
CC:the party was lame
(Im busy killing zombies)
CC:Will i see you tomorrow?
FBN: ofc
CC:Lunch?
FBN:We'll see
CC: ok :/

She seems almost desperate for me lol. But its coo', I hope she doesn't have any disease because when I met her in public, she said something about her being "sick". Maybe that was a legal disclaimer of her saying that she has an std so I cant get compensation in a court of law!? Or am I being paranoid? Well it seems like I'm getting better at this, but it feels like I did not put in any work at all for this one.

I'll update when the night is over.

Sigh, unfortunate news,

Nothing happened. I mean we went there, watched a movie, made out during it, I escalated, we ended up on the bed, then out of nowhere. "I don't feel comfortable, I need to know you more" she starts going on and on and her bad relationships. I even tried to interrupt her and get her to stop talking about her past, but she would not stop talking about it. She even openly says she thinks I'm a nerd and says that maybe I will be different and she starts talking some **** about 'You will have to wait a couple months after we are in a relationship' WTF, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M THAT DESPERATE!? I think she was trying to pull me back into the fiery gates of AFCdom by trying to make be feel bad for her and turn into cap'n save-a-ho.

Honestly, I can't see myself ever going back to that phase in my life. This DJ stuff is truly like the matrix.

We were on the bed and I'm doing my thing making out with her. She made a side note that I make out too fast. She was moaning just a little and then I started trying to get her pants off. She got the belt off for me because I am super clumsy with it LOL, but then when the zipper came down her ASD just put a 8-inch thick wall between us. I try to break through it, but then she starts threatening to kick me out of her room. I finally give up and while continuing the movie, I realize that she is trying to control the frame. At this point, I just wanted to go home. After all of this happened, she is STILL talking about us being in a relationship and her past bad relationships.

Either one of two things are going to happen: 1. She is going to pester me to get into a relationship with her. 2. She is going to go NC with me, THINKING that I will go afc and will chase her for sex (yeah right).


This chick is a thumbs down. She is trying too hard to control the frame. I am looking for a woman, not a Man inside of a woman's body.

I am not that desperate for sex that I am going to let a woman wear the pants and make rules of when we are going to ****. Maaan, EFF THAT!!! But, who knows? Maybe I ****ed up the escalation somewhere. Maybe I said something to turn her off. Maybe she made a firm decision to not **** me that day. There could have been a million things. I am almost certain she ****ed some guy on the first night though, she just seems like that kind of chick.

**** sucks, I felt like I got no experience from this. I should've known it could not come to me that easy.

I still need work.

Lessons Learned:

• There is still some rushing in my escalation ladder, fix that.

P.S. She even admitted she just lays there in bed...

which school u at, bro?

i'm in your same boat, ma man. i think you doing great. nice to know another black bro is out there. majoring in the physical sciences too.

questions, what have you been workn with? the DJ Bible, boot camp??

what's your background like with women. you mentioned u hang out w/ nerds. you a virgin?

talented_beginner said:

which school u at, bro?

i'm in your same boat, ma man. i think you doing great. nice to know another black bro is out there. majoring in the physical sciences too.

questions, what have you been workn with? the DJ Bible, boot camp??

what's your background like with women. you mentioned u hang out w/ nerds. you a virgin?

Click to expand...

I don't want to say just to keep anonymous, but I go to school in Illinois. Yeah, these white b!tches either love the chocolate or have confederate parents.

I did the bootcamp and only lasted til the 3rd week, plus everyone just fizzled out of it anyway. I'm reading Anti-Dump's Machine and it helps with scanning for IOI's and finding truly interested women.

My background with women is kind of bad, but not horrible. I started off with a oneitis back in freshman year high school. I went NC just because she started toying with me and flirting with other guys. She even went out and told her friends that she NEVER liked me to begin with, that's when I started to go NC. It's funny because then she tried to talk to me again but I kept the NC strong and she just went b!tchy on me and tried to do a NC act back at me. After that, I just had encounters with women who act like men, approaching me first and asking to hang out.
So since high school to before SS was a period of extremely passive dating. (not making moves, etc.)

Yeah I'm a virgin, had a chance to lose it, but wussed out because her place was far and I was on curfew. I wasn't the most adventurous one.

Aw man... cracked my tooth today because I was being stupid and non-observant Called up the dentist so I could get it looked at. But at least I had some DJ success today LOL.

Today I only had one class so I had a lot of free time on my hands. I saw about two good looking girls, but they were much too far from me to smoothly open 'em up. One of those girls had a nice slender build and rocking some tight jeans with decorative ass pockets. I bet she was just begging guys to hit on her; I would've if she wasn't walking at the speed of light. Walking around the quad, I saw a girl, a little shorter than my ideal height, but she had a big, round rear and a nice chest. She walked past me and I sort of stutter-stepped back. I thought it would be too awkward, but once again I told myself "eff it." I turned around, caught up with her and:

FBN: Hey, do you know what time it is? (obviously showing off my watch)
CG: Uhhh... yeah it's [whatever time it was]
FBN: Oh thanks, but uhh... I didn't really need to know the time. I just used that as an excuse to get to talk to you (insert my smirk here)
CG: Haha, oh you're clever! (She smiles back )
FBN: Where you off too?
CG: Work, right here.
(I ask her about where she works, forgot how that exactly went)
(At the front of the building, some guy said hi to her and mentioned her name)
FBN: Ah! [Name] is your name huh?
CG: Haha, yeah, what's yours?
FBN: Fly by Night, it's nice to meet you. (shakes hand -- I should have done some kino trick like point out she has soft hands or something)
CG: Well, I have to get going to work now (she starts turning to walk in)
FBN: Wait! I'd hate to make you late to work so but how about we talk again at a better time? What's your number?
CG: Okay, cool. It's [insert number here]

She seemed very interested, but I pretty much always get this paranoid feeling that it's a wrong number. I got bored and decided to google the number and I saw her name and number on a subleasing site. Sure enough the name attached to it was hers. Bingo, we have a winner.

After that win I was feeling like my game was getting better. I tried to keep the momentum going. Saw some chick walking in the parking lot, she wasn't ugly but a bit chubbier. (You could say I've built a tolerance to these women ) I pulled the same routine as I did with the first chick to see how effective it is.

FBN:Yo! What time is it?
C2: Uhh... (rustling through her bag) [time]
FBN: Thanks... but I wasn't interested in the time, I actually wanted to get to talk to you.
C2: Oh... Ok... (her expression went very strange, like from amused to scared to irritated all in 2 seconds)
FBN: What's your name?
C2: [name]
FBN: [name]?
C2: No... [name]
(it was a very strange name, it was like she took a random consonant and threw it in front of a normal name, now b!tches are giving away fake names?)
C2: Hey uh, I'm kind of late for class.
FBN: Oh that's okay, I don't want to waste your time. So mind giving me your number so we could talk when you do have time? (it came out as a question because I could sense her disinterest when she brought up her lateness as soon as she saw why I really started to talk to her)
C2: Actually I do mind because I have a boyfriend (classic, real classic)
FBN: That's cool, I can respect it. I enjoyed talking to you though.
C2: Yeah you too! What's your name again?
FBN: Fly by Night, (When I sense disinterest, I try not to let her know my name unless they ask) I'll see you around, I don't want you to be late.
C2: Okay, thanks. (she puts out her hand for a shake, but I go in for the hug and she follows suit)

Felt good about that one, regardless if she actually had a bf or not. I texted girl 1 my name just so she had my number. I left the dentist a voice message. I will be texting the girl that was scared of stalkers later today. I have 3 questions left on my homework that is due at midnight. After that, I will be completely bored out of my mind, so I will probably read some more AD's Machine.

Man, I encourage everyone to make their own journal. The fact that you can look back at it and record your successes and failures and be able to read about the things you should improve on makes improvement come much quicker.

Lessons Learned

• When you first meet a girl you wish to game. Be forward about it. Do not BS her and try to be her "friend." She will either say no and walk away or say yes and you get closer to where you want to be.

Hey Fly,

The good news is you're making progress and enjoying yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself and make sure to give yourself credit for the progress you've made so far...... You said ""Sigh, unfortunate news. Nothing happened. I mean we went there, watched a movie, made out during it, I escalated, we ended up on the bed."

So you made out with a girl at her place and ended up on her bed and you're saying that nothing happened? Give yourself more credit than that! You got more action than a lot of guys get on their first date. I feel so sorry for you. Such unfortunate news. hahaha I mean, poor guy got to make out with an attractive girl on the first date, and probably engaged in some heavy petting too. Let me bring you and everyone hearing this story a box of Kleenex.

Seriously though, everything went fine. I personally enjoy kissing and making out as much as I enjoy sex. I think this also gives me an advantage because I'm NEVER pushing for sex. NEVER.

Fly: "Maybe I ****ed up the escalation somewhere.".

Yes, you did. No worries though. I'm not going to tell you what some other people would tell you on here. I can only tell you from my personal experience and point of view where I believe you screwed up. Where you screwed up is NOT what other people will tell you. They'll say "Oh, you screwed up because you did this instead of that. If you'd done THIS you would have had sex with her."

First, I'll tell you what works best for me. There are certain things I leave 100% up to the woman. Understand, this is not 100% of the time. But it's a good general rule for the first few times you have sex with a woman. If you make this a rule 100% of the time for the women you first have sex with, when she's ready for sex, you'll have zero resistance.

I told you before, I enjoy making out as much as I enjoy sex. So I can make out with a woman and kiss her all over and keep doing it. I don't care if I kiss and touch a woman and make out with her for an hour and no clothes are removed. I enjoy it. And I like the sexual tension it builds. Now my attitude is "I can do this all day baby. So what are you going to do about it?". I'll lay on the bed. Kiss her and let my hands wander. I leave it up to HER to take the clothes off. This means I don't remove her belt or unzip her pants.

SHE has to remove her belt. She has to unzip her pants and she has to start grabbing me below the waist and start saying "F**k me. I want you NOW!". Is there any resistance to this? NO!!!!!!! Why not? Because I'm not the one taking her pants off! How can she resist it if SHE is the one doing it? Now, there's always the possibility of her resisting if your timing is off and you decide you want to pull her pants down. hahaha I mean, picture if you were in the middle of class and someone pulled a prank on you while you were writing on the chalkboard and pulled down your pants and you were standing right there in front of the class in your boxers. Those pants would come back up really quick!

You're pushing for a behavior. And so are 90% of the guys out there. I'm going for a feeling (her being turned on), which will automatically lead to sex without me having to think about it. The feeling will dictate her behavior, so I just fuel that feeling. I think about everything else that could LEAD UP to sex, without ever worrying about sex. I let her initiate sex. I'll do everything that will get her and me turned on (passionate kissing, etc.). And I'm happy with that. If I get her turned on and we keep making out, I'll let the sexual tension build up to the point where she can't take it any more and feels compelled to take her clothes off.

Does this mean she will be ready for sex on the first date? Depends on the woman. This way of moving forward could mean sex on the first date. Or if she never has sex on the first date, it could mean sex on the 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th date. At the very least you'll get physical very quickly and if you don't have sex, you'll enjoy all of the physical action that comes before sex. You'll be moving forward as quickly as possible WITH THAT PARTICULAR WOMAN.


FURTHER COMMENTS:

***"Maybe I ****ed up the escalation somewhere."

"She made a side note that I make out too fast."

You were moving forward too quickly.


***"then out of nowhere. "I don't feel comfortable, I need to know you more" she starts going on and on and her bad relationships."

It's never "out of nowhere". You moved forward too quickly and tried to push for sex when she wasn't ready. She felt uncomfortable and then she rationalized her feeling uncomfortable by talking about things from the past. People will rationalize their responses even if the rationalization has nothing to do with the response. I think there's a term for it. Cognitive consistency i think. But basically people respond a certain way for whatever reason and if they don't know the reason they make up reasons.

In this case, she showed high interest but your timing was off. She responded favorably TO YOU, but she responded unfavorably to your timing and also, if you repeatedly pushed, she responded unfavorably to that behavior. This is NOT a case of her trying to control the relationship.

*** "Yeah, these white b!tches either love the chocolate or have confederate parents."

Read Anti-Dump's machine again. This point is irrelevant. You don't care about the one's that have zero or low interest, for ANY reason. I've seen some attractive women who only date black men. Some women like Spanish guys or Asian guys. Some like white guys and some like men of any race. I'm white. I'm attracted to hispanic, white, and some Asian women. I am not attracted to black women or women from India or the Arab countries. I could be friends with these women but they do nothing for me sexually. It's not always a matter of being "confederate", as you put it. People have different tastes, which is a good thing.

Anyway, like i said earlier, we aren't concerned with the "why's" of low interest. We only care about WEEDING OUT the ones with low interest and focusing on the one's with high interest. This helps you to find the women that really like you for you. This actually makes our lives easier. We don't have to come up with one million "why's". We just see it as low interest and move on. It doesn't matter if the low interest is because of your body type or whether she likes surfer dudes and you're not a surfer dude. Or she's a gold-digger and you're broke. Or whether she prefers bikers and you wear a business suit.

Alright. Hope this helps. Keep up the good work!