The official Plenty of Fish/online dating chick profile translator!

The official Plenty of Fish/online dating chick profile translator!

Thanks goes out to Bradd80 for starting the original thread, Floydb25, Nismo-4 and all who contributed.

Pay attention to the coded meanings on profiles. You've been warned.


“While looks aren’t everything, physical attraction is important” – you must have a smokin’ hot body to message me.

“Health and fitness are very important to me and they must be to you too” – you must have a smokin’ hot body to message me.

“I like to wear heels” – You must be over 6’1” to message me as you need to be able to match my tallest pair of heels.

“I’m sort of a geeky bookworm “ – I’ve only read 50 Shades of Grey, Twilight, and the Hunger Games and I put them on par with Shakespeare and Dostoevsky.

“I love sushi” – I think because I can attempt to eat with chopsticks that I am sophisticated and cosmopolitan.

“I have a sarcastic sense of humor” - I never say anything sarcastic, I take everything literally, and I wouldn’t recognize sarcasm, irony, or satire if it hit me in the face.

“I’m a bit of a reality tv junkie” – I want to look like Kim Kardashian and I expect you to look like Colin Farrell.

“I am sick of games, drama, and BS” –I am only attracted to a**holes.

“When it comes to music I literally listen to EVERYTHING. My ipod is so schizophrenic/random” – my ipod only consists of Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, and Madonna.

“I’m looking for a nice, decent guy who treats me right “ – if you’re a nice decent guy don’t message me.

“I am NOT here for hook ups or one night stands” – unless you have a smokin hot body.

“What’s most important to me is a guy who can make me laugh” – that and the fact that you look like matthew mcconaghey or any of the douchebags in Magic Mike.

“Please put the effort in to read my profile and not just look at my pics” – 2 sentence profile with pics showing cleavage and perfect figure in a bikini.

“I will not respond to messages like ‘hey whats up’ or ‘you look good honey’” – unless you have a smokin hot body. Though I will send you a ‘Hey what’s up’ message if I actually take the time from reading/deleting my messages based on tiny thumbnail pics and search for guys on my own and find you HOT.

“I love to travel” – the only place I’ve traveled outside of <insert your city here> is Cancun for spring break where i got drunk and banged 5 different guys in 10 days.

“For fun I like going out for drinks with the girls” – I drink too many kamikaze shots and make out with scumbags at the bar.

“Must not do drugs” – Unless you give me a bump of coke in a South Beach bar bathroom.

“Must have a job” – club owner or personal trainer. (Though I do currently date unemployed guys in real life.)

“I like a guy who is smart” – but not an IQ above 95 so I don’t feel intimidated.

“Must not have mental issues” – unless you have narcissistic personality disorder.

“I consider myself spiritual but not religious” – I still pray to Jesus so I won’t go to hell but I like the freedom to get drunk and fornicate.

“So if you want to know anything else, just message me. Look forward to hearing from you!” – Message me so I can make a snapshot judgment of you based on a tiny thumbnail pic, and then delete your message without reading it or looking at your profile.

“I love photography and taking pictures" = You can bet if you're in the top 2% of their looks category you'll be getting my full nudes picture messaged to your phone or email.

I like to have "fun" = looking for a one night stand fvcking from the hottest dude or other chick on POF. (If you are damn good looking try using the sex code word "fun" right at them in email conversation. Trust me they know what it means.)

“Looking to hang out/cuddle" = Do you really need to be told what I’m looking for?

"Is anyone on here real?!" = I only respond to the hottest guys online and have been getting trollolol'd by a few dudes using fake model pics to get my number and have me text n00dz. Please be real and hot and I’ll send you my noodz too.

“I don't have sex on the first night or with guys I just met” =You're not physically or financially fit enough for me.

“Men are pigs/dogs, think with their diks” = I've learned to lie to myself about my sexual desires and prostitute them, and scorn men because they don't.

“I'm not a gold digger”=Take out the not.

“I make my own money and don’t need a man to support me”= See above.

“I don't need a man in my life”=I want an a$$hole or a top 10% guy.

“I'm tired of the bar scene”=I've been railed by guys who lied about their income and status then left in a drunken stupor on the bathroom floor.

“ I'm tired of the club scene”= I've been railed by hunks many times in them!

“I'm a professional dancer”=Change that to stripper or escort.

“A man's hobbies are important”=As long as they make lots of money.

“Let's meet for dinner”=I'm a dinner wh0re, I'll pretend to be interested, I may make out or kiss you, and I won't call back after the date.

“I'm shy”=I'm freaky if you're physically or financially fit, but don't want to be near you if you aren't.

“I'm a good/religious girl”=See above.

“Nerds are sexy”= If they're rich!

“I'm tired of being beaten up, used, and abused”=I won't put out for Captain Save-A-Ho. Just friendzone him. I want a man who looks like he'll beat the f**k out of me! And I'll f**k his brains out!

“Let's be friends first”=Beta males, yes. Alpha males, pull down your pants.

“Where are all the good/nice guys/real men?”=I only accept applications from the handsome and the rich.

“Confidence turns me on”=But not as much as your looks or money!

“I like a man who's got his life in order”=Change that to in the top 10% of men.

“I like fit men”=Exactly what it says on the tin.

“I'm a princess=I'll give a beta the friendzone puppy dog treatment, but go to an alpha's castle.

“ I'm looking for a serious relationship right now”=I want a beta provider but will still go get some more alpha dik. BTW, I will barely put out for the beta.

“I want a man who can commit to me=See above.

“Are there any good men left?” =Why the f**k I can't get a top 10% guy?

“I enjoy shopping and I’m classy”=You better be rich and ready to spend lots on me. I still decide if you're getting laid.

“Don't message me if you're a criminal”=Criminals who served time for murder are dangerously sexy!

“I like a man who's a gentleman”=I will manipulate a man who doesn't ask for sex, use my anti-slvt defense, and will toss his number away after the first date anyway.

“ I'm not needy/ desperate”=I haven't had alpha dik in a long time. I haven't had a rich man approach me in a long time either.

“I'm waiting for my king/ prince”=Change that to my top 10% guy.

“I appreciate the finer things in life”=I want a rich man.

“The best things in life are free” =Alpha male sex is, so should a rich man's money be! And I know that men value vagina, so I'm still charging!

“ I'm searching for Mr. Right”=A top 10% guy.

“I'm non-judgmental”=I’m completely judgmental and mental, but you better not be.

“I'm a sociable person or butterfly”=I'll flirt with a man who's better looking than you and not care nor think nothing of it.

“Are you the one?”=Message me if you're handsome or rich. All others have a high chance of getting deleted.

“ What I like most about a man is his personality”=Only if he looks good or has lots of money. Personality doesn't raise either parameter stat.

“I'm not looking for drama”=I'll make it, but you better not. I might f**k you if you create it though!

“I'm high maintenance”=Exactly what it says on the tin.

“If you just want sex or a one night stand, don't message me”=Unless you're physically or financially fit.

“I don't call men first/ I don't give my number out first”=See above.

“I like a man who's romantic”=I can pretend to be interested and then dump you after you’ve emptied your wallet when an even more handsome or rich guy comes along.

“Don't message me if you're fat”=Exactly what it says on the tin.

“ I'm looking to be loved”=Where the f**k are the alpha males! Apply ASAP!

“I'm adventurous/ outgoing”=I go out often and when I decide to, I'll take someone home and let him bang me!

“I like a man who keeps it real and is honest”=You'll honestly be real lonely if you don't have any exciting lies!

“I only respond to those in my race”=Unless you've got money, muscles, and status! People in my race just use me for sex!

“Narcissism is a turn off to me. I like a humble man”=Change off to on. I have a place in the friendzone for humble men because I like jerks.

“I love romance movies and novels”=I believe all that stuff can happen in real life. Do you look hot enough to belong on the cover?

“I love to cuddle up and be held tight”=With a top 10% guy.

“Let's see where this goes”=Nowhere fast if I'm not initially attracted to you but if I am a one night stand sounds perfect.

“ I have many friends”=I'm banging half of them and the rest can’t stand me.

“ I could make a phone call and get sex if that's all I wanted”=Exactly what it says on the tin. Believe this!

“Don't message me with a shirtless pic”=Obey this if your upper body isn't on point. Disobey otherwise.

“I'm tired of being alone”=change that to being looked over by alpha males.

“If you don’t own your own house, car and have a good job don’t message me!” = Only top ten looks with tattoo’s can ignore this requirement otherwise exactly what it says on the tin.

“Love long walks on the beach or through a park” = Actually, no I don't, but it makes me seem like I’m a romantic at heart. Buy me stuff.

“Tired of having my heart broken” = I do all of the heart breaking but I figured I would make you pity me, it's what girls do.

“Interested in a man with his feet on the ground and with a steady career”= Cha-CHING!

“Like guys with tattoos and/or facial hair”= I'm shallow and since tattoos are the latest fad and I can't come up with my own turn ons, I'll jump on board since that's what society told me to think is "hot". I don't care if you don't have a job, live with 5 of your ex's, been in jail, look like a sex offender, will beat my brains out, as long as you have tattoos and look like the bum I gave a $1 to the other day, then you're the one for me.

“No married men!” = I’ve already ‘unknowingly’ slept with a few married men off this site. (It’s not my fault. I’m ‘clueless’.)

“I’m blunt and have a sarcastic personality” = I’m a complete beyatch and wonder why I’m still single and only good for one night stands with hot guys.

"I hate liars" = I lie all the time. I just hate when people lie to me....unless they're HOT.

"People tell me I look younger in person" = They've lied and my 'recent' pictures are from seven or more years ago and 50lbs lighter.

"I'm ready to give up on this site"/ "Deleting my account soon!" = I've been run through by a few guys on here and thought my golden pvssy would get me a hot, make my friends jealous provider. Please boost my ego with more emails begging me to stay on POF so I can still just read delete based on your looks while hoping some desperate hot, make my friends jealous provider will take my laughable S.O.S headline seriously, scoop me up and take care of my cvm dumpster ass for life. Ahhh who am I kidding...I'm not deleting my POF account! I'm an unaccountable for my actions attention seeking hot male replying to pump and dump chick!

"I'm pregnant!" = I'm pregnant! and a real all around all star. Did you actually expect more from this site?..I hope to meet the hottest desperate provider for my child who's baby daddy doesn't pay child support and left me (if I can find out who he is.) Maybe I'll find out on a future Maury Povich episode and post it on Youtube? Anyway, I'll either kick you to the curb if he decides to come back, but if he DOESN'T and you're lucky enough I'll keep you around to take care of the both of us then eventually claim you acted as my child's parent and stick you with child support too! (Which I'll spend on a full sleeve tattoo!) In the meantime I'll attract all the perverts who are looking to bang a pregnant chick. I 'love' my child and he/she will turn out great in the future! I'm such a wonderful mom and shining example of POF parenting!

"My kids mean the world to me" = I'm actually a horrible parent in real life. I just feel the need to say my kids mean the world to me makes up for me being a completely irresponsible parent. It's easier that way.

"I love animals" = I'm a future crazy cat lady. My pets are still more important than you.

"It's my birthday!" = I'm so desperate for attention I'll even post my birthdate on my headline so random strangers can give me the attention I so desperately crave. I have so much to do in real life that I waste my time seeking this attention...even on my birthday. If I decide to meet you. Buy me birthday gifts, flowers and dinner. I'll decide their value and keep you around to buy me stuff if it's expensive while I continue to troll for hot guy c0ck online. If I think you're cheap I'll keep the gift anyway and not let you see my ninth tattoo let alone call you back or answer your repeated texts LOOOSER.

"Look me up on Facebook!" = My overwhelming need for attention is so severe I'm willing to take chances with my personal information. Though some guys have actually written me advising that it isn't a smart thing to do who listens to common sense? Look me up and if you're Godly hot I'll keep you as another 'friend' even if you've been previously incarcerated for aggravated battery and sexual assault!

"Skype me" = If you're hot as hell let's Skype so I can prove you're real then show you how I look in my underwear and have cam sex with you like I've done or want to do with the hottest guys online!

"No Creeps/Creepers/Weirdos/Perverts!" = This applies only to guys I find unattractive. If you are hot, shirtless, cut up, and within my acceptable age bracket talk dirty to me all you want! I'll even give you my number to see if we can make it happen in real life! xoxo

"420 Friendly" = Willing to give random online strangers BJ's/sex for drugs. I do it in real life too! You don't actually expect me to pay money for drugs do you?

"My friends made me do this!" = I'm an insecure hampster brain who will blame my 'friends' for my own failures in life especially knowing full well I made this profile myself and hold no accountability for my own actions. I'm throwing up my green light for studs to take advantage of me who my friends will approve of while inviting them over to laugh at and delete the 'looosers' profiles who actually are desperate enough (and not hot) but take my moronic self seriously.

"I'm new to this online dating stuff so be nice!" = I'm "new" to Plenty of Fish, Meet me, Ok Cupid, My Yearbook, Match.com and every other dating site known to man that I have a profile on. I "just joined" yet know through absolutely "zero experience" that guys who use online dating aren't nice....yet I joined anyway.

"I'm just here for the forums/forums only" = I'm a lonely, bitter hag who's clock has run out or is quickly expiring. No man is good enough for me unless he's loaded, meets all my requirements, puts up with all my nonsense, accepts my kids as his, and is drop dead gorgeous. I've been on here long enough to possibly realize no such man exists for me and will most likely drop dead posting my snide remarks at younger and 'ugly' people while sitting alone at my computer soon. Hopefully the forumites will post a rememberance thread about me as it's the only comfort I'd find at this point in my miserable existence.

And I thought my womanspeak threads were good. This stuff is bigtime funny! Laughed so hard I thought I'd dropped a turd.

Would had repped you again if I could. Gold. Keep 'em coming.

lol