gf having lunch with guy friend

Hi.


What would you do if your gf said to you: 'listen, this guy friend of mine (a guy whom she met three years ago during a summer trip, who lives in a different city, whom I havent met) is coming tomorrow here for two days because of a business trip, so we agreeded to have lunch, ok?'


I dont know what to think. On one hand I think: 'ok, whatever, just one time is fine' but I find it a bit weird that after three years, she or him or both (dunno) would like to meet for lunch; keep in mind that they just met during one month three years ago. (I have some girl friend from some trips, so I guess if they came to visit me, I would probably meet them too)


Anyway, what would you do if your gf said that she's gonna have lunch with a guy friend. Lets say that this does not happen every month, neither every three months, just maybe one or two times in a year.
Our relationship is fine, but I just dont like it that she hangs out with a guy I dont even know.

I know some ppl here would say: you should let her do whatever and you should not show any jelausy. Some other would say: suspect, suspect, expect the worst! shes gonna eat his ****!


Do you find it ok if your gf meets or hangs out with a guy just from time to time? or do you say something to her?


Thank you.

pyros said:

Hi.


What would you do if your gf said to you: 'listen, this guy friend of mine (a guy whom she met three years ago during a summer trip, who lives in a different city, whom I havent met) is coming tomorrow here for two days because of a business trip, so we agreeded to have lunch, ok?'


I dont know what to think. On one hand I think: 'ok, whatever, just one time is fine' but I find it a bit weird that after three years, she or him or both (dunno) would like to meet for lunch; keep in mind that they just met during one month three years ago. (I have some girl friend from some trips, so I guess if they came to visit me, I would probably meet them too)


Anyway, what would you do if your gf said that she's gonna have lunch with a guy friend. Lets say that this does not happen every month, neither every three months, just maybe one or two times in a year.
Our relationship is fine, but I just dont like it that she hangs out with a guy I dont even know.

I know some ppl here would say: you should let her do whatever and you should not show any jelausy. Some other would say: suspect, suspect, expect the worst! shes gonna eat his ****!


Do you find it ok if your gf meets or hangs out with a guy just from time to time? or do you say something to her?


Thank you.

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In Other words. "Listen This guy that im kinda attracted to but im not sure yet is coming tomorrow here for two days because of a business trip, so we agreed to have lunch, Im not sure if i want to branch swing yet so im going to see how this turns out, dont worry you dont need to know him or anything, ok?"

If you were going to meet a female friend, she wouldnt like it but she can do it. Even if you let her go, which you kinda dont have a choice, meaning if you say you dont feel right about it, your controlling and if she does branch swing she'll use that against you. They could be just friends but many times its not a good thing and it may start off innocent but next thing you know "they click" on the lunch "date" and they begin texting each other behind your back and before you know it, she says she needs space. Im not trying to paint a grim picture here but im just going by experience and others experience but do what you feel is the right move, you know your GF better than us.

pyros said:

Anyway, what would you do if your gf said that she's gonna have lunch with a guy friend.

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She wouldn't, she respects me and realises I'm a shinier object than most. In all honesty she's on her toes as it is trying her darndest to keep me from straying into a new cooch (yes I give her the gift of that drama often, what can I say? I'm thoughtful like that) . The irony is I wouldn't be greatly concerned if she wanted to go to lunch with some dood, hence probably why she hasn't gone to lunch with another dood.

Your chick on the other hand seems to be under the impression she can acquire something shinier than what she already has.

Have you dropped the ball? Did you ever even pick it up?

Ok, so u mean that if ur in a relationship, ur gf should not hang ou with any guy any time, right? What if he was a good friend of her? Neither in this case? I dunno. What is ok to set a limit and what is too posessive?

pyros said:

What if he was a good friend of her?

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Well if he outplays you he will be a real good friend

But then you can buy him a beer, take your half day mourning period and come back twice as strong. This sh!t is really a win win, I'm getting all excited for you ya lucky SOB.

pyros said:

Ok, so u mean that if ur in a relationship, ur gf should not hang ou with any guy any time, right? What if he was a good friend of her? Neither in this case? I dunno. What is ok to set a limit and what is too posessive?

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What was said above. Your gf knows she can get away with meeting this guy and tell you about it because you wont do anything, don't have girls lined up, and aren't that valuable to her.

There is no sentence we can give you of what's possessive and what is not. It's all about how she perceives you and her feelings towards you, and right now, she perceives you as the type guy who won't do anything if she has lunch with a friend.

Honestly, don't play double standards.

If you wanted to have lunch with a chick you were friends with you would expect the freedom to do it without any BS from her. So don't give her any BS, people are allowed to have friends of the opposite gender. It's lunch not a hotel room.

Giving her any cr*p over this would just show insecurity and weakness, trust her unless you have reason to believe otherwise, which you don't. If you don't trust her then you've picked a bad woman, so have faith in your judge of character as well!

Besides there is no way this guy is better then you so you aren't concerned.

She's not doing this in a clandestine way, so let her go and meet him. If she was planning on hooking up or fvcking him you'd know nothing about it. She's showing love and respect by telling you, return the favour and trust her and be cool about it. "Yeah, you should go and have a good time, say hello to him for me".

Real men don't turn into jealous little insecure b1tches, because they are comfortable knowing they are the best she's ever going to get.

I always make sure to get the "what you can do I can do" point across to any woman i'm dating shiny polished crystal clear. She tells me this and i'd just reply "I didn't know I could have lunch with girls, you should have told me earlier." And totally start my mid day game strong. Remember, although girls can get laid whenever they want, they generally don't pursue lunches for a quick bang like a guy would, provided she is a decent girl in the first place. She's just provided you with a reason and method to replace her a$$ and all while you are still banging her. Win, Win... next that HO.

Also when she sees you're capitalizing on this she may start to consider you differently so it might make things better between you. Personally just seeing that she is interested in this kind of thing is a permanent turn off for me, her fate would be sealed in my camp. She just downgraded herself to a bed buddy that thinks she's my GF. In Miami, strip clubs feed you free lunch, steak and burgers and stuff.

Come on guys...isn't this a bit of an immature reaction to a girl going out to lunch with some dude? How long has the OPs relationship been going on? Does she think of him as an "alpha" or a "beta"? Are they on rocky grounds? We don't really know much about this scenario. A platonic lunch between males and females can occur on the females part. Haven't we learned here that women ALWAYS have orbiters? This guy could be some chump who thinks he is going to score only to get turned down because she has a "boyfriend." We have all dealt with a LOT of rejection, so this is a very possible scenario.

If I can't be comfortable with my woman going out to grab lunch with another dude then how insecure am I? Would I not be allowed to grab lunch with a female?

This is kind of ridiculous. Let her go. Hopefully it doesn't bother you, but if it does then act like it doesn't. Hell, go out and grab lunch with a chick if you want. It's your life. Don't be so controlling over her life, there's no quicker way to a breakup.

Bros, she's totally gonna get knocked up with his kid and then make you raise him.

SoSuave666 said:

Come on guys...isn't this a bit of an immature reaction to a girl going out to lunch with some dude? How long has the OPs relationship been going on? Does she think of him as an "alpha" or a "beta"? Are they on rocky grounds? We don't really know much about this scenario. A platonic lunch between males and females can occur on the females part. Haven't we learned here that women ALWAYS have orbiters? This guy could be some chump who thinks he is going to score only to get turned down because she has a "boyfriend." We have all dealt with a LOT of rejection, so this is a very possible scenario.

If I can't be comfortable with my woman going out to grab lunch with another dude then how insecure am I? Would I not be allowed to grab lunch with a female?

This is kind of ridiculous. Let her go. Hopefully it doesn't bother you, but if it does then act like it doesn't. Hell, go out and grab lunch with a chick if you want. It's your life. Don't be so controlling over her life, there's no quicker way to a breakup.

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Agreed. It's f**kin lunch. And if she were the type of woman who's going to cheat, then allowing/not allowing her to lunch isn't going to change that.

The relationship is fine, she has high IL. But this guy is just a ‘friend’ (she met him three years ago and just for a month…uhm). Yes he is probably an orbiter but even in that case I do not find it ok if she meets him. If he was a good friend of her, and it was a special occasion like its been very long since the last time they talked, I would find it ok. I dont want her to hang out with guys, like she would not like me to hang out with females, and even worse if they were girls she does not know.

BUT, the point here is whether you can trust your girl or not,[/B] so you wanna know if she’s a slut or not as soon as possible. I think this is what we guys are really worried about.
Because you don’t want to find out your gf is a slut when you’ve been 2 years together, right?
There are certain behaviours and actions that she should not do because she loves you and respects you, the same applies for you. It is not that you control her, it is just the way it is.
So it is not that you're insecure so you don’t trust her, it is that you should not assure she’s loyal until she has proven it to you. And for this you need to screen her and let some time pass by.

You can choose one of these three options:
A) Your 0% jelaous. You let her talk, text, grab lunch with any guy, friend, neighbout, coworker etc.
B) You’re 100% jelaous.
C) You’re 20-30% jelaous, like all normal people out there.


Now, she may be a slut or not.

If she IS a slut:
you do A) she’ll cheat on you eventually and you’ll find out sooner or later.
Same case but you do B) she’ll cheat anyway, but she’ll do it after quitesome time being with you, because you’re a possesive freak, so it took her more time.
Same case but you do C) She’ll cheat anyway and also you’ll find it sooner or later.

If she IS NOT a slut:
You do A) You encourage her to go out have fun. You tell her things like: ‘sure baby, go to that cruise with all those horny guys. Because Im so confident and alpha that I know you wont do anything bad. Sure, go party with your girl friends, get drunk too! Because I’m so cool and confident in myself, I’m the greatest thing you’ll ever find that you wont risk it. Let guys hit on you, its ok! Sure, its ok if you kiss one of them but small kiss’
You know, if you just do this, 0% jelaousy, she may end up banging some dude, not because she's a slut but because you just put her in one situation after another, you seemed that you did not care, she met one guy after another, one player after another, so she end up banging another dude. Don’t you think? This option is way too light.
I am loyal but if my gf seemed 0% jelaous and I was exposed to girls every week...one after another...she let me do whatever, seemed to find anything ok, I may end up ****ing one of these girls; since it seems she does not care what I do.
You do B) she just gets mad and dumps you.
You do C) The relationship is fine. She knows you care. You’re alpha because you know what is yours and you guard it. She declines other guys because she knows you love her and care about her. She does not flirt with other guys, she behaves good. She just goes to parties without you very rarely.

My point here was that it is very cool to think that you’re being the most alpha on Earth just because you let your girl do whatever with whoever, but in some situations it can be counter productive. Also, as I said above, you want to know whether she's trustworthy or not as soon as possible.

Well somehow Im kinda in doubt about giving a reply to OP.

I've been the "friend" going to lunch with an engaged girl but althought there was not going to be a one night stand following after it, I happened to find myself at the club with that girl and do very intimate things.

From my experience I can say two things:

1)the guy going to lunch with a girls definitely wants to fvck her, no guy meet a girl for lunch between tiring business activities if he doesnt have any attraction toward her.

2)the girl accepting the invite is well aware of his real intention and either is looking for validation and a ego boost through him or is considering some contact with him.
Either complete sex or at least some foreplays like it was my case (read my report if interested).

The sure things I can tell you OP, is that he wants to nail her and she knows it, what we cannot say is what she wants from him.

If I were you I would let her go simply because you cannot deny it with further conseguences for you relationship, once a girl start to consider you weak or insecure its the beginning of the fall.
Also you're not in a culture that allows you to have so much power of coertion on girls so easily.
Awfully its a lose-lose situation anyway for you.

uhm

Iceberg said:

Bros, she's totally gonna get knocked up with his kid and then make you raise him.





Agreed. It's f**kin lunch. And if she were the type of woman who's going to cheat, then allowing/not allowing her to lunch isn't going to change that.

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Right, but I want to know if she's the cheating type as soon as possible. So from my point of view if she was not, she just would not want to grab lunch with this guy. Because as I said, they are not that good friends neither old friends, they just met some years ago during august, and I think if there was 0 attraction they would just not meet, and they would not have kept in touch during these years, dont you think?

It's not counter productive per se. If she's the type to cheat on you at the first given chance, then what's the point of being with her in the first place? She's going to do it sooner or later if she's the type, so isn't it better to see if she does it now rather than to see it happen when you've been married for ten years, and have three kids together?

The point of being a DJ is to treat every woman as replacable. Which they are. Personally, I'm the type to get slightly jealous, but I also know how to keep it under control, so I always do. The girl I'm after currently wanted to meet a guy that's been going after her for EIGHT YEARS (a HOPELESS AFC) at a rock concert we attended recently. I let her, and went on my own way. Hit on some other women, and just a had a great time, meeting new people and old friends and whatever. I also met this guy and a friend of his briefly, and well... If I'm the king of this Pride Rock, he was one of the hyenas. Day and night.

This guy then paid 30€ for a ticket to a camp area they were reciding in, so she could join them there. She did, and also spent the night there. Never asked her about it, because frankly I don't care. It doesn't matter to me. This guy has been after her for so long it's god damned pathetic, and if she were to choose some chump like that over me, then just imagine what kind of a gf she would have been.

So a lunch? It's nothing. If she cheats on you now, then good. You'll come back twice the guy you were going in, and she'll end up with some chump. Her loss.

You want to let her go on this date but let her know you care about her? How about this:

She says "Hey I'm going to go to a lunch with an old friend. Cool with that?"

You: "Sure." Proceed to have mindblowing sex for 3 hours. "Have fun."

That should get the point across that she is yours and you care.

pyros said:

Right, but I want to know if she's the cheating type as soon as possible. So from my point of view if she was not, she just would not want to grab lunch with this guy. Because as I said, they are not that good friends neither old friends, they just met some years ago during august, and I think if there was 0 attraction they would just not meet, and they would not have kept in touch during these years, dont you think?

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If you're calling her a "girlfriend", then I assume that she's earned the title by not seeming like the cheating type. Unless you're one of those guys who dates a girl for only 4 or 5 weeks and then declares her a girlfriend.

My point is, if she's your girlfriend...Not your "hook up"....not your "fvck buddy"....not "some girl you're dating." then she probably earned it. And yeah, we've all been wrong about girls before. But you gotta trust your gut.

If this girl seems like the cheating type, then dump her. Hell, dump her right now. Otherwise, stop freaking out any time your girl talks with a dude. You can't live like that.

A) He's not an old time friend.
B) When people take trips somewhere they want to get laid because there's no strings attached and no chance your real girl is going to find out.
C) A good friendship does not take a month to build, not the kind you follow up on like this. Fvck buddies take about a month to build.
D) They obviously communicate with each other which is bad, or they don't which is even worse because that means they have no interest in being friends as we know it.
E) What attracted them initially? their coolness? how did they meet? Do they have anything in common? Or were they just attracted to each other physically?

C'mon guys don't be weird these are people just like you and I. They think just like you and I. They have the same motivations that you and I have. People are people, and guys and girls can't really be friends where at least one does not have sexual interests in the other. Lets just say one of them is just enjoying a little sexual tension, not really sex just the possibility of sex. IT'S STILL WRONG! Maybe he's trying to maintain this connection with a girl that may evolve into something else, not now but eventually. IT'S STILL WRONG! I would way rather hang out with a guy friend, than some girl I am not interested in banging. Girls can't even stand each other most of the time.

It's always wrong to deal in absolutes, the scenario where one is sexually interested in the other is the one that holds the most probability. And I don't like to play those odds with a significant other.

In a serious relationship between a man and a woman the man always has more at steak because he is the only one that could be found financially responsible for the other one legally. If anyone should be taking someone out it should be the male. I would not practice this myself, but this is how I feel.

Downgrade that silly HO to a bed buddy and find more better poon.

Or yeah maybe your all right, maybe they just built such a strong platonic friendship within a months time with this person of the opposite sex that is attractive that he values as a friend. And when he found out that he was going to travel he said to himself "Oh yeah that girl was such a good person I can't wait to see her again." and that this guy is nothing like ANYONE ELSE WE KNOW that is constantly trying to get laid. Sure it can happen... and there's real zombies in Miami too.

Hey it's not right to tell a person what they can and can't do. We are all free people here, with our own free will. But guess what? If you want my affection you better play ball. And fair ball at that.

You guys are gonna confuse the hell out of him! One person saying "it's win-win!" and the next saying "this is lose-lose!".

Nobody here knows her intentions for sure. They may claim to, but no one does. Personally, I think it's very obvious that he wants her. And from the story it is hard to tell her feelings. What I do know, is that it's odd that she has any desire to see a guy she knew for a month, three years ago. And the fact they reconnected to bring up this lunch would make me wonder just how much they have been talking. I've done long-distance friendships. They don't usually last for that long.

I had this nearly exact situation happen to me about 9 months ago. She asked me, I thought about it for maybe 3 seconds, and said "sure, go ahead". She told me she was surprised I was so ok with it, and she expected me to make some comment. I just said to her "I know you won't do anything to fvck this up. if I had a reason to be worried about it, then you will make my decision easy". She laughed and called me an *******, gave me a kiss, and she was home in an hour. It was never mentioned again and I had no reason to think anything happened.

I ended up breaking up with her for being so close with her ex husband, but that's a separate issue haha.

The best advice in this thread so far is this:

Iceberg said:

Agreed. It's f**kin lunch. And if she were the type of woman who's going to cheat, then allowing/not allowing her to lunch isn't going to change that.

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Its funy cause the same situation happened to me some years ago. Met a girl from a different city during a family trip. We clicked, but she had a bf. We kept in touch via email for two years, we wrote to each other maybe twice a year or more, just " friendly" emails, . I found it weird that she kept emailing me having a bf. BUT i knew she liked me so did i like her. I think we both kept in touch just in case we could get together in the future, u know a little investment today... After two and a half years she got dumped. Sone months later she did a tripto my city.( same case as my gf and her male 'friend' now). We clicked again and we made out several days until she returned home. See? I think the same thing may be going on here, little investment today just in case they became single in the future...