Brothers, I'm being downgraded in life (by family) and feel lost

Hello members,

I don't know what to do, I need serious help. I've taken the hardest way out and now feel downgraded and I can't even smile or enjoy life.

My younger sister (only 1 year younger) is graduating this year and I've still got 2 years left. Her friends keep looking down on me because I'm graduating later then her, ignorant about the things I've went through. So are younger people than me. My family tells me I'm inferior and behind in life and don't even treat me like a man.

So, I've had delayed speech and lost my mother when she was younger, my father gave me hard time in my teens, had a hard time at school, waffled around surfing on the internet between 16-19 (I know, my fault). However, I got back up, did my a-levels and got into a good ivy-leauge equivelent uni at 21. I'm also saving up to set up a business and trade in money markets. I also have huge responsiblities at home. My father lets my sister off because she's a girl.

The trouble is, younger people think I'm a nobody for going to uni at 21 and they think I'm behind the pack.

My younger sister has been treated like a princess (by my family), Got a below average GCSE's, did not even do hard a-levels and goes to a polytechnic (no offence, my best friends goes to polytechnics, just using this as a reference) reading marketing.

Even when I play sports, I've had men laugh at me for not doing well. Its sickening, just because I haven't achieved nothing.

Moved to AE...

relax, they only treat you like sh!t until you make them shut up. Just keep going the way that you are going and you will make them shut up.

Anyone tell any of the steve jobs out there that they are "losers?"

- comic_relief

This is not exactly advice but this is something I would do.

If people I am close to alienate me, I let them!

And I treat them accordingly also. If they think i'm a jerk I will think they are as$holes and treat them like that.

This is how I would tell someone that I am a breathing feeling human being also that is hurt by their disrespect. Stop looking for approval from these people, all they are doing is bringing you down. When they ask you why you are not being as social with them. Tell them you are trying to be more positive with your life, and that they are not inline with your way of thinking with their chiding negativity.

When they see you are taking the high road in a positive way they will respect you more. Not only that but it will bring to light their petty treatment of you and if they are really virtuous people they will see themselves as wrong and change the way they think.

Let me tell you a little something about myself:

I was in the same boat as you. My father paid my sister through law school and didn't do sh*t for me. But guess what? What I have now is mine, nobody helped me. I have a good job, I own a condo by the beach. Now my sister moved away and got married, my father is getting older and depends on me now for some things. Kinda funny how things come around full circle like that huh? A couple years ago he was being a pain in my a$s and asked me why I didn't do something for him and I bluntly told him: "You were never one to go out of your way for me, and I accepted that as a child. So now as an adult I do not feel as obligated to do things for you." He looked at me and didn't say sh*t. Sucks to hear this kind of thing, but he respects me like an individual now. Not some pain in the a$s kid that likes to break stuff. I think our relationship is better now.

Sorry to hear that. I guess my advice would be to ignore what they are saying about you and just focus on yourself.

Since when is going to uni @ 21 late? Don't sweat the small stuff, you'll end up with a career and a life like everyone else down the track. Only difference between you and the next person is the journey that brought you there and there really is no best or optimal way. Basically, it's your life!

i know where you're coming from.

I had straight d's and f's in highschool. More suspensions and absences than a i have had birthdays. I've to court for fighting as an adult, had a horrible GPA in college, job searching with irrevelant major to anything during the financial crisis. My cell phone was turned off due to unpaid bills, all credit cards maxed, my car needed new breaks, tires, gas, etc.

My family just looked down on me, they gave the family business to my sisters bf and i was college educated (the only one in my family at the time), etc. so much more sh1t.

Everyone abandoned me, including some friends that were tired of hearing me b1tch and whine since the only new news they had to hear from me was bad news.

i didn't need the negativity from my family so i left. I moved in with my law school friend on the weekdays and slept at my cuzins on the weekends. I studied, read, applied, worked on my business, and did that all day. I had no money to do anything else. Food was scarce, friends scarcer, but i knew if i didn't do something i would very well become nothing soon.

I bummed food and borrowed money to pay lawyer fee's. I rarely went out and if i did, that was because people paid for me. Eventually when i had no one left to complain to, i just stopped complaining and told myself it gets worse before it gets better. I only expected things to get worse but i worked everyday to change my life. I started my business and got my first client to pay me $50. I bought a fvcking banging as mcdonalds meal from that. It's so much better than eating instant noodles, easymac, or freaking microwaving stale food and putting water in the microwave to moisten it. I made more money off of that client and got my second one and prospects. after practicing daily while working on the business i entered into a business competition with a new idea. I kept away from everyone negative in my life. ignored their calls even though they just wanted to see how i was doing. I got 2 job offers later and accepted one of them. I then became a finalist in the competition. I was eating food i paid for, paying my lawyer with my own money. I then got a job in nyc and moved to new york and paid off my lawyer completely.

I spent 8k on the lawyer and he won my case. Sh1t was turning around. I was living on my own and in NYC where the most opportunity is. All my credit card bills and phone bills were paid off. A year later, i called up all my friends that were there for me and lent me money. I told them "I haven't forgotten about you bro, i got your money right here." I paid them back and they were all surprised. I got promoted, my family looks up to me now.

Oh and i got new brakes and tires for my car which took a long time. I traveled the world. Hong Kong, China, Greece, Albania, Canada, and Texas. This all happened after my bpd girlfriend and I split. I was broken emotionally, then financially, and even my family wasn't there to hold me up except my cousin.


Fvck all the haters. feels good to prove you all wrong. They might think i've come a long way, but i haven't even started yet. Shoutout to everyone at Sosuave who was there when i was at my lowest. you know how people invest money back into their alma maters once they make it, i will do that and invest in sosuave.

Never let anyone discourage you or bring you down. Find ways to motivate yourself because no one else will. My strategy to not give up was, "It get's worse before it gets better AAAgent." oh your out of gas? "It gets worse before it gets better." oh your credit card was declined? "It gets worse before it gets better." there's a warrant out for your arrest? "It gets worse before it gets better."

block out the negativity and believe in yourself.

Get away from those people, they are poison. It's truly difficult to find people in this world that you can trust. Usually its family but when they treat you like ****, then its easy to despair because no matter how strong we are inside, we all need some support from time to time. I definitely haven't faced the kind of adversity you have but every time I get down, I turn my energy into something positive and know that one day it'll all work out.

OK heres what I think/ what to do

1. every day tell yourself 3 good things that happened that day - despite all the **** people tell you
1.1 Focus on the good things that happened to you and your strengths: got into an ivy league school = you're smart, hardworking.


2. HAVE A HARD F'ING SHELL: that means when people talk sht, ignore them, believe in yourself, believe in yourself,believe in yourself! You dont have to validate yourself to people - you know who you are.

3. read my comments in red

Indigo7 said:

Hello members,

I don't know what to do, I need serious help. I've taken the hardest way out and now feel downgraded and I can't even smile or enjoy life.

My younger sister (only 1 year younger) is graduating this year and I've still got 2 years left. Her friends keep looking down on me because I'm graduating later then her, ignorant about the things I've went through.

Fk what her frineds think. Its about what you think (and be honest with yourself)


So are younger people than me. My family tells me I'm inferior and behind in life and don't even treat me like a man.

behind in life: you went to uni at 21, you get out at 25 (big deal) its not like you are getting out at 40- just work hard from here on out.

So, I've had delayed speech and lost my mother when she was younger, my father gave me hard time in my teens, had a hard time at school, waffled around surfing on the internet between 16-19 (I know, my fault).

Only allow yourself to check internet for an hour a day (the most importnat emails etc) and time yourself....thats why I dont have internet at my ouse.

However, I got back up, did my a-levels and got into a good ivy-leauge equivelent uni at 21. I'm also saving up to set up a business and trade in money markets. I also have huge responsiblities at home. My father lets my sister off because she's a girl.

The trouble is, younger people think I'm a nobody for going to uni at 21 and they think I'm behind the pack.

who cares what they think.

My younger sister has been treated like a princess (by my family), Got a below average GCSE's, did not even do hard a-levels and goes to a polytechnic (no offence, my best friends goes to polytechnics, just using this as a reference) reading marketing.

Even when I play sports, I've had men laugh at me for not doing well. Its sickening, just because I haven't achieved nothing.

Why do you have to be good at sports? not eveyrone is athletic. Just workout once in a while....and if you enjoy sports then play it, if not then dont (just make sure you get exercise)

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you might consider therapy too (there is noting wrong with it)
Go out ther and believe in yourself, we do.

Indigo7 said:

Hello members,

I don't know what to do, I need serious help. I've taken the hardest way out and now feel downgraded and I can't even smile or enjoy life.

My younger sister (only 1 year younger) is graduating this year and I've still got 2 years left. Her friends keep looking down on me because I'm graduating later then her, ignorant about the things I've went through. So are younger people than me. My family tells me I'm inferior and behind in life and don't even treat me like a man.

So, I've had delayed speech and lost my mother when she was younger, my father gave me hard time in my teens, had a hard time at school, waffled around surfing on the internet between 16-19 (I know, my fault). However, I got back up, did my a-levels and got into a good ivy-leauge equivelent uni at 21. I'm also saving up to set up a business and trade in money markets. I also have huge responsiblities at home. My father lets my sister off because she's a girl.

The trouble is, younger people think I'm a nobody for going to uni at 21 and they think I'm behind the pack.

My younger sister has been treated like a princess (by my family), Got a below average GCSE's, did not even do hard a-levels and goes to a polytechnic (no offence, my best friends goes to polytechnics, just using this as a reference) reading marketing.

Even when I play sports, I've had men laugh at me for not doing well. Its sickening, just because I haven't achieved nothing.

Click to expand...

Who cares? The only person you have to impress in this life is yourself.

AAAgent said:

i know where you're coming from.

I had straight d's and f's in highschool. More suspensions and absences than a i have had birthdays. I've to court for fighting as an adult, had a horrible GPA in college, job searching with irrevelant major to anything during the financial crisis. My cell phone was turned off due to unpaid bills, all credit cards maxed, my car needed new breaks, tires, gas, etc.

My family just looked down on me, they gave the family business to my sisters bf and i was college educated (the only one in my family at the time), etc. so much more sh1t.

Everyone abandoned me, including some friends that were tired of hearing me b1tch and whine since the only new news they had to hear from me was bad news.

Click to expand...

Sounds like you're more of the problem to me. Think about what you're saying - your whole family and all of your friends are wrong, but you are right. Yeah OKAY.

I'll admit, im not the greatest with words or controlling my anger but i work hard at it. I was always used to confrontation and settling it with fighting.

I grew-up with robbers, thieves, killers, blue-collared workers some working just for a free meal. Have you been beat by you father to the point where you pondered hanging yourself or running away? But where would you go as a child with no money? Yeah i don't think so.

Has your father ever given you and your brother a knife and put you guys in the yard and say "Since you enjoy fighting so much, go and fight. I'm sick of dealing with you. Only one of you is allowed in."

Have you been kicked out of your home with no where to go in the middle of the night or hide in a closet beneath clothes. I sucked it up took the bad with the good. Sure my dad was a bit crazy was he was also successful and sincere. He acknowledges everything he did as wrong and never talks about his problems of never having a father and being poor. I don't like my father but i respect him and all he did.

Now, you think i'm acting like everyone was against me. well its because they were. They were scared of my hotheadedness which both my brother and sister have, but i'd rather trust in a college educated winner than my sister's boyfriend he was a college drop out, who became a police officer who family business went bankrupt....

I was 11 in the nation for swimming, i've been a finalist in a business competition, a winner of sales competitions, and the first person to graduate college who every believed wouldn't even get into college. Now when you give the family business worth millions of dollars to someone who is unqualified over your own family who you paid to go to school, how would you feel?

I didn't even go into details yet. I didn't ask to take the business straight out. Hell, who wants to manage a club day in and day out to hinder their career, i have better things to do than fight the legal issues day in and day out with that. This guy took on the business and failed to make payments for 8 months straight before i found out. When i did find out, i tried to help him and he refused and went out doing the same thing. That is when i pitched my family on taking over the business. I brought on the Valevictorian of my college, who was my mentor and also won competitions. We created a powerpoint, gave numbers, showed how we would increase sales with real proven marketing strategies, etc.

But you know why i was refused? Because, my dad gave his word to this guy, that's why. He said the business is his problem until the contract expired. But what do you really know? You live a happy life without any hardships.

Friends abandoning me sounds like i'm the problem? well yes you dumbass, i was the problem. I was many problems stacked together. Family had no money because they weren't getting paid, family was stubborn, i was in trouble with the law from protecting my friend from a drunk who choked him against a wall, and i had debt piling on top of debt. My ex just left me few months prior as well. Who else can you talk to if your family isn't on your side, well i went to my friends and many of them just didn't want to hear my problems as they didn't want me to turn their happy lives sad, but what do you know about a sad hard life. You live in the beautiful dirty south.

When you've made something of yourself, then come back and make a real comment.

Thank you guys for your advice and guidance. I very, very much appreciate this. I know its not a lot, but I badly needed some help and I've got the help I need it, so thank you all.

Join the military, go to Korea, earn a black belt with a mere very few k, instead of the 20k it would take to make it here (real deal, that is). Also shoot your way into the top 10% of IPSC and IDPA combat pistol competition, at world champ levels. Having achieved both of those things will do wonders for your confidence and your experiences, too. When I had done so, in 1977, I was on top of the world, and nothing since has been able to pull me down.

AAAgent said:

I'll admit, im not the greatest with words or controlling my anger but i work hard at it. I was always used to confrontation and settling it with fighting.

I grew-up with robbers, thieves, killers, blue-collared workers some working just for a free meal. Have you been beat by you father to the point where you pondered hanging yourself or running away? But where would you go as a child with no money? Yeah i don't think so.

Has your father ever given you and your brother a knife and put you guys in the yard and say "Since you enjoy fighting so much, go and fight. I'm sick of dealing with you. Only one of you is allowed in."

Have you been kicked out of your home with no where to go in the middle of the night or hide in a closet beneath clothes. I sucked it up took the bad with the good. Sure my dad was a bit crazy was he was also successful and sincere. He acknowledges everything he did as wrong and never talks about his problems of never having a father and being poor. I don't like my father but i respect him and all he did.

Now, you think i'm acting like everyone was against me. well its because they were. They were scared of my hotheadedness which both my brother and sister have, but i'd rather trust in a college educated winner than my sister's boyfriend he was a college drop out, who became a police officer who family business went bankrupt....

I was 11 in the nation for swimming, i've been a finalist in a business competition, a winner of sales competitions, and the first person to graduate college who every believed wouldn't even get into college. Now when you give the family business worth millions of dollars to someone who is unqualified over your own family who you paid to go to school, how would you feel?

I didn't even go into details yet. I didn't ask to take the business straight out. Hell, who wants to manage a club day in and day out to hinder their career, i have better things to do than fight the legal issues day in and day out with that. This guy took on the business and failed to make payments for 8 months straight before i found out. When i did find out, i tried to help him and he refused and went out doing the same thing. That is when i pitched my family on taking over the business. I brought on the Valevictorian of my college, who was my mentor and also won competitions. We created a powerpoint, gave numbers, showed how we would increase sales with real proven marketing strategies, etc.

But you know why i was refused? Because, my dad gave his word to this guy, that's why. He said the business is his problem until the contract expired. But what do you really know? You live a happy life without any hardships.

Friends abandoning me sounds like i'm the problem? well yes you dumbass, i was the problem. I was many problems stacked together. Family had no money because they weren't getting paid, family was stubborn, i was in trouble with the law from protecting my friend from a drunk who choked him against a wall, and i had debt piling on top of debt. My ex just left me few months prior as well. Who else can you talk to if your family isn't on your side, well i went to my friends and many of them just didn't want to hear my problems as they didn't want me to turn their happy lives sad, but what do you know about a sad hard life. You live in the beautiful dirty south.

When you've made something of yourself, then come back and make a real comment.

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Stop trying to paint yourself as a victim and stop trying to throw everything back on me. I gave you my opinion on your post, take it or leave it. Has nothing to do with me, and furthermore you know nothing about me. If you want to throw yourself out there, be man enough to handle the responses you get.

that's coming from someone that isn't man enough to take the responses he gets. Good job on preaching what you don't follow and judging someone you don't know. You win that award. You ain't been through half the sh1t i've been through, but keep painting yourself as the know it all. It will get you far in life. Sike.

Peace Dawg.

In regards to the OP, I'll take a different route in advice:
You're still VERY young. I didn't graduate University until I was 30 ! Yes, alot of goofing off in my 20's, but as the saying goes, it's not where you were, but where you end up, which is important.
I saw Agent's first post as being very inspirational. I did not get a "victim" vibe from it.
Sometimes the "It's me against the World" attitude is exactly the type of piss and vinegar that is needed to get someone going and accomplish something.
When I was trying to get my life in order, I felt the exact same way.....it helped me conquer my slackerness

Thank you all for your advice and guidance which has made me felt understood.

Very much appreciated brothers.

I was in the same boat tried to join the military I went the jobcorp route in stead of uni good planning on my part cut some friends off.Read the 48 laws of power by robert green wish I had this book in high school .My biggest regret back then not playing a sport hope all goes well for you.

Indigo7 said:

My younger sister (only 1 year younger) is graduating this year and I've still got 2 years left. Her friends keep looking down on me because I'm graduating later then her, ignorant about the things I've went through. So are younger people than me. My family tells me I'm inferior and behind in life and don't even treat me like a man.

Click to expand...

They sound like pricks. Do you need pricks in your life? Do they add anything?

The trouble is, younger people think I'm a nobody for going to uni at 21 and they think I'm behind the pack.

Click to expand...

Oh you can see the pack. They're working crappy jobs with high debt and no hope of paying back their inflated student loans. Really sucks that you're not there yet.

My younger sister has been treated like a princess (by my family), Got a below average GCSE's, did not even do hard a-levels and goes to a polytechnic (no offence, my best friends goes to polytechnics, just using this as a reference) reading marketing.

Click to expand...

Your sister is going to have an official Degree to work at McDonalds.

Even when I play sports, I've had men laugh at me for not doing well. Its sickening, just because I haven't achieved nothing.

Click to expand...

You sound like a tool overall. You care too much what other people think. Why do you?