PLEASE HELP! how do I limit this damage?

I went out on two dates with my ex after 7 weeks NC and f-closed her on the second one - everything was going great - then she went distant on me for the last 4 weeks and wanted space mainlybecause I said we couldnt be friends (see other thread - I was paranoid about the FZ but this stopped everything in its tracks instead). She's started sending me "I need space" texts.

I just went all out a day ago and finally called my ex a who** about ten times to her face for flirting and sending naked pics of herself to another guy while we were going out and that I thought she was disgusting for ****ing him (18yr old boy) a few days after we broke up - I told her I never wanted to see her or speak to her again - I dont know why I did it I thought it would be good to finally be honest and get her to admit to what she did (she hadn't admitted any of this to me before - she didn't even know I knew - I thought it was damaging us to live a lie and I appearing weak by acting like I was ok with her doing it - cause I think she was finding out that I knew)

any experience on recovering a situation like this?please help

It turns out she might not have sent him the pics (I was lied to - so all the info might be wrong) and rather than a few days after we broke up it might have been 6 weeks (she says).

I think everything was going really well while we were being "friends" (that had sex) - could you suggest a way to get back there please, and please no defeatist "you are ****ed there is no way you can recover from this" thanks

- I tried apologising she hasn't replied, apart from to say she wouldnt have believed it if someone had made up stuff about me....thats the last thing she sent - she was pissed off

tomato said:

Lol I know I'm sounding a bit like it but its because your coming to me with preconceptions of me being some kind of desperate n00b. I've been playing this game 5 years now and I had a really good 2.5yr relationship with the hottest girl in my very successful social circle, 8/9, I was the man (have any of you guys done that?).

damm you guys are paranoid as hell! This really isnt as bad as your all making it out to be - I havent ****ed anything up

Guys stop treating me like I have no clue - if you thought I was a mPUA you would be reading what I wrote differently - no need to assume I'm ****ing it up - I know I havent

Why shouldnt you call out a girl on her games? I'm laughing about her playing silly games like shes the bratty little sister.

what actually might be happening that you guys are missing because your all so insecure and paranoid:

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We've all tried to help you, but until you can accept the advice given to you, you're on your own.

What I see is a guy who has no clue and no control over his emotions. These emotional outbursts and the clinginess aren't something you can fix with a quick trick, strategic speech or magic text message. You really need to go back to the basics, take note of what people are telling you and make an effort to change.

You acted very AFC like... no way back.
A true man looks ahead into the future and never takes a glimpse towards his back.

Learn from this experience and move on.

Jariel said:

We've all tried to help you, but until you can accept the advice given to you, you're on your own.

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You're absolutely correct.

It's best to stop paying attention to this guy. He's either faking it, or a lost cause.

Iceberg said:

You're absolutely correct.

It's best to stop paying attention to this guy. He's either faking it, or a lost cause.

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this is a completely different situation to the other one - totally different thread lol. Ok I did act like an idiot I know I said I was I was in love that did **** my frame I admit it! Thats why I'm asking for help.

Actually everything is going ok, the girl on the other thread texted me back and tried calling me. This situation on the other hand is pretty bad I admit

Jariel said:

We've all tried to help you, but until you can accept the advice given to you, you're on your own.

What I see is a guy who has no clue and no control over his emotions. These emotional outbursts and the clinginess aren't something you can fix with a quick trick, strategic speech or magic text message. You really need to go back to the basics, take note of what people are telling you and make an effort to change.

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dude I'm in sometimes in a pretty bad state after the end of an almost 3 year LTR that was very important to me - almost married - dont you have any sympathy for that? Have you never been here? I am in control most of the time, I even have another one lined up while this is all going on

BTW I had total control of my emotions for 8 weeks - I went on dates with her knowing this **** and I didnt let it show - I intentionally let it out cause I thought it was for the best - I thought it might force her to admit it and she'd feel **** and apologise and want to proove she isnt bad - that was the plan!

You are in a learning stage so don't panic. If you are loosing a chick consider you are gaining experience.

You get sympathy from your parents, siblings. You come here to get information.

Rule #42 Control your emotions- There will always be times we get pissed off, angry, sad etc.

Guess what your ex is probably a ***** ... so who cares. What's the point of calling a woman a *****? You already know this she probably knows it deep down.

When you get angry at a woman she wins 99.9% of the time. Be firm and in control of your emotions when calling her on her crap.

You calling her a ***** basically screams I care too much. When a woman acts disrspectful you next her and let suffer from the fact that you are gone. Calling he a ***** might feel good but it just lowers your value.

I might not be the sharprest tool in the shed, but you are pretty far gone if you think anything good is going to come of this situation. I mean you basically dug youtself a hole the size of the Grand Canyon and want help climbing out. There is not enough rope in the world to help you here bro...

Learn from this and don't be thr AFC poster boy next time

The_411 said:

You get sympathy from your parents, siblings. You come here to get information.

Rule #42 Control your emotions- There will always be times we get pissed off, angry, sad etc.

Guess what your ex is probably a ***** ... so who cares. What's the point of calling a woman a *****? You already know this she probably knows it deep down.

When you get angry at a woman she wins 99.9% of the time. Be firm and in control of your emotions when calling her on her crap.

You calling her a ***** basically screams I care too much. When a woman acts disrspectful you next her and let suffer from the fact that you are gone. Calling he a ***** might feel good but it just lowers your value.

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finally an actually half useful response - thank you!

Tomato,

Losing your cool, being emotional, arguing, etc. is a major turn-off to a girl. And, on top of that, you apparently said things that were false.

You want advice? Here it is: apologize to her for getting angry and for accusing her of things she didn't do. Tell her, you really are sorry. And you should be because you acted like a d*uche. Then shut up and go ghost. The only chance you have with this girl is if she feels that you are someone who can recognize when he is wrong and admit it, and that you know you were emotional when you should have been strong (women look for strength in men, not loss of control). If she misses you then she'll contact you; if she doesn't then she won't. Other than the points I just made it is out of your control and you need to accept that. Chasing her will only turn her off even more.

By the way guys, one of the greatest words of advice I ever received was from a woman, specifically the middle-aged Vietnamese woman who used to cut my hair. Twelve years ago I was getting a haircut and explained to her that I could sense problems between my GF and I, and that hopefully we could resolve them. She said: listen to me, whatever you do, whatever happens, don't ARGUE with her.

Yet again, a girl only cares about how she feels, not what you say, and arguing with her will make her feel bad, inadequate, and/or angry. Then she will equate those feelings with... YOU. You don't want that.

Never apologize. This woman is not your girl. You don' owe he anything. Just go ghost. Occupy your time with productive things. Job/School or somthing.

tomato said:

I went out on two dates with my ex after 7 weeks NC and f-closed her on the second one - everything was going great - then she went distant on me for the last 4 weeks and wanted space mainlybecause I said we couldnt be friends (see other thread - I was paranoid about the FZ but this stopped everything in its tracks instead). She's started sending me "I need space" texts.

I just went all out a day ago and finally called my ex a who** about ten times to her face for flirting and sending naked pics of herself to another guy while we were going out and that I thought she was disgusting for ****ing him (18yr old boy) a few days after we broke up - I told her I never wanted to see her or speak to her again - I dont know why I did it I thought it would be good to finally be honest and get her to admit to what she did (she hadn't admitted any of this to me before - she didn't even know I knew - I thought it was damaging us to live a lie and I appearing weak by acting like I was ok with her doing it - cause I think she was finding out that I knew)

any experience on recovering a situation like this?please help

It turns out she might not have sent him the pics (I was lied to - so all the info might be wrong) and rather than a few days after we broke up it might have been 6 weeks (she says).

I think everything was going really well while we were being "friends" (that had sex) - could you suggest a way to get back there please, and please no defeatist "you are ****ed there is no way you can recover from this" thanks

- I tried apologising she hasn't replied, apart from to say she wouldnt have believed it if someone had made up stuff about me....thats the last thing she sent - she was pissed off

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I put your mistakes in bold.

GUYS there are TWO OPTIONS:

1) Get what you want.
2) Go NC.

The only bargaining power you ever have is when, in NC mode, she comes back, apologetic. Otherwise MOVE ON! You can't scare her into liking you!

PrettyBoy: A man apologizes when he is wrong and he knows he is wrong. A boy, pretty or not, has too much of an ego to do this. Eventually, when this boy grows up, he will understand this truth.

A man should always admit his mistakes. But he should have been cut contact with this broad. He should acknowledge his mistake and just move on. Him talking to this girl will just exacerbate the situation.

DonJuanabe said:

PrettyBoy: A man apologizes when he is wrong and he knows he is wrong. A boy, pretty or not, has too much of an ego to do this. Eventually, when this boy grows up, he will understand this truth.

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I tend to agree in most situations, but this situation is so far gone I don't see what good it would do other than making him look more AFC than he already did.

I have no idea how he turned 7 weeks of NC into an f-close into him turning AFC and then going ape-sh!t on the girl when she reacted badly to his AFCness.

I think that might have taken as much skill to screw up as it takes to pick up a HB9 at the club...

I just want to know how this got f'd up so badly??

marmel75 said:

I tend to agree in most situations, but this situation is so far gone I don't see what good it would do other than making him look more AFC than he already did.

I have no idea how he turned 7 weeks of NC into an f-close into him turning AFC and then going ape-sh!t on the girl when she reacted badly to his AFCness.

I think that might have taken as much skill to screw up as it takes to pick up a HB9 at the club...

I just want to know how this got f'd up so badly??

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F-close happened when I was acting my cool normal self just like I was before we got together..... I was very cool and it was a very very good f-close actually! - I knew she had ****ed another guy but didnt let it show - this shows I can control my emotions when I want to. I let them go because I thought I could get her to feel bad and apologise finally -I actually planned to go over there and go ape****! I thought it would finally get us to be honest and clean the slate - if we'd carried on with all the lies in the background she would have felt guilty and bad about living a lie and I would have just resented her......of course that was my thinking and I now realise it was a mistake

how do I apologise? - nice email?

I already sent her a nice one even with nie pics from the ltr but then cancelled it out by texting her agruments again. SO one last email where I am nice - she says I always put her down and made her feel like **** - so I might send one telling her she is a good decent person and I aplogise and we have both not been ourselves

just let it go man, move on, no contact

damn accusing her AND calling her a ***** many times. then you find out the truth. so knowing the truth you will say to her "oh no you're not a *****" sorry for calling you one several times. there's no fix to that and you want to be more than friends with her? basically you said you don't trust her and don't give her the benefit of the doubt. i think her interest level in you had just went to 0 or less than. best to just move on and learn from this experience.

Danger said:

So you went on a "date" with your ex, who you've fvked before.....and got nothing.

THEN, you went on a second "date" with your ex, got sex, and you are CALLING IT A F-CLOSE!

WTF????

You F-Close a girl you picked up, not an ex. When it's an ex it's called sex, and it is almost certainly just validation for her.

There are a billion girls out there that are not going to have a ton of baggage with them. Why not date one of them?

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You'd be doing yourself a favor by not paying attention to this guy.

His whole routine reeks of troll-ness.