Meeting up with ex - 1st time....how to act?

Any response appreciated.

So I want to get back together. She was cold and rude during the breakup that she initiated by text after a very close 2 year relationship. She did it by text! I didn't beg for her back like some people might have done - I kept very cool - I just sent her one email suggesting it might be worth meeting once - anyway that was almost two months ago.

We were on pretty much full NC for 4 weeks - then she contacted me, now we are occasionally chatting via messenger chat. I have been keeping things cool and fun to try and ignite initial attraction. She wants to meet up in person in a week or two when she gets back from hols. it will have almost been 2 months since we last saw each other........... even during the breakup she had this idea of meeting after xmas.

Would you suggest just cool ****y funny and have a fun date - avoiding talking about the breakup.

How do I stay out of the friendzone - I can see her trying to put me in it! She mentioned it during the breakup.

yes definitely...keep it fun and ****y.

don't forget to mention the other hot women you've met recently.
(make up a few stories if it ain't true)

get that hamster in her head on the spin cycle if you want to bed her again.

I did that with my last ex and I could tell the jealousy was stirring up in her.

tomato said:

Would you suggest just cool ****y funny and have a fun date - avoiding talking about the breakup.

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Cool ****y funny? Sounds like you're just throwing out a bunch of PUA buzz words. Just be relaxed and have fun.

I would avoid talking about the breakup. Women don't their men talking about their feelings. If your goal is to regain her attraction, you'll want to avoid being sappy and sentimental.

You'll want to carry the vibe that your breakup has given you time to explore new things, have adventures, catch up with friends, etc.

Don't waste your time.

So you want to get back your girl? Are you sure? She dumped you via text and still think she earned your attention?

Do what you think it´s best, but don't act desperatedly, she failed and it's up to you to decide if she's worth your time. And really take your time to decide...meet her and have fun, but don`t speak about the breakup and let her sweat waiting your decision and conditions.

WTH? The Italian men in my family never spoke to ex's unless they absolutely had to for business reasons, and even then they kept it quick and on the low. They made their ex's look like fools.

SamTheHobit said:

Don't waste your time.

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Agreed. What's going to stop her from dumping your ass a second time?

tomato said:

So I want to get back together.

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Fool.

realyy appreciate responses thanks

Social_Leper said:

Here's your first problem. You've acknowledged what a callous human being she can be, even to someone she supposedly cared about and then in the next paragraph say you want to get back with her. Am I missing something here?

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- she has made some bad friends and this could be a bad blip - a couple of weeks of bad behav after 2 years of great - I was also acting really stupidly around then - I went totally AFC idiotic - she was just responding to my idiocy (i know that isnt an excuse) so it can potentially be corrected with me changing - which I have.

Social_Leper said:

I'm about to drop some harsh truths on you that I wish someone had told during the months I was pining after my ex in true AFC fashion. She does not want you. At least not right now. Otherwise she wouldn't have ended things so abruptly in the first place. The fact you're on here engineering some way to reignite the attraction is a worrying sign.

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this is what I'm asking for - the whole point of this forum is to work out how to create attraction - I don't see why that shouldn't be applied to mthis - can you guys please help out forming a game plan here? (see post below) - happy to give details

Social_Leper said:

If she tries to get all serious don't play into her hands because it'll probably end with her giving you a speech about hoping to be good friends which, believe me, will wreak of pity. Just enjoy yourself.

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How you mean serious? How do I stop it getting serious? how do stop it leading to ljbf?

You have to go into this with a certain mindset. Instead of meeting her full of hope, with emotional intentions and trying to win her back, you need to take a more casual and sexual mindset.

Don't talk about the relationship, the break up or getting back together. If she brings it up, try to dismiss it and say something like "It's cool. It has done me a lot of good and I've got to spend time with some really cool people." As others here have said, get her mind working, get her thinking you have been seeing other women and that you don't need her in your life.

Try to think of your outcome as sex, not a relationship.

Jariel said:

You have to go into this with a certain mindset. Instead of meeting her full of hope, with emotional intentions and trying to win her back, you need to take a more casual and sexual mindset.

Don't talk about the relationship, the break up or getting back together. If she brings it up, try to dismiss it and say something like "It's cool. It has done me a lot of good and I've got to spend time with some really cool people." As others here have said, get her mind working, get her thinking you have been seeing other women and that you don't need her in your life.

Try to think of your outcome as sex, not a relationship.

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thank you - i really love your approach i have been seeing lots of others - just dont find them interesting (of course not say) - also i can see her seeing that as a tactic and returning the favour tenfold - what in that case? i will have to be super subtle - how

lets get a plan together guys! - we have a good foundation here!

yes sex is a good idea - i have decided to move out to make that easier - how do i make things more sexual? innuendo? i tried some via chat and didnt work well (she "poked" me on on fb..........)- was ignored

how would you respond to this: sent by her on christmas.... not responded.... although hse hasnt been online since i think
your on skype alot
hows your dy been? good christmas?x

Jariel said:

You have to go into this with a certain mindset. Instead of meeting her full of hope, with emotional intentions and trying to win her back, you need to take a more casual and sexual mindset.

Don't talk about the relationship, the break up or getting back together. If she brings it up, try to dismiss it and say something like "It's cool. It has done me a lot of good and I've got to spend time with some really cool people." As others here have said, get her mind working, get her thinking you have been seeing other women and that you don't need her in your life.

Try to think of your outcome as sex, not a relationship.

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pretty much the same advice I was going to give. I am against flat out saying "I'm seeing other girls anyways" You have to pretty much show by your attitude and care free aura that you ARE sleeping with other women and that life is GREAT. you don't need her!

I think a lot of times girls want to see their ex's is to get that satisfaction of "oh baby I need you back, my life has gone to hell" to boost their ego and reassure them that their decision to leave you was the right thing.

When you show up, being confident, care free, smiling and have no expectations/needs then she'll be curious.. you'll become a mystery.. what is behind this since last time she talked to you I'm sure you were trying to make things work and you were devastated.

This may sound weird.. but I'd glance at your phone a couple times, like you're getting a text message. Don't do it that often but it shows you're not giving her 100% of your attention.. I pull this a few times and have girls asking "who's that?" I just say "a friend, anyways"..

tomato said:

thank you - i really love your approach i have been seeing lots of others - just dont find them interesting (of course not say) - also i can see her seeing that as a tactic and returning the favour tenfold - what in that case? i will have to be super subtle - how

lets get a plan together guys! - we have a good foundation here!

yes sex is a good idea - i have decided to move out to make that easier - how do i make things more sexual? innuendo? i tried some via chat and didnt work well (she "poked" me on on fb..........)- was ignored

how would you respond to this: sent by her on christmas.... not responded.... although hse hasnt been online since i think
your on skype alot
hows your dy been? good christmas?x

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You got the basic information you need to figure out how to make the next steps.

No one is gonna sit here and give you a step-by-step guide on how to respond to her skype messages and Facebook pokes.

You're a grown man. Don't expect other grown men to take your winkie out of your pants and slide it into her vag for you. Use your brain. Figure out the rest on your own.

Absolut said:

pretty much the same advice I was going to give. I am against flat out saying "I'm seeing other girls anyways" You have to pretty much show by your attitude and care free aura that you ARE sleeping with other women and that life is GREAT. you don't need her!

I think a lot of times girls want to see their ex's is to get that satisfaction of "oh baby I need you back, my life has gone to hell" to boost their ego and reassure them that their decision to leave you was the right thing.

When you show up, being confident, care free, smiling and have no expectations/needs then she'll be curious.. you'll become a mystery.. what is behind this since last time she talked to you I'm sure you were trying to make things work and you were devastated.

This may sound weird.. but I'd glance at your phone a couple times, like you're getting a text message. Don't do it that often but it shows you're not giving her 100% of your attention.. I pull this a few times and have girls asking "who's that?" I just say "a friend, anyways"..

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Thanks. That doesnt sound weird at all - I remember she started doing it at the end, she was constantly checking her phone to see if she had texts (and she usually did) and was responding to them while in an interaction with me/her friends - it was amazingly irritating - its quite disrespectful I thought - but I will do this just to a slightly lesser extent. I have decided I need to be more active - I have basically been ignoring her till now, but she is attractive and must have plenty of guys chasing her by now who will give her the attention she craves - so I need to start actively contacting her again with the right frame - how do i how the frame above while contacting her over skype/fb? Also how do I make things more sexual over chat? Would you say I should keep teasing going?

Tomato --

Look man, you don't want to hear it, but do you really want to get back into a relationship that ended via text and has been on a two month hiatus? Now you are scrounging around for a group of dudes here to give you a clear game plan back into her world?

It just isn't going to work man.

I don't want to be the @ss to say it, but if I could tell you how badly I tried to get back with an ex before -- and it just in the end, always seems to leave you with LESS dignity than you may have had before.

The best thing you can do is start learning to let this one go. I know it's been two years, and that's a lot of mental connections and all sorts of memories, but you've got to learn to let that go and cut off contact with this girl.

If you want to meet her for some form of closure, that's fine, but if you have the delusion that meeting her is going to spark a rekindled relationship, you are likely on the losing end of that equation. You're going to put so much heavy emphasis on this encounter, you're not going to be yourself, and the residue of whatever nasty past incidents occurred will color the situation in both of your emotions.

There are likely deeper reasons why this relationship stalled out and fell apart, and if you go back into it, unless those very reasons are addressed on both ends, it is not likely it will work.

Also, because you were the one dumped, really if she wanted to reconsider a relationship, it would have to be under her terms. And that's just a place where you have to not want to get yourself into.

If anything you want to go into this with keeping your dignity, not looking too desperate or sad, don't act all schmoozy or apologetic. Act confident. Act like you are happy with your life where it's at--and consider if a relationship was to occur again under what circumstances would it have to change to be successful?

The hard part about all of this is you really can't be acting. If you aren't happy, or if you are schmoozed over in love with her still, that's going to bleed through you unless you are an amazing actor. And all of that is just going to make the situation probably odd, or make you feel let down if she doesn't accept you wanting to get back with her.

I'm rambling -- and maybe my advice you really don't want to hear. I'm not going to say don't at least TRY it if you really feel like you want and need to -- but just be aware it's very hard to fix a broken relationship, it's often easier to learn and gain experience and go fresh into one that doesn't carry the same residue.

And that can be a very hard thing to understand and accept.

But be confident, care-free, happy, excited, funny, non-needy, and kino her up real good -- lots of touching -- try to rekindle those feelings and things that brought you both together in the first place and caused the mutual attraction.

HOw about doing something crazy?

I'm going out tonight and there will be some girls there that will be interested - I dont really know what my ex expects me to do about this since she always had this idea of meeting up after xmas - I thought I might phone her up and tell her that there are these opportunities and unless she says to me clearly that she wants to date me properly and do the relationship when I get back I cant hold them off any longer - this is her last chance before it goes and gets forgotten............ thinking of letting her call me and doing the same tomorrow if I dont call her today (slightly awkward me calling her house with her dad etc)

tomato-toemotoe,

the irony in your name speaks volumes to your mindset as well. your nitpicking here. its all the same difference. she broke up with you, not to mention in a fashion that would indicate that she cares nothing about your feelings considering she did it via text after 2 years.

the fact that she may agree to meet up with you is irrelevant. she may be bored, she may want to be friends, etc. it really doesnt matter. you have to respect YOURSELF enough to realize that you deserve better, and CAN DO BETTER.

Ask yourself, if you dumped a girl via text 2 months ago after a long relationship, and the minute you wanted to meet her she was willing, what type of respect would you have for her? would she be considered HIGH VALUE?? well if your answer is no, it doesnt matter what you do to try and display high value, it will be already disilute.

same yourself the heartache, time, and energy. you deserve better for yourself, the sooner you realize that, the less likely situations like this will occur. Or more importantly, less likely you will CARE

Then focus on laying the OTHER girls and spin your ex like any other plate.

have you not listened to anything in this thread? no wonder you got dumped.

The last thing you want to do is directly put pressure on a girl, that'll make her run away from you further. The way you make a girl start doubting her decision and feeling like she's going to lose you is to start talking to other women, and showing that you don't NEED her.. you're having the time of your life and she's missing out but you don't say this to her..

She broke up with you, what you do now is your own business. If she wants to meet up and try to get you back then maybe she'll eventually earn exclusivity with you again.

She's probably sleeping with other guys these last 2 months... and here you are pretty much threatening you'll sleep with a girl unless she gets with you? c'mon man...

Focus on your life, get your sh1t together, get in the gym, improve your career, learn something new, meet a ton of beautiful women and you'll probably want nothing to do with some chick who dumped you over text. This strategy is win-win because it also makes you more attractive in her eyes too so even if it doesn't work out you're prepared for the next better thing.

DavenJuan said:

tomato-toemotoe,

the irony in your name speaks volumes to your mindset as well. your nitpicking here.

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Absolut said:

have you not listened to anything in this thread? no wonder you got dumped.

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You guys are 100% right and it doesn't matter one bit.

I can already tell, this will be one of those threads where the Original Poster gets 50 great pieces of advice, and yet still finds ways to ask new, stupid questions.

He's more interested in attention from you guys than this "girlfriend" of his.

At this stage, either he is going to make a serious step towards change, or he'll just keep coming back to SoSuave for more hand-holding.

Best to ignore him, I think.