Why men are not asking women out on dates like they used to?

sweet girl · Aug 20, 2011

I am really confused related to the "today" men. I am shocked that all guys are just going to let all the women ask them out, because this way is less risky for.
I am writing even from my closest friend situation. My close friend (30 yrs old now, a manager and professionally in good situation, is very attractive, charming and beautiful. Many people says that she resemble to young Sophia Loren.In fact she is very cheerful, very communicative and not at all presumptuous, although she is almost perfect. Related to the relationship with males she is really unlucky. Many boys think that she is fulfilled, she has everything she wants, she is happy and she does not need one to complete her. The truth is, she is unhappy with this situation (no man in her heart), but she is just fine in the appearance (smiley when meeting and discussing, sweet and strong girl at the same time). She does not express her spirit situation. All the chances she had are the men that are like females and want a strong girl to go out. Intelligent ones are afraid of her, afraid of her "self-confident" "fulfillment" in appearance. They think that she is that kind of woman the can get what she wants, can't believe that she is "sweet" "soft" and a typical female waiting for her prince. All she need is a man to have the courage to know her inside not outside, an intelligent man to dig in her "world"
On the contrary , men can take a chance only with insecure and not self-confident girl or maybe with none because they have been hurt once and do not want to get hurt again.
Something is wrong with that picture (general picture that man stay "waiting" for the girls) and I certainly don’t think that was the way God intended it. Are man inferior and wait for the female to move on? I think that men need to step up and take a chance!

Why men are not asking women out on dates like they used to?

K2000kidd · Aug 20, 2011

Think about the generation you asking this in. Women can vote, Raise a family and pull down a six figure income, She can certainly ask a guy out. Personally i enjoy the challenge but not so long ago it wasn't such a "challenge". Tell your friend to step down from her ivory tower waiting for her prince and make a move.

Scaramouche · Aug 20, 2011

Dear Sweet Girl,
One wonders how similar you are to your friend....No things haven't changed,if anything Women are more assertive today,No bad thing....Your Friend maybe doesn't respond to signals,doesn't know when she is being hit upon...And Yes even just talking to a beautiful Girl can quite terrify blokes,at base most Chaps are just so frightened of rejection.

st_99 · Aug 20, 2011

Its always a 2 way street. Your friend shares the blame in some of this. She is doing something wrong.

Atom Smasher · Aug 20, 2011

She is conveying a certain vibe to men. She may seem stuck-up and convey a "superior" attitude. That's one possibility.

She may well be too picky with men, only responding to her idea of an "ideal" man.

"Confidence" is a male trait, and although some of the younger guys here say they like confidence, the confidence that women convey is either fake, external "confidence" or the illusion of confidence that has been planted in her by the media. Women, at their very core, are slaves to emotion, unlike a man, who needs to spend his life conquering emotion and reframing and harnessing emotion to serve him. Classic femininity is not about confidence. It is about humility and gentleness.

I wonder if you yourself are just like your friend?

sweet girl · Aug 20, 2011

I totally agree with u Atom Smasher. That is why i was saying " Something is wrong with that picture (general picture that man stay "waiting" for the girls) and I certainly don’t think that was the way God intended it. Are man inferior and wait for the female to move on? I think that men need to step up and take a chance!"
Male should be confident and not waiting woman to give his confidence by asking him to go out and keep showing him he is nice and handsome .

Stagger Lee · Aug 20, 2011

sweet girl said:
I think that men need to step up and take a chance!"
Male should be confident and not waiting woman to give his confidence by asking him to go out and keep showing him he is nice and handsome .

But what you are failing to appreciate is that means the male takes all the risk and rejection too. If men that your friend wants to ask her out aren't doing it, maybe she is not that attractive to them or she is not sending any signals out that she is receptive to them. So what you are proposing is that the female do nothing and act disinterested and men should still ask the woman out with a good chance they'll be rejected. Isn't that a little one-sided and selfish?

Robert28 · Aug 20, 2011

I'm willing to be this wonderful friend you speak of has put more guys in the friend zone that have asked her out then she's willing to tell you. sounds like she's a bit of a complainer. "boo hoo why doesnt Bradley Cooper ask me out, why does this average Joe think he is good enough to be with a woman like me. I deserve a Bradley Cooper and won't settle for anything less!" Another line of thinking is maybe if there wasn't so much GD flaking these days, so many b.s. games that women play, then maybe dating would be like it was 10+ years ago. when a girl agreed to go out with you, you KNEW she was interested. it was HARD to fvck up. nowdays you can ask a girl out, have the best time, and never hear from her again and not know why. I'm still willing to bet she's put MANY guys in the friend zone though. a good piece of advice my friends dad told me onetime, "son, not matter how hot a woman is to you, someone, somewhere is tired of her crap."

zekko · Aug 20, 2011

sweet girl said:
My close friend (30 yrs old now, a manager and professionally in good situation, is very attractive, charming and beautiful.

You may be right, but I've known women to describe other women as very attractive and beautiful, and honestly, those women were hideous, not appealing at all. Sometimes I think women have no clue at all as to what makes a woman attractive to a man.

Atom Smasher said:
"Confidence" is a male trait, and although some of the younger guys here say they like confidence, the confidence that women convey is either fake, external "confidence" or the illusion of confidence that has been planted in her by the media. Women, at their very core, are slaves to emotion, unlike a man, who needs to spend his life conquering emotion and reframing and harnessing emotion to serve him. Classic femininity is not about confidence. It is about humility and gentleness.

Right, I wonder if she isn't coming off as masculine somehow. Especially if she is independent and confident about her career situation, coming off as too "professional". This is has traditionally been the realm of men, they tend to derive their self esteem from their career, what they do.

It's not that women can't have careers, it's just that maybe she's coming off as too hard, when a guy wants some softness when it comes to their girls.

disgustipated · Aug 20, 2011

sweet girl said:
I am really confused related to the "today" men. I am shocked that all guys are just going to let all the women ask them out, because this way is less risky for.
I am writing even from my closest friend situation. My close friend (30 yrs old now, a manager and professionally in good situation, is very attractive, charming and beautiful. Many people says that she resemble to young Sophia Loren.In fact she is very cheerful, very communicative and not at all presumptuous, although she is almost perfect. Related to the relationship with males she is really unlucky. Many boys think that she is fulfilled, she has everything she wants, she is happy and she does not need one to complete her. The truth is, she is unhappy with this situation (no man in her heart), but she is just fine in the appearance (smiley when meeting and discussing, sweet and strong girl at the same time). She does not express her spirit situation. All the chances she had are the men that are like females and want a strong girl to go out. Intelligent ones are afraid of her, afraid of her "self-confident" "fulfillment" in appearance. They think that she is that kind of woman the can get what she wants, can't believe that she is "sweet" "soft" and a typical female waiting for her prince. All she need is a man to have the courage to know her inside not outside, an intelligent man to dig in her "world"
On the contrary , men can take a chance only with insecure and not self-confident girl or maybe with none because they have been hurt once and do not want to get hurt again.
Something is wrong with that picture (general picture that man stay "waiting" for the girls) and I certainly don’t think that was the way God intended it. Are man inferior and wait for the female to move on? I think that men need to step up and take a chance!

Why men are not asking women out on dates like they used to?

First off how do you know how it is that your friend conducts herself while in relationships? If I had a dollar for every girl I've met that told me how they "were" in a relationship and later it turned to be completely false, I'd have a lot of dollars.

Just because she exhibits these traits, and you perceive her as this sweet strong person...does not mean she conducts herself in a like manner when in the company of a man. You're not there when they're alone and you know only what she tells you, which is often always told to put the person who's relaying that information in the best possible light.

Strelok · Aug 20, 2011

I heard from someone that listeaning at what a girl say is stupid and the best thing is to look at facts.

Now if a girl says that her friend is beautifull and down to earth yet this girl has not even a man asking her out, theres something that doesnt work.

Most of the points have been shown to tou guys but Im surprised that nobody named the age factor, she is 30 not a young girl anymore, going to expire soon.
She either already lost her beauty or her woman in career attitude became the leading factor in her personality and vibe, the "I know best" aura.

Or even more simple if guys have a hard time with waitresses they can estimate how much crap can comes from a woman like her.

Jitterbug · Aug 20, 2011

I know a few women like this. There are two explanations:

1. They're nowhere near as hot as they think they are, so their self evaluation is super inflated. And btw do you know any girl who admits that she has anything but attractive charming female friends?

Or

2. They never count the guys who asked them out but got turned down, because those guys weren't good enough so they didn't count. It's the other side of the coin of their d1ck counting algorithm that we all know and love.

omkara · Aug 20, 2011

People do what they are reinforced to do. If there is enough positive reinforcement to make the emotional risk of facing rejection worthwhile, then guys will get in a positive feedback loop and start asking out more girls. If the women of the society act too b***** then less guys will take the effort to initiate and ask girls out. Then the majority of what girls run into will be the super-confident "alpha" guys who are already banging multiple chicks. I've already heard girls complain about this, that the only guys that she gets approached by in the clubs/bars are the douchey types - ie low intelligence, not interesting, but high testosterone.

Warrior74 · Aug 20, 2011

I ask girls out all the time. The ones who act like they wanna be asked out.You're probably just a fat chic who thinks too much of herself. Pics or STFU.

Scaramouche · Aug 20, 2011

Dear Sweet Girl,
Well it can be something very silly,like refusal to make eye contact....Asian Girls are in general not knocked onto as often as the Occidentals....Try it sometimes,I have and its not easy they just watch the floor as if for stray coins......I used to attend Dance Lessons about seven years ago with a very nice Lady,I tried so hard to get something happening with her,she was polite but nothing ever happened....I was sitting swapping lies with her only a few weeks ago and she said to me..."Scarra I wonder why we never ever cracked it together in the past"....How do you tell someone,that you cannot make a Blind Lady see.

Pandora · Aug 21, 2011

You know what is funny. I have an attractive female friend who is in the same situation. Guys don't ask her out really. But the catch is that she is German and lives in Berlin. Apparently the guys in that country don't overtly fawn over women like the guys in the USA do. Does your friend live outside the USA???
If she lives in the USA and doesn't get guys asking her out in some form then something is odd. My German friend tells me she needs to come to the USA "to boost her self confidence again". Its that bad here. She tells me in the states guys hitting on you is a dime a dozen. When she was here as a nanny for the summer, she had her pick of dates. But in other countries this is not the case.
Either your friend is lying, is not that attractive, or lives outside the USA. The US tends to over inflate the ego's of girls. As much as we don't like to admit it, guys in the US worship attractive women.

EastWind · Aug 21, 2011

Dear sweet girl,

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you're not talking about your friend, you're talking about yourself. That is, if you're not a troll.

It's all been said - a good-looking, sweet woman who's not getting asked out - it doesn't exist. Either she actually is a very unpleasant person and giving off a "don't talk to me" vibe, or she is nowhere near as high quality as you make her out to be.

We will require pictures for further evaluation.

dark god · Aug 21, 2011

Robert28 said:
Another line of thinking is maybe if there wasn't so much GD flaking these days, so many b.s. games that women play, then maybe dating would be like it was 10+ years ago. when a girl agreed to go out with you, you KNEW she was interested. it was HARD to fvck up. nowdays you can ask a girl out, have the best time, and never hear from her again and not know why. QUOTE]

10 years ago I remember If I met a girl and slept with her In the first week, You've had to be a complete fvckup to get this girl to ditch you. Man times have changed for the worst.

Burroughs · Aug 21, 2011

Atom Smasher said:
"Confidence" is a male trait, and although some of the younger guys here say they like confidence, the confidence that women convey is either fake, external "confidence" or the illusion of confidence that has been planted in her by the media. Women, at their very core, are slaves to emotion, unlike a man, who needs to spend his life conquering emotion and reframing and harnessing emotion to serve him. Classic femininity is not about confidence. It is about humility and gentleness.

I wonder if you yourself are just like your friend?

excellent...well said.

Burroughs · Aug 21, 2011

any women who are reading this take note:

WE DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING, YOUR STATUS IN THE WORKPLACE, OR HOW MANY PHD'S YOU HAVE....WE CARE ABOUT HOT YOU ARE AND HOW NICE.

so be hot and BE nice and you'll get men.

otherwise STFU

Why men are not asking women out on dates like they used to?

New Member

Senior Don Juan

Master Don Juan

Master Don Juan

Master Don Juan

New Member

Master Don Juan

Master Don Juan

Master Don Juan

Master Don Juan

Master Don Juan

Master Don Juan

Senior Don Juan

Master Don Juan

Master Don Juan

Master Don Juan

Senior Don Juan

Senior Don Juan

Master Don Juan

Master Don Juan

Peace and Quiet