How a girlfriend will dump you: The old fight and break up routine

So, you noticed a change in your girlfriend lately. She doesn't communicate with you that much anymore, her affection towards you has decreased, there is less sex or no sex at all, you are the one who initiates everything, while she seems to ignore you or doesn't pay much attention to you. You know something is wrong because her interest level is at an all time low. You try to turn it around but it's maybe too late.

Some guys make the mistake of confronting her about it, while others try to smother with extra love and attention. This always backfires and winds up driving her farther away. The whole time she is thinking about trying to dump you but doesn't know how. She waits for a time that she can, and she puts it into plan.

What is that plan? It is the old fight and break up routine. She waits for an argument or a fight to erupt so she can put the blame on you. What some girls do is stage a fight to appear innocent and they blame you for it, and then they get so mad that they have no choice but to dump you.

It was all an act to dump you, but it works so well, that the guy has no idea what had just happened. She gets mad at you, blames you for doing something or being mean or hurtful, she says you don't respect her or care for her, and that she can't trust you. She says she can't be with you anymore and she dumps you. You beg and plead for her to reason with you, but her mind is made up. She made you out to be the bad guy when you never were. She becomes the innocent angel that was treated so bad even when you were treating her special trying to get your lost love back. She is now in power of the relationship and holds the key to its future. Anytime you beg and plead to get her back, she will say "I can't trust you, you were mean to me, I don't think it would work." She has that power and will always have it, because she won't ever want to be with you again. So don't ever let her do this or get the power above you.

Another thing they can do is totally make something up to dump you. This happened to an aquaintance that I know. He told me about it today when this happened to him last week.

His relationship was kind of in the crapper with his girlfriend, and they were talking late at night on the phone. During the conversation, she asked him "What that noise was?" He told her he never heard any noise. She then accused him of hearing a girl's voice next to him in bed and started screaming at him. He tried to reason with her and explain. She was yelling at him more. Here he had no girl next to him, and he was trying to explain something that there wasn't. She called him names, and said she never wanted to hear or see him again. She dumped him and hung up. He frantically tried to call and text her all night but she didnt answer, then turned her phone off. Three days later she had a pic with a new guy on her facebook profile pic. She staged and planned a fight to get rid of him. She even made one up just to do it.

He actually thought that she heard the girl's voice, and was still trying to reason with her and get her back. Until I told him that she planned the whole fight. He didn't believe me at first. He thought she had a new guy up there because "he hurt her too bad" and found someone new to deal with the pain. How stupid can he be? He also said she never called him at 3am before to talk. I told him why do you think she did? She called him that late to set up the fake fight to dump him when she heard a "voice" next to him. She had the other dude secure and dumped him. He finally realizes this now after I talked common sense with him.

So, when you get dumped in the heat of the moment, remember that she had this all planned all along, and was waiting to dump you in the heat of the argument. If she really cared for you, a fight wouldn't make her want to dump you on the spot. This was planned by her to end the relationship and put her in power, so there will never be a chance to get back together ever again. Women do this so you should be warned, when your relationship is on the rocks, that this could happen to you. So it's best to be the dumper instead of being the dumpee, because you will hold the power, and will beat her at her own game.

Good post Elmer. Yes this is common. As Doc Love said, when her interest level gets down near 50% she is much less pleasant to be around. That means lots of arguments over nothing. As much as it hurts, if you jump ship before it hits the rocks, you get away with a bit of your pride intact. It takes the satisfaction away from her, and you avoid the panic mode and self esteem loss that sinks in when you are officially dumped. In my BPD relationship she never officially ended it, because I jumped ship whenever it was close, and she would always come back. If there is any chance to rekindle things, it will only increase if you jump ship before she dumps you.

In case you are worried you will jump ship too fast - you really can't. Remember:

"Love never dies of starvation, it dies of indigestion".

(from the 48 Laws of Power)

Very true. Good post Elmer. happens more than you think.

bigneil said:

Good post Elmer. Yes this is common. As Doc Love said, when her interest level gets down near 50% she is much less pleasant to be around. That means lots of arguments over nothing. As much as it hurts, if you jump ship before it hits the rocks, you get away with a bit of your pride intact. It takes the satisfaction away from her, and you avoid the panic mode and self esteem loss that sinks in when you are officially dumped. In my BPD relationship she never officially ended it, because I jumped ship whenever it was close, and she would always come back. If there is any chance to rekindle things, it will only increase if you jump ship before she dumps you.

In case you are worried you will jump ship too fast - you really can't. Remember:

"Love never dies of starvation, it dies of indigestion".

(from the 48 Laws of Power)

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Those BPD chicks are nuts.

Even if they dump a guy they will try to come back to him.

At some point they will even want them back.

They are kind of like a lost possesion so they try to get them back into the web.

Agree with everything here.......When the IL goes down its tough to get it back.

Chicks will do excactly what he said.

Awesome thread

Guys should read it

Absolute blinder Elmer, added to the arsenal.

great post, will be more aware now. Thanks mate

Some guys make the mistake of confronting her about it, while others try to smother with extra love and attention. This always backfires and winds up driving her farther away. The whole time she is thinking about trying to dump you but doesn't know how. She waits for a time that she can, and she puts it into plan.

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This says all I need to know


I would be careful not to poison anyone's mind especially guys who already view women as something puzzling.


Guys, if you are dating a crazy *****, dump her. What else is there to discuss?

Elmer great post man!

Yup. That's more or less what happened to me in my last LTR (finished at the beginning of this year). And it's happened in the past a couple of times as well.

I have something else to add - with a couple of girls (including the last one) it's almost like they go through a strange spike beforehand, as in their IL seems to go up before it nose dives. Whether this is one last attempt at convincing themselves that they are into you I'm not sure. I've had at least two women (including my last one) start to increase suddenly the "soppiness" as in saying they love me, or giving me extraordinarily good sex, or soemthing like that, then days later broke up with me.

It's the wierdest feeling. And it does indeed leave you feeling like you've just been put in the twighlight zone, or Bermuda triangle or something.

Sparky said:

Yup. That's more or less what happened to me in my last LTR (finished at the beginning of this year). And it's happened in the past a couple of times as well.

I have something else to add - with a couple of girls (including the last one) it's almost like they go through a strange spike beforehand, as in their IL seems to go up before it nose dives. Whether this is one last attempt at convincing themselves that they are into you I'm not sure. I've had at least two women (including my last one) start to increase suddenly the "soppiness" as in saying they love me, or giving me extraordinarily good sex, or soemthing like that, then days later broke up with me.

It's the wierdest feeling. And it does indeed leave you feeling like you've just been put in the twighlight zone, or Bermuda triangle or something.

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Change of behavior, especially sudden, is a sign that someone cheated.

Extra attention and 'love' is a release of guilt.

I hate when this sh1t happens to me.. I usually break it off and just don't talk to them anymore, but fvck it.. I'm not gonna lie they still remain on my mind and I do miss their company. This actually recently happened to me, I was seeing this girl and everyone warned me that she's a slvt. So I just hooked up with her time to time and kept my distance, but she kept acting more interested and demanded to be together more and she grew on me like fvcking CANCER.. Shoulda listened to my friend! Only to act distant a few months later, I question her about it.. She's a total b1tch, I break up with her, she has a boyfriend 2 weeks later and makes me think SHE was the victim.

Sometimes you're left confused thinking "Was it something I said?" "Did I show her enough affection?" "Did she cheat or think I cheated?" "Am I ugly/need to clean up my appearance?"... This kind of stuff can throw you into uncertainty on yourself leading to AFC/depressive behavior.

But you just have to look at this and think "She wasn't the one for me".. Life has its ups and downs and you just gotta keep moving. If you stop somewhere and sulk, there are other great times and moments you're missing out on.

Amazing said:

This says all I need to know


I would be careful not to poison anyone's mind especially guys who already view women as something puzzling.


Guys, if you are dating a crazy *****, dump her. What else is there to discuss?

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Dumping a crazy chick isnt always that easy bro

Some guys will try to hang on to her so they don't lose her. They are afraid of losing her or being alone so they do a reverse and give her too much attention. that never works.

She doesn't have to be a crazy b she could be just bored of the guy and has no interest in the relationship anymore. She cant figure how to break up with him so she breaks up with a fight. its the easy quick way out of it.

When she loses IL the guy should be ready for a possible exit from her.

Ace_Magnamus said:

Dumping a crazy chick isnt always that easy bro

Some guys will try to hang on to her so they don't lose her. They are afraid of losing her or being alone so they do a reverse and give her too much attention. that never works.

She doesn't have to be a crazy b she could be just bored of the guy and has no interest in the relationship anymore. She cant figure how to break up with him so she breaks up with a fight. its the easy quick way out of it.

When she loses IL the guy should be ready for a possible exit from her.

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No, it is that easy, problem is you guys don't have the balls for it, that's why you are asking these questions here in the first place- no worries been here done that.

Look at what you wrote:

1. cant tell her to gtfo
2. afraid to be alone
3. give too much attention now (wtf?)
4. she gets bored and leaves


well, DUH, if you give too much attention which isnt warranted she's thinking you are soft or boring or she isn't deserving of it - its too easy for her to keep your attention, and yeh she will think of something to fight about so she can leave


the problem is YOU though. She is leaving because she is bored with YOU.


now, how not to be boring? be the man who has prinicples- and if she isnt up to par tell her once, she either changes or dump her after.

but she won't be the one who has to end the relationship because i dont have the balls to.

Amazing said:

No, it is that easy, problem is you guys don't have the balls for it, that's why you are asking these questions here in the first place- no worries been here done that.

Look at what you wrote:

1. cant tell her to gtfo
2. afraid to be alone
3. give too much attention now (wtf?)
4. she gets bored and leaves


well, DUH, if you give too much attention which isnt warranted she's thinking you are soft or boring or she isn't deserving of it - its too easy for her to keep your attention, and yeh she will think of something to fight about so she can leave


the problem is YOU though. She is leaving because she is bored with YOU.


now, how not to be boring? be the man who has prinicples- and if she isnt up to par tell her once, she either changes or dump her after.

but she won't be the one who has to end the relationship because i dont have the balls to.

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you must be stupid. I'm NOT talking about me. I'm talking about OTHER Guys.

that is how they are acting.

do you follow me now?

That is how they act with their gf's. damn read some of the posts on here of how these guys are acting. they do the same thing.

try breaking up with a BPD girl buddy and see how easy that will be for you.

Alex DeLarge said:

I hate when this sh1t happens to me.. I usually break it off and just don't talk to them anymore, but fvck it.. I'm not gonna lie they still remain on my mind and I do miss their company. This actually recently happened to me, I was seeing this girl and everyone warned me that she's a slvt. So I just hooked up with her time to time and kept my distance, but she kept acting more interested and demanded to be together more and she grew on me like fvcking CANCER.. Shoulda listened to my friend! Only to act distant a few months later, I question her about it.. She's a total b1tch, I break up with her, she has a boyfriend 2 weeks later and makes me think SHE was the victim.

Sometimes you're left confused thinking "Was it something I said?" "Did I show her enough affection?" "Did she cheat or think I cheated?" "Am I ugly/need to clean up my appearance?"... This kind of stuff can throw you into uncertainty on yourself leading to AFC/depressive behavior.

But you just have to look at this and think "She wasn't the one for me".. Life has its ups and downs and you just gotta keep moving. If you stop somewhere and sulk, there are other great times and moments you're missing out on.

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Excellent thread as usual Elmer.

When you think it over in your mind you confuse yourself more. It's best to forget the whole thing happened. Never question your mind about it because you can really do a number on yourself. Women blame you for everything anyway so blaming you for a busted relationship is nothing new.

My friend got dumped just like this on Thursday. She accused him of being insensitive to her feelings. says she can't trust him that he changed and is not the guy he used to be. Wake up and get out first before she dumps it all on you.

ELMER_GANTRY said:

when your relationship is on the rocks, that this could happen to you. So it's best to be the dumper instead of being the dumpee, because you will hold the power, and will beat her at her own game.

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EXACTLY! If in doubt kick her azz out!

Better to dump than be dumped!

this is how my gf is acting with me!! insightful stuff. she talked about our future last week. our sex is less and she fights with me just to fight. maybe she is waiting for the big one. i thinking about cutting ties with her but im not sure how bad she will react to it.

maine_man said:

this is how my gf is acting with me!! insightful stuff. she talked about our future last week. our sex is less and she fights with me just to fight. maybe she is waiting for the big one. i thinking about cutting ties with her but im not sure how bad she will react to it.

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She will cry or beg you not to leave her. It won't get any better for you from here on out. Cut the ties and be done with her. I think it was you who I replied to on the other posting. If you're not happy then why be miserable with someone. Life is too short for that. It just ain't worth it.