Stop texting and leaving messages

Back when I was dating one of the firm rules I had was to NEVER leave a message on a new chicks voice mail. When I first met her and started to build a connection her interest level was high enough for her to give me her number. That is my starting point.

When I first attempt to contact her there is absolutely NOTHING I can say on her answering machine that is going to increase her interest. In fact leaving a message only HURTS my chances. It gives away any power I may have had and leaves the ball totally in HER court. No matter what I say on her machine the message she hears is, "I like you please call me back."

This is totally WEAK!!!

Also if she doesn't call back I'm really screwed. I can't call again because I'll look even more desperate and needy. Just don't do it!

Not leaving a message does far more to HELP. She sees your number on call display and then begins wondering WHY you didn't leave a message. It intrigues her. She wonders about YOUR interest level. She wants your attention. She needs to feel wanted.

Her interest level was there to begin with. That's why she gave you the digits. If you did a good job she WANTS you to CALL. When you don't leave a message she wants you to CALL again. If you don't leave messages it will gnaw away at her and many times you'll find her calling you.

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Texting (in the early stages) is NO DIFFERENT than leaving a voice message. You are essentially putting all the power in HER hands and giving away your interest level right way. There is NOTHING you can text that is going to increase her interest in the early going. Attraction doesn't work thru digital letters on a tiny screen. It just doesn't.

Think about it. Before cellphones and texting were invented you would never just meet a girl and write her a hand written letter and deliver it to her and expect that to work. It's absurd! Imagine a new chick receiving your letter saying "Hey cutie we should get together for a drink?" How is that going to work? Truth is it NEVER will.

The ONLY time texting works is if there was a high interest level there to begin with. You simply do not build attraction or interest early on via text. So stop it!

There are way too many guys around here relying on this form of communication early on. It is weak fellas. Do not give her an easy "out" by simply choosing not to respond to your text. Man up and call her! Get her talking, laughing, and flirting back and forth. Impress her with your communication skills. These are the things that build sexual tension and interest.

Guys who are really good at charming women by speaking with them would NEVER choose text over a direct conversation. Texting is far too limiting.

At the very best a real conversation can do wonders to her interest level. At the very best a text conversation either leaves her interest level right where it was or probably even lowers it.

Sadly I feel that too many guys use text because they are afraid to communicate by actually talking. They use excuses like "I'm too busy to call" or "That is how women communicate these days." Sorry guys but people communicate best by speaking. Always have and always will.

Quit relying on a severely limiting form of communication to get girls. You are holding yourself back. Take the time to learn how to communicate, charm and seduce women with your words, voice and personality. Once you do you will never use texting to get dates again.

I disagree with this post. There's more than one way to get to a woman's heart. (Just look at all the skinny effeminate hipster loners who get chicks.)

Texting can be effective for building rapport and comfort, but not attraction. And that's if you are good with words like I am. Smart, educated, good girl types love wordplay. If I meet a girl on an internet website, a lot of times they'll straight up tell me that they need to exchange more emails before wanting to go out. And what are they getting out of this? Just feeling more comfortable with you, getting a better sense of who you are. They aren't going to take time out of their life to go on a date with you when they know nothing about you. In fact we have currently several threads going on about how hard it is to get a chick to go out with you that you just met.

Texting can be used to get rapport and set up a date, that's all. Whether you get laid or not depends on how you perform on the date. It just so happens though, that texting fits in really well to how I run my game, because it's a minimal investment on my part. I don't feel like talking on the phone to strangers... it feels forced. Nor do I feel that they are worth more investment than an offhanded text until they have proven otherwise.

I've never had an initial text not returned. Sometimes I am not the one to end the convo, which is a slight DLV, but if I send a restart text a week later it always gets returned. The only time I've been totally blown off is when I try to be an *******, which I don't do anymore.

I'm sure your method is perfectly valid, but I don't think it has to be done that way.

If there's interest there, it doesn't matter WHAT medium you use to ask her out. Call, text, whatever.

I rarely make phone calls to ask girls out these days. For one thing, girls you meet via cold approach will often let your call go straight to voicemail so they can continue "screening" you, just as such girls will often add you on facebook, etc. after they meet you. Even if you don't leave a message, there's a subset of girls that are often too shy/ not motivated enough to call a random guy back. Texting gives them the opportunity to respond in a low-stress environment (girls get nervous talking on the phone to guys, too!).

I agree that you can't build attraction via text, so texting conversations are massive wastes of time after a certain point. Texting is used as a time bridge to the next face-to-face encounter--that's it.

I can definitely see where you're coming from...texting is a very bland and "safe" way to communicate with a girl.

That being said, I just do NOT understand how you guys get by not leaving messages. Most people, girls especially, will NOT answer their cellphones if they don't recognize the number. The first time you call, you pretty much HAVE to leave a message letting her know who it is, or she will NEVER pick up. Either that or send her a "primer text" so she knows it's you.

When was the last time you went out on a date, Senior Slick? The game, regarding TXT and calling, has changed a lot in the last few years.

I see where the OP is coming from and to keep the ball in our courts its always better to call and not leave a gay vm or text message. Be a man, do the right thing. Texting is okay when your cool with the gal, not when you're trying to get to know her. If you really have good text game, that's an exception. But you have to understand good text game doesn't always work. So to play it safe with the most mystery you should call instead of texting or leaving that gay message.

I see where the OP is coming from and to keep the ball in our courts its always better to call and not leave a gay vm or text message. Be a man, do the right thing. Texting is okay when your cool with the gal, not when you're trying to get to know her. If you really have good text game, that's an exception. But you have to understand good text game doesn't always work. So to play it safe with the most mystery you should call instead of texting or leaving that gay message.

I see where the OP is coming from and to keep the ball in our courts its always better to call and not leave a gay vm or text message. Be a man, do the right thing. Texting is okay when your cool with the gal, not when you're trying to get to know her. If you really have good text game, that's an exception. But you have to understand good text game doesn't always work. So to play it safe with the most mystery you should call instead of texting or leaving that gay message.

I see where the OP is coming from and to keep the ball in our courts its always better to call and not leave a gay vm or text message. Be a man, do the right thing. Texting is okay when your cool with the gal, not when you're trying to get to know her. If you really have good text game, that's an exception. But you have to understand good text game doesn't always work. So to play it safe with the most mystery you should call instead of texting or leaving that gay message.

Sorry guys, doing this on my blackberry and it totally was not responding...

I used to agree with the OP until most of the women I met say they only or strongly prefer to text. Sure, calling allows more of your personality to shine through, but if you're confident in your text game, it can open up any number of great roads like naked pics, videos, etc.

When you can't hook up with said girl right away, nothing is wrong with giving the motor a bit of a primer. At the same time, I completely agree on the not leaving a voicemail. Let them call back and wonder about you.

Guys,

The point of this post is inspire and motivate people to become better at REAL conversations.

There are far too many guys on this site overanalyzing and being critical of "text" game. This is just plain backwards and wrong! It's like putting the cart before the horse.

Guys who are REALLY good at getting women walk away after getting a girl's number leaving her weak in the knees in anticipation for him to call. Why? Because he has done an excellent job increasing her interest level BEFORE he gets the number. There is no fear of her not answering her phone. She has been charmed by his personality, conversation and social skills. She simply can't wait for that call. If she doesn't pick up (or is screening) and he doesn't leave a message he has just gained the upper hand. She is literally kicking herself for not picking up.

You come to Sosuave to get better with women. If you truly want it, THIS ^^^ is what you should be striving for. Ultimately you want to be the guy who charms women with your personality, attitude, and through REAL conversations. Spending your time worrying about how to increase her interest level AFTER the fact with a couple snippets of text is backwards and completely unnecessary.

I propose a challenge to all of you. The next 10 women you meet and get numbers from challenge yourself to CALL rather than text. No texting at all until you've at least had a really good kiss. Stop hiding behind text messages. Challenge yourselves to get better with REAL conversations. Regardless of the outcomes I guarantee you will be further along the road to becoming better with women.

Good luck

omkara said:

I disagree with this post. There's more than one way to get to a woman's heart. (Just look at all the skinny effeminate hipster loners who get chicks.)

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Stop looking at these anomalies as comparison. Look to the guys who are real lady killers and challenge yourself to be more like them. You didn't come to SS to weasel your way into a good situation like a skinny effeminate hipster loner did you?

omkara said:

They aren't going to take time out of their life to go on a date with you when they know nothing about you.

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Damn straight they are!!! If you are good raising interest level face to face then she is DYING to get to know you better. The more of a mystery you remain the more she wants you. C'mon man there was life BEFORE texting and emails even existed and guys were still pulling women.

omkara said:

It just so happens though, that texting fits in really well to how I run my game, because it's a minimal investment on my part.

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You should want better. You should want to be the guy who doesn't need to worry about texting, emails, and picking up chicks online. I'm telling you guys who are good with women do not even consider these things.

omkara said:

I don't feel like talking on the phone to strangers... it feels forced. Nor do I feel that they are worth more investment than an offhanded text until they have proven otherwise.

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Excuses. You are hiding behind your keyboard. If you are so good with your words thru texting then you should have no problems transferring those skills to real conversations. Challenge yourself to get better!

Peace

Jeffst1980 said:

If there's interest there, it doesn't matter WHAT medium you use to ask her out. Call, text, whatever.

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A master conversationalist will out perform a master texter EVERY SINGLE TIME! There is no argument here.

Jeffst1980 said:

For one thing, girls you meet via cold approach will often let your call go straight to voicemail so they can continue "screening" you..

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Not if you've done a great job raising her interest when you first met. If she's not answering you've done something wrong. Fix that first before you start worrying about how to increase her IL via text.

Jeffst1980 said:

Even if you don't leave a message, there's a subset of girls that are often too shy/ not motivated enough to call a random guy back. Texting gives them the opportunity to respond in a low-stress environment (girls get nervous talking on the phone to guys, too!).

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Not true. Most young single women spend the majority of their focus trying to attract men. They don't do their hair, makeup, and wear those clothes for nothing. Quit making excuses. Call her she will be excited to hear from you. If you do things right with a real conversation you will leave her feeling all tingly inside. Texting ummm... not so much.

If she's super shy or unmotivated you should be focusing your efforts elsewhere anyway. Texting or emailing these types are a waste of your time.

Jitterbug said:

The game, regarding TXT and calling, has changed a lot in the last few years.

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Really? I'd love to hear some examples. Are there any one liners (300 characters or less) that are going to get a girl you just met feeling all tingly and wet?

C'mon Jitterbug, you KNOW that real conversation outperforms text every time. I don't need to be having this conversation with you.

Pair A Dice said:

I used to agree with the OP until most of the women I met say they only or strongly prefer to text.

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This is a sign of low interest. If a chick is really interested she wants to talk to you. She wants to be around you. She'll do anything to get more of you.

Pair A Dice said:

Sure, calling allows more of your personality to shine through, but if you're confident in your text game, it can open up any number of great roads like naked pics, videos, etc.

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If you are at the point of naked pics and vids then you should be talking to her.

Phonesex is real. Textsex is a computer geek fantasy.

Take the challenge!

I do agree that there is no substitute for face-time. But you need a bridge to get there.

When I was single I'd almost always text after getting the number. A few reasons: 1) Cold calling is awkward, and phone calls (pre-sex) are a jerk-off. 2) 99% of chicks wont answer an unrecognized number. 3) If she's interested to begin with, sending a couple texts to set up a date is NOT going to lower her interest level. That is PUA dogma. 4) leaving a text >>>>> leaving a message (NEVER leave a voicemail!)

I think I met like one or two chicks online who wanted to talk on the phone before we met, but even then they texted me first. I avoid the phone like the plague until I'm established with her. It's just a form of stalling.

Since I prefer text, these were my guidelines:

-Follow the golden ratio (2:3 or at the very most 1:1)
-Keep it brief, keep it fun. A little teasing is best.
-NO text-convos! At least not until you've sealed it.
-Naked pics or vids = fun to show your buddies but red flag for a HO.
-Remember, it's only a bridge. Not a destination.

Slickster said:

Look to the guys who are real lady killers and challenge yourself to be more like them

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This line kind of struck me.
I don't think I know anyone that I would consider "real lady killers". Not in the respect of what I would expect from reading this site. I know maybe a few guys that girls get wet for when they walk into the room, but those guys are very tall and good looking, it's not really a "game" thing. I mean, they have good game, but their success seems to be based in looks and height.

I know guys who are pretty decent with girls, who aren't afraid of talking to girls or going for what they want. I know guys who are incredibly persistent when it comes to chasing @ss, and becaue of that gets some results. I know guys who landed some very attractive girlfriends or wives. But a "real lady killer"? Who's basically an average guy? I can't really say that I've run into that guy, at least not recently. I knew a few guys like that when I was younger, but again they were all better than average looking.

Much more common is the hot chick that twists all the guys around her finger, unfortunately.

It's not the medium, it's the messenger. Always.

Slickster said:

Really? I'd love to hear some examples. Are there any one liners (300 characters or less) that are going to get a girl you just met feeling all tingly and wet?

C'mon Jitterbug, you KNOW that real conversation outperforms text every time. I don't need to be having this conversation with you.

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That's not the point we are disagreeing about. Sure- it would be GREAT if every girl sat by her cell phone waiting for a stranger to call her up. This doesn't happen in reality, though. Girls are busy; they go out, they leave their phones in their purse, they let their phones go to voicemail when they are with their friends, etc. There is USUALLY an element of "phone tag" involved when trying to get in touch with ANYONE these days.

You say that she'll pick up your call if you've already built her IL up beforehand...by the same reasoning, doesn't that imply that she'll answer your texts as well? Phone and text are both filling the same role--that of a time bridge. It doesn't matter which is "better" if they both work.

I think you're being a tiny bit of a contrarian here, and I can understand that, since it often seems as though a return to the "roots" of any particular discipline will yield optimal results. However, "phone game" was NEVER an ESSENTIAL part of pickup- it was a logistical necessity born out of a specific time period. The fact is that pickup has changed A LOT since then, due to technology. Texting happens to be one of the greatest gifts technology has bestowed upon the PUA. Of course, it is easy to say it is "wrong" because it is easier, but it isn't always the case in life that the more difficult route produces more fruitful results.