MEETING "Miss Right"

Meeting Miss Right

Before y’all chew my ass off and accuse me of “one-itis” for talking about Miss Right, save it, because this post isn’t about “finding that one special woman.” It’s about meeting lots of special women.

But I especially wanted to get the attention of those guys who are eager to bash the idea of finding “miss right”. Those who are the most eager to attack the idea, are the ones who have a secret desire to find that one special woman. That is what you are trying to squelch that urge in yourselves--because you fear it, knowning full well that it has never led you to your prize, only to LJBF land.

The reason I wanted to get your attention is because this post aims to fix that flawed idea known as “finding that one special woman.” And make no mistake, the search for that one special woman IS a flawed idea. Unfortunately, because it is flawed many of you have thrown it out completely, and in the process you’ve also tossed out a part of it that isn’t flawed.

The part that is NOT flawed is the desire to be with a woman who is special. A woman who is better for *you* than the rest, because you and she have good chemistry and “click” together. A woman who makes you feel better than the rest, who is more fun to be with, and whom you enjoy being with even when you aren’t having sex. How could that be flawed?

The flaw, however, is that if you start out trying to find just ONE woman it gets in the way of finding a *special* woman! Why? Because to find a woman who is really *special*, you have to meet and spend time with *many* women. If right from the get go you are focused on trying to find just ONE perfect woman, you will never find her. To catch a prized butterfly you can’t use a net the size of one prize butterfly.

Here are three good reasons why you need to be meeting MANY women:

1. Dealing with the reality of availability. If you are searching for a “special” woman, you must pick her from the pool of women that you are actively involved with, because those are the women who are truly yours for the picking. The fantasy that you can pick from any woman out there is just that, a fantasy. Reality is the pool of women that you actually meet and get involved with--that is what is available to you for certain.

2. Basing your choice on experience rather than fantasy. Another reason you need to be getting together with a large “pool” of women is because only then can you truly know if you have good chemistry with them. If you think you can just look at a girl and know if she is someone that you’d have good chemistry with, then you will spend too much time girl watching and too little time girl meeting. You may imagine that you are getting closer to “finding Miss Right” by just “looking” but in fact you are making no progress at all, because looking by itself isn’t enough to make an accurate determination, it is just a form of fantasizing.

3. Keeping fear and desperation out of your decision making process. The third reason you need to meet many women is because it’s crucial to become comfortable with the whole process of meeting women. Only then will your decisions, words, and actions come from the healthy, genuine confidence that a man gets from having several desirable women to choose from.

Many people never break through their fear of the “dating game”. The moment anyone seems like a possible “relationship prospect” they start clinging to that person, and focus all their energy on that one person, convincing themselves that they’ve found “THE ONE” (even when they hardly know her!), because she offers them the promise of never having to go through the torture of meeting anyone else. Sometimes the woman feels the same way, and then they both rush into a relationship even if they don’t have good chemistry at all--they just convince themselves they’re right for each other because they dread the prospect of looking for someone else. Make sure you’re not “at risk” of ending up in a relationship like that by conquering your fears till you are comfortable with the whole process of getting women.

Okay, if you’re still with me it’s time to move on to the topic of how to increase the chances of meeting women that you have really good chemistry with, how to recognize them, and how to avoid those women that you aren’t going to have good chemstry with.

Surprise... The secrets of how to do this haven’t been figured out yet! The main purpose of this post is to find out who here is SERIOUSLY interested in this topic, because I get the feeling that many guys here are NOT really interested in things like “good chemistry” just whether the girl looks hot or not. So those of you who ARE seriously interested in meeting a girl that you really truly “click with”, let me know in this thread and if there are enough of us maybe we can get a discussion going among ourselves to discover the answer.

DeepBlue

I'm interested in finding the One after being 33 years old. Why 33? Don't know. I need to Dj before that and become (one of) the best.

Good Morning!

OK, let me throw out my thoughts on the issue of finding “Miss Right”.

I think, deep down, we all want to find a single partner to spend our time with. When we are younger (our 20’s), we want to party with a lot of girls, but that’s just part of sowing our oats and growing up. Nothing wrong with that.

Eventually however, the act of dating becomes almost like work. Approaching, asking for a number, etc. is kind of an exciting adrenaline rush, but that fades away. Maybe that’s just me, as I get older. As you get to know a chick who you will eventually find out is incompatible, it’s almost a chore just to be nice to her until you can get rid of her.

When I found this site, I worked hard to get myself in shape, update my wardrobe, and change my attitude. And it paid off in a big way. It became easier and easier to talk to girls and be in control of the relationship (which is where a DJ should be). As I weeded out incompatible chicks, my patience with them grew less and less, and I became more efficient at cutting the cord.

My point is that, in order to find a girl for a LTR, you have to go through a number of short term relationships. I wince whenever I see two kids getting married right out of high school or college. A friend of mine who I work with let this happen to him. He got married when he was 20, and his wife was 19. Chilling.

In rare circumstances, this kind of relationship might be successful, but I haven’t seen it. I guess the last time I saw it happen was with my parents. Today, our society is geared toward the fact that everything is too easy to acquire, including marriage.

Newbies are quick to “latch onto” the first girl that shows them the smallest sliver of attention. Declaring “true love”, they post here asking for advice when things turn south. For some reason I haven’t yet been able to find, they are unwilling to work their way through multiple relationships in order to find a suitable partner.

In my post :Why Do You Tolerate A Flakey Chick?”, I cover some of the reasons why guys are afraid to date more than one girl, but some guys keep getting walked all over, and they never take steps to figure out why. Fortunately, most of the guys here are open to listening and learning and show a willingness to improve.

Deepblue wrote: Okay, if you’re still with me it’s time to move on to the topic of how to increase the chances of meeting women that you have really good chemistry with, how to recognize them, and how to avoid those women that you aren’t going to have good chemstry with.

OK, I’ll throw out a few things I would use to screen a chick for a serious relationship. You could even call them “tests”.

1. Sexual Compatibility – No question, this is a biggie. Call me shallow and oversexed, but it’s important. I was listening to a morning radio show today and a girl called in asking advice about her husband. They had been married a year (after dating for 2), and she complained that they only had sex 2-4 times a month. A month! This is one reason why I don’t have a problem with pre-marital sex and living together (providing the ages and maturity levels are there). A lot of couples could save themselves a lot of heartache this way. Of course this includes physical attraction and certain features you want in a woman. Myself, I have to have a chick with a nice a$$!

2. Intelligence – Again, this is very important. I hate having a chick stare at me with that glazed-over expression on her face when I ask her a question about a topic in the news, or how was her day. I consider myself a pretty sharp guy, and my woman needs to be able to keep up with my conversations.

3. Sense of humor- Some of the best times are to be had just cutting up with a girl and telling jokes and laughing our a$$ off. In this sense, the girl has to have some male attributes. I don’t want to have to walk on eggshells worrying whether or not I’ll offend her “politically correct” sensibilities.

4. A certain sense of independence- No man wants a clingy, needy chick. She has to be able to survive in the wild on her own.

5. Mutual interests – If you intend on spending any amount of time with a chick, then you will have to find some things you enjoy doing together. Whether it’s a hobby you share, or just going out and dancing, drinking, attending church services, etc., there has to be some kind of common interest.

6. Rapport, or that certain “chemistry” - This one is hard to pin down. Sometimes it just feels right; you get good “vibes” from a chick. Very rare, yet one thing that I feel is essential to maintaining a LTR.

7. She needs to be able to get along with my friends and family - I don’t mean she has to be “universally accepted” by these groups. If I’m dating a chick, I could care less whether or not they like her or not; I’m the one dating her. But it doesn’t help if the chick goes out of her way to rub everyone the wrong way.

That’s enough for right now. That should get the party started…

Gipper


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"There's nothing wrong with letting the girls know you're money, and that you want to party.
-Trent, from "Swingers"

"Keep your girlfriend away from me,
Just advice I’m giving you for free,
Wanna have every thing I see,
So keep your girlfriend away from me..."
-Local H, from "Here Comes The Zoo"

Hi Gipper! Ya know, I almost titled my post "one for the Gipper" since I know you share my interest in this topic.

I started by posting only a lead-in because I found myself putting a lot of work into exploring the topic, and I didn't want to waste my time posting it on SoSuave if very few of the readers are interested.

Your list of what you look for in a woman is interesting and similar to what I look for, but the thing is, we can all make these lists and they don't necessarily make it easier to FIND a woman who has those attributes.

I actually find it fairly easy to tell if I have have great chemistry with a woman (chemistry is my catch all term for being compatible across the board) and my main focus is how and where to FIND those women, and what I can do to meet more of them.

For instance I think that the PLACES you go for meeting women plays a role in the type of women you meet. But there are a number of other factors I'm looking at that seem to affect the odds of meeting a woman you have good chemistry with.

If very few people here are interested, then I will probably explore this topic someplace else (a different forum), because I would like to get some creative input from a number of people who share the same interest.

DeepBlue

Great posts guys!

Here is something I came up with on this topic. I geared it towards both men and women, since I posted it on GP.com. But, it can be applicable for any site.


How to Locate a Good Person to Date

By AngelPagel/VeryBadGirl

OK, so I admit that I am not looking for anyone right now, but obviously a lot of other people are. So, since I have dated some pretty great people in my day, I thought I would write up this tip for all of you bemoaning the amount of as*holes and b*tches out there.

Obviously, if you have been reading this website enough, you have figured out that you can’t just give your heart to anyone that says “Hi” to you. You have to date them and get to know them through spending time with them in order to find out if they are a person that is worthy of your love and a person that you are compatible with.

So, falling for the wrong person is no longer your problem. The problem is now that you have been out there, dating a few people, trying to find this ever-elusive person that actually meets your criteria. An actual, real-life good person.

Now, hopefully, you are not out there looking for a perfect person, because they don’t exist. Everyone has had ups and downs and everyone has some annoying qualities and flaws. So, get that image of the perfect person and the perfect relationship out of your mind. Even when you find that good person, you still have to work at the relationship.

But, obviously, you need to have some qualities in mind that you don’t compromise on when it comes to a potential partner. Things like respectful, trustworthy, ambitious, honest, kind, giving, smart, interesting, fun or whatever you think is important for you.

So, now, where do you find this person? Obviously, we all wish that there was a “people who are not evil” meeting place in each town or something, but there isn’t. So, I created a list of good places to meet people. Perhaps they are ideas of some new places that you may not have thought of. I can’t guarantee that good people will be at all these places, but from my experience, there tend to be a few there.

I know that bars and clubs are a place that people often go to try and get dates, but I wouldn’t recommend this as the #1 best place to go. Some girls are only there to get guys to buy them drinks and some guys are there to buy girls drinks so they can get them in bed. I’m not saying that good people don’t go to bars. Heck, I go to bars all the time. But, most often, good people don’t go to bars to get dates. But, really, don’t turn down a date just because you met him/her at a bar. You never know.

Also, many men think that walking up to a random woman on the street is a good way to meet people. Now, I am sure there are a lot of good women on the street, but this is not the best place to strike up a conversation. In large cities and even smaller cities, women can be wary of men walking up to them on the street. We have all heard stories of women being raped or killed. Where I live, women have even been abducted in broad daylight. Or, often men stop and talk to me to feed you a cheesy line or comment on how nice your tits are. Now, even if you are on a busy street during the day, women may not be apt to talk to you because chances are, they are busy. Going to work, the store, the bus stop, meeting friends, talking on the phone, whatever. Talking to a woman at a bookstore, coffee shop or deli will probably be more effective. Lots of people around and you already have something in common: you like books, like to drink coffee or like to eat. Something to talk about.

So, now to my ideas:

1) Take a night/weekend class at a local university. Night and weekend classes often have a variety of ages in them and most people there are taking them for the sake of simple enrichment – because they are really interested in the subject. There are not there because they have to be, they are there because they want to be. (Fits criteria: Smart, interesting and ambitious)

2) Take a “just for fun” class to learn a new hobby or skill. Cooking, yoga, judo, pottery or whatever interests you. You will meet new people and be in a comfortable and fun setting where you can easily strike up a conversation after class. (Fits criteria: Interesting)

3) Join a team. Whatever sport you like, go out there and do it, but do it co-ed. Soccer, ultimate Frisbee, football, or softball/baseball. Camaraderie, sweaty people and often beer. Basically a great pick up waiting to happen. (Fits criteria: Fun, interesting and nice body)

4) Join a club for something you are interested in or want to learn more about. A book club, sailing club, alumni association, hiking club, running club, etc. They usually have outing, events or meeting where you can go and do whatever it is you do with people who like to do the same thing. (Fits criteria: Interesting)

5) If you like politics or care about who governs, get involved in politics. Most cities or towns have a democratic and republican committee. During election time, volunteering for a candidate is a great way to meet like-minded people. Trust me, a lot of hook-ups happen during a campaign. (Fits criteria: Interesting and politically savvy)

6) Volunteer at a local homeless shelter, soup kitchen, children’s organization, environmental organization, local hospital, day care center or nursing home – whatever sort of service interests you. Or do a bike-a-thon, walk-a-thon or other charity function. I do tons of these things and there are tons of great people there. There are actually volunteer singles groups in some areas. I’ve never done this, but it could be good. But, you are more likely to meet genuine people if you just volunteer for the sake of helping others. (Fits criteria: Interesting, kind and giving)

7) Go to a lecture, book reading or poetry reading at a local university. Learn something new about a book you just read or a famous writer/scholar/speaker/politician that you are interested in. A great conversation starter for after the lecture. (Fits criteria: Interesting)

8) Go to an event, like a outdoor concert, parade, fair, protest, convention or festival. Lots of people milling around on a sunny day all interested in the same thing. (Fits criteria: Interesting)

9) Through friends. This should really be #1. You have a friend J. J is really cool, down to earth, smart person. Chances are, J is discerning in his choice of friends. He chose you, right? If you go to a party at J’s house, or at J’s friend M’s house, there are about to be some cool people there who J and M are friends with. If you don’t have a J in your life – if all your friends are in a close-knit circle, #’s 1-8 will help you meet J. See the beauty of it all?


My final point is, you CANNOT do these things for the sole purpose of meeting a date. If you do this, you will probably be bored or look like an idiot when someone asks you about your interest in Milan Kundera books and you have no idea who the hell he is.

You have to actually be interested in learning something new or doing something new. Do these things because they will make you an interesting and better person – with the added bonus of meeting new people. The great thing is, most people want to date an interesting and fun person.

Now, I can’t guarantee that you will meet a really good person at each of these places, but you will meet people. Hopefully, at least one of them will be good. Remember, you have to get through quantity to find quality.

Great post Gipper!

Hey DeepBlue,

I like your topics. There is always some very good substance in your posts. Thanks for bringing this up.

Trying to find Miss Right by only dating one girl, is relationship suicide IMO. I agree with your post and Gipper's. I noticed in my own behavior that when you think you found the "one" you ignore the things that are negative about that particular person. It's like you have beer googles on and you don't see that girl for what she really is.

Finding that particular girl in a particular place, doesn't change the person from what she really is. Thinking that a girl is good just because you meet her in a certain place doesn't mean her attributes should be the same as the place you meet her. I personally would like to find women that are liked minded persons. But I shouldn't give those attributes to her because she hasn't proven herself to have those attributes yet.

Here is an example: I go to Church. I believe in my religion. I would like to meet someone of the same faith. I noticed within myself that I have in the past and sometimes in the present have assumed certain attributes that a particular girl had even though she didn't. Which helped myself self-destruct by believing she was something she was not. Just because I have met her at church, she is a good girl. But is she really? What has she done to prove herself to me? I have found that I have put this meeting the one in particular places has hindered reality.

I hope I didn't go off topic here. I think this is somewhat related to your topic. Maybe other's have experienced this also.

Legend


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"As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round."... Ben Hogan

"The key to happiness in your life is "Your Life",... Don the Legend

[This message has been edited by Don the Legend (edited 04-18-2002).]

Don the Legend wrote:
"...believing she was something she was not. Just because I have met her at church...."


Very good point. Don't automatically assume a woman has certain attributes, just because you happened to meet her in a certain type of place.

The significance of WHERE you go to meet women is not so much to guarantee certain attributes, but just to increase the likelihood of meeting women with desired attributes. You still have to get to know the women, but at least the odds of wasting your time are hopefully lowered.

Good, so that's three people interested in this topic so far: Gipper, VeryBadGirl, and Don the Legend.

DeepBlue

VeryBadGirl listed some very good places where you might find a suitable partner, but like DeepBlue and Don the Legend discussed, it's still no guarantee that you'll find someone who is compatible.

I purposefully tried not to restrict myself to where I could find someone, just in case she might be where I'm not looking.

It makes the odds more daunting, but there's no reason to be in a hurry, is there?

Gipper

------------------
"There's nothing wrong with letting the girls know you're money, and that you want to party.
-Trent, from "Swingers"

"Keep your girlfriend away from me,
Just advice I’m giving you for free,
Wanna have every thing I see,
So keep your girlfriend away from me..."
-Local H, from "Here Comes The Zoo"

That's why I don't go to church to meet girls. I get along with regular girls better.

Most church girls seem VERY stuck up and/or are very snobby, and if you haven't been a member of their church for a few years, they don't really care to know you that well.

Also, church girls play this bullcrap about wanting to dump guys, saying "God has a mission in my life right now", or "I'm gonna focus more on God than thinking about guys so much right now"

My Brother's last girlfriend played that crap to him. Me, on the other hand, have just had church girls plainly ignore me, mainly when around their church "click".

When I am out talking to regular girls, it's much easier to strike conversation, and not have to worry about freaking her out because I said a "cuss" word. Also, because The Church drills into your head constantly about "don't have sex, dont have lust, bla, bla" that if you make any physical contact with some church girls, they think you are trying to provoke them into sex, and of course freak out.

I've been more at ease, and way less stressed since I quit going to church, and you can still have a relationship w/God without church.

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The one, The only, The Shackmaster!

Okay, and for keeping this thread on track, it's still about how you can increase the odds of meeting women with whom you have "great chemistry".

That and finding out who here is seriously interested in this topic.

Deep Blue,

Man, you are relentless. LOL!

Seriously though. If I had seen a post like this when I first came to this board, I probably would have posted a reply that attacked you for posting it. The kind of anger that would lead me to do it would have come from, like you said, my experiences in ending up hurt and in LJBF land. Even though I am not interested in LTR's right now, I am no longer against discussing this topic. But I do think that it should be stressed that DJ's who still have not completely killed the AFC in them should put the thought of "Miss Right" completely out of their heads until they have recovered from AFC ways of thinking and don't have relapses so that they can approach the "Miss Right" issue from a healthier angle, that of a Don Juan.

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You either own the game or it owns you!

Originally posted by trickynick:
But I do think that it should be stressed that DJ's who still have not completely killed the AFC in them should put the thought of "Miss Right" completely out of their heads until they have recovered from AFC ways of thinking and don't have relapses so that they can approach the "Miss Right" issue from a healthier angle, that of a Don Juan.

Click to expand...

Correct. This is a truly advanced topic and the newbies should be aware of that fact.

You have to go through a lot of training to work on a police bomb squad! Pullin' Slurpees at the 7-11 is not acceptable training!

Get the basics down first, and try to put some thought into it before posting to this thread.

Gipper

------------------
"There's nothing wrong with letting the girls know you're money, and that you want to party.
-Trent, from "Swingers"

"Keep your girlfriend away from me,
Just advice I’m giving you for free,
Wanna have every thing I see,
So keep your girlfriend away from me..."
-Local H, from "Here Comes The Zoo"

Originally posted by Gipper:
VeryBadGirl listed some very good places where you might find a suitable partner, but like DeepBlue and Don the Legend discussed, it's still no guarantee that you'll find someone who is compatible.

Click to expand...

Yes, I agree. There are never any guarantee's that the people you meet are going to be compatible. Just because someone attends church every weekend doesn't automatically make them a good person.

But, that is why the whole dating process is so useful - it allows you to get to know them and find out what kind of person they are over time.

VeryBadGirl wrote:
...that is why the whole dating process is so useful - it allows you to get to know them...


Yes, I agree with VeryBadGirl, the dating process lets you get a feel for what the woman is like deep inside.

Sorry dude but unless I meet one I'll still firmly believe that there is no such thing a Miss Right or "That special woman". It's all BS if you ask me.

There is not ONE special woman, there are many special women out there.

Timing, luck, location, personality and perhaps a little bit of fate play into who you meet, who you choose and how the relationship plays out.

I just want to say that this is a very, very interesting topic, just to let Deepblue know

Well, I'm also a newbie, so.. I'll refrain from posting due to my lack of experience and just enjoy your writings.

Originally posted by Lawrence:
Sorry dude but unless I meet one I'll still firmly believe that there is no such thing a Miss Right or "That special woman". It's all BS if you ask me.

Click to expand...

You are missing the point Lawrence. WE know this. What we are presenting here are methods to find a compatible chick to hang out with.

There are many, many women who can fit the bill of "Miss Right". All we are doing is speculating on how (and where) to find them.

Gipper

------------------
"There's nothing wrong with letting the girls know you're money, and that you want to party.
-Trent, from "Swingers"

"Keep your girlfriend away from me,
Just advice I’m giving you for free,
Wanna have every thing I see,
So keep your girlfriend away from me..."
-Local H, from "Here Comes The Zoo"

Originally posted by VeryBadGirl:
There is not ONE special woman, there are many special women out there.

Timing, luck, location, personality and perhaps a little bit of fate play into who you meet, who you choose and how the relationship plays out.

Click to expand...

I don't believe in luck or fate, but the rest sounds OK.

Gipper

------------------
"There's nothing wrong with letting the girls know you're money, and that you want to party.
-Trent, from "Swingers"

"Keep your girlfriend away from me,
Just advice I’m giving you for free,
Wanna have every thing I see,
So keep your girlfriend away from me..."
-Local H, from "Here Comes The Zoo"

Originally posted by Gipper:
That’s enough for right now. That should get the party started...

Click to expand...

Good basic list Gipper. But here are some other things to look for:

1. When she's around, does life get easier or harder? During MoTU's Mary saga this was one thing he missed. A low quality chick will (try to) suck your attention and energy towards her and give nothing back. (Except maybe a lot of promises and IOUs.) Bottom line is she'll distract you with her bullshyt and her games and her plans for you and all of that - and so you'll spend less time on the things that matter to you.

But when you're around a high quality chick other things in your life, especially work and career, will get easier.

Why? Because she'll be smart enough to point things out to you that you're missing about situations, and creative enough to give them a different but useful spin.

And if you're in an LTR she has the initiative to deal with problems on her own rather than hassling you with all of them.

Those are two diamond qualities to look for - creative insight and independent initiative.

2. It's a mutual thing. What she gives you, you give her. As above. It's not one way. But because you work well together, this isn't some kind of chore for you. It's just something that happens, and you both win.


3. She's not keeping score about things. It's not like 'We had sex last week so this week you *owe* me a romantic night out.' Any relationship that has much of that is doomed.

That's another diamond - effortless give and take.

4. You agree about stuff, or at least tolerate the things you don't agree about. *This matters way more than most people realise.* You don't need to add politics and religion to the list of things you might end up arguing about.

Another - shared values.

5. She lives in the real world. What she says is true. You'll notice some chicks say yadda yadda yadda about something - family, friends, themselves, anything - and then when you run a reality check on it the results don't match the words.

That's a red flag. Always. It's a very bad sign, because it means when she says anything you will *always* have to check it yourself - which means more work for you.

Contrariwise, if she's right about things - that's potentially very useful to you.

You could add more here, but notice there's one thing they all have in common:

None of them are 'romantic'.

Both AFCs and chicks get this very, very wrong here. They believe that 'the one' is the one you have that intense emotional rush with. And that's all you need.

This is bullshyt. Totally. You can't choose 'the one' with your hormones.

(And to make that clear - that's not 'the one' in the sappy AFC 'the one and only' sense. But in the sense of 'one out of a few hundred thousands that are all genuine good long term prospect and will significantly improve your life by being in it.')

Here's the unglamorous truth - You choose 'the one' as part of a careful long-term strategic plan.

Women are shyt at long-term strategic thinking, especially about relationships. They usually get into LTRs for either hormonal reasons (they can't keep their panties on when they're around an alpha male) or selfish ones. ('Yes I would like some more errands from you, Mr AFC.)

Or they're 'in love', which is usually some excuse for one or other of the above. Or maybe parental and peer pressure. ('You mean you're *still* not married?! What kind of daughter are you? How long has your best friend been married now?')

But if a guy can keep *his* hormones under control, intelligent strategy is a real strong point. So this is one thing us guys need to work out for ourselves.

All the AFCs are going to hate this idea, because they still believe 'the one' lives in a castle somewhere and needs to be rescued from it, or some other immature shyt like that. They meet, lightning strikes, somewhere music starts playing, and everyone lives happily ever after.

But think about this for a second - would you make any other decision in your life like that?

No! The reality is that being ruthlessly objective about a chick's personal qualities, and how they do or don't help you by being in your life, is the only way to go.

If she's hot enough to keep you simmering *and* you can tick off the list as above you could be looking at good LTR material. (And if not - you don't want to go there.)

Either way *you have to be ruthless about what she's doing for you.* Not just in terms of sex, which a DJ should have no trouble finding. But in terms of more subtle help - the kind of qualities that are sually less easy to find, and need stricter and more careful filtering.