How should I proceed? Help please!

I recently moved back to the city I grew up in after leaving a 5+ year LTR. Through the wonders of facebook, I managed to get into contact with a girl I went to elementary/junior high school with 10 years ago; I'd peg her atleast a 9-9.5 (cause 10s dont exist!), shes a really gorgeous girl, with brains to boot! I sent her a message on fb saying I just moved back, and thought we should hang out. She agreed.

Fast forward roughly 6 weeks and we've hung out a number of times. Coffee, dinner at a local pub x2, bowling, movie x2(1 at the theater, 1 at her place), and out to the club with her sister. We definitely have good chemistry. We have quite a lot in common, similar sense of humor, all in all have a REALLY great time when we hang out.

She is aware that I have, and still continue to see other women. And I've told her I'm not looking to jump into anything too serious right now (I had a crazy lady on my hands I told her about).

I'm pretty sure shes into me, although women can be hard to read. I havn't made any moves on her (kinda kicking myself, but I don't want to rush things), partially because I know her from the past...and she isnt some random chick I asked out on a date that I'm looking to get some action from. So I'm somewhat confused about whether or not I'm in the friend zone..which is why I'm hesitating. There has been a bunch of kino, initiated by her aswell (including jumping into my arms for a big hug after she got a strike when bowling).

The thing with this girl is that she's totaly my type, ie the kind of person I would be interested in pursuing a serious relationship with, rather than just relations. Which is also kind of taking my balls away from me, as I dont want to 'rush' things.

So, QUESTION ONE: Should I sack up and make a move the next time an opportunity presents itself (or make the opportunity present itself) and risk being shot down and thrown into the 'friends category'? Or take things slow and play it by ear?



My other problem is, I'm starting to feel like I'm always the one doing the initiating. She always answers my calls or texts..right away. Or calls me back in a reasonable amount of time. But I feel like I'm doing alot more initiating than her. This bothers me...ALOT! If I invite her to hang out shes been really gung ho EVERY time, and hasnt blown me off once. She did invite me out to the club with her and her sister, but other than that most of the initiating as far as hanging out has been on my end.

I'm unsure if she isnt reaching out to me because I told her I wasnt looking to jump into anything serious right now (with regards to the woman who thought I should marry her). Maybe shes playing the game, and playing hard to get to gauge my interest level? Maybe shes just not into me?

The problem is, if she IS into me, but isnt sure about how I feel..I dont want to 'play the game' BACK and have her lose interest because SHE thinks I'M no longer interested.

Even worse however, I dont want to push her away by calling or texting too much. I'll talk to her usually once a week..and usually only call to make plans. I've limited my texting to 1-2 times per week...or none at all. The few times she has initiated contact with me has usually been when I've been REALLY busy and simply havent called or texted in about a week.

Last weekend we hung out on friday (bowling, then watched a movie at her house...this is where I feel I should/could have made a move), she invited me out saturday with her sister to the bar. We didnt talk at all the following week...which is when I realized I had done most of the initiating. I reluctantly texted on Friday to see how her week was and what her plans for the weekend were (I had plans for the weekend already). She mentioned she was taking phase 1 of her real estate liscence on saturday...which is something I've always been highly interested in but never had the time. She said she couldnt believe she didnt think of me, and that if I took phase 1 on the 25th (6 hour course) I would be able to take phase 2 with her starting the next day (96 hour course) and phase 3 following that.

So I'm getting mixed signals. She's leaping into my arms one day, but then I dont hear from her all week. Then she is all excited and urging me to take this course with her, which would be committing to the next 7 months in a class together. ARG! Talk about hot and cold!

Anyways, I told her to give me a call and let me know how phase 1 goes, and ended the conversation. So, I've made the decision that I'm not going to contact her untill she contacts me. But after that, how would some of you don juaners suggest I go about handling this situation.

QUESTION 2: Do I persue? Do I call? Do I initiate? Or do I refuse to do all the initiating and wait for her to start taking the reins a little more?



TL;DL (Too Long Didnt Read)
Old friend. Hung out a number of times. Getting lots of mixed signals. Great when spend time togeather, lots of chemistry. But she doesnt initiate.

Do I make a move on her sexually, or play things by ear?
Do I continue to persue, call, and initiate (in as classy a manner as possible)? Or do I refuse to do most of the initiating and wait (and pray) she takes some of the initiative?

Sorry for the long read, hopefully it isnt just a mess of words. Thanks in advance for any insight/advice you guys can provide.

I should probably also mention. She has talked about me to her family/friends, though this could simply be because we're 'old friends'..though we weren't ever THAT close when we went to school together.

She also told me that I'm a 'nice guy'..which REALLY bothered me. Its good to be nice...but that can have negative conotations involved with it as well; as far as a romantic relationship is concerned.

bump. Anyone?

I think youve been friendzoned. You need to make a move first and see if she is interested in you. If she is and you report back I will answer your questions.

So I asked a female friend (very attractive girl who has lots of men chasing her) for some advice regarding my situation. She said she likes it if the guy takes initiative and does most of the calling/texting in the beginning of the relationship...and that I shouldn't worry if I'm doing most of the initiating. She also explained that if a guy DOESNT do a lot of initiating she assumes hes not interested and moves on.

She suggested I just call the girl and tell her that I've been getting mixed signals, and may have been giving mixed signals - which I probably have been, when we first hung out I had no intentions of persuing this girl - and let her know that I'm interested in more than being just friends.

I asked if it might be better if I just SHOW her that I'm interested in more by 'making a move', but she said given what has already played out (told her I'm not really looking for any serious relationships), that may come across as 'I just wanna **** you' (which THIS time isnt the case). And again said just telling her would be better.

Any thoughts on this? Or any OTHER advice? Thanks.

BadNews said:

So I asked a female friend (very attractive girl who has lots of men chasing her) for some advice regarding my situation. She said she likes it if the guy takes initiative and does most of the calling/texting in the beginning of the relationship...and that I shouldn't worry if I'm doing most of the initiating. She also explained that if a guy DOESNT do a lot of initiating she assumes hes not interested and moves on.

She suggested I just call the girl and tell her that I've been getting mixed signals, and may have been giving mixed signals - which I probably have been, when we first hung out I had no intentions of persuing this girl - and let her know that I'm interested in more than being just friends.

I asked if it might be better if I just SHOW her that I'm interested in more by 'making a move', but she said given what has already played out (told her I'm not really looking for any serious relationships), that may come across as 'I just wanna **** you' (which THIS time isnt the case). And again said just telling her would be better.

Any thoughts on this? Or any OTHER advice? Thanks.

Click to expand...

I would NOT recommend taking advice from a female friend. There are a FEW that know what they are talking about, but they are rare. (As for the chick you are interested in, I'll just refer to her as "your girl" for simplicity.) First, do NOT tell your girl how your feel or that you want more than just friends with her. I've never heard of that working. Even if the girl likes you, it usually scares them away. Like most advice from female friends, it sounds great in theory, but doesn't work so well in reality. See the following thread for more information: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=181434&highlight=advice+female


Anyway, you definitely should have made a move by now. There certainly is a significant risk that you have been friendzoned, but at this point, you should try anyway. You absolutely should have at LEAST kissed by now. You need to make up for some lost time, but you can't move too fast or it will be creepy and unexpected. You can try one of the following scenarios:

1. Invite her over to watch a movie.
a.) Sit on the couch next to her.
b.) Touch her hand or forearm while making a point.
c.) Rest your hand on hers. (If she doesn't pull away, good.)
d.) Lightly start to massage her hand with your fingertips.
e.) After a while, turn and look her in the eye.
f.) Brush her hair aside, and go for the kiss.

Those are baby steps, so even if she has friendzoned you and you get rejected, she can't hate you for trying this. It's not like you did anything really aggressive. If she's interested, you should at LEAST get a light makeout.

Prior to Facebook, this girl was gone from your life. So, you have nothing to lose.

So just an update here. Lots has happened within the last week.

I completely caved (after having a few beers with my buddies) and contacted her before she contacted me (which is NOT what I had planned) haha. I sent a simple text saying "HEY! What the heck?! How did phase 1 go?" Unfortunately she texted me back while I was in a late night meeting, and for what ever reason I decided I would call her after my meeting...at 11:00pm -_-

No answer. Got voicemail..was completely unprepared..and left a HORRIBLE voicemail for her.

She called the next morning (I missed the call sigh) and left me a voicemail. So later that day I sent her a text (I was working, she was working) and we texted back for a little bit, I asked if she was getting off work at the usual time. Yep. Tried to call her about an hour after she got off work.

No Answer!

Now I'm really screwed, and starting to get slightly annoyed that this is happening to me. Anyways, the next day I sent her a text message saying "HEY! You're kinda a hard girl to get on the phone. Lets go on a date tmr? Yes? No? Lemme know." She texted me back agreeing to go on this date with me. Took her to the comedy club. Went back to her place and watched a movie afterwards.

Anyways, long story short. She has been confused this whole time thinking I had put HER in the friends zone (she actually said this to me)...and all I would have had to do was be more upfront about how I felt about her, or make my move like 5 dates ago and I could have avoided all this confusion..for both of us. Though, as I'm not looking for just a quick lay with this girl...I think the way everything has played out couldnt have come together any better if I had tried to plan it. Now to see where this road goes...thanks for the replies guys.