Field Report: the patient job

Okay guys, I have decided to post a bit about my dating last year. After reading the DJ Bible and the best of SoSuave, I decided to put what I had learned into practice. So I went out there and did a LOT of approaches. And it worked. It worked beautifully.

I kept a journal of it all (online, saved in an email to be safe), and I will post a few examples - some successes and some failures. Here's an example of a fling that took a while to realize.

Way back in January 2010

There was this girl I'll call Gin. I was walking in a neighborhood close to mine one evening when I saw her coming out of a grocery store - very attractive girl. I wanted to approach, but I couldn't come up with something to say quickly, so I came up with something pretty bad: I grabbed a pamphlet with recipes from the ground, printed by this chain of stores, and went after her, asking if she had just dropped this.

"No," Gin said of course, and thankfully didn't look closer at what it was. I smiled and shrugged my shoulders, and went in the same direction as her. I joked about escorting her home, it was the least I could do after bothering her. Asked what she was studying, since this was a college area. After five minutes we were at Gin's place and I had to say goodbye.

I mentioned a street market the next weekend and said I could give her a call if she wanted to go. She hesitated, so I said I could memorize her email if it was an easy address. That worked, got her email.

I waited until the next evening before I sent her a quick hello, and she said hello back and wrote some more. The next day I gave the time for the market, but Gin wrote back that she couldn't go.

She didn't give any other suggestion, and it was clear that that was that.

Now, a few years ago I might have tried a few times more. But I knew now that her Interest Level was low and wouldn't get higher by me being persistent. Luckily I had other plates to spin, so I just wrote a cheerful "Some other time then!" and left it at that.


August 2010

Seven months later I contacted Gin again, now with a kickass event to go to. She would definitely love the idea. And she did, but she wrote back that she really would like to go, but she had to study. But, she wanted to meet up next week instead. And she gave me her phone number. So naturally I waited three days until after the event, texted Gin and told her she had missed a fun time, then asked if she wanted to go for a walk that same evening.

Since Gin's studies are pretty advanced and take a lot of time, I just asked for a quick walk. We live close to each other. We went to a store farther away, talked and had fun. She had a quirky sense of humor that fit well with mine, we laughed a lot.

Going back from the store I climbed an apple tree to shake down apples for Gin, and she put them in her bag from the grocery store. This was a difficult climb, so I was glad I didn't fail.

We sat down on a park bench, watching the stars, talking. And here's what she told me about that later:

Gin: "You know why I decided to see you again after that evening?
Me: "Because we had fun?"
Gin: "No, well yes. But you were telling me something serious, and I was joking and interrupting you, and you said, 'Just wait a moment' and went on."

Yes, I had been telling her something philosophical, and Gin being her usual self interrupted me with jokes. But I was insistent about this, it was dear to my heart, so I told her to wait in a nice but firm way. I don't think she was used to that. Shortly after that she leaned against me to look up at the stars, a cue for me to kiss her, which I did. First date, kissing, not bad.


Ending

We dated for four weeks, had great sex. First time we had sex was after I had lifted her up and down a tree, and we kissed passionately after that, then went right back to my place nearby. Girls enjoy being lifted.

Gin told me that when we met back in January she had just broken up with her boyfriend, and she couldn't start something new. It had been a long relationship. Sadly, she couldn't stop thinking of him. The last time we dated we were at my place and she was showing me songs on YouTube, then started crying because the songs reminded her of him. She told me she had to go home, and I knew it was over.

It was one of those flings that are good while they last. We have sent some quick messages after that, with a friendly tone. That's a good ending. Especially since she lives close to me, and she might very well know other girls I could meet in the future. Also, remember the rule: always leave them better than you found them.


So that's it, first example.

That was excellent. I'm interested in hearing about all the stuff you did besides talking to women. That too, but what was the nature of this journal? How did you do it online? And how did it help your game?

Simply, I noted in an email draft each time I approached a woman, and every time I met her after that, and wrote down things like her age, what she was studying or working with, details she told me that I should remember, and what we did together.

Otherwise I would never have been able to tell them all apart, and I would have been looking at the names in my cellphone and wondered, "Who the hell is that?"

It also helped me keep statistics on where I had the most successful approaches.

Another example from last year, also in January:


Finding a girl in the grocery store

I had decided to walk for 3-4 hours a day, trying to find suitable girls to talk to in the street. As I learned from SS it's a numbers game, and to find more plates to spin you need to invest time. Like when you are trying to find a job: you can't just apply for one, you have to apply for many.

So I was walking around in neighborhoods close to mine one Monday, and went inside a store to get warm. While I was there I realized I could just look through the stores to find girls, since that is where they go. In this store I found a girl that I decided I wanted to talk to - let's call her Sunny. But should I start talking to her while she was picking out groceries? No; I'd have to follow her around in the store then, looking stupid. Better to wait until she was finished.

So I was stalking Sunny for a while. It is harder than you might think, you have to keep far away and just pass by instead of standing still, but you have to keep track of her so she won't leave the store when you are not looking.

I approached when she exited the store. I walked alongside her, put on my hat and then took it off again, telling her in a happy tone, "It's so nice that you don't have to wear a hat outside now!" It was an unusually warm January day at 5pm.

Sunny looked at me a bit surprised, then smiled and agreed. I kept talking while walking with her to her place. I said I like to walk around here after work to get some exercise, since I sit behind a desk all day. Things like that. She enjoyed the talk.

Afterward she told me that she had kept talking with me that day because I looked so happy.

Outside Sunny's place I did something I shouldn't have, but it paid off this time. I asked her, "This might sound weird, but would you like to go to my place for dinner? It would be nice to talk some more." And lo and behold, she said yes.

Of course I kept my place tidy for just such an event - as learned from SS and from common sense. She was surprised to see a guy's place so spic and span, she said. The bathroom, perfectly clean. The bed, made. The flowers, blooming.

And for just such an eventuality, I had already prepared most of my dinner, so the rest went quickly. and I kept both white wine and cider at home - girls tend to choose cider instead of wine for these occasions, I notice. Or maybe it's just the ones I meet. She had classes the next day, after all.

I had a YouTube playlist on my computer with Sarah McLachlan songs to play. I had left a photo album with pictures of me from my childhood and onward on a table - very important, since it showed me with other people, showed me as a kid, and gave her an idea of who I am. Sunny commented on this later, I recall.

She also told me later that she decided to sleep with me that evening when I put her feet under my thigh in the couch, to keep them warm. She thought it was very considerate. I was rubbing her feet later, telling her that I hardly ever get to practice on giving massage, which I learned from a massage class some years back. So I asked her to turn around so I could massage her back. Then I asked her if she had ever had face massage, and of course she said no, so I asked her to lean back against my chest while giving her that. This is a good step-by-step way of making a girl used to the touching.

I dated Sunny for just a few weeks - she turned out to be a bit of an angry gal, though. But it was nice while it lasted. When she got dramatic over things I didn't respond by being upset, but simply took it in stride and answered her calmly. Maybe all that exercise made me relaxed.


Next time I'll write about her classmate.