LTR, gf was detained and deported.

Well long story short my long term relationship with this girl has just recently been destroyed involuntarily on both of our accounts. Everything was going great, we had plans for the future, were going to buy a house together, do all that type of stuff. We got along great, never fought, and she was loyal and dependable.

She was from Mexico, and she told me going into it her papers weren't 100%, though she did have a drivers license, social, legit job of 5+ years, and had lived here since she was 9 (she's 23). So with all that in mind I wasn't too worried about something like this happening. 2 days ago I get a call saying she has been detained and is being deported.

I tried everything, spoke with an immigration lawyer, went to see her while she was detained and held, worked with her family on trying to figure out a way to get her out, and even was there today at ICE to give them her one bag of luggage she was allowed to receive.

This whole experience has been very stressful and the hard part about it is this isn't me nexting her or her dumping me, this is all out of our control and if it were up to us we would still be together.

With all that being said I have already accepted there is nothing more I can do, and I know I have to move on. This isn't a post for sympathy I'm just asking for some advice on what to do to expedite the process of moving on and letting her go. I already have taken all her pictures and things she has bought me in the past, etc. down and just stashed them away for now. I am doing the best I can to just focus on my bodybuilding and forced myself into the gym today.

I'm just wondering at this point if I should just move on and try to hit whatever comes my way or should I talk some time out to get myself straightened out? I'm just confused and dealing with inner turmoil over this.

Anyways I'll end it here, any advice or support on this would be appreciated. And I don't mean to seem like an afc, but the bottom line is I really cared for this girl and she was good to me, I wouldn't of stayed with her otherwise. But I know it is over now and there is nothing more I can do.

Buying a house together = marriage, for most purposes. She was good for you, you were planning on staying with her and all that. Now why don´t you simply marry her? I dont live in the states so i don´t know the details on how it works, but wouldn´t that sort her residence status? And wasn´t that what you were aiming for to begin with (staying with her)?

Danger said:

Start a fiance visa to get her back if that's what you really want.

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Or maybe she can simply re-enter as a visitor? The rules change a lot, but the last time I dealt with detainees we were telling them to simply go back and get an attorney in Mexico to get them a visitor visa, and then get married while here. Unless they have changed the rules in the last few years, pretty much anyone can come to the US as a visitor, like a tourist, as long as they leave and re-enter within six months. Although I think especially someone who has been deported will need a visitor visa, and that takes paying a Mexican lawyer. Good luck with it all whatever you do.

Radharc said:

Buying a house together = marriage, for most purposes. She was good for you, you were planning on staying with her and all that. Now why don´t you simply marry her? I dont live in the states so i don´t know the details on how it works, but wouldn´t that sort her residence status? And wasn´t that what you were aiming for to begin with (staying with her)?

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We wanted to get married eventually even before all this came down, and when she got detained we wanted to see if there was a possibility that we could just get married and have this thing nullified. But it is far from being that simple.

The problem is/was her and her family had already been hit with a voluntary deportation many years ago, and they stayed. This came back to bite her and she was give a deportation order which basically stripped her of her rights. They pretty much forced her into signing papers and had her and her brother on a bus in 48 hrs.

Bible_Belt said:

Or maybe she can simply re-enter as a visitor? The rules change a lot, but the last time I dealt with detainees we were telling them to simply go back and get an attorney in Mexico to get them a visitor visa, and then get married while here. Unless they have changed the rules in the last few years, pretty much anyone can come to the US as a visitor, like a tourist, as long as they leave and re-enter within six months. Although I think especially someone who has been deported will need a visitor visa, and that takes paying a Mexican lawyer. Good luck with it all whatever you do.

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The immigration laws are very complex and nothing is as simple as it seems. I spoke with a lawyer and he said if one lives in the states illegally for a year or more there are subject to a 10 year ban from reentering. Since she was deported involuntarily (a voluntary deportation softens the blow) she will likely be hit with that. Her only real hope is to sneak back in but I know I'm just spinning wheels if I entertain the thought of her doing that and us getting back together.

Thanks for the input.

damn....that's fxcked up...atleast she'll be eating more burritos

Or... you can move to Mexico for 10 years

Radharc said:

Or... you can move to Mexico for 10 years

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WTF>>>?????>>>>>> i cant believe you even said that....shame on you!! that is definately a NO NO...

Can't she just walk back over the border like millions of others?

Badmannaz said:

WTF>>>?????>>>>>> i cant believe you even said that....shame on you!! that is definately a NO NO...

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yea that is obviously not an option

Kerpal said:

Can't she just walk back over the border like millions of others?

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Again these things aren't as simple as they seem. Border patrol has tightened up, and to do that, from what I gather requires forking over some money (a few thousand at least) to some people to help assist you over and get you back in the states. You can't just simply walk back over.

The cold part about this is, is even if she can make it back, she lost her apartment, her job, pretty much everything. And if they came for her once, they'll likely come for her again and that won't be much of a life for us.

The sad reality is I know I have to move on.

Update: I just received a text from her that she just got there and will be hearing from her soon. It is at least nice to hear from her.

shizz702 said:

Again these things aren't as simple as they seem. Border patrol has tightened up, and to do that, from what I gather requires forking over some money (a few thousand at least) to some people to help assist you over and get you back in the states. You can't just simply walk back over.

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Don't worry a good coyote (the guys that smuggle immigrants in) can get her back by next week. It's just a money issue. People get deported but they keep coming back.

If you really like her go visit her in Mexico and see what happens. Marry her in Mexico and give her your last name, then let the coyotes bring her back in and move to another state where ICE doesn't hit up constantly. Although it's better that you marry her here when she comes back.

Where do you live? I'm guessing it's one of those states that ICE hits up frequently. You got 50 states to chose from pick a good one away from the one you live in.

All that of course is if you plan to have your life with her. There will be an amnesty sooner or later she would have to wait for that but she has to be here first.

Although I wouldn't pay the coyote fee. Let her pay it and prove to you she loves you. We don't want her to take advantage of you and run off to another state after you pay for the coyote.

when love is really strong, you will do anything to be with them. go to her. she can't come to you, so go to her. visit her and talk. see what you can do about it. not the end of the world bro. mexico is only a flight away. IF YOU REALLY DO LOVE HER THAT IS. ASK YOURSELF IS SHE WORTH THE TROUBLE?

I know that isn't at all funny, and I definitely feel for you, but you need to understand that before I clicked and read, the title of this thread amused me deeply.

What state are you in?

f283000 said:

Don't worry a good coyote (the guys that smuggle immigrants in) can get her back by next week. It's just a money issue. People get deported but they keep coming back.

If you really like her go visit her in Mexico and see what happens. Marry her in Mexico and give her your last name, then let the coyotes bring her back in and move to another state where ICE doesn't hit up constantly. Although it's better that you marry her here when she comes back.

Where do you live? I'm guessing it's one of those states that ICE hits up frequently. You got 50 states to chose from pick a good one away from the one you live in.

All that of course is if you plan to have your life with her. There will be an amnesty sooner or later she would have to wait for that but she has to be here first.

Although I wouldn't pay the coyote fee. Let her pay it and prove to you she loves you. We don't want her to take advantage of you and run off to another state after you pay for the coyote.

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I am aware of the coyote process and that many are back and forth on a regular basis like it is nothing. Money is an issue right now. It at least gives me a sense of hope that she may be able to come back. Hopefully sooner rather than later. A matter of months I can deal with, but years, not gonna happen. Got to be realistic.

I live in Las Vegas, which I assume is a place that ICE hits up frequently. If marriage were to be an option, it would have to be here in the states, from what I gather, it opens up many more doors as opposed to marrying outside of the country.

HappyHarryHardon said:

when love is really strong, you will do anything to be with them. go to her. she can't come to you, so go to her. visit her and talk. see what you can do about it. not the end of the world bro. mexico is only a flight away. IF YOU REALLY DO LOVE HER THAT IS. ASK YOURSELF IS SHE WORTH THE TROUBLE?

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Love is a b!tch. And I really do love this girl, which is why this has got me so f<cked up. Maybe I will see her as I do have plenty of vacation time built up.

At the same time though I realize I need to think not just with my heart but my brain as well, and for now I am just taking this week to grieve and get my stuff sorted, I'm gonna have to see what my options are and if this will be worth it.

Just clear this out for me, if you marry her the fact that she was compulsively expelled trumps your own rights as a U.S. citizen to have your wife living with you? If thats the case its a pretty fvcked up law...

Radharc said:

Just clear this out for me, if you marry her the fact that she was compulsively expelled trumps your own rights as a U.S. citizen to have your wife living with you? If thats the case its a pretty fvcked up law...

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As far as I know she technically would not be able to legally live with me or here unless she reentered legally. But due to being deported it can be up to 10 years before she can do that.

If she sneaks back on in and we marry here, she then may be able to reenter legally, but again, time, and paperwork. And one way or another she would have to go back to do things right.

And yea it's f<cked, but due to unscrupulous people marrying just for the sake of citizenship have complicated these things and they have cracked down on it.

Just wanted to update this real quick. I pretty much explored every avenue here (immigration lawyers, researching laws, etc.) and nothing can be done legitimately, and we can't and won't got the coyote route cause ultimately there would be no real future for us that way. It sucks, but I know I have no choice but to let go. We said our good byes last night cause at this point it is simply best for us to move on cause any further contact only increased the pain and gives a false sense of hope in seeing her again.

I'm already onto another plate, cold as it sounds such is life and I refuse to sit here and wallow in sh!t over this.

Fellas the point I want to make here is that we got to stay strong and keep moving forward at all costs. Life happens, sh!t happens, we next em, they dump us, or crazy circumstances like this happen that are beyond our control. Bottom line is we can't let it break us. Life goes on.

Next.

why not move to mexico if you really love her? start anew life with her. lol.