Advice: Call Her, Don't Text Her

Most younger girls today have the attention span of a fruitfly, and more demands on their attention than ever before. In such an environment, developing a genuine rapport with a girl whom you just met can seem daunting.

Having said that, I believe the power of building rapport over the PHONE is vastly underestimated. It’s funny to read guys here still crowing about getting numbers like it's the 90s. Fellas, numbers mean nothing. Girls today give out their number like candy on Halloween. How many of those numbers are translating to dates and lays?

Most guys will pull a number and play a bunch of little text games, then act surprised when she invariably loses interest and flakes. Fellas, she's playing the same text games with 20 other guys she's met at the clubs and reveling in the attention.

Pick up the phone and call. If she won't pick up, text and schedule a time for "a quick chat". In today's hyper-stimulated environment, having an old school 30 minute phone conversation is effectively like having a Day 2. Moreover, when you're texting/IM'ing she could be multitasking a million things at once. When she's on the phone, she has to effectively dedicate and invest ALL her attention to you - a Herculean feat for most younger girls today.

A genuine bond can develop through the phone. This is especially true today as most guys today don't call, and girls today are seldom used to talking to guys on the phone. Girls will say they fall in love a man's voice; I've yet to hear of a girl fall in love with a man's texting skills.

Be a suave lothario and set yourself apart from all her texting/Facebooking chump orbiters. Pick up the phone and call her.

I disagree. I wouldn't call any girl under 30 unless they called me first, only text. Most 18-24's won't even pick up their phone if you call them or call you back. You have a much better chance with younger women if you text.

Personally, I hate talking on the phone, even with my guy friends. It's always awkward to me because it's all voice and no body language so I can't read the person and I don't know when they're done talking and it's my turn to say something. So, for me at least, it's texting and real life meet-up.

Another thing is phone conversations with people you don't know can be very stressful, and being nervous is going to make the phone call even worse.

I find it too much of an inconvenience to call chicks, plus many of them get quite nervous or feel it's too forward.

I'd rather just spend a couple of seconds sending a text and getting on with my day.

If you're awkward on the phone, you're awkward in person. And if you don't connect well with her on the phone, you won't connect well in person.

Phone calls allow me to run game much more efficiently. If I don't connect well with her on the phone, I'll cut her and move on to the next one. Yet the average guy will get a number at a game, play a bunch of text games over the course of a few weeks, and MAYBE get her out on a date - only to find that ultimately there is no connection there. Look at the opportunity cost.

Moreover, talking on the phone assumes a level of intimacy and rapport that texting/IMing/Facebooking can never  replicate. It's your voice, her voice and nothing else. She can't multitask - she's focusing all her attention on you.

I've gamed girls on the phone and hooked them to the point that they kept wanting more. THEY were insistent on seeing me in person.

Moreover, at this point I've already put in the time for attraction and comfort to the extent that we've already established a level of intimacy by the time we meet. I've layed girls quickly on the first date because of this.

I won't condone phone game if you're a pipsqueak or a lame conversationalist and need to hide behind the anonymity of text. But if you're a smoothtalker and sound like Barry White, use the phone to your advantage. Game on.

I should clarify that I definitely call girls and I do agree that it's a MUCH better way to build rapport than txting etc, but I don't call until we've exchanged some texts first.

Some guys on here try to make out that Facebook, texting, emailing and anything other than voice to voice or face to face is going to kill your chances. They also make out that the only reason you should contact a girl is to ask her out. I think this is so wrong. I find these methods are a good way to build comfort levels in a gradual way without being intrusive or making a nuisance of yourself.

I've had girls who prefer to call me rather than text and I find myself ignoring their calls because I just don't have the time to talk to them.

Korrupt said:

I disagree. I wouldn't call any girl under 30 unless they called me first, only text. Most 18-24's won't even pick up their phone if you call them or call you back. You have a much better chance with younger women if you text.

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I kind of agree.

Spinaroonie has a good point about the old fashioned dynamic of having a nice phone conversation. I respect and appreciate the IDEA of it, just like I'd appreciate the idea of a nice hand-written letter over an email.

But in reality, most of my guy friends, the ones who know and love me, would rather text than have a phone conversation. My father will text me to say hi. So you can imagine how things are with girls. It's just how the times are changing.

It's so much easier to text a girl and say, "Doesn't this snow look amazing? We should have a snowball fight. Let's do drinks Thursday." rather than dedicate 30 minutes to a phone conversation.

So I respect the idea of what spinaroonie is getting at. But man, I'm trying to spin 4 or 5 plates right now. And with me working from 9-7:30 daily, my 4 hours of "me time" before I go to bed cannot be interrupted for phone chatter. If that makes me lazy, then f**k it. I'll be lazy. I don't think I've won or lost any women over it.

Jariel said:

I find it too much of an inconvenience to call chicks, plus many of them get quite nervous or feel it's too forward.

I'd rather just spend a couple of seconds sending a text and getting on with my day.

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Cosigned.

OP I think you're correct with what you're saying, but it also deeply depends on what you want. If you get together and find out you don't click in person, it doesn't matter if you're just wanting to sleep around.

I can say that as a university student, I honestly don't have the time nor the desire to spend 30 minutes talking on the phone to some girl. Text them, get them to meet up with me while I'm out, maybe get them to come over. Rinse, wash, repeat. And of course, with several girls at once.

If I was an older guy looking for older women, then yeah I think calling would be vital. But what 21 y/o college chick has the time to talk to a stranger on the phone?

I think that texting and calling, although on the same device are actually different tools altogether. There is a time to call and there is definitely a time to text and do they slightly different things.

Texting is more low pressure for both groups. I usually send them a few texts back and forth, make them laugh or something and when they are buttered up a drop in a phone call or tell them to call me. Talk a little bit, maybe about slightly more personal things ask her out talk a bit and end the call under 5 minutes.

I only start calling regularly once we've been on a few dates and I know she's not going to flake or ignore her phone every time I call it.

The more effort you can make a girl put into communicating with you the more she'll probably get into you and the less likely she'll flake on you in the future.

I'm scared to call. That's why txt is useful for.

spinaroonie said:

If you're awkward on the phone, you're awkward in person. And if you don't connect well with her on the phone, you won't connect well in person.

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I think that's too much of a sweeping generalization.

Personally, I hate telephones. To me, they are the most annoying invention ever created. I would much rather talk to someone in person, where you can build a real connection with eye contact, touch, facial expressions, etc.

Obviously, text has its limitations, but I have no interest in using text to set up a phone call when I can set up a face to face.

zekko said:

I think that's too much of a sweeping generalization.

Personally, I hate telephones. To me, they are the most annoying invention ever created. I would much rather talk to someone in person, where you can build a real connection with eye contact, touch, facial expressions, etc.

Obviously, text has its limitations, but I have no interest in using text to set up a phone call when I can set up a face to face.

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Agreed.

And serously, who has time to spend 20 min talking on the phone to a girl when you are playing with multiple options.

I can see Spinaroonie's point, but for me personally, phone call is for after you have met up in person and she doesn't flake.

Until then, she hasn't earnt the value of your time for a phone call yet.

I never spend more than 2 minutes on the phone with anyone. LTRs get 2:30 mins.

If she thought you're a cool attractive guy when she gave you the number, there's zero difference between calling and texting.

If you're an awkward why-so-serious guy like spinaroonie who tried running lame number close PUA game to force the digits out of her, she will ignore both your call and text. No she wasn't "hooked" after your 5 minutes exciting convo.

This is an example of a guy's overthinking & textbook imagination that doesn't stand up to real life experiences.

Welcome to SoSuave's DJ Discussion forum!

Jitterbug said:

I never spend more than 2 minutes on the phone with anyone. LTRs get 2:30 mins.

If she thought you're a cool attractive guy when she gave you the number, there's zero difference between calling and texting.

If you're an awkward why-so-serious guy like spinaroonie who tried running lame number close PUA game to force the digits out of her, she will ignore both your call and text. No she wasn't "hooked" after your 5 minutes exciting convo.

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Exactly. You win or lose the girl during the time you ask her the number, or during the date afterward.

A phone conversation isn't going to sway you one way or the other. If she didn't like you when she gave you the number, a phone call isn't going to make a difference. And if she liked you, then texting her isn't going to destroy that.

People on this site are so hurt by women that the anoint them with this mystical evil powers. "If you text her instead of calling she will think you're weak!! Then she will laugh at your text while f**king your alpha best friend!!" This girl, just like any normal human, has 1,000 other things on her mind other than evaluating how manly you are for calling her instead of texting.

spinaroonie said:

Most younger girls today have the attention span of a fruitfly, and more demands on their attention than ever before. In such an environment, developing a genuine rapport with a girl whom you just met can seem daunting.

Having said that, I believe the power of building rapport over the PHONE is vastly underestimated. It’s funny to read guys here still crowing about getting numbers like it's the 90s. Fellas, numbers mean nothing. Girls today give out their number like candy on Halloween. How many of those numbers are translating to dates and lays?

Most guys will pull a number and play a bunch of little text games, then act surprised when she invariably loses interest and flakes. Fellas, she's playing the same text games with 20 other guys she's met at the clubs and reveling in the attention.

Pick up the phone and call. If she won't pick up, text and schedule a time for "a quick chat". In today's hyper-stimulated environment, having an old school 30 minute phone conversation is effectively like having a Day 2. Moreover, when you're texting/IM'ing she could be multitasking a million things at once. When she's on the phone, she has to effectively dedicate and invest ALL her attention to you - a Herculean feat for most younger girls today.

A genuine bond can develop through the phone. This is especially true today as most guys today don't call, and girls today are seldom used to talking to guys on the phone. Girls will say they fall in love a man's voice; I've yet to hear of a girl fall in love with a man's texting skills.

Be a suave lothario and set yourself apart from all her texting/Facebooking chump orbiters. Pick up the phone and call her.

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agreed


though nothing replace the face to face encounter
especiay if one is a not so good looking easily stressed (when in front of a girl) guy. She might fall in love with you the phone version of you and be disapointed when being with you=> waste of time and hurtfull. I think you might want to get her to know you as a whole pretty soon after the phone thing yeah?

runner83 said:

Agreed.

And serously, who has time to spend 20 min talking on the phone to a girl when you are playing with multiple options.

I can see Spinaroonie's point, but for me personally, phone call is for after you have met up in person and she doesn't flake.

Until then, she hasn't earnt the value of your time for a phone call yet.

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sorry runner but this is silly
you must know that, girls like attention ( especially from a guy that want to score her) give the impression she is not special, and oh boy you def haven't got anything about girls.

i have read that silly "spin several plates" theory on the forum. But let me tell you: being too scared of gettting hurt/rejected and trying to protect your own feelings by having many things going on and thus not caring about any of them individually, you will end up developping nothing real with anyone.

and you can't cheat (unless you're ultra good looking and she is stupid): if you don't get involved and feel something strong ( even sexual) she won't feel anything strong either.

BBbardot said:

i have read that silly "spin several plates" theory on the forum. But let me tell you: being too scared of gettting hurt/rejected and trying to protect your own feelings by having many things going on and thus not caring about any of them individually, you will end up developping nothing real with anyone.

[/U]

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can't believe i'm agreeing with you Barb but this has always been my problem. I always develop oneitis even when i'm seeing a few girls. Then i drop them all and chase the one i want. I'd risk it all just for the one i want because if i succeed, its just that much more rewarding.

My one friend has spun so many plates or just fvcked so many women he says he can't truly like or love a woman anymore. It's more like to him, lets see what i have to do to fvck her or how does she look naked.

alot of guys just spin plates so they don't have to be alone and have an orifice to stick their d1ck in. They get stuck in this routine so long with so many women they probably end up like my friend. Basically they make it extremely difficult for themselves to even find a woman they like. not advocating spinning plates, i'm advocating spinning quality plates so that you actually have an option of choosing some you want.

back to the op's question--

i'm all for the phone conversation as well. i normally send a few text to build some rapport. then i'll call to try to get a decent conversation and ask them out at the end.

if they don't pick up i leave it at that until they send me some message like "sorry i missed your call, whats up?"

then i continue to build rapport again with a few text's and try the call again. Rinse and repeat until i get that date or i next her.
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personally i'm not down with all this new age crap, texting, emails (depends), online chatting, etc. I'd prefer to talk on the phone, write a letter/email, meet in person. This way time together is actually valuable.

texting some girls sometimes is fvcking retarded. You can exchange 10-20 texts and actually have learned nothing about each other because there isn't actually a conversation going on.

I am not going to sit here and say technology is terrible because I enjoy it. What I will say though it is creating a greater gap between us humans. I agree with the original poster about calling instead of texting. Hearing someone's voice and reactions is much more intimate than seeing words on a screen. With a new girl I am going after, I have called her. Not to say I texted her, but I have called her three times and have talked for over an hour each time. I feel a lot more closer to her than if I just texted back and forth only.

Jitterbug said:

I never spend more than 2 minutes on the phone with anyone. LTRs get 2:30 mins.

If she thought you're a cool attractive guy when she gave you the number, there's zero difference between calling and texting.

If you're an awkward why-so-serious guy like spinaroonie who tried running lame number close PUA game to force the digits out of her, she will ignore both your call and text. No she wasn't "hooked" after your 5 minutes exciting convo.

This is an example of a guy's overthinking & textbook imagination that doesn't stand up to real life experiences.

Welcome to SoSuave's DJ Discussion forum!

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EXACTLY.

BBbardot said:

sorry runner but this is silly
you must know that, girls like attention ( especially from a guy that want to score her) give the impression she is not special, and oh boy you def haven't got anything about girls.

i have read that silly "spin several plates" theory on the forum. But let me tell you: being too scared of gettting hurt/rejected and trying to protect your own feelings by having many things going on and thus not caring about any of them individually, you will end up developping nothing real with anyone.

and you can't cheat (unless you're ultra good looking and she is stupid): if you don't get involved and feel something strong ( even sexual) she won't feel anything strong either.

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DJ rule 101 - Never take advice from women on relationships (clothes shopping is the one exception).

With all due respect, did you even read the post about "Plate Theory":
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=90482

Some key points from it:

Rollo Tomassi said:

...the essence of plate theory is that a man is as confident and valuable as his options.

A man with options has power, and from these options and this sense of power, a natural sense of confidence will manifest itself. A man without options becomes necessitous and this leads to a lack of confidence and a scarcity mentality.

In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.

Shotgun Logic

Natural Selection

...spinning more plates allows you more opportunity to select from the largest pool of prospective choices and date them or drop them as you fit.

opportunity and options make a man the PRIZE.

Plate Theory is also, most definitely not, a license to be indiscriminate with women. Just because you can spin a plate doesn't necessarily mean you should spin that plate. Some aren't worth spinning and a man with options should have no reservation about letting one go for a better one or two.

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It's not about being afraid of being hurt.

It's about seeing what options are out there, rather than focusing on one girl, until you do find one who meets your standards.

And if you do plate spin, it will reflect in your attitude towards women, and you will be more attractive.

It is also clearly stated that plate spinning for the sake of it is not worthwhile: better to have 2 quality plates who you are into, rather than 5 crappy ones.

I know your post is said with the best of intentions, but the simple fact is that the disconnect between what women "think they want" and "actually do want" is large.

That's why I made that as my signature: "Judge a woman by her actions, not her words"

Cuts through all the other cr*p and gets to what she really wants.