Broke up 4 days ago... I think

DangNammit · Aug 17, 2010

Long story short... been dating for 8 months, no surface issues, no major fights. She and I go on a trip for a week, first night after some drinks she starts pickin at me. Saying I'm always right, etc... I never saw this side of her prior. Turned a bit nasty and I told her basically to get stuffed - this is me take it or leave it. I truly did nothing to warrent her behavior.

I don't know if it was some **** test or what, but it effed up the whole vide for rest of trip - I had no way of cutting trip short or leaving or I would have. She refused to talk maturely about issue so I gave up on it.

We arrived back 4 days ago... I said little more than bye to her at that point. She contacted me to ask if I was going to attend a preplanned party with her next day... I texted back that I was not. Nothing since... She never apoliogized or explained her behavior on trip.

I am now nc... should I contact her to officially close the door, or let it ride? I'm done...

5string · Aug 17, 2010

This to me would be a red flag. Smell a rat. Something else is going on. Her behavior will eventually reveal what it is. Another guy? Low IL? Trying to get rid of you? Maybe just a mind game. I'd say if she really doesnt do anything for you, let her go. Sounds to me that you handled this correctly. If you keep her, raise your antenna and stay tuned in for anything out of the ordinary.

Mr.Positive · Aug 17, 2010

DangNammit said:
I am now nc... should I contact her to officially close the door, or let it ride? I'm done...

I think you handled this well. No point in any further contact. In this case, silence is more powerful than words. The only contact should be her appologizng to you.

Sorry to hear about this disappointing trip.

Rollo Tomassi · Aug 17, 2010

C&P'd from Roissy yesterday,..

Remember, too, that girls who aren’t fat, old or saddled with bastard spawn are rarely dumped by men; statistically women do about 70-80% of all the dumping. Therefore, as a man having done the dumping, you have automatically raised your value far above the mass of men who could ostensibly compete for her attention. You now occupy an outsized place in her mind as a man higher status than all the other men currently chasing after her, regardless of the objectively measurable status differentials between you and them. Conclusion: dumping is a huge DHV. You do not need to game your ex hardcore; she is already thinking about you on a daily basis since that heartbreaking moment.

DangNammit · Aug 17, 2010

Danger said:
My spidey-sense is tingling.

Expect her to call back at some point, possibly acting like nothin is wrong and trying to make plans with you.

And yes, I would not contact her. This is a huge red-flag and very much reminds me of my bpd ex.

Funny you say that.... my last gf was bpd and this gave me that very same sick feeling...

Kailex · Aug 17, 2010

DangNammit said:
I am now nc... should I contact her to officially close the door, or let it ride? I'm done...

Close what door?
In your mind its closed, you don't need closure. Like I've said before, closure is a fallacy.

What else could you possibly add to the situation that you haven't already?
You don't want to be with her anymore and you can see why.

My hypothesis: Branch swinger.

A week long vacation and she begins to destroy it systematically from the FIRST NIGHT? I'd expect some friction... MAYBE by the 6th night, but after 8 months? The first night should have been an "excited" kinda "lusty" vibe due to being away.

Move on. There's nothing left to be said.
It's over. Keep your value at its highest just like Rollo posted in that excerpt.

Mr.Positive · Aug 17, 2010

DangNammit said:
Funny you say that.... my last gf was bpd and this gave me that very same sick feeling...

What I find crazy is that she kept that side of her hidden for 8 whole months. Wow, that's really something else!

5string · Aug 17, 2010

Geez. It's like nearly everyone on here has dealt with a BPD or some other cluster B. Must be in the water! Behavior is everything when it comes to women. You have to recognize it for what it is, what it's meaning is (cloaked or uncloaked), whether or not to face it head on, avoid it altogether or manage it (frame it in your favor). The single most important thing in dealing with the behavior of women is this; You have to set boundaries with them. They have to understand what is acceptable to you, what is not and what is a dealbreaker. Then you have to make it clear that you mean what you say and there will be no acceptions, period. In other words, you have to back it up.

logic1 · Aug 17, 2010

Im not suprised

Have you ever noticed you can expect drama from a woman anytime there is a planned event or something you look forward too.

Rule of thumb.....expect drama or issues in a new relationship right before, or during, or immeadiatly after a trip or some type or together time. It never fails. Sheeesh.

DangNammit · Aug 17, 2010

Thanks everyone for your input it helps and is appreciated. She has been removed from active duty.

I have to say though, its this kinda garbage that makes it really hard to want to date again. Freakin waste of my time with this. Experience? Yes, but annoying as hell too. Do guys pull this crap? I truly can't think of one guy I know who would flake like this...

One step closer to a good one I suppose.

5string · Aug 17, 2010

DangNammit said:
Thanks everyone for your input it helps and is appreciated. She has been removed from active duty.

I have to say though, its this kinda garbage that makes it really hard to want to date again. Freakin waste of my time with this. Experience? Yes, but annoying as hell too. Do guys pull this crap? I truly can't think of one guy I know who would flake like this...

One step closer to a good one I suppose.

Yep, one step closer. Good attitude

jophil28 · Aug 17, 2010

DangNammit said:
Long story short... been dating for 8 months, no surface issues, no major fights. She and I go on a trip for a week, first night after some drinks she starts pickin at me. Saying I'm always right, etc... I never saw this side of her prior. Turned a bit nasty and I told her basically to get stuffed - this is me take it or leave it. I truly did nothing to warrent her behavior...

Did you fall into the trap of fukking her on that trip as a "solution" to the tension and drama that she created.

Mr.Positive · Aug 17, 2010

jophil28 said:
Did you fall into the trap of fukking her on that trip as a "solution" to the tension and drama that she created.

If that was a solution to the tension, I would have taken it. He was stuck with her anyway. She may as well have been good for at least something on that trip.

DangNammit · Aug 17, 2010

jophil28 said:
Did you fall into the trap of fukking her on that trip as a "solution" to the tension and drama that she created.

Hey Jophil - Once... I suppose. You've got a good understanding of bpd... sound like it to you? Doesn't seem to totally fit for me...

Scaramouche · Aug 17, 2010

Dear DangNammit,
When you meet a full blown case of BPD you won't be asking anyone,you will just Know.....No this Lady has lost interest,maybe has something in the wings...Interesting,for nearly 20 years I have known a Lady who was a classic case of BPD....Had an incredibly tolerant Husband,what he put up with you couldn't imagine!....any how he stuck with her and Paradoxically come Menopause she did a complete 180 and became a calm dutiful and placid little Wifey...If that surprises you,how about this?last year our devoted Hubby,bought a Japanese Sports Car,now I am informed he has run off with his Secretary....I am so intrigued by all this that I am doing my damnness to get into her pants...Have any of our budding Freuds an explanation?...What sort of persona should I adopt to have my evil way?..

DangNammit · Aug 17, 2010

Scaramouche said:
Dear DangNammit,
When you meet a full blown case of BPD you won't be asking anyone,you will just Know.....No this Lady has lost interest,maybe has something in the wings...Interesting,for nearly 20 years I have known a Lady who was a classic case of BPD....Had an incredibly tolerant Husband,what he put up with you couldn't imagine!....any how he stuck with her and Paradoxically come Menopause she did a complete 180 and became a calm dutiful and placid little Wifey...If that surprises you,how about this?last year our devoted Hubby,bought a Japanese Sports Car,now I am informed he has run off with his Secretary....I am so intrigued by all this that I am doing my damnness to get into her pants...Have any of our budding Freuds an explanation?...What sort of persona should I adopt to have my evil way?..

Yes, I think her interest has clearly faded. What I find strange is that I didn't pick up on any signs of this in the prior weeks... I don't know. I'm done trying to figure out other people - I can't do it. I can only try to figure myself out. I guess she didn't mean that much to me anyway, because I'm really not that torn up about it (at all). This is a good thing for me.

BTW... I just about pissed myself laughing after reading your post!

DangNammit · Aug 17, 2010

Just got a stupid text from her asking if it was time to move on... amazing. I hope she finds her answer in my silence. Piece of work these 'women' are...

Tiguere · Aug 18, 2010

Silence is golden.

jophil28 · Aug 18, 2010

DangNammit said:
Hey Jophil - Once... I suppose. You've got a good understanding of bpd... sound like it to you? Doesn't seem to totally fit for me...

I doubt that she would qualify for a clinical diagnosis of BPD from your brief account of events.
Cluster B women usually start to reveal their wackiness about 4-8 weeks into the relationship. They certainly could not hold up the facade for 8 months.

However, her stupid criticism of you after a few drinks certainly is a warning sign ( and it would raise my hackles too) .

She is likely waiting for you to plead and beg for her 'forgiveness'...if you do I'm gonna hunt you down and baitchslap you.

jophil28 · Aug 18, 2010

DangNammit said:
Just got a stupid text from her asking if it was time to move on... amazing. I hope she finds her answer in my silence. Piece of work these 'women' are...

She is testing your residual interest level so that she can set you up for the "double dump"..
This kind of seemingly innocent enquiry in her text msg is indeed a beartrap.
It's purpose is to draw you back into a conversation which initially appears to promise the chance of reconciliation. Women, through their inflated egos, believe that any offer like this extended to men will be eagerly snapped up. It is inconceivable that men would refuse.

However instead of a 'reconciliation talk' you will be subjected to her barfing criticisms of you and her real or imagined grievances during your entire relationship.
When she is finished puking her faked-up toxic brew at you, she will formally dump you and walk away..If you argue or become angry, you will provide her with all the justification that she needs for dumping you, and also you give her ammunition to use against you when she reports back to her girls.

And then, to her, the world then has righted itself once again.

Broke up 4 days ago... I think

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